Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).




So I totally forgot to blog for a while! Here’s what has been happening.

Thursday 13th:

Had work and then at 5pm I was free for 10 days!!!

Friday 14th (Easter Friday):

Bank holidays rule! Scarlett had me up at usual time. Sorted her then we played. She had a nap then once she was up we got on the train to Brett’s house. Scarlett went to bed at 9ish I think.

Saturday 15th:

We didn’t get up to much. Weather wasn’t overly great so stayed in. We got ready for the party (Brett’s friend’s 21st) and off we went. I had a fairly decent night. Finally met some of his peeps. Hopefully didn’t show myself up, even though I puked a few times before getting the uber home lol

Sunday 16th (Easter Sunday):

I was hanging out my asshole when I woke up with Scarlett at 8am. She wanted to run about and I just wanted to die BUT I did get up. I gave her a bottle. Dragged her to the toilet so I could puke a bit more. She gave me this judgmental stare. 15 months old and that sort of attitude! #MyKidRules

At 10am Brett’s mom said did I want her to take Scarlett with her to visit some family for a few hours? Yes please lol so off they went. I climbed back into bed. After 2 hours I felt right as rain. Was starving and dinner wasn’t due til 3ish so I had a bit of toast and some more water. I felt much better. Dinner was lovely. Brett had surfaced at that point. Lazy fucker. Next time he says a word about being up early with Scarlett I’ll remind him of the time I got up with a hangover to deal with her, when he was very incapable of doing so!

Monday 17th (Easter Monday):

We got up today and I packed our stuff. Brett said he was going to the tattooist in Epsom to book in his ink. So we tagged along. We had some lunch then we came home. Chilled for a bit then we jumped on a train home. Think we got back at about 6ish. I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed.

Tuesday 18th:

Scarlett had Nursery and I had a lay in. Technically I didn’t. I still got up with her at 7ish but after I’d fed her, dressed her and shipped her off to Nursery, I climbed back in bed lol my nan picked her up at 12:30 like normal. I went round to pick her up a bit later. I had a doctors appointment at 3:50pm. We ended up having dinner with my nan then we came home. She went to bed at 7:30 like normal but at midnight, just as I was settling for bed, she woke up and was up for the next 2 hours. I think I didn’t get to sleep until 3am.

Wednesday 19th:

Woke up to a lovely swollen hayfever eye. Not surprising I was tired though, after being up till 3am. Sent her off to Nursery as I had stuff to do. Had to tidy my room and hoover the upstairs. Plus do some washing. Clean the dishes. Just random crap really.

Today (20th):

Today I was due to meet my bestie in London for a playdate but she couldn’t make it due to a fire at Euston station and some other incident going on. Shame but it what it is! So me and Scarlett stayed home all morning so she could nap after playing with me. After she woke up we grabbed our coats and walked to my nan’s house. We had lunch and played a bit then she had a short nap. We stayed for dinner then we walked home.

I put her to bed at 7:30. She was tired but spent about 20 minutes rolling around her cot talking to herself. I love listening to her.

I watched Emmerdale then I packed Scarlett’s stuff for her overnight stay at my nan’s tomorrow. Brett’s birthday is tomorrow. He is going to be 25. I’m taking him away for the night. It’ll be good fun. My nan is babysitting :)

Just watching Chicago Justice catch up and waiting for Brett to arrive.


Happy Birthday Matilda

Scarlett didn’t go to sleep that night (last blog post). Well she did. But not at a reasonable time. She didn’t settle until almost 3am. I think I fell asleep at 3:30 and then was up again 6:30. To say I struggled the next day in work would be an understatement lol

I survived it though. Some how!

Thursday she had her jabs. I took a half day (unpaid) so she could have me there. Even though my mom didn’t mind taking her. She offered. I don’t want Scarlett to be consoled by anyone except me. And tbh she wouldn’t have been able to be, she gets so worked up during her jabs. We survived them, just.

