International Women’s Day 2018

Wednesday I got to work for 8. By 10 my eye was so bad I couldn’t see. My managers were in a meeting so I left an email and a text to say I was off home and then I left. When I got in I cleaned my eye out, I took more antihistamines and then climbed into bed with a wet flannel on my face. I fell asleep and woke up at lunch time. I ate some lunch then I laid back in bed waiting for the scratchy feeling and throbbing pain [and leaky water] to subside. It didn’t that much.

Thursday I stayed home again. My manager didn’t seem pleased but what could I do. My eye was still so bad. So I went back to bed after I sent Scarlett off to Nursery. I got up at 1:30. I didn’t bother with lunch. I went to my Nan’s. Scarlett was napping. Once she was up, she had dinner then we headed home. I watched some TV then I laid in a nice hot bath reading my book. I caught up with the season finale of Requiem. Two episodes instead of 1. It was a really strange ending. Scarlett woke up at midnight when I had just laid down to sleep. Typical. She was cute though. She thinks it’s exciting laying in my bed. She snuggles right up under my duvet. I put her back in her cot at 1am. Then finished reading my book. That is 6 books in the space of 2 weeks.

International Women’s Day 2018. As a mother of a daughter all I posted on Insta was “she may be small, but she is mighty“. I’ve heard it somewhere before but I can’t think where. It just sounded appropriate. I aim to raise my girl to be strong, independent and fierce. But also kind, loyal and determined. She’s very stubborn so I look forward [not] to her teen years. The terrible twos have already started [save me]!!!

Today I got up at 7. Got dressed then got Scarlett dressed. We brushed our teeth then I did her breakfast. I wasn’t hungry. I left at 7:45 for work. I’ve had a headache all day and my eye are been scratchy still because the heater was on and it kept drying my eye out. To be honest the heater didn’t need to be on, I was getting ready hot. The weather outside is dreary but not cold. I actually felt sick at one point.

Brett is coming down tonight. He is staying over and going home tomorrow evening. He wants to spend some time with Scarlett. I genuinely don’t know what is the best course of action. I am the reason they have a bond in the first place so I don’t feel it’s right or fair of me to rip them apart. At the same time, I’m not sure how appropriate or healthy it is for her to keep seeing him as “Daddy”. At the end of the day, he’s not her dad. And it’s not like we’ve been together years and have other children. It’s not been 2 years and it’s just her. Honestly, who knew navigating dating whilst a single parent was so damn tricky! I swear I am not going near anyone else. This has put me off for life!


P.S. move in day is in T-Minus 14 days!


It’s finally stopped snowing!

Yesterday it was snowing when we left my Nan’s house just after 5ish. It finally stopped at like 6:30. Everywhere was covered in snow still. I was pleased it had stopped. As much as it’s pretty to look at, it’s not practical!

Scarlett went to bed at 8ish. We had some dinner. We had sausage and mash. We were meant to have schnitzels but mom forgot to check we had breadcrumbs so she had to put them in the fridge and do sausages instead.

I was wide awake all night watching some TV. I couldn’t sleep. I think it was the coke I drank. I fell asleep about 6am and woke up at 9ish.

Today Scarlett woke about 9ish. She was singing so I left her till 9:30 then I took her downstairs. We had some breakfast then mom watched her whilst I showered. We got dressed then we went to my Nan’s house. She was cooking pies for everyone to take home. At 2ish I did Scarlett and everyone else some lunch then I put her down for a nap at 3:15. She slept till 5:30 then we walked home. She walked pretty much the whole way except for 2 minutes between one end of the park and the other, near the bridge. Which is fine. She did so well!!!

She had her schnitzel before we did as I wanted her in bed. She ate, had a bath then went to bed at 8. We ate then mom got ready for work. She left and so did her boyfriend. He headed home. I watched the latest episode of Requiem. Not entirely sure what’s even happening on it now. It’s confusing and weird!

I headed up to bed at 10 (half hour ago). Was going to watch a film but I’ve had a headache ALL DAMN DAY. So I’ll read instead and get an early night. I’m quite tired. We’ve had rain today, not snow. So a lot of the snow is gone and it’s much more drivable. At this rate I’ll 100% be back in the office Monday.


P.s. 20 days till MOVING DAY!!!

The countdown is on for moving day

Tuesday my headache was gone when I woke up. That was great as it had been raging all day Monday. I had a wrap for lunch. Well 2 actually. Philadelphia Cheese with ham. Was very tasty and made a change from the usual crap I eat.

