The Doctor copped a feel

Friday Brett didn’t arrive until almost 1am. Because I had fell asleep when I came home sick from work, I wasn’t tired yet so we watched some tele then went to bed about 3am.

Saturday Scarlett woke up at about 8am. Not too bad considering she went to bed at 9:30. She had her bottle in bed with us. She spoke to Brett but he was half asleep. I took her downstairs. She opened her advent for Days 1 and 2. As well as her first and second days of Book Advent. Her book was Fox’s Socks. Day 2 book was Princess Mirror-Belle and Snow White.

We had porridge for breakfast then I put her down for a nap. We were due to go out at 11. We didn’t leave until 11:30. Oops! We went to Camberley to take Scarlett to see santa. As you can see it went as well as last year!

After Santa we went and grabbed lunch at Wetherspoons. Scarlett had salmon fish cake, mash, peas and some cucumber and peppers as a side. I had a chicken burger and chips. Brett had steak and chips. Food was pretty good. Scarlett ate so much. We hadn’t taken the stroller with us so she was walking a lot but she’s still so little so we also carried her a bit too. Man she’s heavy lol

After lunch we went to Primark as my nan had asked me to get 2 gift vouchers for my cousins for Christmas. I also picked up matching Christmas headbands for me and Scarlett then we got a lift to my nans. We had a cup of tea then at 4 we headed home.

Scarlett had some fruit and a yoghurt for dinner (she ate loads at lunch) then Brett bathed her and then after a bottle and storytime she went to bed at 7. She went straight down like a good girl.

We ordered some dinner and watched Criminal Minds catch-up with my mom. My dinner took ages!! Brett’s came and he’d eaten it long before mine came. We had separate because he wanted pizza and I didn’t.

He has a bath whilst I read my book in bed. We were going to watch a film but I had bellyache so I went to sleep about 11. My grandad’s Birthday is today. He’s 68.

Sunday Scarlett woke at 8:45. That’s some epic sleep she had. She must’ve had almost 14 hours sleep! She had a bottle then she had toast (she asked for it). I had porridge and of course she had to share it when she’d finished hers lol

Scarlett opened Day 3 of Book Advent which was the book Everyone Loves Underpants.

We woke Brett up at 10. I put Scarlett down for a nap at 10:30. We climbed back into bed for cuddles and just relaxed. We woke her up at 12:30 so we could go shopping then to my Nan’s for dinner. I had to stock up on nappies and wipes. We bunged it in my mom’s boot then we went to my nan’s house. We left at 4:30. I stuck Shrek on and Scarlett actually sat with us to watch it for ages. I took her up for bath time and Brett left to get the train home at like 6ish.

She and I read a story. She had her bottle then I put her to bed.

Today she did not want to get up. I don’t blame her, I didn’t want to either! She got dressed, had her bottle whilst I made my lunch then my Nan turned up so I could leave for work. I got to work and set about playing catching up from being sick on Friday. I made an epic dent in my emails and managed to finally load AIR on to the system. I did a mini victory dance because we’ve waited too long to load AIR!!!!

I left work at 3:15 as I had my hospital appointment. We managed to get parked in the middle of the day. That’s so rare! I got seen at 4:10 so only 20 minutes late. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions and then did a check. Said it all seemed normal and sent me on my way. Weird considering my GP said she was sending me for a scan. But nonetheless I’ve been discharged from the hospital so if I have any more issues or am not happy in the new year I’ll go back to my GP.

After the hospital we went to pick Scarlett up. She does a full day at Nursery on Mondays. My mom usually picks her up at 4:30 then me at 5. My nan picked her up so we got her from her house. She was having a yoghurt when we got there. Apparently she had already “helped” Grandad to feed the dog. She loves doing that. Her and Marley are BFFs.

We went home and Scarlett had some fruit as she was “hungry” – she wasn’t she was peckish. She has dinner at Nursery lol we watched some teletubbies and she opened her Day 4 on her advent calendar, as well as her Book Advent. The book was Stories for 3 Year Olds. She went for a bath then she went to bed at 7.

Mom is off tonight so we’re watching tele and having a relaxing evening.

TTFN x

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Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).

