Night terrors

Saturday I woke up at 5am. My head was killing me! I haven’t had a migraine in such a long time so this properly threw me. I laid there for like an hour before I conceded defeat and went into the kitchen to scramble for painkillers. I took some, had some water and then laid back down. When Scarlett woke up at 7:45 I still had a bad head and I felt so sick. Brett woke up and said he’d take her so she had a nappy change and a bottle then she waved me goodbye and they left the bedroom. I finally managed to sleep. I woke up just before noon. The house was eerily silent. No dog barking. No people. No TV! I messaged Brett and he said they were visiting his cousins. So I had a shower and washed my hair – it desperately needed washing. Then I watched some TV. They got home at 1ish. We had some lunch. Scarlett hadn’t napped since she woke, apart from 15 minutes in the car. So at 2 I put her down for a nap. My head had started again so I took some more meds and then climbed into Brett’s bed. I didn’t sleep. I just laid there in the dark, dozing. Eventually the pain went. Scarlett woke up at 4ish so we went into the front room to play. She wasn’t very happy when she woke. She was feverish and miserable so she had some calpol, and cuddles. Eventually she perked up. We built some blocks up together and she had a blast knocking them down.

At 5ish Brett’s mom put some dinner on for us. Scarlett ate hers then had a yoghurt for pudding. At 7 Bret took her up for a bath. I did her bottle and she was in bed just after 8ish. We were going to watch a film but by the time Brett finished watching the darts it was almost 11. Instead we curled up in bed chatting then we went to sleep.

Sunday I woke up at 3am because Scarlett was crying. She must’ve had a bad dream or something. She didn’t wake again until 7:45. Brett got up to get her. I did her bottle and he did her nappy. I stayed in bed till 9 then I did us all some breakfast. I put her down for a nap at 10. We watched Suicide Squad. We had planned to watch it the night before but never got round to it. She woke up just after it finished, at 12ish. I gave her a yoghurt and a drink as we weren’t having dinner just yet.

Brett asked me if I had seen the Polar Express. I hadn’t. So he put it on. Scarlett weren’t fussed so she was playing blocks and drawing etc.

We had dinner at 3ish then I packed and at 4:30 we left for the train. The first train was ok but we didn’t have a proper seat. The second train was a pain because a family of 6 kids got on and they were proper noisy. Their mom didn’t even tell them to shush. She let them shout and screech for 20 minutes. I had a headache within 10 minutes. I was so glad when they got off at a station long before mine. Gave me some peace!

We were home by 6:15. Scarlett and I had a bath then she had a bottle and was in bed by 7:15. Mom did some supper at 8. I went up to bed at 9. My head was still banging. I must’ve fell asleep.

Today I woke up at 6am for a wee. My head was much better. I had slept from about 10pm (according to my Fitbit). I did feel good for it. Scarlett was sick in the car when we dropped her to my nan’s house. It was just phlegm. So she’s not sick I don’t think. Just a bit snuffly today.

We hosted training for some engineers on their PDA’s in the afternoon. It went okay. I’ve never done that training by myself so far. But I’ve also never been included in it because we had a team leader before. But as the team is just me, and my manager, I was invited to the training and I did prep for it such as a printing off the handouts and sending dummy jobs to their PDA’s for training purposes.

Scarlett was very grumpy in the car ride home after work. She cheered up a bit for FaceTime with Brett but she still wasn’t her usual self. She got really upset because she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t go to teletubbies land on the TV. Heartbroken she was, bless her!

I got her in bed for 7:15. Heard her chatting and playing till 8pm.

At 10ish the monitor lit up, she was crying. I went upstairs to check her. She was thrashing about and crying. I picked her up. She didn’t want me to hold her. She kept pushing me away and crying. It took 10 minutes for me to calm her and tell her it was mama and I won’t hurt her. I would say she experienced her first night terror. Hopefully she won’t remember anything tomorrow. But jeez it was horrible. I’m now in bed myself.



Wednesday, again.