No Lucifer again. It must be coming back in March, same as Riverdale. Eurgh, gotta wait now I guess. I didn’t watch Blindspot on Monday due to my headache so I ended up watching it today instead. Then I headed to bed.

Wednesday I started reading a book. Finally. I have started the DI Nick Dixon series by Damien Boyd. It’s really good. It’s easy to read, the writing is good and I didn’t want to put it down. I read the first one in a day. About 200-250 pages. So that’s a book to mark off my Reading Challenge on I then read the second in the series within a day too [Thursday].

Thursday I started to feel less icky after my nasty ass period. I came in from work and Scarlett was in a great mood. She kicked the ball and we played catch. Then at bath time she just went so whingy. It’s like something in her head just flipped to “grumpy”. I put her to bed and she moved about for a bit then she went to sleep. I had some dinner and then I got into bed to finish reading my book [DI Nick Dixon #2]. I finished it before I went to sleep.

Friday [today] I woke desperate for a wee. This is happening a lot lately. I don’t understand why I just don’t wake up and go wee before I get to the “OMFG I won’t make it” point. Anyways, I dressed Scarlett then made my lunch then we headed off. We had breakfast on the way then I went into work. I’ve had a headache creeping ALL DAY. I can feel it. It’s sort of there now but it’s not full blown. Will need to sort this when I get home.

I have no major plans this weekend. I am picking up a coffee table on Sunday. It’s from the Facebook Marketplace so it’s second hand but it’s solid wood and it’s only £25. I need to post some birthday cards and get my mom’s Mother’s Day card. If I don’t do it now, I will forget in 2 weeks when Mother’s Day actually comes around. Also I need to get a new phone charger and some shoes for Scarlett as she needs some. Shoe Zone should have some for her and ASDA. She is still a size 4 as far as I can tell.

I paid the rest of our Sun Holiday to Poole today. The balance was due next week so I paid it. I got the email confirmation so that’s good.


P.s. The countdown is on for Project MOVE. Officially we move out in 4 weeks today. 28 fucking days! I am so excited. 28 DAYS!

50 shades of pure cheese!

Friday Brett got here relatively earlier than usual. My Nan picked him up from the train station at like 9:15 so he was at mine for 9:30. We watched some TV and then climbed into bed.

Saturday Scarlett woke up quite early. About 7ish. I got her up and out the cot at 8. I did her some breakfast. She had some fruit and a yoghurt. We watched some TV, did some colouring and she played with my hair. At 9:30 we came upstairs to get Brett up. Mom did us some breakfast. She cooked. We headed down town to the bank as I needed to transfer some money. Then we headed to my nan’s. We stopped for a few cups of tea. At 3pm we headed Home to pack a few bits for our night “away” then we set off for town. We checked in at the hotel, dumped our stuff then headed back to town. Brett needed some new clothes so we hit up Sports Direct then we went back to the hotel. We put the TV and chilled for a bit. We decided we’d eat at 7ish as movie was 8:40. We ended up eating at 7:30/8ish. We went to the Tilly in town (Wetherspoons). Cheap meal and good food. I was stuffed.

We watched 50 shades freed. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t as intense as the book. And I feel their stuffed the good bits (kidnapping) into a small 5 minute segment. It could’ve been much more exciting than that. Also it just felt so damn cheesy. Eurgh!

After the movie finished we walked back to the hotel. We put the Winter Olympics on. We stayed up chatting about EVERYTHING. It was really nice and good fun. But we didn’t realise how late it was and when we finally laid our heads down to sleep it was half 3 in the morning. Not ideal.

Sunday I woke up at 8ish with my alarm but I reset it for 9 and went back to sleep. I got up at 9 and jumped in the shower. I needed to get the make up off my face and wash my hair. When I was done I woke Brett up. We checked out just after 10 and walked back to the Tilly for breakfast. Brett didn’t eat. He never does lol I did though, I was hungry.

We jumped on the bus and headed to my Nan’s. Scarlett was happy to see us, for all of 5 minutes. We stayed there for dinner then we headed home at like 4ish. Brett packed his stuff and he left to go home at 5:30. I sorted Scarlett some supper then we did our Weekend Box. 1 of the things was a creative thing. We created dinosaur claws. The other was a cooking/baking thing. We made chocolate rice crispy cakes.