Friday she was feverish so I had to stay home with her. She slept ALL DAY. No joke. She was up at 7:30. Down for a nap at 9:30. Didn’t wake up until 12:30. Back down at 2pm and woke up at 4:30pm. We were due to visit our friends in Watford for a sleepover so we got on the train at 6pm. She had slept on the train so she wasn’t tired when we arrived at 7:30pm. My friend put her little one to bed at 8:30 as she was shattered. Scarlett stayed up whilst we ate our Chinese then I tried to put her to bed. She wasn’t having any of it. Eventually they went up to bed and I laid her in the travel cot. With no distractions she went quiet.

She was unsettled though so she ended up sleeping on the blow up bed with me. She woke up 3 times sobbing in the night but I was next to her so I just cuddled her back to sleep. It made my heart swell because she’s not slept with me since we stopped co-sleeping when she was 3 months. I miss those hazy newborn days. However I am thoroughly enjoying entertaining the toddler phase!

This morning (Saturday) my friends baby M woke up at 6am. I heard her from downstairs. She’s noisy lol bless her! It’s her 1st Birthday so she’s allowed to wake up early. Scarlett woke up at 7ish so we went upstairs to say Happy Birthday to M. We gave the girls some breakfast then put them both down for a nap. We had our breakfast and a nice girly chat. Haven’t had one of those in a long time.

The girls woke up at 10:30. They got dressed for the party. I sorted myself out and then I got in the car, with Scarlett, and my friends in-laws drove us there. The party was good fun. All the babies, and older kids, loved the soft play area. We saw a few of our “online mums group” mums and their babies. Weird seeing people face to face after interacting online for so long!

At 3 my friends husband dropped me and Scarlett back to the house so I could give her a bottle and get her down for a nap. She woke up at 5 and we all climbed in the car (they were back by then) so they could drop me off at the station. We got the train at 6ish and we’re off the other end at 7:15. My mom picked us up. Dinner was ready at my nan’s. She did steak pie and chips. So that was good timing. Scarlett had some dinner and was very entertaining as she had had that 2 hour sleep lol

I managed to get her to go to by for 9pm and now I’m just unpacking our stuff so I can put some washing on.

We had a fab overnighter and a proper blast at the party. So glad we got to meet so many of our friends.

Happy 1st Birthday to our gorgeous little M. We love you. Hope you had a blast!!!


Tea party fit for a princess

Thursday my little princess went to nursery and I went back to bed after she was picked up. I hadn’t planned to but I thought fuck it, I deserve it. When I got up my Nan had just picked Scarlett up, so she picked me up too and we had some lunch. Then she went down for a nap.

I didn’t do a lot the rest of Thursday and once she was in bed I just caught up on TV and enjoyed knowing I wasn’t working the next day.

Friday I sent her off to nursery then I set about sorting her room, and mine. I managed to do it all in 3 hours. I still need to hoover my room but our hoover is broken at the moment! My mom picked me up at about 2 and we went shopping. I needed to pick up some stuff for the party as well as some food for work next week. We went to my Nan’s after we had dropped the shopping home so I could give her the bits I bought for the party. It was my Dad’s birthday so I sent him a message on Facebook. I had sent him a card from me and a separate one from Scarlett. It is actually his second birthday since she was born as she just made it last year by 2 days lol

Brett came down late Friday night. He didn’t get to ours until gone midnight. He went in and gave Scarlett a kiss on her head and woke her up. To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I had a headache, it was late and I just don’t want her awake at midnight because she ends up mad as hell the next day, and who deals with her in the AM? Me! It took until 2am to get her back down.

Today Brett didn’t get up till almost midday. Fucking irritated me. I was up with Scarlett at 7:30 and I was tired as fuck. We got picked up by my grandad at 12:30 so we could go to Asda to get her birthday cake plus a few extra party bits.

After Asda we went to my nan’s so I could help with stuff. Decorations were up and food was laid out. I put some make up on and got Scarlett changed into her dress.
My dad turned up with my stepmom and kids. We had a lovely afternoon then we did her cake.

Her cake

Birthday girl

Baby is one!


Me, Brett and Scarlett


She’s in bed and we are watching some tele at the moment.


2 weeks until her birthday!

