Holiday in 5 days!

Yesterday wasn’t that bad of a day. Had lots to do at work and the day flew by. I got an email from the job interview I went for. They want to do a second interview but can’t confirm a date yet. I’m away next week so hopefully it happens before then. Would like it out the way before I am on annual leave as it’ll give them a week to decide whether the job is mine.

I said in my last post that Scarlett’s hit the terrible twos:

She’s so naughty at the moment. She doesn’t listen. She pushes and taps you (mild slapping). She says No all the time. She’s defiant and stubborn. I think she’s hit the Terrible Twos. She’s been like it a few weeks and I’m already at the end of my tether. She just pushes and pushes. Nothings working. I’ve tried the softly approach but all I seem to do lately is shout at her to get her attention because she just does not listen. I cried with frustration earlier and it did stop her in her tracks and she calmed down a little so we could chat. I’m not sure she listened or took in what I said. I mean she is only 2. But it was worth a try.

Yesterday we had a better evening and we sat down and had another chat. I asked her some questions to gauge her understanding/comprehension. I told her she needs to listen to  what I/Nursery/Nanny/Daddy tell her. She has to speak more. If she isn’t happy or wants something she needs to speak up. She needs to stop jumping on the sofa, her bed or anything else like a chair as it’s dangerous. I told her if she gets a toy out she needs to put it back or ask for help in putting it back. Same with books. I am going to get her to help tidy up the front room tonight. Her toys and books are everywhere.

Today I woke up in a pool of blood. I stupidly thought my period was calming down so I only wore a pad overnight. I hate tampons. They are uncomfortable. So I try to avoid them. But I got caught out massively and had to leave my soaking PJ bottoms and pants in a bowl of cold water [and vanish] this morning when I headed out to work.

I still can’t believe I live in my own place. I mean we’ve lived there for nearly 7 weeks now. I’ve paid 2 lots of rent already plus 1 month of utility bills. So far, so good. It’s scary though. Knowing I have to pay all these things as well as Nursery fees, my phone bill, my iPad bill, Netflix [because I can’t live without it. Evenings are spent at home because the toddler is in bed]. Amazon Prime [I opted for monthly rather than £80 lump sum each year]. God what else do I pay for? Oh I pay money off my credit card, I put money in Scarlett’s account and I pay off my studio account. My brother’s bed came from my studio account so I pay the fees each month and he and his girlfriend are giving me money each month.

Tomorrow I have a half day at work as Scarlett has her 2 year Health Visit review. It’s like 90 minutes long. Also, I’ve lost her Red Book. Her RED BOOK. How? I can’t blame the move because it’s been lost months…

Once I am done Friday I am then off for 9 consecutive days. 2 weekends, 1 bank holiday and 4 days holiday. I can’t wait. Poole here we come!



No one wants to hire me

Monday I had to stay home because Scarlett had me up all night. And when I woke her up at 7 she had a fever. She slept all morning. In the afternoon we ventured out for fresh air and to run some errands. We had lunch then did some shopping before heading to my nan’s for a quick cuppa. We went back home and had some dinner then I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed.

I finally got an email about the interview I had 2.5 weeks ago for a HR role in my company. It was a firm No thanks lol I apply to jobs all the time and so far, nothing. It’s really frustrating!

I really struggled to sleep that night because I had fell asleep in the day when Scarlett had napped, by mistake.

Tuesday was very long at work because I was so tired as I hadn’t slept that much overnight. Scarlett had kept me up by coughing every hour. Had a meeting at work about loading the Air service line to Maximo. So much to do before we can load it.

Wednesday was the 25th. Scarlett is 21 months old. She’s stil teething her big teeth, so that’s fun. Her hair is so much longer each month. She’s finished swimming lessons and now had her ears pierced. She’s so cheeky. She says so many words every day. Some are more “repetitive” and some are repeated once or twice at most. But she’s getting there. She still says “love you”, which gets me every time!

