5 months in

So we didn’t end up going to Godstone farm on Saturday :(

Saturday 29th:

I woke up in the early hours after tossing and turning all night. I felt sick. Scarlett had woken up because she had a dirty nappy. My stomach was already turning and the smell didn’t help. By the grace of god I managed to change her without hurling but I knew I was seconds from doing so, so I slammed the stair gate shut and pegged it into the toilet. I tried to shut Scarlett out but she was right behind me, hanging off my legs. I was sick. I cleared up and turned round. She was giving me the most judgmental look. I was like “it isn’t self inflicted this time”. I went into the bathroom to wash up, brush my teeth etc and I was sick again. This time there was blood. I won’t lie, it did freak me out a bit and it brought back memories of what I was newly pregnant. I ended up in hospital for 3 days because I coughed up blood. My throat was sore from being sick so quickly so I assumed I had damaged my throat – hence the blood. I woke my mom up so she could take over with Scarlett. She sorted her a bottle then put her back down for a nap. I went back to bed.

I woke up about 10ish and I felt better, surprisingly. I avoided having any food. I just had some water. My mom said she planned to take Scarlett out as planned but not to Godstone Farm. She said she was going to take her to a nearer one so we got ready and went to the Trilakes nearby. Apart from being exhausted and not feeling able to walk too much without sitting down, we had a good afternoon. Scarlett loved looking at everything and we even managed to convince her to feed the goats.


We went to my nan’s after for a cuppa tea and then we went home. Scarlett had dinner, bath and went to bed. I had my dinner and then after I watched Riverdale on my iPad I went to bed. Must’ve fell asleep by about 9pm [fitbit says so].

Sunday 30th:

We were going out so we got up and had breakfast. Scarlett was cleaned up [messy breakfast] then I dressed her. We got in the car and off we went. It took us 90 minutes to get to East Grinstead. Not too bad. We were going to this bus thing. My mom’s boyfriend loves old buses and stuff, and they do these “shows”, where you can get on one [free of charge] and ride it there and back. Scarlett did really well with them but as mom had told me not to bring the stroller, she was tired after she had her lunch in the cafe. Usually I would walk her round for a bit whilst she slept and I couldn’t. Next time I will do that. She did really well though. We went on a total of 5 buses [I think].


We went to the Wetherspoons for dinner. I had a hotdog and chips, with cheesy garlic bread. Scarlett shared my dinner, plus she had her fruit. She was SHATTERED! I changed her nappy before we got back in the car to head home. She was flat out snoring 10 minutes after we set off. She slept for over an hour. It was a danger nap [past 5pm] but it is a weekend, I don’t mind. I don’t see her much in the week because of working, and her going to bed at 7pm.

Monday 1st May:

So it is May. Where has the last 5 months gone? I feel like I have blanked and boom, almost half way through the year. I would say time flies when you’re having fun but I haven’t been in the best place recently to agree.

Scarlett got up at a normal time. She had a bottle, then played for a bit. Then she had some breakfast. I put her down for a nap shortly after and whilst she napped I watched some NCIS. When she got up we put our shoes on and headed out. We were going for dinner with my grandparents and it was 11:15 when she woke so I figured we might as well go round early, and she can play. So we did.

We went for dinner at 1ish. We went to the Harvester. Scarlett did really well considering she usually has her lunch at 12-12:30. She had cucumber, sweetcorn and bacon bits from the salad bar. Then she had cheesy garlic bread [deffo my kid] which was mine that I shared. She had char-grilled chicken strips with chips and peas for her main. She ate all the peas, some chicken and a few chips. She did so well. For someone so small she eats so well. After the harvester we nipped into Morrison’s and she wandered with my nan whilst I grabbed some bits. I got her some summery bits for our holidays. It will be hot in Italy, in the height of August, and it MAY be warm in July – we will have to see.

I am back to work tomorrow. I hate that Saturday felt like a write-off because I wasn’t well. We are off Friday because we are going to the Harry Potter studio tour in London. I went in 2014 and it was fab. They have changed a lot and added a lot to it so I am excited for that.

TTFN x

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Bank holiday weekend FTW

Monday 24th:

Wasn’t as bad a day as I expected. I mean, yeah, I was totally not mentally prepared to go back to work after 10 days off. But I did. And I lived. And so did everyone else. So a win!

Mom and I are fine. We just left it as a middle of the night tiff.

Tuesday 25th:

My brother came to visit today so my mom picked me up for lunch. We had a little lunch date (and a catch up). Scarlett came too. Was good getting out the office. Much needed fresh air and convo!

