A quiet weekend

Friday we stopped for a bite to eat on the way home as we had stopped not too far away at Tesco to stock up on some bare essentials. I also got Scarlett 6 pairs of pyjamas as her old ones are too short for her now, finally. We had some food and then we headed home. Scarlett went to bed at usual time. She was shattered after our long week away.

Saturday she didn’t wake until 9am. What a lovely lay-in. She got up, had a bottle, we watched some teletubbies and then she had breakfast. She was tired still so I put her back to bed at 10:30am. I had to wake her for swimming. We were late and then I discovered I had left my swimsuit at home. I told the swim teacher my predicament and explained that I was sorry but Scarlett would have to miss it this week. She said that if I didn’t mind, she would take her and swim with her. She said as we were down to half the class [usually there is 4 of us but today there was only 2 including Scarlett]. So Scarlett did her lesson with the teacher. After swimming we went home for lunch. She had her lunch then she went back down for a nap. She was still asleep at 3:45 when I left to go to the cinema. I had a hot dog and a slushie. I don’t usually have food but I was hungry. I watched the new “IT” movie. It wasn’t scary but very creepy. It was only down as a 15 so there was a bunch of “teenagers” in there and every time you saw his hand or reflection or something equally as non-scary you’d hear squeals. Like seriously? I enjoyed the movie and I think Bill Skarsgard did the role brilliantly. I know Tim Currie did the original Pennywise but you cannot compare the two. Bill brought something different to the character. It seems they are splitting the book between 2 movies instead of condensing it in to 1 movie, like the first movie was done. So I look forward to IT chapter 2. After the cinema I got the bus back to home. Scarlett was in bed but still awake. I popped up and said Hi to her and goodnight. She was so pleased to see me. She had a quick chat on FaceTime with Brett then I put her to bed properly.

Mom and I toasted her completion of her NVQ level 3 in Care. She started it when I was pregnant but so much personal stuff had come up and she had put it on the back burner. I am so proud of her because this year she worked her ass off to complete it. And it wasn’t easy as some of the physical attributes to the NVQ required my mom to be shadowed by her NVQ assessor, at work, doing stuff. But my mom’s work life has been really disruptive this year as she was made redundant and changed jobs twice since for various reasons. And she was in hospital last month. But she did it. So we toasted with some Martini Asti.

Sunday Scarlett woke up at 8ish. She had a bottle then some breakfast. We started watching Hotel Transylvania 2 together but she ditched me for a nap. That’s fine, I watched it by myself. I love that movie. She woke up at 1:30pm. I dressed her then mom and I took her to the park. We all needed the fresh air. We played for a bit but there was too many boisterous asshole kids pushing past her, and she banged her cheek. So we left the play area and wandered on the open field. I had brought her bubbles so she chased them lol we went home after and watched Shrek 4. Mom cooked some dinner at 5:30. Scarlett was bathed at 6 and in bed by 6:45. She had been whinging to go to bed since 4 lol it took a lot of energy to keep her up as long as I did.

Mom and I watched some tele. I tidied up the toys in the front room then I got in the shower. After I finished I came down to watch Victoria. I love it. Now it is finished I am in bed.

I am back at work tomorrow. I wonder what that will bring. I bet I have a bunch of emails and shit has changed. I have anxiety just thinking about it. But it feeds my kid. I forgot to say, I got a letter whilst away from my company saying I was getting a salary increased effective from this month. I have gained about £1300 a year. Not bad.

TTFN x

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16 years, never forgotten

I had the best weekend I’ve had in ages. It was really chilled. We barely got up to much and it was great. Brett got here at about 10:45pm. We opened the bottle of Prosecco he brought with him. We had a nice long catch up of our day and then we went up to bed. Scarlett woke up on Saturday at 8:15. I got her from her cot, brought her into my bed so she could see Brett. She climbed all over him and gave him kisses. I said I’d leave him for a bit, wake him in a bit. So I scooped her up and took her downstairs for a bottle and some teletubbies. We practised doing her puzzles. She is getting very good at them now. She had some breakfast then I dressed her and took her upstairs to wake Brett before putting her down for a nap. I woke her up at about 12:30 before my grandad arrived to drop us off at her swimming lesson. She did so well with the lesson, she remembered more than I expected and Brett managed to film a lot of the lesson as he was sat on the sideline watching. He had not been before so that was nice.