TTFN x

Confessions of a First Time Mum

When you announce you are pregnant every person you know, who has had a child [or a few] pops up to congratulate you. They also start to regale you of all their “wisdom” as seasoned parents. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes people do have anecdotes of advice that is quite helpful. But mostly they just go for the shock horror factor. One thing they fail to tell you is that ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT. What works for one baby may not work for another. One baby may sleep great but not feed brilliantly. Or vice versa. My experience of being a first time mother to a small baby has been interesting. And quite surprising.

I was forewarned by many “seasoned” parents that in the first few months I’d be exhausted. The baby wouldn’t sleep great. I’d struggle to find time to wee let alone shower. I’d forget to eat. And so on the list goes.

Personally, in my own experience, I never had a cold cup of tea. I never not showered for 3 days. I only felt exhausted in the first few days home. And most of that was due to the fact that I had been in hospital since Saturday, awake since Sunday at 7am and had laboured 36 hours before having an emergency c-section. Which then kept me awake on/off the night before I came home, due to the pain/blood/meds etc. By the time we’d been home 3 days I felt more myself and I slept fine.

This is not me saying “everyone listen, it isn’t that bad”. Not at all. I know women who really did not have the time to do those things because they had a baby that needed holding 24/7 or it would scream blue murder. But for me, I had spent months listening to my friends saying “oh it’ll be so tough, you’ll be so tired, and need to shower and the baby will be crying and you’ll just want to lie down.” And for me, personally, I expected that. Yet it wasn’t like that.

I feel blessed because my daughter would sleep in 4 hourly stints which enabled me to sleep 4 hours too. She would feed, poop and then sleep. Over the first few weeks she’d be awake slightly more each day. But even then, she was very happy as a baby. She was fine to be laid in her Moses Basket whilst I went to the toilet. Or I would leave her in her pram. Or in her bouncy chair outside the bathroom whilst I showered [personally I didn’t need to if she was asleep as I’d hear her awake but I was a single parent so she came with me]. By the time she was 6 weeks old she was sleeping 9pm till 6am. And that continued until she started nursery and she then started going to bed at 7pm, and still does now. She goes down [no fuss] at 7pm and wakes up at 7am. I mean, yes, I would categorise her as a “good baby”. She eats brilliantly, she sleeps brilliantly and she is as bright as a button. Also very happy but so cheeky.

My point of the post is that all babies are different, as are all adults . We require different amounts of sleep to function. I function on 5-6 hours. I often don’t go to bed until about 12-1am, get up at 7am for work. Whereas my fiancé needs a solid 10 or he’s miserable and a twat to be around.

Adults also require different “things” to keep them sane, like a monthly/fortnightly date night. A weekly meal with their “girls”, no kids. An evening hour to read a magazine, gossip on the phone or just have a luxurious bath with no kids asking for things.

I fully appreciate that some people have babies that scream all day. Don’t sleep. Won’t eat. Are just genuinely hard work. I know this because my brother was on of them kids. I don’t know how my mother didn’t throttle him lol with a baby like that, it is easy to understand a parent not getting any sleep, not showering as often as they did before and all the chores being left aside because of the baby taking up so much time. And all I have to say to those mothers is get support. You need a break. And you don’t need to feel guilty for dumping the baby on your husband when he arrives from work and hiding in the bedroom or wherever you wanna go. You need to. Don’t worry about the laundry or the dishes. You need to look after you. Because if you burn out, you won’t be any good to your baby.

Another thing we do as parents [that we really shouldn’t] is comparing our baby to everyone else’s. My daughter crawled at 6.5 months and stood up at the furniture a week later. Yet she didn’t actually walk properly until she was 14 months. Everyone thought she’d be walking by Christmas [she’d have been 11 months] but she didn’t. Whereas some of my friend’s babies weren’t crawling until 8/9 months but they went straight into walking by a year. So it really just depends on your baby. I know from nursery that my daughter is on par with everything developmentally for her age range. They update me on a weekly basis [using the Tapestry app] on her new skills and what she gets up to. She was painting last week, with her whole body! lol

I just want every mother out there know that we all got you. You’re having a hard day, feel like you’re failing, you are not! If your kid is fed, watered, clean [give or take their natural ability to get dirty within seconds] and are happy and healthy then you’re doing a job well done. We all have days where we feel like shit, the kid is being an asshole [yes, kids can be assholes] and you just want to finish doing the laundry, wash up the 1 million dirty dishes [who uses that many cups, they just appear] and pee in peace. Chin up. One day you’ll look back and realise you survived. And you’ll have some well-rounded happy kids to show for it.

