Almost September

Well last weekend was a Bank Holiday weekend. We didn’t have a lot planned.

Saturday I took Scarlett to town for a mummy-daughter lunch date. I had her feet measured at Clarks. She was a 3F in March and she is now a 4G. Her feet have grown!!! My little weed is growing lol not surprised with the amount she eats. After Clarks we went to Poppins for lunch. Scarlett had a burger and chips, same as me. She wasn’t able to sit in a highchair as they were all occupied so she sat in the booth with me. She sat SO well for her age. I was so impressed with her, my heart swelled.

After we ate lunch we did some shopping and I bought her some new trainers and some wellies. I also got her some sandals as September is meant to be a sunny month. We got on the bus and went to my Nan’s. We ended up there for dinner. We had KFC but the idiots forgot to give us our drink when we left so I had to walk back in with the receipt to ask for it. Then we got back and they had forgotten our 2 sides. Bloody morons. Kind of glad I don’t have KFC often. It doesn’t agree with my bowels. They get angry lol

Sunday we had planned to meet my mummy friend, her husband and their toddler, M. They were stuck in traffic but we managed to meet at Frimley Lodge for 1pm [ish]. We had lunch at the café and the toddlers got reacquainted with each other. They haven’t since each other since M’s 1st birthday party in February. A lot changes in 6 months. Bacl then M was walking but Scarlett wasn’t quite there. We ate our lunch, did nappy changes and then we walked to the play area. There was sand so off came the shoes. Scarlett has only been on sand once before, last year when she was about 9 months old [technically half her life ago]. She was okay but it’s hard to walk on sand lol

We went to the fields and found a shaded part. It was really hot. The girls took it in turns of sitting between my legs. Scarlett got a bit jealous of M sitting near me haha was cute. We left the lodge at 4ish. My grandad picked me and Scarlett up as we had a dinner waiting for us. I put Scarlett down for a nap and when she was up we ate our dinner together. We went home and Scarlett had a bath, bottle and bed like usual.

Monday we had no plans except for going food shopping. We decided to go at 11am and then when we got back Scarlett went for a nap. She wake until almost 2pm. MOm was dropping my brother somewhere so we bundled in the car and she dropped me and Scarlett at my Nan’s. My nan was out all day so she had asked if I would go in for half hour and let the dog get some fresh air. I stayed about an hour then mom picked us up. We went to the chemist to speak to a pharmacist about Scarlett’s bumpy rash but as it was a Bank Holiday none were open except the 24hr Boots one at Farnborough Gate Retail Park. So we asked there and they guy said it “could be chicken pox” but as there are so few of them, he can’t say for sure and suggested I see a GP. We were next to food places so we had dinner as we had kind of skipped lunch. Scarlett ate lots and was so good with her cup and straw. I think she has finally gotten the hang of it and doesn’t “tip” it as much as she use to lol as I knew I’d need to take her to the doctor’s Tuesday, I text my manager to let her know I’d have to be home Tuesday. She was fine with it and said she’d let my TL know [as it was just going to be me and my TL in this week, the other 2 are on annual leave lucky buggers].

Tuesday I got up at 7:30am. My doctor’s surgery opens at 8am so I waited and then called. It took me 15 minutes of clicking “call back” and a further 15 minutes of being on hold until I got through. They had an emergency appointment for 9:20am available so we took that. I gave Scarlett breakfast, fed her and then we walked to her appointment. The doctor said it looked like she had a viral infection [some long winded name] and it would go on its own. So no Chicken Pox for us. Yay lol we didn’t want her to be spotty for our holiday in 2 weeks!!! The doc looked at her swollen eye and confirmed it was a stye as previously suspected. She says it should go down on its own, but to put a farm clean flannel on it as a compress once or twice a day to help aid it. But she’s a toddler so she probably won’t sit still long enough. I did try it at bed time and she sat fine so that is great. She is such a good-natured child, I can’t believe how lucky I am. After doctor’s we stopped by my grandparent’s as they live near it. We ended up staying almost the whole day. I put Scarlett down for a nap at 10:30am and she woke up at 12:30 when my Dad popped in on his lunch hour. When he went to leave an hour later, she went down the garden hand in his hand and wanted to go with him. Which is great considering she doesn’t see him as often as she should.

We went home at about 5ish. Mom cooked sausage and mash. I do love that. Scarlett had it too. She is quite partial to having the same food as us now. I can rarely get away with giving her something different haha she knows, she isn’t silly.

