How is it March?

Monday wasn’t as bad as I expected. The problem being home extra days with Scarlett is sometimes it’s hard to return to work. But I must admit, I thrive on routine so going back to work was fine. She woke up by herself instead of me waking her so she was happy as larry. She had some toast whilst I made my lunch then I headed out after my Nan turned up.

Wasn’t surprised by my lack of emails when I got in. I had kept up with them till Friday afternoon and no one typically works a weekend so nada! They picked up a bit as the day went on.

I decided that today was the day I would tell Brett I wanted to finish with him. It’s not that I don’t love him, it’s just we are two very different people than we were 2 years ago. A lot has changed, for me personally, and when we split in December it was for a number of reasons. And these reasons have not changed. Obviously he is hurt. He doesn’t want this. He thinks we can figure it out. But he’s trying to accept my decision. He wants to remain friends for Scarlett’s sake and right now I see no reason why we can’t.

Scarlett had a good day at Nursery but it was her first day back after 4 days off and it was a long session so it wiped her out. She was a bit grumpy. She cheered up when she FaceTimed Brett. I put her in the bath then did her milk. I put her to bed at 7:15 but she didn’t settle even after we’d watched some TV and had dinner so I went up and climbed in her cot. Where my eyes are sore and watery, she thought I was crying. She rubbed my face and said “no cry mama”. Then she slipped her arms around my neck and gave me lots of cuddles. Plus some kisses. Which she actually named before she did it. She is growing too quickly! But I love it.

I climbed back out of her cot and she went to sleep. I guess she just needed some 1-to-1 time with me. I watched TV with mom then we went up to bed at like 11ish. My eye was proper throbbing and watering so badly.

Today my eye was glued shut when I woke up. I slept alright but my head still hurt a little. My mom heard Scarlett and as she was dressed before me said she’d get her up. But Scarlett wouldn’t get dressed until she had seen me. She was checking I was alright, bless her! I made my lunch then we left. We dropped her at my Nan’s then mom dropped me at work. I feel really cold today. Like I can’t get warm. I’ve had my heater on most of the day, only occasionally turning it off.

I called my doctor’s surgery earlier for a telephone appointment. I don’t know if some of my symptoms are normal for my coil. So the doc called back and said she wants the doctor who fitted it in May to see me. She will probably check it’s still in the right place. They may even have to do a blood test to check my hormone levels. We’ll see.

I am on lunch break now. Just going to watch Lucifer whilst I eat.



Laziest weekend ever!

Thursday Scarlett woke up in the night. She’s really into midnight Mama Snuggles at the moment. I’m loving it but I still put her back to bed. No bed sharing. It’s like sleeping with a drink octopus lol

Friday was looooooooong. It just seemed to drag. I felt really tired. I guess working a full week after being off for so long had caught up with me. Scarlett went to bed at 7:30. My mom went to work at 9. I watched some more Elementary. Scarlett woke up at 10:30. I brought her downstairs. I turned off the light, just had the TV as a light. She asked for a bottle. I gave her 5oz. She drank it. She’d had 5oz at 7. So that’s 10oz. That’s not like her. She must be having a growth spurt. She fell asleep on my lap on the sofa. So I left her. Brett turned up at 11:30. I woke her by accident when I got up to open the door when he knocked. She was so happy to see him. She was all over him like a rash. It was good to see because sometimes she really nonchalant about him lol

We put her back to bed then we watched some tele together. It was great just being there together. I think we went to sleep at like half 2!

Saturday Scarlett woke up at 8:30. I took her down to have her bottle. She watched some tele. We did some singing (wind the bobbin up). At 10 we went up and woke Brett up. I made breakfast. Scarlett loves porridge (or as she calls it “orridge”). He put her up for a nap. We watched some more Elementary. She woke up at 2ish. We got dressed and went to town for lunch. We went to Poppins cafe. We love it there. Scarlett had turkey dinosaurs, chips and peas. I had a chicken burger and chips. Brett had the all day breakfast. Mom had the mayo chicken baguette. Scarlett ate loads. My mom left as she was going to her boyfriends for the day/night. We went into the card factory as I needed to buy a few birthday cards. I’ve got a few friends toddler’s birthdays coming up in January and February. Plus my dad and Brett’s mom. And Scarlett (although I’ve already bought her card). So I went into the shop and Brett wandered with Scarlett. When I was done we went into Sainsbury’s. We got a movie to watch later plus he wanted some E45 bath stuff for his skin. We paid and then got on the bus to Home.