After swimming we walked to Farnborough Gate Retail Park for some lunch. It was nice having some family time, just the 3 of us. After lunch we walked to my Nan’s house. Scarlett loves going there because they have a garden she can play in [not that she managed to because it was raining]. She went down for a nap a 3ish and didn’t wake till almost 5. We had dinner at my Nan’s then we walked home. I did bath time and Brett did bottle and bed time. Then we took turns getting in the shower then we went downstairs and watched a movie. We watched the Seventh Son. Brett has never seen it. I watched it when pregnant. Good movie. We went to bed quite late which was silly as one of us has to get up with the toddler lol

She woke up at 8:45am which is an epic lay in for my little princess. We did bottle then woke up Brett. I made us all breakfast at 10am as we were headed out at about 10:30 to go visit my Gran. Brett has never met her so was about time. We stayed until about 12 then we left for home. I put Scarlett down for a nap and then we relaxed. It was nice having some one-to-one time as well as family time. When she woke up we got ready and headed out for some food. We went to town and had a nice meal at Poppins café. After we ate we took her to the soft play at the leisure centre. Brett kicked his shoes off and went in with her for half hour whilst I read my book [which I have now finished]. I was reading “A bucket list to mend a broken heart”. I couldn’t put it down.

We left town at 4ish. I put Brett’s phone on charge whilst he packed his stuff up then at 5:30 my Nan picked him up and dropped him to the train station. After he left I bathed Scarlett and then we snuggled watching teletubbies. She was really worn out after soft play so she asked to go to bed. So at 6:30 I made her bottle and took her up. By the time she had drank it, had a kiss and a cuddle and laid down it was 6:45. By 7:15 she was flat out. I tidied up the kitchen, took the recycling out, put away clean dishes from the draining board and washed up the dirty stuff. I put her toys away in the front room so there was space to hoover [Mom is doing that] and I then got ready for a bed and settled in front of the TV to catch up with Bitten. I managed 5 minutes before my phone rang and ended up on FaceTime with Brett for an hour and a half lol I don’t mind. When we hung up I carried on watching. By then my mom was home. We had a mini catch up then she went and got in bed. I watched the episode, then another and before I knew it was midnight so I crawled into bed and hoped I wouldn’t be too tired.

Today came and I was tired as expected lol I feel like I barely sleep even though my FitBit says I got almost 6 hours. I was just about on time to work. Bloody traffic and shitty weather. My work pal’s dog has gone missing. She was with her dog walker and she just ran off. She has been spotted but someone [it was shared on Facebook] but when my pals mom got there, she couldn’t see her. She hasn’t been seen since. The biggest worry is that the dog Izzy has epilepsy. And this can be triggered by stress/anxiety. She could have a fit if she is scared or the noise of the cars on the busy road. That is another worry. There is main roads near where she was last seen. She is a dog. They don’t have great road sense. I hope for my pals sake they find her soon.

Today marks 16 years since the fall of the twin towers. And since all those people died. I wasn’t there and I wasn’t remotely aware of the whole incident as I was only 10 and our school that day decided to keep us in the dark, which is understandable. But as I got older and learned more about it I realised what happened was such an awful, despicable thing. People lost their lives. Their lives. Families lost their loved ones. Firefighters, police officers, medical personnel, whoever the hell else – they did their utmost best to help everyone. A lot of “off duty” people rallied. They literally showed that United States is called “United” for a reason. We will never forget the people who died, were injured or even those who survived. Nor will we forget the helpers, the heroes and all those in between. We stand, united, as humans.