Wednesday 26th:

I had lunch with my work team. We went to a pub down the road. I had a steak and cheese wrap. It was delicious. It came with fries and a drink for £8. That’s really old IMO. I saw the trailer for Kingsman 2. It looked brilliant so I’ll definitely be going to see that. 

Thursday 27th:

Had my 1-to-1 monthly meeting at work. Nothing special. Just chatting and filling out a form. I ordered some bits from GAP for Scarlett for our holiday to Italy. It’ll be warm when we go so she needed some new dresses. Most of her dresses don’t fit her now. They’re 9-12 months some of them, and she’s grown in height so they’re like t-shirts now lol


I tidied up when Scarlett was in bed. Hoovered then washed up. Did 2 loads of washing. Made myself a snack. Took sausages out of the freezer for breakfast Friday and then got in to bed.

Friday 28th:

I had a super busy day. I had this task to do. It was massive and took me all day, and I’m not even finished yet. Will finish it Tuesday, hopefully! Mom met me for lunch. We grabbed food then I picked up Scarlett’s new Clarks shoes. I got her the pink version of the white ones she already has.

Someone told me I looked pregnant. So I guess I’ll have to start dieting if it’s got to that point lol tbf I know I’ve put on about 10 lbs in the last 7 months. Ever since I went back to work. That can’t be a coincidence surely!

Tonight Scarlett had a bath and went to bed by 7ish. Mom and I watched emmerdale then when her boyfriend arrived, we had dinner. They watched some tele downstairs. I came up to watch Riverdale in bed. I’m knackered. It’s been a long week so I may go to sleep soon.

We are going to Godstone Farm tomorrow. It looks really fun. There’s a lot of stuff designed for her age and now she’s walking it’ll be so much better for her to explore. I’m excited lol can you tell?

TTFN x

Sunday blues

Friday 7th:

Brett came down tonight. He got to mine at midnight-ish. We were fine but he got the hump when I mentioned my plans to take Scarlett to Italy. He was really upset I had “considered” him. He said that if we are suppose to be a family then why wouldn’t I want him to go. I tried to explain to him that we aren’t the traditional type family. We don’t live together. We don’t even parent her equally. I do 85%, he does a small part when he IS here. So yeah he didn’t take it great. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want him to come. It was more “I just wanted to take her on a trip I had planned long before I had fell pregnant and had sacrificed it for her”.

Saturday 8th:

He still wasn’t happy when he got up and I thought he was going to go home. But we worked it out. We let Scarlett nap then we took her into town. He walked around with her. occasionally she would hold his hand. Cute! We had lunch then we went back home. She had dinner and then he did bath time and put her to bed then we watched a film. We watched Nerve.

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Sunday 9th:

We went to bed quite late Saturday as we watched another film in bed and then went to bed. Getting up was rough but I put Scarlett back down for a nap after bottle and breakfast so that was good. Again we went into town. We had lunch and then did some shopping before heading home. We put Scarlett down for an afternoon nap and watched the finale episode of 13 Reasons Why. That show has changed me. It was so intense and eye opening. I mean, I am fully aware of how bullying goes in school having been on the receiving end, in the same kind of ways that Hannah was. Which just reinforced the fact that it could have easily been me who did what she did. Scary thought! I just hope I can raise Scarlett to feel like she can always talk to me and Brett [no matter what], and if not us then another family member if she is having a hard time. I would not wish her to suffer in silence.

Brett went home at about 8ish. He did bath time before he went. She loves when he baths her. I put her down after he went and then mom and I watched Vera.

Work tomorrow but it is only a 4 day week as it is Easter, so Friday is Good Friday. I am off next week so I effectively have 10 days off. Yes!

TTFN x

April is here!

Saturday 1st:

Scarlett gave me a lovely lay-in. She woke up at 8:30. She had breakfast at 10am and then went back down for a nap. She woke up a midday. We had some lunch then mom got up [she had worked the night before]. We went to my nan’s to pick her up as we were visiting my gran in the old folks home. Scarlett entertained us whilst we were there. She had a chocolate cake and played Giant Connect 4 with my mom. We dropped my nan back home then we picked up my new glasses. After we went food shopping. Scarlett was sat in the trolley touching EVERYTHING we loaded in lol we went home and had some dinner then I put Scarlett to bed.