After we made the cakes we watched half of Dancing on Ice. She proper loves it. We did bath time then we watched the rest. She went to bed but she sang for ages. She’s so funny!

Today I woke up to a little horror scene. Since having the coil fitted I’ve been in a weird pattern of having my period one month but skipping the next totally. My periods had gotten lighter. It was great. But today was nasty. I wasn’t expecting it but I had skipped January so I figured at some point something would come. I’ve felt drained all day. I’ve also had a bad headache too. Awesome!

Tonight Scarlett told my mom she didn’t like her. It was in reply to my mom yelling at her to move as she was standing underneath my mom when she was trying to make tea. Hot water is never ideal. She said “me no like you nanny” then stomped out. Teenager alert! Lol

I watched Criminal Minds as it’s back on but now I’m in bed because my head in banging. I’ve taken more paracemtol as it’s been 4 hours now.


January was not my month

I thought 2018 was going to be a better year. And I had quite high hopes. However given the fact I started the year a shivering, feverish mess I guess I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be “my year”. Nonetheless I am trying to be optimistic.

Tuesday at work I struggled with the neck pain and the pain in my head. I thought to myself, a nice hot bath would help. So I jumped in the bath at 8:30pm. I laid in the super hot bath, all nice and cozy. I fell asleep. Like for reals, fell asleep. I never do that. I woke up really confused like “why am I wet?”. I quickly washed my hair and got out. I did feel a bit better but still, painful. I watched Silent Witness then climbed into bed. I didn’t sleep great. I tossed and turned.

Wednesday I went into work but my head was just so bad. I couldn’t breathe without being in agony. I was viewing a property at 1pm [click to see] so I was leaving the office at 12:30. I planned to view the property, eat at my Nan’s house then come back to work. But I had a bit of a meltdown in the office [public crying, the worst!] and my manager said to not come back if I didn’t feel able. So I didn’t. I left at 12:30. Saw the flat. It’s brilliant. Great size rooms, both bedrooms are doubles. En-suite for master bedroom. Living room is long, about 11 foot I think. It’s got gas central heating, secure entrance and it’s clean. Only problem is the deposit. It’s so high but if I can borrow that then I am golden. After the viewing [my grandad came with me], we went back to my Nan’s. I had some lunch then Scarlett went up for a nap. I fell asleep on the sofa. I never just fall asleep. That is twice now. We had dinner at 4ish then we left for home. I had mom drive to the chemist so I could get some paracetamol. I admitted defeat. I needed the painkillers to work through the pain.

We got home just before 5pm. Her friend came round for a cup of tea when she finished work. At 7 I took Scarlett up for a bath. I am trialling a new bed time of 7:30pm. SHe bathed and then I did her milk. She went to bed at 7:35. She was asleep by 8pm so only 20-25 minutes of her messing about in her cot. I watched some TV then I climbed into bed at 11:30pm. I slept a lot better.

Today I woke up and took some paracetamol. I got myself ready then I woke up lazy bones. She wore a pair of her new leggings and tshirt. We dropped her to my Nan’s house. Since she turned 2 the nursery no longer feed her breakfast. Which is fair enough. So when my mom works a night, and my Nan picks her up from home, I will feed her. When we drop her to my Nan, she will feed her. Works for us. She’s had toast 2 days, wheetos 1 day and porridge today I think.

Just on lunch now. Watching Riverdale as it’s Thursday. We haven’t got much planned this weekend. We were invited to my friend’s little boy’s party. He is the same age as Scarlett. He was 2 on Tuesday. So we will go to the party. But other than that we have no plans. I may take her swimming, she loves swimming and we haven’t been since her lessons finished. I need to re-book them in for May/Jun.


Flu or something similar

Sunday I felt sick as a dog. I came over all cold and started shivering like I was having some kind of fit. My teeth were chattering, my fingers went numb and I kept spasming everywhere. Then 2 hours later I came over all hot. I was sweating like someone had lit a fire. I don’t think I settled down to sleep till almost 4 and I woke up at least every hour till Scarlett woke up a 8:15.