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TTFN x

5 days till Italy

So I got up with Scarlett at 7:45am. Was a decent lay in. She had a bottle and a nappy change. We watched some teletubbies and she sat on my lap for ages, which made me think she was probably tired. I made her breakfast then I put her down for a nap. Brett got up just before 10 and we had a bicker in the kitchen because he had pissed me off in the morning by almost knocking me out when dreaming [which itself isn’t an issue] and then when I was nice and asked if he was ok/dreaming? He got really attitudinal with me and then he was whinging that Scarlett was crying [I was putting her down for a nap] so I swore at him and left the bedroom. He came out a bit later and yeah we argued. His mom decided to get in the middle and told us to grow up. Brett was annoyed because he wouldn’t interfere in her relationship with his Dad, so she shouldn’t do it to us. But her argument was that it’s her house and she doesn’t want arguing in her house. She said [not to me, to Brett whilst I sat there feeling awkward as fuck] that I need to learn to “handle” him better. I am still young apparently and bite too quickly. Not sure having the hump over his attitude is anything to do with my age, just the fact I don’t like being spoken to like shit. But anyways, I was just still angry so I kept my mouth shut and sat there like a fucking lemon feeling more awkward by the minute.

We went into the shops once Scarlett woke up from her morning nap. I felt sick because I was so hungry as it was lunch time at this point. And we went into the pet store and it stank I almost vommed lol so I waited outside. We headed back. Scarlett had a sandwich and then I put her back down for a nap at half 2. She woke up just in time for dinner at 4ish. She didn’t eat much dinner, which I expected as she had just woke up. Brett and his dad had a blazing row in the kitchen whilst washing up. Not entirely sure what it was over. I was in the lounge changing Scarlett’s shitty nappy so I only heard snippets. They’ve never rowed when we’ve been there before. So was a little unsettling to hear 2 grown men going at each other. Scarlett obviously could hear and it upset her a little. Contrary to what you may believe, we don’t yell at each other in my house an we certainly have never in front of Scarlett. Brett picked her up when he had calmed down and I packed our stuff up. His mom drove us to the station at 6. Our train was 6:18pm. We got home at 7:30. My mom picked us up and we went home.

She had a bath and went to bed for 8:30ish. I had a quick shower myself and then caught up with Midnight, Texas that was on Thursday. Mom and I went up to bed at about 10ish. I was quite tired so I am thinking of going to sleep soon. Just laid in bed with my lovely mosquito bites that are itchy. I keep coming across a new one. So far I have 5.

5 days until Italy. I should count “sleeps”. So we have Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night so that is 5 sleeps. Getting closer and I feel unprepared lol

TTFN x

11 days to go

Friday I had originally said to mom that I fancied going cinema as she was home so it was no hardship for her to babysit. But I changed my mind. I stayed in. We waited for her boyfriend to come over then we ordered a sneaky Chinese. I then went up to bed to carry on watching Salem. I have just started watching it and I am engrossed. It is a Netflix show so been streaming it downstairs on TiVo. But also on my iPad.

Saturday Scarlett woke up at 6ish. Put her back down. She wasn’t having any of it so we got up. Went downstairs. Let her play in the lounge whilst I attempted to doze. Every time I tried she kept coming over to show me her “baby” lol we had breakfast then she went for a nap. I woke her up at 11 as she had a swimming lesson finally. They had been cancelled for 2 weeks in a row due to a fault with the swimming pool so we’d not been in ages. She loves her lessons. She is getting more confident every time. When we were finished Mom dropped us in town. By then it was lunch so we had a cheeky McDonald’s. I just had a chicken burger. Scarlett had a cheese burger.

After lunch we took a stroll to the hairdressers as I needed my hair cut. She was really good behaved considering she had to sit in the stroller whilst they washed, cut and blow dried my hair. She whinged towards the end but that was due to her being tired and needing a nap. We hit the shops before we headed to my Nan’s. My mom, me and her boyfriend decided we wanted to go cinema so we asked my Nan if she minded babysitting. She said she would. So mom headed home to grab some bits. We had dinner at my nan’s then I bathed Scarlett in my Nan’s kitchen sink then I got her ready for bed. Nan said she’d give her a bottle and then put her to sleep in the stroller. Which she did.

