Well Croup sucks balls

Monday signalled the start of Emmerdale’s exciting storyline. I love it. Scarlett went to bed and we caught up on tele. Mom was home as she wasn’t working.

Tuesday morning Scarlett was really grumpy and she was coughing, her nose was running. I suspected she was coming down with her first cold of the year. She went off to nursery and I went to work. The finale of Doctor Foster was on. I watched it alone as mom was at work. It ended really weirdly. Scarlett woke up coughing and crying at 11pm. She didn’t settle until almost 1am.

Wednesday when I woke her up for nursery/work at 7:15 she was feverish, coughing and crying. I made the decision to keep her off nursery due to the fever [the nursery wouldn’t have taken her anyway]. I phoned work and then the nursery. I gave her some calpol, a bottle and some breakfast. She didn’t eat much. I managed to get her a doctor’s appointment. We set off at 9:15 for our 9:30am appointment. The doctor said it was viral, her throat looked sore and she still had a fever of 38.3 even after having calpol. She said if symptoms worsen or breathing changes, bring her back or ring 111. We went to my nan’s house as she lives near the doctor’s. We had a cup of tea then I put her down for a nap. When she woke up I gave her lunch but she wasn’t overly keen on eating. We had dinner then mom dropped me at Gravity Force for my team’s pre-arranged bounce date for Amelia’s birthday/leaving do. We jumped, it was tiring but a laugh. I got stuck in the foam pit. I jumped in and it took me 5 minutes to climb back out. I think I expelled more energy trying to get out than I did jumping lol I got home at 7:15. My mom said Scarlett had cried all the way home in the car, whinged from when they got home, to bath time to bed time. She was still feverish so she had given her some calpol and nurofen before bed. Scarlett woke up crying and coughing about 3 times before the final time at 11ish. She woke up and she could not breathe. She was really distressed. I phoned 111 for advice and they told me to take her to the hospital. So at 11:45 we got in a taxi to the hospital. We arrived at the ED and were told to go to the children’s ED waiting room. She was seen by triage within’ half hour. They said it seemed like a bad case of croup. She was given some medication to ease her symptoms then we were sent back to the waiting room, to await a doctor. We were called to a bed on the ED ward. They want to observe her and make sure the medication has worked. So we sat for 2 hours on a hospital bed. They said I could take some toys/books from the waiting room for her to play/read with. So I grabbed 2 books. We read, we watched teletubbies on my iPhone and I just kept giving her water to get fluids down her. At 3am they said she was much better and they were happy with her progress so they released us. My mom came from work to pick us up and drop us home then she went back to work. She said she would call nursery and work tomorrow if I send her the numbers. So I did that, I got Scarlett a bottle, some calpol and nurofen then I put her to bed. I climbed into bed at 4am. We slept until 9:30am.

Thursday we got up at 9:30am. She had a nappy change, a bottle and some meds. We played for a bit but she was still really tired so I took her back to bed at 10:30. We slept until half 12. I made us lunch. She ate more than the day before. We decided to get some fresh air so at 3ish we went to my Nan’s for a cup of tea. We left and headed home. Scarlett had dinner, bath, meds, bottle and bed. She was asleep by 7. She was still tired from our impromptu hospital visit. I caught up with Bitten on Netflix. Mom went to her boyfriend’s. She came back later. Scarlett woke up at 11 again, just as I was going to bed. She asked to sleep with me in my bed so I let her. She’s sick, I’m not going to say No lol

Friday she woke up at 5am. I put her in her own bed and she went to straight back to sleep. I laid for ages. I must’ve dozed off because my alarm went off at 7. I got myself sorted, finished packing for Brett’s house and then I got her up. She did not want to get up. But she did. I made her a bottle and gave her some meds then Mom dropped me at work.

I am on lunch watching Lucifer atm. Got an interview upstairs in HR at 2:30. They will either like me or they won’t. We’ll see.