As we’d had a late lunch I didn’t plan on doing dinner until about 7. Usually Scarlett’s in bed by then but it’s a weekend and she was up late so I thought Ah Fuck It. So Brett had a bath at half 5. Scarlett and I chilled. My nan was making pies. I love her pies. She agreed to drop the first 2 round so we could have them for dinner. They were still hot (fresh out of the oven) so we had pie for dinner at 7:30. After dinner Brett bathed Scarlett whilst I put her washing away. She had her bottle then she went to bed at 9:30. That’s late for her but she went straight to sleep. We got into bed and watched Bridget Jones’s Baby. Brett actually liked the film though I doubt he’d ever admit it haha

Today she didn’t wake until at least half 9. I didn’t actually hear her until almost 10. She never cries or calls out. She just lays in her cot singing or she’ll get her book from the side and “read”. So I didn’t stir until her singing was louder on the monitor. I brought her in bed with us. I woke Brett up. He watched her whilst I nipped down to do her bottle. She had 8oz (I hate leaving a bit in the bottom of the carton so I poured it all out). She actually drank it all.

We went downstairs and I made her some breakfast. Porridge again lol she ate then she played with Brett. We watched some TV. He took her up for a nap at 1ish. We put on his Conor McGregor dvd. God I hate that Irish twat. But Brett likes him so I tolerated. Brett went up at 3:45 and woke Scarlett up. She was unamused but she can’t sleep all day. We watched some more Elementary and she played. He got his stuff together at 5 and then left to go home. His train was at 6. I put some dinner on at 6ish. We ate at 6:30. FaceTimed my mom then bath by 7ish. Bottle at 7:30. She wouldn’t drink much at first. She was trying to hang out bedtime lol she eventually went to bed at 8:15 but didn’t actually go to sleep until 9. She’s so funny. She was laid in her cot singing to herself and playing with her teletubbies. And she had the photo of her and Brett. She fell asleep holding it. So cute!

I watched Vera at 8 followed by 2 episodes of Elementary. I’ve almost finished season 5. What am I going to do with my life when it’s finished?

I tried to book our Sun Holiday today but they’ve changed how priority people can book so I’ve got to wait until tomorrow. How annoying. We’ve picked 4 sites around Weymouth/Poole area. So hopefully we get one of those. Will book it in the morning.

Back to work tomorrow. My work trousers are clean, I have food for lunch and Scarlett’s outfit for Nursery is laid out so I feel slightly organised lol


Functioning at 70%

Thursday I got up at 7 to get Scarlett ready for Nursery. My nan picked her up at 8. I had a nibble on something as my stomach hurt but I still felt so dodgy. My chest hurt even more. I’d lost my voice from all the coughing making my throat sore.

I decided I was not going to work Friday. I needed to see my doctor again. I still didn’t feel right. I just couldn’t put my finger on why!

New series of Death in Paradise started so mom and I watched that. She usually goes to her boyfriends on a Thursday but she didn’t feel well so she stayed home.

Friday I called in sick and explained I’d be seeing a doctor. I managed to get an appointment quickly. I got seen just before 10am. Diagnosis is chest infection. I had a fever of 39.4 even after taking paracetamol. Doc said to keep the meds up, every 4 hours to keep the temp at bay. He prescribed me antibiotics. I walked to my Nan’s house which is across the road from the Doctors surgery. I fell asleep on the sofa because I just felt so drained. My mom picked me up so I could go to the pharmacy to collect my antibiotics. We popped into the shops as I needed some more paracetamol and Scarlett needed Nurofen. I’d been using her Nurofen as my throat had been too sore to swallow any tablets. Unfortunately my antibiotics were tablet form so I had to suck it up. I managed to get in the daily 3 tablet dosage before bedtime.