Monday I woke up with a headache, still. Work was busy. I was locked out of the database when I got in to work. So I had to phone IT and get that sorted. Had to catch up on all of the things from Friday I had uploaded. Brett and I had a row. He is now not talking to me so I am in for one quiet week #goals

Tuesday our new temp started. She was told to come in at 9am on her first day. This was to give us an hour to make sure everything was up-to-date and working for her. But she was told 8am by her agency so she showed up too early. Her laptop was suppose to be up and running but it wasn’t. IT had crashed the day before so they must’ve spent all day fixing that instead. So she had no access to the internet so she was unable to sign into Maximo nor use her emails nor use our shared drive. It was ridiculous. I watched Lucifer on my lunch break and Once upon a time before watching Bridget Jones’ Baby in bed.

Today I just did not want to get up. I just feel so mentally drained. I really need to find a new job. There is a potential role in Camberley. The guy sent my CV over to the client so we’ll see what happens.

I got the photo’s back over the weekend from Scarlett’s Milk and Cookies shoot. Above is just a few favourites for a sneak peak.

Tonight I am going to put Scarlett to bed then have a nice hot shower and then catch up with Doc Martin at 9pm. I have just still got a headache and it’s doing my head in [excuse the pun].


Attacked by the car boot

Monday was tough. I really didn’t want to get up when my alarm went off. On the upside, due to the clocks going back an hour, it was brighter outside at 7am. But on the downside, it was dark outside when I left work at 5pm. I managed to get all my 250+ hourly steps and I hit over 5K steps during lunch. For the first time in a long time I ventured outside for a walk. I had a headache so I thought the fresh air might help. It did surprisingly. And in 20 minutes I walked 2.5 thousand steps. Which brought up my total to over my 5K target so that was good. I came back to my desk and watched some TV whilst I ate my lunch.

After work Scarlett was so funny. We were playing this game where I run behind, chasing her and she was running away squealing in laughter. I’d catch her then I’d run away. She climbed on to my mom to get away but I got her again. She was giggling like a loon. Mom did our dinner. Scarlett helped us eat. Even though she’d had hers at Nursery already. Greedy. She went to bed at 7. Mom and I watched Emmerdale. I washed up our dishes then I carved our pumpkins. I wasn’t going to. I hate the squishiness. But I did and they weren’t half bad.

Tuesday was Halloween. Scarlett wore her costume. She managed to keep her black sparkly bow on most of the day. I was impressed by that. Someone at work upset me via email. They insinuated that I can’t do my job properly and require help. Absolutely ridiculous and totally unwarranted. I escalated it up higher as I refuse to be spoken to like that. I’m not paid enough to be disrespected. Left me feeling shitty all day. I was so close to just walking out. I’m going to be the only member of my team left in a week. It stresses me out just thinking about it.

After work we popped to Tesco’s extra. I needed a drink after my shitty day and we had no alcohol in the house. We got home at quarter 6. I put some dinner on for me and Scarlett. We ate then I bathed her. She had her bottle and was in bed by 7:30. I had a quick shower then I settled down to watch some TV. There’s not much on that I watch at the moment. I watched a new episode of Once upon a time. It’s on every Tuesday. I got into bed at 9 and just played my game.

Wednesday I woke up at 6am because Scarlett woke up. I could heard her talking to herself. I looked on the monitor and she was playing with her baby doll. I didn’t want to get up at 6am so I laid in bed. She must’ve dropped back off because when I next looked at the monitor she was laid down. My alarm went off at 7. I got up and got half dressed (my trousers were downstairs) then I went in and dressed Scarlett. She’s so funny in the mornings. She’s usually so happy and today she was happy. Her new thing is saying light and wanting to turn it off. She went to bed at 7 like normal. I had my dinner then I watched some tele. I climbed into bed quite early. Think it was 10pm. I’ve had a headache for a few days that won’t budge.

Thursday (today) Scarlett woke me up at 4am. Then when I was putting the spare car seat in my moms car, the boot hit me on the head. So now I fear I may have a concussion. Not really. But seriously it hurt a little when it whacked me on the head. I ended up throwing the car seat on the backseat and jumping in the car with the major hump (and headache).

I got to work 6 minutes late. I’m always late on days when my mom has done a night shift as she doesn’t leave work till 7:30 and what is usually an 8 minute journey for her, takes longer in the morning traffic. So now I’m at my desk popping pills for the head and debating on whether I really need my job as I just wanna go home. I need to feed my toddler so I guess I have to stick it out! I have Dentist at 12:30 so that gives my head a break from the computer for a while.