Thursday (today) I was tired at work again. I survived my day. My dad has had an operation on his hip so he’s currently at my local hospital for a few days. He lives an hour away. But works locally to me so he’s only ever around on lunch. So as he’s so nearby I said I’d pop in and see him. So me and Scarlett had dinner. She had a bath and got ready for bed. At 7 my mom dropped us at the hospital. We stayed for an hour then we got picked up. He looked okay. He’s just really tired. A mixture of being awake since like 5/6am and the drugs he’s been given. He’ll probably feel more like himself tomorrow.

Scarlett went to bed at 9 and I jumped in the shower. After I was ready for bed I caught up on the 2 episodes of Emmerdale then I climbed into bed. I’m hoping to nod off soon and fingers crossed she doesn’t cough as much tonight. In theory I could turn the monitor off or volume down. But the thought of not hearing her cry and her crying to herself makes me sad so I’ll suffer the coughing lol

Work tomorrow. Saturday morning we’re going to Gravity Tots at 9am for an hour. She should love it. But we’ll see. Then I’m going to take her into Woking for some shopping and lunch etc. I love our little girlie trips together.


10 days to go

Scarlett spoke to Brett on FaceTime twice last night. She was very loving towards him. Sometimes she acts really indifferent to him and it bothers him. But she is a toddler and they get easily distracted which is why I tend to turn the TV off when he calls. But she was talkative to him. She was in the bath. She was showing him her bath toys [which he sees anyway when he is here] but it was super cute. She went to bed at 7:15 and then mom and I watched Emmerdale together. Brett FaceTimed me a few times on and off whilst I watched Salem again. I think I crawled into bed at half 10. Didn’t fall asleep until gone midnight though!

Today I got up at 7 for work. Mom dropped me in and I was 15 minutes early for a change. I worked until 9:15 then mom picked me up and dropped me for my interview. It was at the hospital. The same hospital I was born in almost 26 years ago, and my brother was born in 22 years ago. Also, Scarlett was born there 18 months ago. I actually walked passed the entrance to the Labour Ward/Delivery Suite. So surreal. If me and Brett end up living down my area, rather than his, it’s safe to assume our next baby will be born there too. Although we might not. We may find a place together in Croydon. I wouldn’t mind doing that. Moving away. But we’ll see.

Interview seemed to go well. They said they’ll let me know either way before next Friday. I popped into the toilets on the way out and whilst I was mid-pee the toilet flushed. Safe to say I got an impromptu fanny wash haha I got back to work at 11am.

I got picked up after work so I could donate at 5:30pm. I booked this months ago after my last donation. I couldn’t donate. My iron levels were 110 and the average is 115-140 and the NHSBT bottom line is 125. So I’ve been banned for a year from donating and told to see a doctor at some point. So we went home for dinner etc. Mom went to her boyfriend’s house about 20 minutes ago and Scarlett is in bed so I think I will just catch up with Salem.

10 days till Italy!!!!!!!!!!


Goodnight Tillie

2 days ago I watched 2 new movies. They were ones I’d never seen before. The Grand Budapest Hotel and Into The Woods. The first one was okay but a little weird. The second was a musical of sorts. Lots of famous British actors and actresses.

Today my momma took our cat (I use the term “our” loosely as I’ve never been a cat person and learning I’m allergic didn’t help either) to the vets this morning because she was previously diagnosed with kidney failure. My mom tried for months, many different ways, to get the stubborn tortoise-shell to swallow the damn tablets. It was a hellish ordeal and I don’t think the cat took half as many as she was meant to, due to spitting them out. Naughty! So, she was diagnosed a few years ago but in the last 6 months or so she’d become progressively worse. She started peeing everywhere and she seems forgetful about various things. Finally today my mom took her to the vets and they agreed it would be kinder to put her to sleep. She they did. My mom was with her. She was very upset about it when she came home. Which is understandable, obviously. The cat, called Tillie, was 19 so she’d had a good old long life and now she’s not suffering.