TTFN x

Urgh I hate Mondays

Friday I had my interview at 2:30pm. I thought it went well but I can never tell. I don’t really act that different at work than I do at home. I find that I don’t have the mental energy to be two different people. If my work don’t like who I am as a person then they can fire me. It’s not like I am a horrid person or anything. I just don’t just have a “work personality” and a “home personality”. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am a little different to some extent because here I don’t have a toddler hanging off my trousers. I can be more “adult”. I can hold a conversation without being interrupted etc. Anyways we managed to get on the train at 5:15. So we were in Hackbridge by 6:30. I hate the busy travels of travelling between 5-6pm but I prefer getting there early. We had dinner then Scarlett got ready for bed. I think she went to sleep about 9:30pm.

Saturday she woke up at 9ish but didn’t get up. She just stirred then went back down so I went back to sleep too. She didn’t wake until 11:15am. Like what? How great a night’s sleep is that. It was brilliant. She got up, had her bottle then I got her dressed. We grabbed some snacks and headed to see some of Brett’s family. When we got back we had some lunch. We decided to go to the cinema so we left at 6 to have dinner. We went to Pizza Express. I love their doughballs. We ate, had a drink then went to the cinema. We watched The Mountain Between Us. The trailer made it seem much more exciting than it actually was. But nonetheless it wasn’t bad. After the cinema we went back to Brett’s. Scarlett had gone to bed at 9:30pm. So not too late.

Sunday she woke at 8:30ish. We got up and watched some teletubbies. She had breakfast then went down for a nap. After nap time Brett and I took her to the park near his house. It’s massive. It’s got a cafe, lots of open greenery, a lake and bridges etc. She loved running about. We stopped at the play area and she went up and down the slides, with Brett’s help of course. We left at 2:45 to head back for dinner as his mom was cooking a Sunday roast. Scarlett didn’t eat much. Her appetite is still a little off but she had a yoghurt after, which she demolished.

I looked at train times for home and there seemed to be issues with the trains. It was saying I needed to get a rail replacement bus from Hackbridge to Streatham then a train, then another train. So I ended up getting a tram from Beddington Lane to Wimbledon then a train to home. We got off the train at 6:30pm so not too late. I think Scarlett was in bed asleep by 8pm. She was shattered. Long weekend, after an even longer week.

Today my day was just ridiculous. It started well [to some extent and ignoring my bad foot] because I got to work on time, fed and happy. Came into my office and new desk phones had been installed however in the process someone had removed my internet box leaving me with no access to anything. I asked around and eventually an engineer came and replaced some cables and got me back online. Without internet access I couldn’t use our emailing system, our database nor our shared drives. So I couldn’t do any work for almost an hour. As fun as that sounds, it’s infuriating when you know you have lots waiting to be done.

I am currently on lunch catching up with Victoria from last night. My foot is getting worse as the day goes on. I genuinely have NO CLUE how I have hurt it. I don’t recall stepping on anything, twisting it or bashing it. It must be some weird delayed reaction to trampolining last week. I mean I hurt my knees so why not my foot too lol

TTFN x

New tattoo

We went out for dinner last night with my mom’s friends to the Tobey Carvery. We were meeting them at 7:30 but as usual they were late lol Scarlett was very well behaved and she had on one of her many dresses that she hasn’t worn yet.

We had a nice dinner followed by desert. Obviously Scarlett couldn’t have any as it’s all got dairy in it. So she just had the wafer from someone’s ice cream and a small mouthful of my cream. Hopefully that doesn’t upset her stomach too much.

We got home about 10ish. I put her straight to bed then mom and I caught up with Emmerdale then we decided we weren’t tired so we watched something else and before we realised it, it was 1:30am lol we headed to bed.

I was fine when I woke up for work but I started to flag a bit from tiredness at 10:30am so I cracked open a can of fizz to help me through the day. I had an interesting day at work. And I almost hurt myself. I tripped over a heater that was by my friend’s desk and I almost went headfirst into the wall. I almost did. I made an almighty crashing noise and my pal came running in to check I was ok. I genuinely thought I’d end up on the floor!!