Wednesday my first day back after an extra long Bank Holiday was a very busy day. I didn’t stop doing stuff all day. Usually we have quiet periods. We fill out these task trackers to keep track of tasks, ironically. My task tracker was 20+ lines deep and all different colours. It’s never usually like that lol it’s good being busy though. Scarlett and I had garlic and herb tortellini with a cheese sauce for dinner. She ate most of it and then asked for a banana, which she shared with my mom. She then went to bed. She was asleep by 7:30 but when I went upstairs at 8:30 she was whinging, she must’ve woke up. So I went in and gave her a big cuddle and then we FaceTimed Brett so he could say Hello to her as he missed her before bedtime. She stayed up for 20 minutes then I put her back down and she went back to sleep. She thought she was incredibly clever for sitting on Nann’y bed after bed time lol

Thursday [today] I had an awful nights sleep last night. I feel like I haven’t slept much. Just on lunch at work. Thank god. I accidentally left my sunbite crisps at home so I had NO SNACK so I was HANGRY beyond believe until now.



Day 2 in Verona

Scarlett woke up at 7:30am. I gave her a bottle and changed her nappy then put her back to sleep at 8am. I wasn't sure she'd go back down but she did and she didn't wake until almost 10am. I did her some breakfast then I gave her a quick bath (yoghurt was EVERYWHERE) then we got ready to go out for the day.

We walked from our apartment in Piazza Pozza to Castelvecchio to walk over the bridge and looked at the views. We found a cafe as we were thirsty so we had a drink then we carried on walking towards to piazza brà.

Day 2 in Verona

Scarlett woke up at 7:30am. I gave her a bottle and changed her nappy then put her back to sleep at 8am. I wasn't sure she'd go back down but she did and she didn't wake until almost 10am. I did her some breakfast then I gave her a quick bath (yoghurt was EVERYWHERE) then we got ready to go out for the day.

We walked from our apartment in Piazza Pozza to Castelvecchio to walk over the bridge and looked at the views. We found a cafe as we were thirsty so we had a drink then we carried on walking towards to piazza brà. We decided to stop for lunch as it was about 1pm now. So we found a charming (but busy) restaurant on the main road opposite Verona arena. I had a German hotdog and curly fries and Brett had a burger with fries. Scarlett had a toastie but tried to help herself to my hotdog lol it rained whilst we ate but we were underneath a massive canopy so we were fine lol

After we ate I grabbed some more euros from the ATM and we headed towards the shopping streets. My aim was to see Casa di Guilietta (Juliet's house) which was nearby. So we walked. It was so busy. You could tell it was a tourist attraction. It was exactly how I remember it being when I watched Letters to Juliet. I'm glad I can tick it off my list of places. It started to pour down with rain again. So we sought shelter underneath a shop canopy on our walk back to the centre. Scarlett had fell asleep so we didn't mind just sitting on a step watching people go by. When the rain had let up a little we carried on walking. We had a wander through the trees in the middle of the Piazza. There was a fountain and some statues. Scarlett stayed asleep until we had gotten almost back to the apartment. She woke up but was still tired. I left her for a bit to play but she kept jumping around (knowing that if she sat still she'd nod off) and in the end I succumbed to giving her a bottle and putting her in bed. She napped for 2 hours and didn't wake until 7:30pm. Brett had gone to sleep as well so I tried waking him, saying we needed to go for dinner. He was really grumpy and told me to fuck off. I assumed his head was bad still so I picked up the keys, sorted Scarlett out and was planning to take her to dinner by myself. He got up properly and got the right hump. Saying I was leaving him behind. Ignoring the fact he was a complete ass to me for half hour beforehand. But yeah I'm the one who is wrong lol he said he needed a shower etc so "fuck off and go without me". But ignoring my hunger I stayed till he was ready. Which wasn't fair on Scarlett tbh because it was 9 before we left.

We found a brilliant restaurant in the main part of Piazza Pozza. I had sage and butter tortellini. Brett had a margarita pizza and Scarlett just shared everything lol we tipped them because the staff were very interactive with Scarlett. She kept waving and saying Hiya to everyone lol

We got back to our apartment at 10:30. Scarlett had a quick bath then she played with Brett whilst I showered quick. Then once I was dressed I put her to bed.

We are just watching a film called Next. It's weird but good.

We are leaving Verona tomorrow for Venice. We are getting a train from Verona to Venice. It should be fun. I've enjoyed my stay in this apartment however it's not very child-friendly. Knives were at knee height. Meaning, baby height lol but we've had a good stay and our host was a godsend with her recommendations on things and routes to get there.