The same day, my nan and her siblings finally sorted the arrangements for putting their mother (my great-grandmother) into a residential care facility. She’s got dementia but she’s very sociable so they chose a place that offers the nursing side but allows her her freedom whilst she’s still capable of holding a conversation (sort of!) and only needing prompts to remember to brush her teeth etc. It is sad. To remember her how she was when I was child and how she is now. She doesn’t remember half her life, various people. She lacks the mental capacity to make the connections between people. She thinks me and my mom are sisters. We are use to it now and we see no reason in correcting her because she won’t retain that information so it’s useless trying.
I believe they’re hoping to move her in on Monday. They’ve discussed it with her, not that she will have a lot of say because it’s now gotten to a point where she cannot be left to live alone for fear of her safety. She no longer has control of the part of her brain that allows her to walk down her path and see the road and think “oh that’s a road, cars drive awfully fast down my road, I should wait and cross safely”. She would just walk across and probably end up being run down and left for dead. It’s brutal but true.
She seems to be all for it because her dementia is at the stage where she thinks the day centre part of this residential place, where she spends 2 days a week already, is where she “works” so she’s taken this whole thing as “well I’m buying a new house so I can work in the centre full time”. It’s not a bad thing to think and we are all relieved she’s took it so well.

Speaking of Monday. I have a job interview at 11am at a company I previously worked for about 2 years ago. It would be comforting working in a building I’ve been in before.

My eye has been swollen for a few days. Bloody allergies. I am hoping it’ll go down before the interview. My nose is finally unblocked. However all the blowing it with a tissue has caused my nostrils to become sore, the skin to split and now I have scabby bits on my nose :(

I have no plans this weekend. To start off the week I had plans but they’ve changed because someone I’ve been chatting to has decided to be a right tool. It’s a shame because he seemed like a nice guy but I guess not.


Wtf is wrong with you?

Well Sunday Nan didn’t do her usual Sunday roast dinner. Shocker, I know. She said she desperately wanted to finish her Christmas shopping, which is fair enough. So her and Grandad went out first thing in the morning and did a huge shop then they stopped at the Carvery for dinner. I bet it was nice for them to have some alone time. I know they love us grandchildren but having people always around at the weekends must be quite tiring. They came home in the afternoon and my mom and her boyfriend popped in for a cuppa. Us 3 decided to have dinner at the Harvester. So we did and it was quite delicious. You can’t go wrong with the Harvester.

After dinner my mom dropped me back at my Nan’s as my aunt was there and I wanted to see the kids. If I had gone home I’d have just been bored stiff as Sunday TV is crap.
The twins are so funny. Fred came running straight up to me going “kay-eee” which is how he says my name. Frankie ran past me, looked up, realised it was me and ran back lol he always loves a cuddle when he first sees me. A cuddle and a “big squeeze” which is basically how he cuddles, he squeezes his arms around your neck lol

After they went home, I went home myself shortly after. I didn’t do much. I watched two films. One was called “Shame the devil” and the other was “The Conjuring”. The second wasn’t bad, just weird. I think it’s the sequel to “Annabelle” as Annabelle is referenced a lot.

Monday I applied for a handful of jobs and went round my Nan’s for some lunch. I caught up with some TV online. “Haven” mostly. I love that show.

Yesterday I went to my Nan’s for lunch and some job searching. I came home and watched The Cabin in the Woods. I had thought it was just going to be your typical horror story but actually it had substance, which is rare. Mom sorted dinner. We watched Emmerdale then I left her to watch Holby City by herself. I went upstairs and watched Awkward season 4. I’m half way through.

I got an email from the place I interviewed for on Friday. I was unsuccessful. I lacked relevant experience apparently. The irony of that statement is not lost on me because to get experience, you need a job. But no one will hire you without experience. Ha fucking ha. Well done businesses, well done.