Terrorised by a spider

Monday was alright. I was tired though. I always am. It’s a struggle going back to work after a weekend.

Tuesday we had people coming into our office to measure up. I mean how disrespectful. We are being moved (though this is unofficial and I’ve not had any type of forewarning) so these builder type guys have been in to check sizes as someone somewhere in my company want to knock down some walls and change shit around. At the moment my team sit in a little office, separate from the main office as we are in a different room (inside the main office) and we love it. I cannot work in the main office. I use to before maternity. And I struggled. It’s too noisy and distracting. My brain doesn’t work as quick as it use to and I won’t survive out there so as soon as we do get a confirmed date if movement, I shall hand my notice in. Simple as that.

Today I was shattered because Scarlett woke up really upset at 2am and again at 6am (though 6 isn’t as bad usually as my alarm is set for 6:30). I was falling asleep at my desk by 12. I should’ve utilised my lunch hour at 1pm and napped lol

We have another motherfucking spider trying to seek residence. They always do it when I’m alone. It’s like they can sense it. It just strolled across my living room floor like it owns the place. I tried to throw a heavy book at it but it darted out of sigh (worst thing ever). Then it came back and hid underneath one of Scarlett’s toys. I kept my eye on the toy whilst I watched tele, deciding to deal with it after. I went to move the toy so I could stamp on the spider (trying to be brace and shit) and the bastard had somehow snuck off when I wasn’t eyeing. So I scooped my crap up and legged it to bed. So here I am now, in bed, pretending I’m not a wuss. Nah jokes, I’m legit a wuss when it comes to spiders.

Only 2 more work days to go then we are on holiday lol can’t wait. I’ve never been Glamping.


Bank holiday weekend

Wednesday 24th:

Spent most of my day catching up with BBC news for more updates on the Manchester arena attack. More names were released over the victims who died. An 8 year old girl! What the actual fuck? She’s a child. Her life cut short. And to what end? What reason? I can’t even fathom what this world has come to! As a mother, this cut deep. 10 years from now, that could’ve been me and Scarlett at a concert. I cannot even begin to imagine what that poor little girls family are going through right now. All the families.

Thursday 25th:

2 years ago today I found out I was pregnant. I still remember it vividly to this day. I had been unwell with some kind of bug type thing and someone asked me if I was maybe pregnant? I laughed. Said of course not, I can’t get pregnant! Then I checked my period tracking app and realised I was in my “due on time frame”. I have very wonky periods. Some months I have a perfect 28 day cycle and other months I can wait 6-8 weeks for one. At this point I was on cycle day 34 so well within in my “I’m due on” frame. So I thought hmmm I’ll do a test. So I grabbed this cheap line one from my friend and did the deed. When I looked down I could not believe my eyes. Two lines. Albeit one line was faint. The positive line. But it was a line. I felt like I was on drugs. Everything was so surreal. I didn’t believe it. So I ended up taking another test the next day and the days after until I ended up making it “clearblue official” lol

Scarlett celebrates her 16 months today. She’s so cheeky and clever. She still only has 6 teeth but she’s definitely getting more. Hopefully soon.

Friday 26th:

Payday bitches lol spent £53 online at H&M on summer stuff for Scarlett. Got 20% off because I am a H&M member. Woohoo lol

Me and Amelia went for lunch at work together. We went to the harvester around the road. It was nice just us 2.

My mom worked the night so it was just me and Scarlett. The usual. I watched some tele, had a shower then read my book. I’m reading the latest Alex Cross book. I love it! I’ve read all 23 previous ones.

I came across a heart wrenching tribute on ITV before I went to bed. See below:
Saturday 27th:

Scarlett missed out on breakfast with me and mom as she wasn’t awake at 7:30 when mom got in from work with a McDonald’s breakfast. She woke up about 20 minutes after so she ended up just having a hash brown instead of a wrap. She wasn’t overly fussed tbh and she had a bottle, watched some teletubbies and then I put her up for a nap because she asked to go. She kept rubbing her eyes so I asked if she wanted a nap and she pointed at the stairs, got off my lap and walked to the stair gate. She didn’t settle in bed until about an hour after though. I listened to her talking to herself for ages. I watched NCIS from Friday and then I read more of my book. Scarlett settled and I must’ve fell asleep on the sofa because next time I know, the monitor is lit up and she’s crying. So I go up and sort her out. Get her dressed and off we go to my Nan’s house. As she hasn’t had lunch yet I defrosted her a shepherds pie but she wouldn’t eat it. She just wanted her bottle so I gave her some milk. Then she played. In and out the garden all day. She got her outfit soaking wet so I changed her into a new vest and a clean shirt so she could continue playing. We ended up staying for dinner then we came home.