TTFN x

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Mom’s turn

Saturday I couldn’t wait for Brett to go home. He started a row on my birthday night [although technically it was early hours Saturday]. He pissed me off so I stormed up to bed at like 3am. A while later he came up when I was half asleep and then said I was snoring and annoying him. I didn’t care. I was only breathing FFS so he went downstairs and slept on my brother’s bed. I got up to give Scarlett a bottle at 8ish and then I put her back to bed as she had had a late night. Then I climbed back into bed. I heard her wake again later on but I just ignored her as I knew someone else would get her out and sort her. And I was right. So apparently I only get a lay-in when I force it. I got up later on and he tried to talk to me. I didn’t want to talk to him. I wanted him to fuck off home. He tried to talk to me discreetly in front of everyone but he just wound me up, and something he said led me to put my ring on the table and say “well go then, I am done”. Then I shoved him away from me as he had been all up in my face. I walked upstairs and away from him. He followed me and kept getting in my face and I said I didn’t want him to do that. He just kept on and on. told me he was sorry for what he said previously, and can we just forget about it and move on? I don’t think so. I think it will be the same argument in 3 months, it is always the same thing. He wore me down eventually and said to put my ring back on. He said as long as we love each other, that is all we need. I disbelieve that. You need more than that to keep a relationship going and at the moment I am fed up of the BS. Nonetheless I stuck my ring back on, hugged him and went downstairs. He went home. I took Scarlett out for a mummy-daughter date. We ended up in Frankie & Benny’s again. That burger I had the night before was so delicious. She had mini hot dogs this time. After dinner we had 1 game of bowling. She hasn’t quite got the hang and is too young to sit still nicely whilst I have my go so I had to carry her = I was knackered!

After dinner we headed back towards home. We stopped at my Nan’s for a cup of tea and ended up staying there for the evening. My Nan dropped us home and I put Scarlett straight to bed, no bath lol

Sunday we had dinner at my Nan’s, like usual. 3 of my many cousins were there. My uncle’s 3 daughters. Scarlett is a fair bit younger than them so she didn’t really play with them and one of them kept trying to pick her up and crowd her. I had to tell her to give her space. We went home later and I put Scarlett to bed then had a shower before having some supper.

Monday was my first day back at work. I felt so tired and it really took a lot mentally. I ended up rowing with Brett, again. I can’t even remember what it was over. Oh wait yes I do, because I made a comment about how shit my birthday actually was. And then it was about this weekend when the fight between Mayweather and McGregor is on. I was already coming to his for the weekend as it is a bank holiday, and I never had issue with him wanting to watch the fight. But not if he goes to his pals as the fight doesn’t start till 5/6am and if he is up all night he would sleep all day at his pals and we wouldn’t see him till night time. What am I meant to do all day at his? So I said we wouldn’t come this weekend and it set him off even more.

Tuesday morning I woke up to a text from my mom saying she was in hospital and I would need to ask my Grandad to take me to work. I asked if she was ok? She said she had bleed really badly at work so her coworker phoned an ambulance who took her to hospital at 6:45am. I text my Nan and told her what happened and what I needed. She didn’t reply so I called her, phone was off. I called her house phone and she answered. She said she would pick Scarlett up as usual and Grandad would pick me up. So he did and I went to work.

What happened was, 3 weeks ago she had a procedure called a Colposcopy to have a look at her cervix and laser some bad cells off. This was after a routine smear had come back as abnormal. It went well and her bleeding afterwards was fairly normal.

Mom called me just before 10 and said they were considering discharging her. She said I was the only person with a key and she didn’t think Grandad would want to go through her bedroom looking for clothes so would I be able to leave work, get him to run me home and then up the hospital. Everything she had worn to the hospital was covered in blood. I said of course and hung up. I called my grandad asking him to come get me. He turned up at 10ish, we drove home and I picked up some bits then he dropped me at the hospital. I found her bed. She was in the same trauma bay [M6] that I had been in the times I were in A&E during pregnancy. Weird. She looked a bit white/pale but she was alright. She said the doctor claims she had stopped bleeding. She got off the bed to go and change her pad and clothes. When she hobbled past me I saw she was wearing a hospital grade sanitary pad with mesh knickers. It looked like a giant nappy. I couldn’t help but laugh. She got dressed and we headed out. She was advised to rest and take it easy and not be alone for 12-24 hours in case the bleeding got worse again. I bought her a cup of tea whilst we waited for Grandad to pick us up.