Now, in reference to the post title. You’re probably wondering who I could’ve said that to? Well I don’t know if anyone remembers about 10 months ago I wrote a post (revisit here) about a guy I had been seeing who I’d led to believe was single and unattached. He turned out to be a cheating liar who wasn’t only not single but also about to become a father. Well after I found out this, in February, I told him to never contact me again. To delete any numbers or emails or social networking connections we had. And it seemed he got the message because I never heard a single peep from him. Until today. I received an email from him, on an email address I have on my iPhone but barely use. Now I knew what he was messaging for. He wanted to meet. He said to chat but I know him too well. He was either newly single and horny or he was still with his girlfriend and bored. Either way he wanted sex. So I decided to meet him. After all he did say his dad is sick and he just wants someone to talk to. So I got in his car. I made a plan in my head. See, what he did to me, what I found out, hurt me badly. For many reasons , but mostly because we had meant to be friends and friends don’t do that shit to each other. So, my plan was: if he tried it on with me I’d convincingly pretend I wasn’t up for that and then if he persisted I’d slowly and subtly “give in”. Thus allowing us to be naughty and letting him think I’m the same girl I use to be, who let him get away with whatever he wanted. Except I’m not.
It worked. He kept kissing me and groping my boobs and I pushed his hands away, a lot. Eventually we fooled about and I “reluctantly” have him what he wanted. Afterwards he drove to my house and as I was getting out the car he told me to message him later on, and he said “make sure you do”. I haven’t and I don’t intend to. I’m leaving this as what it was. A goodbye. I’m no longer mad at what he did. I no longer feel anything about it. It’s in the past and so is he. I’m not staying in contact and even though I don’t expect him to, (and I haven’t “withdrawn” contact to force him to) if he does I won’t reply. I see no reason to be in contact. I don’t want to be his friend and I definitely do not want sex from him. Tonight was my version of a goodbye. And that’s how it’s staying.

I feel liberated in a weird way. Maybe it’s because even though sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve changed, I have a little. Just a little. I’m a little older, a little wiser and certainly a lot stronger in mind. For the most part anyway.

I’m in bed. My eyes are sore – shocker! That’s the story of my life. My gravestone will say “she had itchy eyes, permanently” lol


Day 2

Well, I’ve been unemployed (officially it starts Friday) for just 2 days and I’m bored already.

The weekend just gone I spent my Saturday morning at the hospital for my ENT (ears, nose and throat) appointment. I had a specialised hearing test and then I saw a consultant. The test showed no obvious signs of hearing loss. I don’t see how when I have to watch tv with subtitles on if it’s too late at night to turn the volume up lol She suggested a Nasal Endoscopy. I wasn’t sure but I wanted to find out what’s causing the earaches and hearing problems so I agreed. It was weird. She squirted some numbing stuff up both nostrils and then fed a camera down to see if there’s an obstructions etc. There wasn’t. That’s great lol the consultant said she has no idea what the cause is and thinks to be safe we should do an MRI. So I now I just have to sit and wait for an appointment date via the post.

In the afternoon my aunt picked me up as I was staying at hers so I could watch the twins that night for a few hours. They all went to a party as my aunts father-in-law had turned 60 and had a party for it. She didn’t want to take the twins for too long or too late so at half 9 she drove them home and I put them to bed. It was so funny, I made up a bottle each and called out it was bed time. Fred went all the way up to his bed, climbed in – shoes on still and pulled the duvet up to his chin. I went in the bedroom and went “oh Fred, you’ve still got your shoes on mate”, to which he pulled back the duvet and stuck his foot in the air as if to say “well take them off then” lol by now Frankie had gotten to bed too. So I stripped Fred down to his babygro and gave him his bottle. Tucked the duvet under his chin and then moved to Frankie. Did the same and then kissed his head, kissed Fred’s then shut the door.

Sunday my aunt drove me to Nan’s and I had Sunday roast with her. It was quite nice and peaceful. Just the 4 of us. Me, my nan, my grandad and my great-grandmother.

I fired off my resignation email to work at about half 5 on Sunday. I felt so relieved as I hit send.

I had a job interview yesterday at 11:30. I had to get a taxi. That cost me £11.50. The interview wasn’t bad but the job isn’t exactly for me for many reasons. The location for a start. The duration of it coupled with the actual start date. I’d be working approximately 6 weeks total, and that isn’t immediately. It would be from next month. I need to work now, not in 6 weeks or whatever.
I had a telephone interview at 1pm. This sounded a much better opportunity. The guy says he’ll let me know either way by the end of the week.