We went off to the cinema at 8ish. We popped into Morrison’s first then headed to the movies. It was really busy. We all got a slushie then sat down in our seats. The movie was really good. Having studied History for 5 years at school I am really disappointed that we were never taught about Dunkirk. I know that if we had been I would’ve at least remembered the name of it. There is so much we aren’t taught in class and I feel like I barely know any of our history.

We Drove to my Nan’s and picked Scarlett up. Couldn’t transfer her from stroller to car seat without waking her so I didn’t other trying too much. She had a few extra ounces of milk in her cot at home then she was back to sleep. She is such a good little human, bless her.

Sunday she woke me up at 6am. Again! We were going out at 11ish so I gave her a bottle when she first woke then some breakfast at half 8. She went down for a nap at 9 and then I woke her at 10:45 so she could get dressed. We got picked up at 11 and off we went. We went to my aunt’s house. Her new house. Was hectic as with us there there was 5 adults and 6 kids. But we managed. Scarlett finally noticed there were 2 of the same kid. She was sat next to Frankie and then Freddie came in. She looked from Fred to Frank and back again. Then at me. Her face was a picture. She couldn’t figure out why there was 2. So I told her one was Frankie, the other was Freddie. She still wasn’t convinced, I could see it in her face lolIMG_3295

I don’t think anyone understands what that pic (^) means to me. Seeing my child with them. They were in-utero when I was told I couldn’t have my own babies. And I felt jealous that my aunt could just pop babies out. And I vowed I wouldn’t babysit for anyone ever again because it hurt too much to be near kids at the time. But time moved on and they were born. They spent as much time at mine their first 2 years than they did at home. They were terrors but I loved them anyway. And then Scarlett came along. My little dream. My miracle. MY terror. And to see her with them today. Her following them. Copying them. Yabbering away to them. Well, it made my heart swell… This is exactly what I had always dreamed of. My child with my aunt’s children, growing up as besties. Sometimes dream DO come true!

We got home at 5:30pm. We finished watched Hotel Transylvania. She had some supper [crisps, a gingerbread man and a yoghurt] then she had a bath. She was trying out her new skills from swimming. I got her ready for bed. We had a nice long cuddle on the sofa before I got up and made her bottle. She was in bed fast asleep by 7:30pm. When I put her down I got in the shower myself. Then I went downstairs just as mom got home. I hoovered whilst she made me some supper then we watched Poldark. When it was done I climbed into bed. I am in bed now. Work tomorrow.

11 days to go tomorrow until we go to Italy. It is getting very exciting!!!!!!!!!

TTFN x

Alpro ice cream

Wednesday 21st:

My cousins baby was born at 10:01am. He weighed 8 lb 14 oz. And he is gorgeous. He has quite a bit of dark hair. So glad he arrived safely. They named him Parker Harry James.

Thursday 22nd:

Scarlett’s passport came through the mail today. I’m so excited for our holiday now. I was worried the passport people would reject it due to her picture or something but thankfully they are more lenient with under 2s. We are now checked in for our flights online. I needed all of our passport numbers to do. And I have!!!!

My mom dated a guy the year after my step-dad left her. And he cheated on her for 4 months before they split. He denied this. But we know it’s true. Anyway he and my mom always stayed in contact as friends. He was told by his new missus he can’t be friends with my mom. Insecure much? This breeds from being “the other woman” to a guy who cheated WITH YOU. And many times she removed my moms number from this guys phone. Talk about controlling. But whatevs! This woman he cheated with became his partner from the moment they met all the way up till now. Well this woman’s daughter called my mom up and accused my mom off sleeping with him. As my mom pointed out, 1) she’s in a very happy relationship, 2) he cheated on her so why the F would she want his ass back and 3) how the F would any of their menial “hello how are you” texts ever convey there was anything untoward going on. She said all this and basically told the girl to fuck off. She told me and I sent her ex (from 8 fucking years ago, like for real who even cares about people from that long ago) a shitty message telling him to get his fucking women under control and stop dragging my mom into his BS. I told him that he knows he’s not suppose to be friends with my mom and because he failed to do as he’s fucking told she’s now been on the receiving end of some shitty outburst.