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Sunday 2nd:

She gave me ANOTHER lay-in. What even is this life? She woke up 8:30. Had a bottle. Refused her breakfast and then went back to bed [her request] at 9:30. She then slept until 12:30pm. We had lunch then at 2ish we took a wander over to the park. We took a small picnic [crisps, fruity yoghurt, water etc] and a blanket. We sat on the blanket with some toys for a little while then we packed up and she “walked” up and down the path. She walked so much. We headed back at 3ish and she wanted a bottle and then went back down for another 90 minutes. Not like her at all. She woke up at 5ish. Mom text to say they were on their way home and were going to go for dinner, did we want to come? Yes! But Scarlett got a bit hangry at 6ish so she finished the rest of her spicy tomato crisps to tide her over. My mom picked us up at 7 and we went for dinner with her and her boyfriend. We had a nice meal and Scarlett was in bed by 9ish. We watched Casualty then the new Mrs Brown’s boys TV show. I love it!

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I am in bed. Can’t sleep. Have work tomorrow so I should get some shuteye!

TTFN x

Hump Day

Saturday 4th:

We spent the day with my grandparents as I hadn’t seen them much in the week. My throat was so sore I was struggling to swallow fluids so I phoned 111 and spoke to an out of hours doctor. Apparently they are so magical that they can diagnose problems over the phone. Problems that normal GPs require seeing you face-to-face for. Imagine that! So it is “viral” but to call my GP if I don’t feel better in the week. I took Scarlett to get measured for her first shoes at Clarks. I got her a pair of pre-walkers. She is a 3F. She was so funny standing in her shoes because she kept trying to flick them off lol

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Sunday 5th:

My nan was out for the day so me and Scarlett stayed home. I let her have a good nap then we wandered to town. Mostly because we needed fresh air but I had also planned to take her to soft play. We ate lunch then walked to the play thing. It was packed so I turned right back round and went home.

Monday 6th:

My eye swelled up over night. It had been itchy and sore the night before but usually a good nights sleep helps it calm down. Not this time. So I phoned in sick at work and made an emergency doctors appointment. It took me an hour to get through. Firstly it took about 15-20 attempts to get through then I was on the holding loop (with shitty music) for 10 minutes. It got to the point where it says how many people were in front of me and there was only 2 then it cut me off. So I had to do it all again and it took 30 attempts to get through and I was on hold for another 15 minutes. When I finally did get through and explained my issue, they told me I would get a phone call back. I explained that I had already had a telephone appointment with 111 and that the issue needs to be “seen”. The receptionist was rather rude and said that it was procedure. Weird because that has never happened to me before so I guess it must be a really new procedure! So the doc called and said she didn’t understand why they didn’t make me a proper appointment and she made me one there and then. I went back to bed for a couple of hours and then walked to my appointment. Saw the doc and she said it all looks viral but to come back in a week if nothing has gotten better, or if it gets worse.

Scarlett was at nursery a whole day so I figured I could grab something to eat at my nan’s before heading home. And she lives next to the surgery so I walked to hers for some lunch. Me and my mom picked her up later.

Tuesday 7th:

My eye was still really bad and it was swollen when I woke up at 5am. I woke up early because it was hurting and I had a bad headache. I called in sick again and just tried to keep my eye clean and lubricated. It helped because I felt much better later.

Wednesday 8th (today):

Well I went to work today. Had a back-to-work interview. Wasn’t necessary in my eyes because I was only off for 2 days but anyway. Also got moaned at about “using my phone too much”. Yeah, because I am the only person to touch my phone. Irony is that my phone didn’t even have signal most of the week before as I had run out of data and I turned my 4G off so I couldn’t go over my limit and get charged. So I wasn’t even connected to anything except texts or calls – which I get very few. But whatever.

After my meeting, we had another one that had been scheduled to my calendar whilst I was off. Turns out that someone somewhere has decided my team is to no longer work as part of the water department but to be merged with the main company’s maximo team. Where this leaves us, I have no clue. The guy we will be going to “come under” is based in Whiteley, an hour or so away. We had so many questions for the guy but he had no answers for us today. I am not sure how I feel about it. But as a non-driver I won’t be travelling to Whiteley every day. I struggle to get to our office for 8am now, no way can I make it to Whiteley for 8am.

Just in bed. So tired. It has been a long week and it is only Hump Day.

TTFN x

Omg! Spa day

Omg spa day! It was fab. I had a McDonald’s breakfast to set me off then I settled in for my treatments. I had an hour long Indian head message at 10am followed by an hour long full body massage then I had a half hour break where I relaxed in the relaxation room with some water. Then I had a half hour facial. I felt so serene when I left at 1pm.

I came home and caught up with supernatural and laid in bed being totally lazy until I had to go and pick Scarlett up from nursery at 4:30!!! I missed her but it WAS so lovely to have a little “me” time.