I have a possible interview next Tuesday. I just need to fill out some forms and email them back then I’ll have an absolute on the interview date and time. This is for a reception role in Farnborough, so it is very nearby.

I am currently catching up with Blue Bloods season 4. I love it. I’ve been reading again too. I’m on page 318 of my current book, which I’ve updated on my challenge page.

I am helping my mom tomorrow as its Wednesday and she looks after my cousin and my great-grandmother. My cousin is 11 months old. Apparently she’s close to walking, that’ll be interesting lol so an early morning for me…


3 fucking miles?

Well I had training yesterday. My eyes were awful when I woke up at 7. I’d only fell asleep at 3am so I’d had like 4 hours kip. I got the train to Salisbury at 8:15 and stepped off the train in Salisbury at 9:20. I jumped into a taxi and arrived at the place 5 minutes late. 5 minutes wasn’t too bad. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough money to get another taxi back so at half 12 when my training finished I walked out the place and started walking up the road. According to google maps there was meant to be a bus stop on the road, a little further up. So on I walked, I was on the path on the opposite side walking towards the traffic and I passed 2 stops this side (going the wrong way to me) and I still hadn’t seen any on the side I needed. I checked google maps and I’d walked over a mile already. It started to rain and I walked a further mile and a half before I finally reached a bus stop where a bus took me near the station. When I was still searching for a bus stop my phone rang. A woman from a recruiting agency had seen my cv and had a job she thought I matched. She heard trucks in the background and asked me what I was doing? So I explained the whole thing and she laughed and asked me if I wanted her to google my location to see if there really WAS a stop coming up soon? Anyway, we talked about the role and I said I could interview any afternoon this week except Wednesday so she said she’d speak to the company and call me back. She phoned when I was between trains at Basingstoke and arranged an interview for today at 4.

My nan picked me up from the station at half 3 and I had dinner with her. My phone had died on the train from Basingstoke so I charged that soon as I got in.
At 8 my mom popped in on her way home from work to drop my Nan’s Mother’s Day card off, as mom didn’t see her on Sunday. We drove home to watch the Widower. It’s a good show, based on a true story, it was the final episode.
I went to bed and woke up this morning with awful eyes. I couldn’t see out of my right one. I cleaned them but it didn’t make a difference. So I emailed the HR lady to say I couldn’t make training and I got back into bed with my eye mask which I’d put in the fridge to cool it off a bit. It felt nice.
I slept till 10 then laid listening to the tv as I couldn’t risk watching it and making my eyes worse. At 1 I decided to go downstairs and get a drink. I sorted myself out for the interview. Shoved a bit of make-up on to hide my “Gucci bags” under my eyes and also the redness from the conjunctivitis making my eyes watery and sticky. I didn’t put anything specifically on my eyes or else they’ll end up irritated.
The HR woman phoned me just before I left and was really rude to me. She spoke to me like I was a naughty 5 year old and reckons I won’t be able to start working till May now because I missed that training session today :/

The recruiter lady picked me up at 3 and we did some paperwork. At 4 she drove me to the interview and it went really well. The guy basically said I’m the right fit for the job. He said they’ll let me know 100% tomorrow. I’m pleased it went so good.

My grandad picked me up from McDonald’s. I walked round there from the interview as it’s just round the corner. I needed a wee and I was hungry. We stopped at mine on our way home so I could change and drop my stuff off then we went back to his. I checked my email and charged my phone up with a nice cuppa tea then we watched Emmerdale. My phone always seems to need charging lol stupid iPhone!
So that is my day.

It is now April so that means a new #FMSphoto-a-day challenge list has been released on InstaGram and has since commenced. I can tell you that the April fool’s phrase/word is “something purple”.

Frozen came out on DVD yesterday. My brother’s girlfriend purchased it today and we watched it tonight. I love it. Olaf is so funny…

Anyways it’s late and I have training tomorrow. A long day!!