She had a bath, watched 1 episode of teletubbies then up to bed she went with her bottle. She went straight to sleep as she had skipped her afternoon nap so she must’ve been shattered.

I’m watching 12 monkeys on Netflix and enjoying a quiet Saturday evening. Mom’s working tonight so again it’s just us 2.


2 headaches

Monday 10th:

Considering it was a Monday I had a good day. I got lots done at work and didn’t feel as tired as I expected, after a busy weekend with Brett.

Tuesday 11th:

Came on when I woke up. Had been expecting it since Friday so not too bad, only a few days late. My tracking app gives averages based on previous data entered. So it’s always only going to be a guesstimate lol wish they’d come on time though.

Wednesday 12th:

Had a horrible headache. All damn day. Had no painkillers on me. My supply was empty so I had to tough it out. Eventually took some when I got home. Scarlett cries to go to bed ATM. It’s mad because usually kids want to stay up but she’s so tired she just wants to go to bed. She at 7 she’s down and I don’t hear a peep from her.

I was downstairs for a while watching some tele and doing chores. Headache came back with a vengeance (which worries me because that’s usually when a migraine hits) so I decided to go to bed. Turned my bedside lamp on and it made a massive bang and went off. I unplugged it and then got in to bed but then I noticed my alarm clock was flashing, my TV standby light was gone and my phone said No Wifi. So I had to call up our out of hours people for advice. Luckily it was a simple fix that I did myself over the phone. I was worried about the food in the fridge and freezer. It’ll go off quickly. Anyway, problem solved so I climbed into bed. Headache was still there but hopefully the tablets will kick in soon.


Back at work

I feel like utter shit. I forgot how draining a cold can be. Especially with a touch of flu. I spent all Monday feeling like shit. I kept going hot/cold/hot/cold which was super fun! Plus I had this jarring headache ALL DAMN DAY. Brett looked after S for a few hours so I could take some painkillers and nap, in an effort to shake the headache. No such luck.

He went home at 7ish. I sorted Scarlett for bed and after a bottle I put her down but she wouldn’t settle. Turned out she was still hungry. She drained another 5oz bottle then went to bed. She never drinks that’s much. She had 30 oz that day. Plus 3 meals and snacks. Fatty!

I went to bed at 11 as I had a bath then watched Silent Witness. I forgot it was on and got in the bath at 9pm so had to watch it on playback at 10pm.

I got up for work yesterday at 7am. I was meant to be up at 6:15am. I ignored my alarm apparently. But oh well. I still made it to work with time to spare and that was including taking a detour past McDonald’s for a breakfast wrap lol the day went really quickly which was a bonus. I got in from work and Scarlett was all over me like a rash. I think it was because she had spent 10-11 days straight with me and suddenly was back at nursery so she missed me. She kept rubbing my shoulder and looking at my face then kissing me. Sadly it means all our cold/flu germs are merged. She has an awful cough now. She was in bed by 7pm. She had a 7oz bottle which she drank in one go. I heard her cough a fair few times before I went to bed at midnight. I watched Silent Witness at 9pm then from 10 I was reading my book. I am 70% completed. It is a kindle book so it doesn’t count by pages. Just percentages. It is a good book. I am aiming to read 15 at least this year, however I have set my challenge to 20.

Today I am struggling. I was awake on and off all night with a fever. I was either hot or cold. I couldn’t get comfy and my head was hurting again. Oh, and the coughing was keeping me up. Mine and Scarlett’s. She kept coughing in the night. The monitor lit up a lot lol

I am on lunch so I am going to just read my book. I don’t fancy socialising. My throat is sore and my head hurts.


Ps. Her birthday is 3 weeks today. And her blessing is this Sunday!