We got home and she desperately wanted food, sleep and a shower. She was starving, had not slept having worked a night shift and had not eaten since the middle of the night. She decided to have a shower once my Nan had finished work and grabbed her some more maternity-like sanitary towels. She dropped Scarlett off at 12:30ish. She was asleep so I put her straight in her cot and then aided mom in her shower. My nan stayed too [in case mom went dizzy I think]. She had massive blood clots and it was just running down her leg, going everywhere. She was really upset. She was stood in the bath crying. She said “how am I suppose to get dressed? It’s just going to go everywhere”. I told her to just stay still and I would get her clothes and she can dress in the bath. She laughed. Then chastised me for making her laugh as it caused more blood to leak. I called 111 for advice and they said they’d send a referral to our GP surgery so she can have an emergency appointment. I phoned them at 1:45 and they said the doctor would call back within 30 minutes. She didn’t call for 2 and a half hours. By that time my mom’s meds had kicked in and her bleeding was substantially much less so she said to the doctor she wouldn’t take an appointment and would go up A&E if the bleeding got worse again.

So she had a lay down and then at 5ish we decided what to have for dinner. She hadn’t eaten since her night shift so she welcomed that. We had dinner, I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed then Mom and I just relaxed. She went up to relax in bed at about 9ish. I finished watching season 4 of The Originals then I had a shower and got into bed.

I hope she feels better tomorrow.

TTFN x

10 days to go

Scarlett spoke to Brett on FaceTime twice last night. She was very loving towards him. Sometimes she acts really indifferent to him and it bothers him. But she is a toddler and they get easily distracted which is why I tend to turn the TV off when he calls. But she was talkative to him. She was in the bath. She was showing him her bath toys [which he sees anyway when he is here] but it was super cute. She went to bed at 7:15 and then mom and I watched Emmerdale together. Brett FaceTimed me a few times on and off whilst I watched Salem again. I think I crawled into bed at half 10. Didn’t fall asleep until gone midnight though!

Today I got up at 7 for work. Mom dropped me in and I was 15 minutes early for a change. I worked until 9:15 then mom picked me up and dropped me for my interview. It was at the hospital. The same hospital I was born in almost 26 years ago, and my brother was born in 22 years ago. Also, Scarlett was born there 18 months ago. I actually walked passed the entrance to the Labour Ward/Delivery Suite. So surreal. If me and Brett end up living down my area, rather than his, it’s safe to assume our next baby will be born there too. Although we might not. We may find a place together in Croydon. I wouldn’t mind doing that. Moving away. But we’ll see.

Interview seemed to go well. They said they’ll let me know either way before next Friday. I popped into the toilets on the way out and whilst I was mid-pee the toilet flushed. Safe to say I got an impromptu fanny wash haha I got back to work at 11am.

I got picked up after work so I could donate at 5:30pm. I booked this months ago after my last donation. I couldn’t donate. My iron levels were 110 and the average is 115-140 and the NHSBT bottom line is 125. So I’ve been banned for a year from donating and told to see a doctor at some point. So we went home for dinner etc. Mom went to her boyfriend’s house about 20 minutes ago and Scarlett is in bed so I think I will just catch up with Salem.

10 days till Italy!!!!!!!!!!

TTFN x

Taken hostage

Saturday baby girl didn’t move until the late afternoon. I had started to get emotional and stressed about it but suddenly she started moving like crazy.

Sunday she seemed fine too so I thought that’s great. She’s getting back to herself I hope.

Today I phoned up the hospital to inquire about my growth scan as per the doctors instruction on Friday. The first lady I spoke to in Gynae & Antenatal was rude as anything. She said I would not have been told to call up, I would be receiving a letter. Twice I told her WHY that makes no sense given the fact I was in hospital as an emergency visit on Friday and that was what I was explicitly told. In the end she just forwarded my call to the ultrasound desk. The lady there was much friendlier. She said there was a note about me and she said she’d book me in today. So she did. For 1pm.