Anxiety creeping

Brett turned up at 10:30ish. So not too late on Thursday. We tried to get an early night but we like to chill and catch up. He woke Scarlett up when he got there so he had to put her back to bed and she wasn’t amused so I ended up giving her a small bottle, as well as teething gel after he had changed her nappy. Once she was asleep we got into bed.

Friday 21st:

Brett turned 25!!!! I got up with Scarlett for nursery. Dressed her then woke Brett up so he could say goodbye as we weren’t going to see her till Saturday once she left. They had cuddles then my Nan picked her up. I climbed back in to bed for a bit. We got up later than we should’ve and he wanted to shower and shit before we left so that took longer. We ended up leaving at 2ish. Train was due at 2:45. Didn’t leave until gone 3pm. We made a “friend” on the platform. An older lady was sat next to us on the bench and she started talking to us. Harmless enough. However it became very clear she was drunk. She was 63 (she said), still very sexually active (she also said) and had a boyfriend in Southampton (where she was headed apparently). We hopped on the train and settled in the “quiet carriage” and she had gotten on a different carriage. 3 minutes later she wanders past with all her stuff and plonks down next to us (well next to me). Fun times. She dropped all her stuff (in that drunk clumsy way people do). So we scrambled around helping her pick it up. She asked our names as she was texting someone about her trip (and meeting us two) and 3 times Brett told her what his name was and 3 times she called him Brian! It was a very painful experience. Thankfully she departed the train at Winchester (after asking us 5 times where she was going?) and we had a quiet remainder to our journey.

We finally got to Portsmouth at 4:25pm. We headed to our hotel for check in. Checked in. Threw our stuff on the bed and went straight back out for dinner. By the time we arrived at Gunwharf Quays it was almost 5. We walked along the food promenade and settled on Pizza Express. Whilst we ate I booked our cinema tickets for 7:15. We finished eating and went for a drink as we had plenty of time. We watched Fast & Furious 8. It’s not my kind of film as such but I have seen most of them so I did enjoy it. After we left the cinema it was about 10ish so we got a train back to the hotel. We wanted some nibbles so we hunted for a convenience store. No success. Brett ended up asking a local and he directed us to the nearest Tesco lol

We didn’t get to sleep until 2am (maybe later). We got caught up in the typical dirty weekend things – food, trashy TV and sex (Obvs). Overall we’d had a good day and night. Brett said his birthday had been great day!!!

Saturday 22nd:

We got up at 9:30 and went down to the restaurant for breakfast. We came back up for showers and packing then at midday we checked out and headed back to Gunwharf. Brett had birthday money to spend and I just wanted to wander. Also we had to do the Spinnaker Tower as Brett had never done it. So we did that first then we had lunch in the cafe below it.

We headed to the shops. Brett had his eyes on some Ralph Lauren so that’s where we headed. I got Scarlett some adorable floral shoes for our trip to Italy in August. We paid for our stuff and then he went to a different store for his dad’s birthday present and then we headed back to the train station to head home.

We got off the train at 4:30 and my nan picked us up. Scarlett acted super excited when she first saw us but then acted all indifferent when we tried to hug her haha sassy pants!

We had a cuppa tea then went home. Brett did bath time whilst we picked up dinner. We had a nice take away from the chippy. He and I then put Scarlett to bed and then watched the Conor McGregor DVD I bought him for his birthday. That was about 3/4 hours then we settled down for bed.

Today (Sunday 23rd):

St. George’s day today. Scarlett’s second one. She gave me a lay in. She woke up at 8 ish but I didn’t hear her till almost 8:30 as she was just talking to herself in her cot! I have her a bottle then we played. Then she had breakfast (and tipped some fruit all over the floor) then I dressed her. I woke Brett up at 10:30 and then at 11 I put Scarlett down for a nap. She slept for ages and I watched some catch-up NCIS. Obsessed with the show. No idea why! Once she was up, we got ready and went to my nan’s for Sunday dinner. Scarlett had her dress on for all over 5 minutes before tipping most of her dinner down herself, mostly gravy.

We had a good afternoon. She walked around the garden, a lot. Mom, her boyfriend, Brett and I nipped to the shops for some food shopping then we swung back to pick Scarlett up before heading home. Brett went home at 5 and I fed Scarlett some tea before taking her up for a bath. She was so tired. She just kept laying her head on my shoulder. At 6:30. She never goes to bed much before 7 usually. But nonetheless I did her bottle and put her to bed. She was out like a light.