It’s gets better. He never responded. Surprise! Not! Turns out it’s their Wedding Day on Saturday. That woman would be stupid to marry him. She knows he’s a cheater and she clearly thinks he still does so why marry him.

Friday 23rd:

For the first time in ages it was just me and my mom. No men. Oh, and Scarlett, obviously. So we put her to bed, grabbed some alcohol and watched a film. It was nice.

Her new high chair came today. I think she likes it!!


Saturday 24th:

Scarlett had her first swimming lesson at 12. We arrived at 10 to 12. I was already in my swim stuff so I just had to sort her into her swim suit. I had bought her a neoprene nappy cover and a neoprene all-in-one to stop her getting cold. She did really well. She let the instructor take her around the pool for a minute without me. She walked on a float before holding my hands and sliding into the water. She kicked. She waved her arms to move the water in a motion. We sang songs. Overall it was good. I was really proud of her. I made the rookie mistake of not checking my bag before we left. I left my bra behind. So we popped home so I could dump the wet swimming gear and grab my bra then we headed to Morrisons. We had some lunch then we did some shopping. We went home and chilled. Scarlett was tired so I put her down for a nap at 3:30 and I kind of fell asleep myself. I rarely do that. Even when she was a proper baby I didn’t nap often. She went to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny. She kept playing silly games with my hair. She likes it when it’s wet from the shower (no idea why).

We watched two movies. Bad Moms and Mother’s Day. It was nice just the two of us. I think I went to bed about 1ish.

Sunday 25th (today):

Scarlett woke up at 7ish. Gave her a bottle at 7:30 thinking she’d go back to sleep for a bit but after half hour of her rolling around she got up and whinged so we went downstairs. She had her breakfast – some fruit and a choc-au-pain then she got dressed. Mom did us some breakfast then we got dressed. We had to head to Morrisons for a cooked chicken as nan had planned for 3 of my uncle’s kids to have dinner with us so she needed more meat. We got one and then went to my Nan’s house. Scarlett was asleep when I got her out of the car so I went straight in and laid her in the stroller in the hallway. She needs her afternoon nap. She slept through Sunday dinner and woke up just after we ate so I got her out and put her in the high chair. She ate her dinner then she had pudding. My nan had managed to get some Alpro Soya ice cream. She had her first taste and she loved it. She ate the ice cream AND the cornetto too!


After we had dinner we had a cup of tea and let our dinner go down then we took her to King George V park. Her first ever trip to a park. She’s been in parks as a baby baby. But they didn’t count as she wasn’t walking etc. She loved it. She went down the slides and in the swings. She climbed EVERYTHING! We had a good time then we headed back for another cuppa then home.

I did her some supper at 6ish. She had some fruit and a slice of bread with butter. She’s like me in so many ways, it’s weird but kind of exciting. She had a bath and then for a change Nanny put her to bed. She went straight down. We stuck on a movie after having some supper ourselves. We watched The DUFF. Mom hadn’t seen it.  I love it!

I’ve just got into bed. I’m not tired. I had my first energy drink today in 8 weeks. My mom bought 2. I think she forgot I don’t drink them. Tbh neither does she now. We’ve both stopped. I quit cold turkey. She has the occasional one. I think I won’t be able I sleep tonight now!!!

Back to work tomorrow. I only have 5 days then I’m off on holiday July 3rd. I can’t wait. It should be good fun. Brett and I are taking Scarlett to Hastings for the week.

Just over 6 weeks till we go to Italy!!!!!!!

TTFN x

My heart breaks for Manchester

Friday 19th:

We got to Brett’s at 6:45. Surprisingly Scarlett hadn’t napped on the journey. She was very tired but she perked up when we arrived. We had dinner and then she had a bath then went to bed. Brett was grumpy because he is trying to quit smoking and the withdrawal is obviously too much for him.