Saturday she didn’t wake up until 8:30. Lovely little lay in. She had her bottle then she watched some teletubbies whilst I did some bits. Mom went out for some breakfast at 10. It was the first time in 5 days I’d eaten properly for breakfast. It was heavenly!!! After we ate we got dressed then we went to the bank so I could transfer the Cake Smash funds back to my normal account so I could withdraw it.

We headed to her Cake Smash. We thought we’d be really late but we arrived at 11:03 so not too bad.

She did really well considering how unwell she’d been for a week. She had a blast eating her cake and posing for pictures. See the sneakpeak of a few photos below!

Sneak peakWe left at 12:15 and headed to my Nan’s for a cup of tea then we had some lunch. I ate lunch. Not much. But it was good to eat.

We left for Home at 5ish. Scarlett and I had dinner. She had a yoghurt after then I did bath time. She came downstairs and helped everyone else eat their dinner plus she helped herself to Mark’s apple crumble dessert. She did have a bottle but she only drank half. She was more interested in food lol

She went to bed at 8:30ish. We sat down to watch McMafia. I watched the first episode but fell asleep half way through the second so I went up and got into bed. Think I was asleep by half 11!!!

Today my beautiful little princess didn’t wake up until 10:30am. What a lovely lay in. I did her bottle then I made us both breakfast. She had normal toast. I had marmite. She stole half of one of my slices, little monkey. Apparently she likes marmite too. I asked her if she did when I was making it. She said No lol

We played some games. We did some singing. I did some more teaching on colours and counting. At 12:30 we got dressed and headed out to my Nan’s for Sunday roast dinner.

We ate at 1:30ish. Scarlett didn’t eat lots as she’s still not 100% back to normal but she did okay. She didn’t ask for pudding so I let her down from the table. She played in the lounge with our 2 cousins.

We stayed at my Nan’s until my mom arrived later. She had worked Saturday night so she slept all day. She ate her dinner. Scarlett had some supper then we headed home. I put her in the bath. She wanted me to bath too. So I did. Then I stood up and washed my hair under the shower whilst she played in the water the other end of the bath. It’s our little routine sometimes as she’s tolerant of the shower now as it means she gets to bath with her mama.

After bath time we headed downstairs for her milk. She helped me make it like normal but when I gave her it to drink she wouldn’t. I was like what lol eventually she did drink it. She ran around because she knew if she sat still she’d fall asleep. We caught her and she said goodnight to “nanny and uncle JuJu” then I took her up.

Mom and I watched the last half hour of Dancing on Ice. Typically we don’t watch it but it was on before Vera started at 8. We watched that. Mom left at 8:45 for Work so she’ll catch the remainder of Vera another day. I love it. When it finished at 10 I got in bed and watched Elementary. I turned it off at half 11. Then I FaceTimed Brett to say Hey. We chatted for half hour then we both said we were going to sleep.

I however have been laid in bed for like an hour now and I can’t sleep. It’s because little human let me lay in lol I’m going to play my puzzle game and see if it tires me out.

Back to work tomorrow and surprisingly I’m actually looking forward to being back. I like routine. I like being busy. Being stuck looking at the same four walls whilst off sick was just so crap. I would say I’m at about 70% health so I’m not 100% but I can function at work. I can speak better as my voice came back a bit. And the coughing outbreaks are fewer. So all in all, I can’t wait!


Flu or something similar

Sunday I felt sick as a dog. I came over all cold and started shivering like I was having some kind of fit. My teeth were chattering, my fingers went numb and I kept spasming everywhere. Then 2 hours later I came over all hot. I was sweating like someone had lit a fire. I don’t think I settled down to sleep till almost 4 and I woke up at least every hour till Scarlett woke up a 8:15.

We got up and I gave her a bottle. I felt so off. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt dodgy. I took her up to get dressed but I was overcome with the urge to vomit so we took a detour to the bathroom. I vomited all the water I’d just drank. Scarlett is a bit of a dirt bag. She was trying to stick her head over the toilet to see what I was doing. I think I yelled at her to stand behind me. She looked quite concerned. I reassured her that I’m ok. No sooner as I was sick that I stopped. I immediately felt better. How strange! Then I came over all hot again then shivering then hot. You get the idea. I dressed her, and myself then we came downstairs. She had breakfast then helped my Nan with the dinner. She had Scarlett sat on the worktop in the kitchen. She was cutting vegetables and Scarlett was putting them into a bowl. She’s so helpful, bless her.