I went up and had a shower at 9 and then just chilled etc. I watched some tele and came up to bed at midnight but it’s 1:30am and I’m still awake because it’s hit me that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow and I’ve been to the loo 4 times with stress related bowel issues. I hate that I cannot control my life. I’ve been actively looking for a new job for months and have had no luck. My friend has been looking for maybe a month or so and she managed to land one quickly and has handed her notice in already. I feel sick at the thought of going to work. My mental health is affected so much. To the point where I saw my doctor last week and got referred on to discuss my problems. Anxiety she reckons but I think it’s more than that.

I just had a row with my mom. We were just having a laugh and then I was talking about work and that I hate that I cannot just quit now and she was going on about “don’t forget that I cannot afford to have you here if you’re not working” and it just angered me because as if I don’t know this. She’s been giving me that same line since I was 18. I’m well-a-fucking-ware that she depends on my income. Which adds to my stress because not only do I have a child who relies on me but also my mother. So then she started to say “oh it’s my fault you’re stressed”. I cut her off and told her to leave my room. She carried on so I screeched at her to get out. I think she called me a cunt as she stormed out and slammed her bedroom door. Yeah I’m a cunt because I’m very clearly fucking struggling with life ATM and she knows this because I’ve told her this. She knows about my doctors appointments and stuff.

But whatever. I’m not apologising for telling her to leave my room.

Morning looms closer!


Christmas Market

Well Brett and I took Scarlett to see santa on Sunday. We queued up for ages and took her in the grotto. She was fine all the while the door was ajar so there was light but soon as the “elf” shut the door, she screamed. On santas lap. Right when the camera went off. So the picture we have is a classic and will be shown at every opportunity because it’s funny. She got a toy and she liked what she got. She was playing with it once we left the grotto.

We wandered and then got the bus to my nan’s house as she has cooked us dinner. We ate and Scarlett had her dinner. She ate so much!!!

Brett went home in the evening and I sorted Scarlett with bath and bedtime then I had a nice hot shower.

Monday she was 45 weeks.

She’s teething like a champ and god it’s painful. All week was a nightmare. Scarlett had me up every night except Sunday. I then had to go to work for 9 hours. Proper suck-age lol I struggled. I won’t lie. Redbull was my BFF !!!!

Friday she did a full day and I think she’s getting use to it now. It’s her 4th one so that’s pretty good.

She had me up a lot last night and I was so damn tired this morning that I proper moaned to my two bestfriends. I hardly ever do that because for the most part, she’s really a good happy baby. With an attitude. But happy lol

My mom and her boyfriend were taking a trip to Chichester for the Christmas markets so we tagged along too. I posted my xmas cards and presents to various friends at the post office on the way then we set off. Scarlett slept for the whole journey after I had fed her a bottle. We had a wander around the markets then we walked out of the town centre to Whetherspoons for lunch. Scarlett had some cheesy garlic bread whilst I ate dinner and she drank water from her sippy cup. It was a proud mama moment as I had never seen her do it.

We finished eating and walked back to the car and headed back towards home. We stopped off at Morrisons to do some shopping then we went to my nan’s for a cuppa. She had put her tree up and Scarlett was very interested in it lol

After we had a cuppa we left for home. I bathed her then she had a bottle. She was very grumpy so she had some calpol and some teething powder then I put her to bed. It was 8:30. She’s usually down by 7. She rolled around a bit and stood up a few times but eventually she went to sleep. I hope she doesn’t have me up too much tonight. We are off to my dads for the day tomorrow and I’d rather she was happier than grumpier lol

I’m just in bed catching up with Once Upon A Time and eating a cheese toastie :)


I found a bloody dress

So Saturday I got up with Scarlett at 7ish. She had a bottle then a nap then some porridge. She played whilst I ate some leftovers. Didn’t have to share this time lol my Nan said she’d take her for 2 hours so I could focus on finding a damn dress for my works Christmas do. Ordinarily I wouldn’t want to leave Scarlett at home. As I love spending the weekend with her. But I know she’s a big distraction and I desperately need to find a dress that A) I don’t completely hate and B) actually fits me. So I dropped her round my nan’s at 1ish and then went to town.

I tried Debenhams, Sainsbury’s, Asda and Evans. As well as Peacocks and Store 21. I had lost the will to live so I went online and ordered one I’d looked at in the week. I just hoped it would fit okay. It was an amazon prime product so it was due to arrive Monday.