Saturday we didn’t go to Stratford in the end. I had a nasty headache and Scarlett didn’t feel very well. She slept basically all day and it was obviously much needed and she wouldn’t have been able to do that at a party, so then she would have been a nightmare later on. I apologied to my friend and said I’d post little man’s presents in the week. My BMF went to the party. I saw her snapchats and I was sad to have missed out but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Scarlett did some steps. Finally. I was super excited (you can tell in the video lol)


Sunday we had dinner at my nan’s house but she had a full house so we didn’t stay as long as usual. She dished up for 18 people. That was 8 kids and 10 adults. Too hectic! I washed up then we went home. 

Monday I woke up so late, mom was late in from work in the morning to pick us up and her car had trouble because the inside was frozen due to the water leak she’s had. Total nightmare. I got to work 15 minutes late and just felt like I shouldn’t have even got up. Anyone else would have a baby who wakes up at 6am and can be used as an alarm but not me. I have a kid who sleeps mostly till I wake her. Lazy cow! I was in a foul mood all day and I have no idea why. I just felt so irritable!
Today was a better day. I’m thankful that I’m busy at work because it means I don’t spend a lot of time thinking and overthinking. I’m really struggling with the fact I cannot afford to move out yet. I really need to. It’s affecting me mentally and emotionally because I don’t feel in control of my own child’s life, because we are effectively living in “someone else’s” house. All I can do is save, save, save.

Scarlett went to bed at 7:15. She woke up about 12:20. Her eczema is bad and her leg is hurting her so I changed her nappy and re-creamed her sore leg then put her back down. She laid down but kept sitting up so I got her back out and decided she may be hungry so I got some antibiotics down her and then she had a 5oz bottle. She drained it flat and has been laying in her cot talking to herself and playing with her TedTed. I can’t sleep whilst she’s awake so tomorrow will be fun when I’m knackered lol

She’s gone quiet, I think!

TTFN

16 weeks!!

Friday the boiler man came to fix it. I stayed home in the morning in case he came but he didn’t. At lunch my brother took over and I went to my nan’s so I could go food shopping with my grandparents. Scarlett quite likes sitting in the trolley now.

The weather was warm Friday and in the afternoon I sat in the garden for a little bit with Scarlett.

Saturday we went out for a meal for my mom’s birthday. My brother paid. After our meal we dropped the car home and walked round my nan’s house for a few hours.

Sunday we drove over to the photo place to pick up the prints from Scarlett’s Photoshoot 4 weeks ago. We had some lunch then we drove home. We swung past Morrison’s so I could get her some flowers and some bubbly as well as a birthday cake. We let my nan’s dog out earlier and mom put some wet washing on the line so she went back round to sort it out. We had some dinner then I put Scarlett to bed and we watched a film.

Today was my mom’s birthday. Her choice for the day was going down to Hayling Island and walking along the beach. So that’s what we did. We got up, grabbed breakfast and then left. We stopped by a house to pick up a cot mobile I had bought online. It was £10. Practically brand new because the lady said she’d hardly ever used it.
Scarlett wore her nice yellow summer dress for the trip. We had an ice cream and I fed Scarlett when we first arrived. Then we walked along the beach and looked in some seaside shops then we walked back towards the car. We carried on past and stopped in a seaside cafe for a cup of tea then we got chips. I fed Scarlett again then we looked in a few more seaside shops then we put our stuff in the car. We walked down to the sea and I let Scarlett dip her feet in the water. It was very cold and as you can see, she whipped her feet out sharpish.

We sat her in the stroller seat part of the pram today. We left the pram top at home. She quite enjoyed being able to see lol

We finished in the sea and drove back home. We picked my brother up then went to a pub on a lake and enjoyed a drink in the sunshine. It was windy though so we didn’t stay too long.

We got home and after Scarlett had a nap I fed her some more baby food. She had some whilst we was out today so I just gave her some of the same jar. It’s banana yoghurt and she seems to like it. Banana for the win!

I had my dinner then put Scarlett to bed. After my mom and brother ate their dinner, courtesy of my brothers friend who’s staying here for a while, I got her cake out the fridge so we could sing happy birthday!

I think overall my mom had a brilliant birthday. Makes up for the shit boring ones she’s had over the years.

Scarlett is 16 weeks today | I cannot believe she’s been here that long already but I simultaneously cannot believe she has only been here for 16 weeks. Feels like she’s been here forever. I love her so much.

She can/is:

  • Roll both front-to-back and back-to-front
  • Talk much more. And shout!
  • Eating small amounts of baby food jars. Banana seems to be a fave!
  • Teething like a mofo! Dribble, everywhere.

We are meeting our lovely friends in London again on Wednesday and I’m very much looking forward to it.

Friday we are hoping to visit Brett’s house again. I hate not seeing him more than just once a fortnight but one day we’ll live together and then I’ll moan I see him too much lol

I’m off to bed. (I.e. Text the BF)

TTFN x