We got up and I gave her a bottle. I felt so off. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt dodgy. I took her up to get dressed but I was overcome with the urge to vomit so we took a detour to the bathroom. I vomited all the water I’d just drank. Scarlett is a bit of a dirt bag. She was trying to stick her head over the toilet to see what I was doing. I think I yelled at her to stand behind me. She looked quite concerned. I reassured her that I’m ok. No sooner as I was sick that I stopped. I immediately felt better. How strange! Then I came over all hot again then shivering then hot. You get the idea. I dressed her, and myself then we came downstairs. She had breakfast then helped my Nan with the dinner. She had Scarlett sat on the worktop in the kitchen. She was cutting vegetables and Scarlett was putting them into a bowl. She’s so helpful, bless her.

My nan put her up for a nap then I woke her for dinner. She had more antibiotics. She didn’t eat much food but she loved her pudding. Obviously!

We stayed for the afternoon and left so I could get her bathed and in bed.

Tuesday I didn’t go to work. I had spent all night shivering and then intensely hot. I felt like absolute shite. I had had a headache since New Year’s Eve and even with paracetamol the fever and headache wasn’t going. So I booked an emergency doctors appointment. I couldn’t face the walk. It’s only 20 minutes but I just felt exhausted so my Grandad gave me a lift. I saw the doc at 12ish. He said probably viral but keep an eye on the temp and headache. Also any other symptoms. I walked the 2 minutes to my Nan’s house as she lives insanely close to the Doctors surgery. I stayed at hers all day.

Scarlett’s first day back at Nursery totally wiped her out. She was exhausted and moaned when I woke her for dinner. Tbf I should’ve left her asleep and fed her later. She wouldn’t drink anything so my Nan said to give her an ice lolly. It worked. She ate most of it. She had a few mouthfuls of her dinner then said she was finished. She had a yogurt. We headed home at 5.

My dad turned up as he was up here for a hospital appointment. He had my stepmom and siblings with him. They stayed for a cup of tea and a chat. When they left at 6:15 I bathed Scarlett and then she went to bed at 7.

She woke up in the night and asked to come in my bed. I don’t like co-sleeping with her. I fear I’ll squash her. So I let her fall asleep then I carried her back to her cot.

I went to sleep about half 12-1ish. I woke up at 2:30 with a raging headache. I was sweating profusely. My heart rate was 165 according to my Fitbit tracker. I felt sick and dizzy. I slowly made my way downstairs to forage for something dry to nibble. When I was pregnant I use to have excessive acid in my stomach so any time my stomach was empty I’d feel sick and would need something small to nibble. I grabbed a slice of bread and headed upstairs. I sat on my bed nibbling this piece of bread and drinking my water. I could see my blood pulsating in my head, in the corner of my vision. It was really weird. I still felt dizzy. I just sat there feeling like I’d rather die than put up with how I felt. I FaceTimed Brett crying that I felt so shitty. I’m so glad he picked up. I felt better after I finished eating, crying and my heart rate calmed down. I eventually went back to sleep.

Wednesday I got up at 7 with Scarlett. Got her dressed for Nursery. Did her bottle then my nan picked her up. I was hungry so I had a granola bar and some milk. Milk always helps the acid attacks on my stomach. I went up and got back into bed at 9:30ish and slept till my mom woke me at 1ish.

I realised I needed the loo but I didn’t quite make it as it appears on top of all the symptoms I have (chesty cough, sore throat, headache, fever, achy joints, sickness) I also have diarrhoea. So I can now safely say that I have already shit my pants and we’re only 3 days in the year. I fear this year may not turn out to be a great one!

I got dressed and we headed to my Nan’s as that’s where Scarlett is. We expected her to be asleep when we got there but she’d just woken up. She seemed less exhausted after her second day back. Much more happier and more like herself.

We took her home at 4ish. Mom cooked dinner. Scarlett ate more than she has done recently. I took her up for a bath. She had a shivering attack and kept saying she was cold. I could see she was. Everything on her body was purple except her head which was red. She felt so hot. As soon as she got out the bath I gave her calpol and Nurofen. Then after her bottle she had her antibiotics then she went up to bed.

Mom and I watched the soaps then she left for work.

I got in the bath at 9. It was lush to lay in hot water. My body ached a little less after. I got out, dressed and went downstairs to get a snack (in case I wake up in acid agony again) and some water. I also took paracetamol for my now permanent headache and to ward off the fever I could feel coming.

I laid in bed watching Elementary. I love this show.

Scarlett woke up at a quarter to midnight because I went in her room to check her and I was too noisy. She came in my room for a little bit. We FaceTimed Brett to say Hi. I played some food videos and she said yum. So I’m guessing we’ll have to try some of the recipes together. I told her she’s got her 2nd cake smash this weekend. I had totally forgotten how close it was after Christmas. I showed her the pics from last year and asked her if she wanted to do it again. She said yes. So hopefully that’ll be a nice treat for her to experience after a shitty week.