My nan put her up for a nap then I woke her for dinner. She had more antibiotics. She didn’t eat much food but she loved her pudding. Obviously!

We stayed for the afternoon and left so I could get her bathed and in bed.

Tuesday I didn’t go to work. I had spent all night shivering and then intensely hot. I felt like absolute shite. I had had a headache since New Year’s Eve and even with paracetamol the fever and headache wasn’t going. So I booked an emergency doctors appointment. I couldn’t face the walk. It’s only 20 minutes but I just felt exhausted so my Grandad gave me a lift. I saw the doc at 12ish. He said probably viral but keep an eye on the temp and headache. Also any other symptoms. I walked the 2 minutes to my Nan’s house as she lives insanely close to the Doctors surgery. I stayed at hers all day.

Scarlett’s first day back at Nursery totally wiped her out. She was exhausted and moaned when I woke her for dinner. Tbf I should’ve left her asleep and fed her later. She wouldn’t drink anything so my Nan said to give her an ice lolly. It worked. She ate most of it. She had a few mouthfuls of her dinner then said she was finished. She had a yogurt. We headed home at 5.

My dad turned up as he was up here for a hospital appointment. He had my stepmom and siblings with him. They stayed for a cup of tea and a chat. When they left at 6:15 I bathed Scarlett and then she went to bed at 7.

She woke up in the night and asked to come in my bed. I don’t like co-sleeping with her. I fear I’ll squash her. So I let her fall asleep then I carried her back to her cot.

I went to sleep about half 12-1ish. I woke up at 2:30 with a raging headache. I was sweating profusely. My heart rate was 165 according to my Fitbit tracker. I felt sick and dizzy. I slowly made my way downstairs to forage for something dry to nibble. When I was pregnant I use to have excessive acid in my stomach so any time my stomach was empty I’d feel sick and would need something small to nibble. I grabbed a slice of bread and headed upstairs. I sat on my bed nibbling this piece of bread and drinking my water. I could see my blood pulsating in my head, in the corner of my vision. It was really weird. I still felt dizzy. I just sat there feeling like I’d rather die than put up with how I felt. I FaceTimed Brett crying that I felt so shitty. I’m so glad he picked up. I felt better after I finished eating, crying and my heart rate calmed down. I eventually went back to sleep.

Wednesday I got up at 7 with Scarlett. Got her dressed for Nursery. Did her bottle then my nan picked her up. I was hungry so I had a granola bar and some milk. Milk always helps the acid attacks on my stomach. I went up and got back into bed at 9:30ish and slept till my mom woke me at 1ish.

I realised I needed the loo but I didn’t quite make it as it appears on top of all the symptoms I have (chesty cough, sore throat, headache, fever, achy joints, sickness) I also have diarrhoea. So I can now safely say that I have already shit my pants and we’re only 3 days in the year. I fear this year may not turn out to be a great one!

I got dressed and we headed to my Nan’s as that’s where Scarlett is. We expected her to be asleep when we got there but she’d just woken up. She seemed less exhausted after her second day back. Much more happier and more like herself.

We took her home at 4ish. Mom cooked dinner. Scarlett ate more than she has done recently. I took her up for a bath. She had a shivering attack and kept saying she was cold. I could see she was. Everything on her body was purple except her head which was red. She felt so hot. As soon as she got out the bath I gave her calpol and Nurofen. Then after her bottle she had her antibiotics then she went up to bed.

Mom and I watched the soaps then she left for work.

I got in the bath at 9. It was lush to lay in hot water. My body ached a little less after. I got out, dressed and went downstairs to get a snack (in case I wake up in acid agony again) and some water. I also took paracetamol for my now permanent headache and to ward off the fever I could feel coming.

I laid in bed watching Elementary. I love this show.

Scarlett woke up at a quarter to midnight because I went in her room to check her and I was too noisy. She came in my room for a little bit. We FaceTimed Brett to say Hi. I played some food videos and she said yum. So I’m guessing we’ll have to try some of the recipes together. I told her she’s got her 2nd cake smash this weekend. I had totally forgotten how close it was after Christmas. I showed her the pics from last year and asked her if she wanted to do it again. She said yes. So hopefully that’ll be a nice treat for her to experience after a shitty week.