Saturday 20th:

Brett got up with us quite early (though I suspect it was under sufferance on his part). We had breakfast then I dressed Scarlett and we went out. We went to visit Brett’s cousins. When we got back home we had some lunch then Scarlett had a nap. We decided to go to the cinema later so we had our dinner and Brett sorted out Scarlett for her bath before we left. We watched “Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2”. It was brilliant. I am glad we went. Scarlett was very well behaved for his mom and went to bed at about 9ish. We got back at 10:45 and there was a film on tele. I was shattered [off energy drinks still] so I climbed into bed. I must’ve nodded off as Brett woke me up climbing into bed at 1:30am.

Sunday 21st:

Scarlett woke up at 5:30am. I gave her a bottle and put her back down for a nap. Once she was up again at 8 I got her some toast with fruit for breakfast. She ate it all then I dressed her. Once she was dressed I tackled the task of getting Brett up at a reasonable time. We went out at 10:30. We walked to his foster brother’s football tournament about 20 minutes down the road. I hadn’t prepared for sunny weather because, England. So Scarlett had no sun hat or shorts etc. I kept her in the shade but I got massively sunburnt. That’ll teach me lol we had pizza when the tournament was done then we got the train home. We were home by about 7ish. Scarlett had bath, bottle and bed. I chilled and caught up with tele.

Monday 22nd:

Back to work today. Was 8 minutes late because just as we were leaving at 7:30, Scarlett did an explosive poo through her tights and vest so I had to sort her out, undress, clean and then re-dress her in new clothes. Nightmare. So we were late leaving for work. I met Mom for lunch so we could do some food shopping. We had chicken for lunch. She dropped me back for 2pm. She picked me up at 5:10pm [made up my late 8 minutes]. Scarlett was bathed when we got in. I had my dinner and she stole one of my chicken fillets, little moo. I put her up to bed at 6:45 as she was getting grumpy but she wouldn’t go down. Her room was saying it was 26 degrees. Too hot. So I put her fan on and the room cooled. She was asleep by about 8ish. Mom and I watched tele together. We tried to share a bottle of rosé but I hate wine so I only drank half my glass [shocking I know]. I went to bed about 11ish.

Tuesday 23rd:

I woke up this morning to messages from American pals asking me if I was okay? Apparently some vile scumbags decided to bomb Manchester Arena last night after Ariana Grande’s concert. My pals were concerned as they have no clue how close or far I live to Manchester, and they’d seen the news reports [being hours behind the UK]. I assured them I was fine, so was Scarlett. Then I switched BBC on and looked at the news reports over what happened. My heart hurts for my country. For all the innocent people. For the teenagers/children who went to the concert not expecting anything more than just a fun night. The reports say that there are 22 confirmed dead and almost 60 people injured. I am in disbelief but at the same time it is almost “oh there has been a bombing incident, again”. It is scary that these events do not shock or surprise me anymore. Either I am numb to some of the BS in the world or I am just desensitised. However on the other hand I feel like bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I have a child. This is her world. This is where she will grow up [if she is lucky]. How do I protect her from these things when they happen randomly? Like who knew that attending that concert may be the last thing they do? No one! I have a friend who lives nearby-ish. I am thankful she has a toddler same as me, was home and away from it. I can’t imagine what people must be going through today, those who have lost someone, those who’s friends/family are injured and those few who have missing people. My heart goes to them.

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I am on lunch and I am trying to block it all out by binging on Netflix with my headphones on.

TTFN x

Baby’s First New Year’s Eve

We got the train back yesterday. Had to do a detour via Epsom. But it was okay because Epsom is a direct train from Brett’s house. Then a short train ride from there to Clapham then the usual direct 35 minute train to Farnborough. My mom picked us up from the station at 5pm. We put Scarlett to bed and watched a film then another one before going to bed.

Today we decided we wouldn’t go to a hotel for New Year’s Eve. We wanted to stay home and celebrate the New Year together. So we had a chilled day. We got Scarlett bathed and ready for bed. She had a bottle then she went to bed. We watched a film and I had a few drinks. We are just waiting for midnight so we can watch the London fireworks display on tele before watching another film.

TTFN x