I went back to my nan’s house. Ended up having dinner there. Scarlett had some too. Then my Nan took us home. I sorted her bath then bottle then bed. I watched a filmed in bed called Mother’s Day. It was one I’d wanted to see when I first came out in the cinema but had never got around to it. It was good.

Sunday we were being picked up at 9:30am for the cinema. She woke up at 7am. I gave her a bottle at 7:30 then she napped. She didn’t wake up till 8:45. I had to quickly give her porridge then get us dressed. We got to the cinema at 10ish. Film started at 10am but the adverts meant that by the time we’d got our tickets, got in the lift, parked the stroller and got our seats, it still hadn’t started lol Scarlett was SO brilliant. I fully expected her to not want to stay. And for £2 a ticket I would’ve happily got up and took her out. But she napped for the first hour then woke up, played on my lap then had a bottle then played some more. She watched bits of the film. She laid back on my chest staring at the screen every now and then. She only started whinging 5 minutes from the end credits. I was super proud of her!!!!! The film was The BFG. It’s brilliant. So pleased we watched (I say WE but really I did).

After cinema we went shopping as I needed some food for lunch at work all week then we got the bus to my nan’s for Sunday lunch. Scarlett ate loads of dinner and shouted for more. Little fatty.

We left in the early evening. She skipped her 4-5pm bottle, had a bath then had 6oz before bed. She went to sleep but an hour later she cried for more so I gave her 4oz so she’d have had her usual 10oz before bed (5pm – 5oz then 8pm – 5oz). She then went to bed.

Not a great nights sleep with her but could be worse.

She had her full day of nursery today and they tried to give her a bottle at 1:30pm like we said she has normally and the little Moo wouldn’t drink it. So she skipped that bottle. Then when she was picked up at 5:30 she screamed all the way home. She never screams. I made her a 6oz and she drained that then she was happier. Then an hour later after her bath she had 4oz then went to bed.

I’m just watching some tele and wrapping some more presents. I will go to bed soon.

SD and I had a row because he messaged me saying he’d found my blog (like it’s hard to find. It’s public). I told him not to message if he’s just come to start an argument. So what that he found my blog. I’ve got nothing to hide. It’s public for that reason so well done to him for finding it (eye roll). I think he was trying to find evidence that there is more than just him in the frame to be her father. I wish there was. Then I wouldn’t have to put up with him and his BS. So I think he’s not going to see her now because he isn’t 100% sure she’s his (she is) and he won’t pay for the DNA so we might as well just go our separate ways. We don’t need him. I had hoped they’d be able to develop a nice relationship but it’s not going to happen and that’s fine, at least I can tell her in 18 years that I did try my hardest. And at least it’s out in the open, his family know we exist. If they wish to see her and be part of her life then they know where she is. Entirely up to them.

I tried my dress on. It fits lovely so I’ll wear that on Friday for the works Christmas do. I can stop stressing over it now. Just need a handbag and to dig my silver wedges out.


This time last year

Friday I went to work even though I knew Scarlett wasn’t well. I just cannot afford to keep taking time off with her. So I packed her off to nursery. We didn’t do anything Friday night. Scarlett went to bed and I just chilled out.

Saturday we went and picked up our photo shoot prints then we went to my nan’s for lunch and a cuppa tea. We went home for some dinner. I bathed and dressed Scarlett for the party then I strapped her in the stroller so I could sort myself and hoped she would have a nap. She did. I washed my hair, put some make up on then dried and straightened my hair. Took me about an hour from start to end. Off we went. She did so well. She was awake for an hour when we got there then I fed her the bedtime bottle. She settled down and went to sleep so I put her in the pram. She slept for half hour (with the disco music blaring) and then woke up and wanted a play. So she hung out with various people then she fell asleep on her godmother, Debbie. I took her again and after half hour she woke up. So I sat on the floor with her and she played with some toys. We left at 11:30ish. She went straight to bed. She’s such a good girl really.

Sunday (yesterday) my Nan and grandad were out for dinner for a change so mom cooked us a lovely roast. Scarlett joined us and she loved it. She’s a food monster.

Today she is 42 weeks. I know it’s weird to keep doing the weeks thing but it’s so I have a weekly shot of her for her birthday Flipagram video. Once she’s a year old I’ll stop doing weekly and just continue to do monthly until she’s 2. Not with stickers though. They only go up to 12 months lol

This time last year was the day I finally found out (after 29 weeks) that SHE was a SHE!!!! How exciting. Now look at her, nearly 10 months old, beautiful and brilliant.

Off to bed. Got work tomorrow.