I’ve been so damn tired this week. I knew having a busy weekend would kick me in the butt. Not just me either. Scarlett’s been shattered. She had her first accident at nursery. She was sent home with an incident report. She was reaching to stand at the table (like normal) and she slipped and bumped her head. She was tired. She gets clumsy when she’s tired.

I cannot believe that she’ll be a year old in 2 weeks. This time last year I was 37 weeks pregnant and fed up. I couldn’t wait to get her out. She kept “not moving” and I was forever up the hospital in the weeks leading up to her birth. When they say it goes quick, they aren’t joking. It’s gone faster since I’ve been back at work. The weeks go quicker because I’m busy in the week. Christmas sailed by. Next it’ll be Valentine’s Day then Easter then the summer. I worked it out earlier. She’ll go to school in September 2020. That’s literally just 3.5 years away. WTAF? I’ll be 29. Wow! Just wow!

I think I’ll just go cry in the corner lol

I am glad it’s Wednesday. That means half the week is gone. Just 2 more work days then I can finally have a chill weekend. Well as much chill as you can have with an ALMOST 1 YEAR OLD in the house lol


Baby’s first party

So I had the longest day ever. Felt like 20 hours at work, not a mere 9.

Mom picked me up from work and we drove straight to the restaurant where my cousins party was being held. Scarlett’s first party (for child I mean, obviously she went to my aunts party 2 weeks ago) We stayed for 1 drink. Watched her blow the candles out whilst we sang Happy Birthday then we left. Scarlett had her first Party Bag. So cute! She was shattered and hungry. I had fed her at the party. She drank 3oz. She played then did a massive poop so it was bath time at 7ish.

After she was ready for bed I took her downstairs and she finished the 2oz in her bottle then we cuddled. I took her up to bed half asleep and by 8pm she was flat out sleeping. She’s so good. She only stood up a few times. Mostly she just fidgeting until she was comfy for sleep.

I watched some tele and ate my dinner. It’s payday so I ordered a cheeky Chinese. There’s lots of rice left over so that’ll be a good snack tomorrow. I suppose I’ll have to share as Scarlett LOVES rice! Lol

Tomorrow we are going shopping so I can find a bloody dress for this fancy Christmas party that my work are doing on Friday. I hate dress. Like seriously! We are also going to visit santa, if they’ve already set up the Santa Station. I’ll have a look tomorrow.

I’m in bed reading my book. I’m really in to this one. Can’t put it down. I’m about 70% read!!!


This time last year

Friday I went to work even though I knew Scarlett wasn’t well. I just cannot afford to keep taking time off with her. So I packed her off to nursery. We didn’t do anything Friday night. Scarlett went to bed and I just chilled out.

Saturday we went and picked up our photo shoot prints then we went to my nan’s for lunch and a cuppa tea. We went home for some dinner. I bathed and dressed Scarlett for the party then I strapped her in the stroller so I could sort myself and hoped she would have a nap. She did. I washed my hair, put some make up on then dried and straightened my hair. Took me about an hour from start to end. Off we went. She did so well. She was awake for an hour when we got there then I fed her the bedtime bottle. She settled down and went to sleep so I put her in the pram. She slept for half hour (with the disco music blaring) and then woke up and wanted a play. So she hung out with various people then she fell asleep on her godmother, Debbie. I took her again and after half hour she woke up. So I sat on the floor with her and she played with some toys. We left at 11:30ish. She went straight to bed. She’s such a good girl really.

Sunday (yesterday) my Nan and grandad were out for dinner for a change so mom cooked us a lovely roast. Scarlett joined us and she loved it. She’s a food monster.

Today she is 42 weeks. I know it’s weird to keep doing the weeks thing but it’s so I have a weekly shot of her for her birthday Flipagram video. Once she’s a year old I’ll stop doing weekly and just continue to do monthly until she’s 2. Not with stickers though. They only go up to 12 months lol

This time last year was the day I finally found out (after 29 weeks) that SHE was a SHE!!!! How exciting. Now look at her, nearly 10 months old, beautiful and brilliant.

Off to bed. Got work tomorrow.