I put her back to bed at 12:30 then I watched some more Elementary. I switched it off just before 2.

I’m laid in bed and at this very moment my throat hurts, my chest hurts, everything still aches and my head is dull but I’m not feverish nor shivering. So maybe I’m on the up! Here’s hoping lol


A party, a cupcake and some Netflix

Wednesday was my neighbours birthday. She works in the office above mine. She came in with a cupcake. I saved mine for Scarlett. She demolished it in the car on the journey home. She did day 13 of her book advent. She got the book “We are going on a bear hunt”.

Thursday I watched the Riverdale season finale during lunch. No idea when season 3 is coming. Can’t believe season 2 is done already. Feels so quick! Scarlett did her book advent for Day 14. She got the book “All Aboard”.

Friday was long at work. It had been a long week. It was Christmas jumper day at the Nursery so I sent Scarlett in with her new reindeer jumper. We were going to a party in the evening so when we got home I tried to get her to nap. She wasn’t keen lol I bathed her and got her dressed at 6. I sent her downstairs so I could straighten my hair and do my make up. I was ready to go. We took a few pics before we left.

Party was good. Scarlett made an automatic beeline for the buffet table. I mean, of course she did, it’s food. She ran around lots. Made a little friend and danced a lot. I danced with her. Towards the evening she was getting tired. I picked her up and she laid in my arms like she was a baby. I swayed with her and she just laid there looking at me. She didn’t try to move or get put down. It was lovely tbh. We left at 10:30 and she got straight into pyjamas at home and into bed. I think I was asleep by 11. I felt shattered. It’s hard work to work all day then go out. Even though we weren’t “that late”, it’s still long!

It was the twins birthday. They were 5 today!!!

Saturday I wasn’t woken up till almost 9. What a fab lay in. Scarlett had her morning milk then we watched some tv. We read her new books. She curled up because she was still tired. My mom got breakfast at 10:30. We ate then I put Scarlett down for a nap. Whilst she slept I ignored my feelings of wanting to nap and I hoovered the front room. In preparation for the Christmas tree being put up. I then finished wrapping presents.

Scarlett woke up when my mom got back from town. They retrieved the tree from the loft. It was up and Scarlett “helped” us decorate it. I added her personalised bits from last year and this year too.

I need to get my haircut so at 3ish my mom took Scarlett to my nan’s for a bit. My nan was out all day visiting my uncle so she’d asked us to let the dog out. I got the bus to town. I picked up my special people Christmas cards and some tidbits to wrap. Then I went to the salon. They were closing in 40m and said they didn’t have time to do what I wanted so I’ll have to go back tomorrow!

I got home at 5ish. I cooked me and Scarlett some dinner then at 6 I took her up for a bath. Also to let the others eat their dinner in peace. She opened her book advent for Days 15 and 16. Day 15 was Cinderella. Day 16 was Some Dogs Do. She had her bottle then went to bed at 7. She was flat out asleep within 15 minutes.

I did some more wrapping whilst my mom dropped my brother at work then we sat down and watched a 4 part series called Bancroft. It was very good. Kept you guessing till the end. Although we did figure out some of it.

I’ve just climbed into bed. I need to go to sleep as Scarlett will wake about 7-7:30 tomorrow.


Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).


20 months today

My girl is 20 months old today. Whilst we were away she celebrated her 1 year of Nursery. She speaks much more each day. Her favourite thing at the moment is her “fake sneeze”. She also laughs her head off when you do a real sneeze. Her hair has grown so we’ve been putting it in pigtails since we got back from Italy. She has been really good with not taking it out. 


She has about 13/14 teeth, with her back ones giving her major pain at the moment, turning her into a grumpy. She has almost finished her swimming lessons. She quite enjoys them so I think I will definitely booking her in for level 2 in the spring.

She is such a happy girl but so stubborn and cheeky. I love that her morning routine consists of “Hiya mama”, when I go in to scoop her up out of her cot.

She still loves her “baby” [her doll] and has started carrying it so gently, rubbing its head and putting her hand under its bum, patting its back. It is adorable. Maybe she will make a good big sister once day. Maybe.