Mom and I went to nan’s for lunch then we set off to the hospital for the scan. We arrived 15 minutes early but when I went to reception to check in they told me they weren’t ready for the afternoon clinics so I was told to sit down and when they were ready they’d take my maternity book and check me in. At 1:15pm, half hour after we arrived, the lady said we could check in. So I gave my book in and sat back down. At 2pm I’d had enough waiting so I went up to reception to see just how “far behind” on the schedule they were and the receptionist said they were a little behind but I’d be called soon. As soon as I sat down I was called so in we went. The sonographer lady was like “you’re late, I’ve been waiting for you since 1”. I was gobsmacked. I replied that we had been here since 12:45 and the receptionist had told us we couldn’t check in till the clinic was ready but that we’d been checked in since 1:15. I couldn’t believe how rude she was.

She did the growth scan and said baby appears to be growing just fine so I was like that’s great. I got up to leave and she tells me I’m suppose to take my scan notes up to DAU to be assessed. I asked why? And explained that I hadn’t been to DAU, I had been in the labour ward on Friday. She said that’s where I need to go then. It was almost 2:30 by then. So I said to mom lets go up so we go up and the lady on the reception has no clue what’s going on. She phones around and speaks to a few people but still no one knows why I’ve been sent up there. She tells me to sit and wait whilst she figures it out. By the time it’s past 3pm she finally comes over and says that I’m required to have another round of monitoring and trace but it’ll be a while as they’re busy so I’m just to wait. I had had 4 hours sleep the night before, was starving and overall cranky. Mom had work at 6 so she needed to leave. So she left. I snuck down to the cafe for some food then I sat patiently waiting to be seen. I started reading my James Patterson book. At 5:30ish I was called in to be seen. They put the monitor on and left me for half hour. I read a bit more of my book. A midwife came in and took me off the monitor. She said the doctor wants to speak to me so when she’s free she’ll come in. So I sat and waited. At 7ish she finally came. She says she sees no reason for me to be induced (I see a reason) but would like to air on the side of caution so she has booked me in for 2 sessions of monitoring at the DAU. One is Wednesday and the other is Friday. She says if they both go well then they’ll leave me be. I’m so annoyed they aren’t taking it that seriously that I’ve had three reduced movement episodes. I was so tired and hungry again that I got my grandad to run me past McDonald’s on our way home, after he’d picked me up.

I got in, watched Emmerdale whilst eating then I got in the bath. At 9pm I watched Silent Witness and now I’m laid in bed ready to sleep.

I have my 38 week midwife check tomorrow as I was 38 weeks yesterday. I’m going to mention it all to her but I don’t expect her to have a different stance on it than the other midwives. They all seem to care less about reduce movements. They think us women are lying because as soon as the monitor is on the baby starts moving. It’s part of the reason I hate going up for it. I’ve had more episodes than the 3 I’ve actually gone up for. And the reason I didn’t go for them was because of the first time I ever went up, the midwife made me feel silly for going because I was only 27 weeks. So the next time it happened I just waited it out and prayed she was okay. Twice I had “slow movement days” before I went up at Christmas. Maybe I should mention these when I’m down the DAU next. That might make a difference. I’m just not comfy leaving her in when I feel like somethings not right. It’s getting me down to be honest, that I don’t feel like anyone is listening to me.

I’m off to sleep.

TTFN x

I really love hospitals…

… Not. Mom and I went into town today and I was having weird pains (kind of) the entire time. It was a mixture between lightning pains and the constant uncomfortable need to pee. I struggled to walk properly. I noticed after town and lunch that baby girl had not woken up. I had felt 1 whooshy movement since getting up. That’s not like her. She loves food, and it always (and I mean ALWAYS) makes her move. I decided to leave it until later on when I’d laid on my side for an hour and had cold water. With only 1 more movement in that time I thought “right, I’ll have some dinner and then I’ll call up the hospital”. So we ate and at 7ish I called them up. I explained the whole “reduced movements, 38 weeks pregnant today, bad pelvic pains all day and weird snot-like stuff whenever I wiped after a wee”. They said to come up for some monitoring. So we left home at 7:30ish. We put the labour bags in the car just in case.

They had me do a wee sample and then had me on the monitor for almost an hour. Her heart rate was really high for ages but eventually it dropped to a normal range of 140-145bpm. She moved a bit because they’d poked and prodded her but after they’d done the trace, her movements went back to basically non-existent even thou I was drinking cold water again. My pulse was a little high but my BP was okay.