I’m just watching Bitten on Netflix waiting for Brett to get here. He got on the train at 9ish so should get off at 10:15 then he’s got to walk here.

I want another tattoo. I want a dream catcher. I had a bit of a google and saw a few designs I loved so I’m going to go and talk to a tattooist and see what we can come up with. I saw one that was black but with elements of a deep purple. I really favoured that one.

Back to swimming lessons for Scarlett tomorrow. Hopefully she remembers what she learned before the summer holidays.

TTFN x

Day 1 in Verona

So the day got better. Surviving on just 1 hours sleep was not good for me, for Scarlett or for my relationship. But after we went to the supermarket we came back and I put Scarlett down after her lunch. She got back up and we played and coloured. She was still catching up on her sleep so she went back down. And she stayed down for about an hour. Brett and I had a random mid-afternoon shower and we made up over the grouchiness between us. It's amazing what tiredness does to you. So we showered and had a laugh like two young people should do. Scarlett woke up before we were dressed so she "helped" me find my clothes. Which basically just means she kept pulling clean stuff out of my suitcase lol bless her!

We got sorted and headed out for dinner. We took a stroll trying to find an ATM that accepts my money card and there's one just outside our building so that's good to know. We ended up in a little pizzeria nearby. We had pizza and Scarlett ate some. She was knackered by the time we'd finished eating so we grabbed a quick drink in a bar then headed back home. Brett got her ready for bed and I put her down with a bottle. Then I grabbed our sweets and drinks and came in the bedroom so we could watch a film. We ended up talking instead. About judo. He was showing me some moves and we rolled about a bit laughing because I'm too short limbed to grab like he does which just ruins my attempts at any moves haha

He's fell asleep now and I'm just catching up with my girls and then I'm going to bed.

TTFN x

Hump day today

Monday:

Woke up late. Alarm was meant to wake me at 6:30am. Nope. I switched it off apparently and rolled out of bed at 6:55am. Oops. It meant we didn’t have time to cook breakfast so we had to swing by McDonald’s for our usual. I made it to work on time though, so that is good. Scarlett is always so tired after her full day session at nursery on Mondays [and Fridays]. She went to bed at 7 and I caught up on NCIS. I am almost done with season 6. I have been watching them sequentially since season 2. I love it. I don’t know why I am obsessed lol I finished reading my book, Limitless. It is part of the “Girl in the box” series I was reading. The author created a follow series called “out of the box” so that is what I am reading now. I purchased the second book in the OOTB series so I will start that this week.

Tuesday:

Scarlett was really grumpy when I got in from work. She had just a vest and shoes on. Apparently she had been out in my Nan’s garden all afternoon. She had done a nasty poo so I shoved her straight in the bath. Usually she goes up for a bath at 6. But made no sense to waste a clean nappy for 45 minutes. Might as well bath her straight away. So in she went. She was really snotty and she picked her nose and made it bleed. I gave her some dinner with a cup of tea [she loves her tea]. Then we watched some teletubbies. At 6:30 she was whinging for bed so she said goodbye to my mom, as she was leaving for work anyway. and I took her up to bed with a bottle. She drank it and I said goodnight and left her to it. She rolled around getting comfy, sat and played with her TedTed for a bit then she laid down and went to sleep. She is a funny little thing sometimes.

I had my dinner at 8ish and waited for my Amazon Prime Now delivery [we had run out of a few things and neither of us have chance to go near a shop in the week]. I watched more NCIS catch up and am now on season 7. My delivery came at almost 10pm. I watched the season finale of Shades of Blue then I got into bed. I couldn’t sleep though and ended up laying in bed until about 2am.

Wednesday:

I am so damn tired. I heard Scarlett coughing in the night a few times. I did get up at 6:45 though. And I managed to dress myself and Scarlett, brush my teeth and cook sausages for breakfast before my mom got home at 7:10. So #winning

I booked an appointment at my doctors because I found a lump somewhere. It is probably a cyst but always worth getting it checked!

Wednesdays mean one thing: Pretty Little Liars. So that is what I am about to watch on my lunch break today. Only thing that has kept me going today lol so tired!

TTFN