I put her back to bed at 12:30 then I watched some more Elementary. I switched it off just before 2.

I’m laid in bed and at this very moment my throat hurts, my chest hurts, everything still aches and my head is dull but I’m not feverish nor shivering. So maybe I’m on the up! Here’s hoping lol


Night terrors

Saturday I woke up at 5am. My head was killing me! I haven’t had a migraine in such a long time so this properly threw me. I laid there for like an hour before I conceded defeat and went into the kitchen to scramble for painkillers. I took some, had some water and then laid back down. When Scarlett woke up at 7:45 I still had a bad head and I felt so sick. Brett woke up and said he’d take her so she had a nappy change and a bottle then she waved me goodbye and they left the bedroom. I finally managed to sleep. I woke up just before noon. The house was eerily silent. No dog barking. No people. No TV! I messaged Brett and he said they were visiting his cousins. So I had a shower and washed my hair – it desperately needed washing. Then I watched some TV. They got home at 1ish. We had some lunch. Scarlett hadn’t napped since she woke, apart from 15 minutes in the car. So at 2 I put her down for a nap. My head had started again so I took some more meds and then climbed into Brett’s bed. I didn’t sleep. I just laid there in the dark, dozing. Eventually the pain went. Scarlett woke up at 4ish so we went into the front room to play. She wasn’t very happy when she woke. She was feverish and miserable so she had some calpol, and cuddles. Eventually she perked up. We built some blocks up together and she had a blast knocking them down.

At 5ish Brett’s mom put some dinner on for us. Scarlett ate hers then had a yoghurt for pudding. At 7 Bret took her up for a bath. I did her bottle and she was in bed just after 8ish. We were going to watch a film but by the time Brett finished watching the darts it was almost 11. Instead we curled up in bed chatting then we went to sleep.

Sunday I woke up at 3am because Scarlett was crying. She must’ve had a bad dream or something. She didn’t wake again until 7:45. Brett got up to get her. I did her bottle and he did her nappy. I stayed in bed till 9 then I did us all some breakfast. I put her down for a nap at 10. We watched Suicide Squad. We had planned to watch it the night before but never got round to it. She woke up just after it finished, at 12ish. I gave her a yoghurt and a drink as we weren’t having dinner just yet.

Brett asked me if I had seen the Polar Express. I hadn’t. So he put it on. Scarlett weren’t fussed so she was playing blocks and drawing etc.

We had dinner at 3ish then I packed and at 4:30 we left for the train. The first train was ok but we didn’t have a proper seat. The second train was a pain because a family of 6 kids got on and they were proper noisy. Their mom didn’t even tell them to shush. She let them shout and screech for 20 minutes. I had a headache within 10 minutes. I was so glad when they got off at a station long before mine. Gave me some peace!

We were home by 6:15. Scarlett and I had a bath then she had a bottle and was in bed by 7:15. Mom did some supper at 8. I went up to bed at 9. My head was still banging. I must’ve fell asleep.

Today I woke up at 6am for a wee. My head was much better. I had slept from about 10pm (according to my Fitbit). I did feel good for it. Scarlett was sick in the car when we dropped her to my nan’s house. It was just phlegm. So she’s not sick I don’t think. Just a bit snuffly today.

We hosted training for some engineers on their PDA’s in the afternoon. It went okay. I’ve never done that training by myself so far. But I’ve also never been included in it because we had a team leader before. But as the team is just me, and my manager, I was invited to the training and I did prep for it such as a printing off the handouts and sending dummy jobs to their PDA’s for training purposes.

Scarlett was very grumpy in the car ride home after work. She cheered up a bit for FaceTime with Brett but she still wasn’t her usual self. She got really upset because she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t go to teletubbies land on the TV. Heartbroken she was, bless her!

I got her in bed for 7:15. Heard her chatting and playing till 8pm.

At 10ish the monitor lit up, she was crying. I went upstairs to check her. She was thrashing about and crying. I picked her up. She didn’t want me to hold her. She kept pushing me away and crying. It took 10 minutes for me to calm her and tell her it was mama and I won’t hurt her. I would say she experienced her first night terror. Hopefully she won’t remember anything tomorrow. But jeez it was horrible. I’m now in bed myself.