The midwife who’d been dealing with me said she was happy with the monitoring but wanted the doctor to speak to me before I go because it’s my third trip up there for reduced movements. I said that’s fine. She said the doctor may want to discuss a possible early induction (from week 39) due to the reduction in movements. I was okay with that. So she left and we waited.

Another midwife came in and said that the doctor was busy so would we want to go home and come back for a scan in the week. I was like “not really, I’m not sure what a scan would achieve, I’d much rather speak to the doctor today whilst I’m here”. She said that’s fine if we want to wait. So we waited. She said though that the doctor isn’t likely to offer an induction as she doesn’t feel it’s necessary because I’m “still early” and my body will most likely suffer if labour is forced.

The doctor came. She gave me the options of:

  • Having an induction pessary, which she says most likely won’t work if my body isn’t ready yet.
  • Booking in for a scan on Monday, and just going home tonight and monitoring movements tomorrow and if they’re still not the “norm” then coming back up tomorrow.

I decided to go home and have the scan in the week. She did an internal examination. She says my cervix is still hard but is open enough for the tip of 1 finger. Which I saw in my notes says 1cm dilated. She gave me a sweep and afterwards I noticed more of the snot-like stuff.

Part of me wonders if I should’ve gone for the pessary but I just worry I’m forcing her out. The movements do worry me and I’d much prefer her to come out if she’s not happy than to keep her in for fear of her being born too soon. I mean I’m 38 weeks Sunday (tomorrow) but if you go by my growth scan I was 38 weeks yesterday (Friday) so I don’t think it’s that soon.

I hate all the waiting around. I just want to know she’s 100% okay and I want her here.

We’ll see how tomorrow goes. I’m in bed at the moment. I have some period-type pains and the bottom of bump aches so maybe the sweep has helped. Who knows.

TTFN x

Hospital, again

Had to go up the hospital today. I hadn’t felt baby girl move much since the day before so I phoned up the Maternity Assessment Unit after Sunday dinner (which I barely ate because I felt weird and had pelvic pain). They advised me to come to the hospital to be monitored. We got up the hospital at 3ish. Ironically as soon as they got me on the bed and put the monitor on she kept wiggling. They couldn’t get her to stay still long enough to get continuous monitoring of her heartbeat. She’d stay still for a few minutes then she’s move, the monitor wasn’t be able pick up her heartbeat so it would then beep lol after 2 hours I managed to get into a comfy position and she finally settled down enough for continuous monitoring. Everything was fine but the midwife wanted the senior consultant before being released. They asked me about the pains, what kind they were etc. They reckon I’m measuring bigger than 34 weeks. Eventually after 7 a consultant released me from the hospital and we got a lift home (mom and I)

We were starving so we ended up grabbing some dinner. I’m now in bed watching TV. I can’t believe we were in the hospital for 5 hours. It was the labour ward so I heard a woman giving birth. She was making a right racket and kind of sounded like a cow mooing haha

I have an antenatal appointment and fetal growth scan on Wednesday. Christmas Eve I’m off to my dads for the day.

TTFN x

Naughty baby

I went back to my usual caffeine routine today. Hadn’t felt baby kick during breakfast (that’s not normal) and again by lunch, I haven’t felt anything. Not even a roll or a slight elbow. So I phoned the hospital’s maternity assessment unit. They said typically they aren’t concerned in a change in kick pattern in women less than 28 weeks pregnant (as if being 27 weeks 2 days should make a lot of difference) but I’m welcome to come get checked. So at half 1 mom picked me up from work. They tested my urine, which was fine and did my BP. My BP was 100/60 – which is on the low side for me. And my heart rate was 105bpm which is a bit fast but overall it was fine. As soon as the midwife put the Doppler on my belly the baby started kicking. Typical. Baby’s heartbeat was perfect so all is well with him/her. I have such a naughty  stubborn baby that I fear what he/she will be like when he/she is finally born.

I went back to work after we left the hospital and had grabbed a snack (I’m always starving nowadays).

I’m glad baby is okay. Not that I was too concerned, as I guess baby just had a lazy 24hours but I am glad I got checked as its best to be safe than sorry.

I’m in bed now. I have a half day Friday so I’m looking forward to that. I have 1.5 days holiday to take before I go on maternity which I didn’t want to lose so I’ve asked for a few Friday afternoons off.

TTFN x