How is it March?

Monday wasn’t as bad as I expected. The problem being home extra days with Scarlett is sometimes it’s hard to return to work. But I must admit, I thrive on routine so going back to work was fine. She woke up by herself instead of me waking her so she was happy as larry. She had some toast whilst I made my lunch then I headed out after my Nan turned up.

Wasn’t surprised by my lack of emails when I got in. I had kept up with them till Friday afternoon and no one typically works a weekend so nada! They picked up a bit as the day went on.

I decided that today was the day I would tell Brett I wanted to finish with him. It’s not that I don’t love him, it’s just we are two very different people than we were 2 years ago. A lot has changed, for me personally, and when we split in December it was for a number of reasons. And these reasons have not changed. Obviously he is hurt. He doesn’t want this. He thinks we can figure it out. But he’s trying to accept my decision. He wants to remain friends for Scarlett’s sake and right now I see no reason why we can’t.

Scarlett had a good day at Nursery but it was her first day back after 4 days off and it was a long session so it wiped her out. She was a bit grumpy. She cheered up when she FaceTimed Brett. I put her in the bath then did her milk. I put her to bed at 7:15 but she didn’t settle even after we’d watched some TV and had dinner so I went up and climbed in her cot. Where my eyes are sore and watery, she thought I was crying. She rubbed my face and said “no cry mama”. Then she slipped her arms around my neck and gave me lots of cuddles. Plus some kisses. Which she actually named before she did it. She is growing too quickly! But I love it.

I climbed back out of her cot and she went to sleep. I guess she just needed some 1-to-1 time with me. I watched TV with mom then we went up to bed at like 11ish. My eye was proper throbbing and watering so badly.

Today my eye was glued shut when I woke up. I slept alright but my head still hurt a little. My mom heard Scarlett and as she was dressed before me said she’d get her up. But Scarlett wouldn’t get dressed until she had seen me. She was checking I was alright, bless her! I made my lunch then we left. We dropped her at my Nan’s then mom dropped me at work. I feel really cold today. Like I can’t get warm. I’ve had my heater on most of the day, only occasionally turning it off.

I called my doctor’s surgery earlier for a telephone appointment. I don’t know if some of my symptoms are normal for my coil. So the doc called back and said she wants the doctor who fitted it in May to see me. She will probably check it’s still in the right place. They may even have to do a blood test to check my hormone levels. We’ll see.

I am on lunch break now. Just going to watch Lucifer whilst I eat.



Hump day again

Tuesday the temp at work picked me up in the morning. She got a little lost so she was late but we still managed to get to work on time, just!

After work we went home and Scarlett finished eating her dinner. She had a bath followed by a bottle then I put her to bed. She didn’t settle straight away. She was awake for about a hour after bedtime.

My brother and I caught up with Inhumans on TiVo. I went up to bed at 10ish.

Today I had the Doctors. I’ve been having problems with one of my boobs for a while. I have quite big boobs so I’ve always experienced “issues” with them. Naturally they are heavy and finding bras that fit and are supportive enough is challenging. But recently, in the last few months, one boob (the left) has been giving me a dull achy feeling and I can feel “something” when I check it out. Also, the pain spread to my armpit but I did put that down to my bra digging in. Because that sounds completely logical, right? Well I had it looked at. The doctor said it’s very obvious by her just looking at them that the left one is swollen, bigger than the other one. When she checked she said it felt much heavier, harder and distinctively different to the other one. So she’s referring me for an urgent ultrasound to see what’s going on. She says I should have a letter for a date within 10 days. She thinks it could be hormonal changes from having the coil fitted 6 months ago. She was concerned that I could be pregnant, as hormonal changes in pregnancy could easily account for the breast changes. However I explained about having the coil and she said that it’s not 100% (nothing is) so to take a test to be sure. I took one this evening and it was negative, which I knew it would be. So that’s ruled that one. Hopefully the scan will reveal more. I’m not “overly” worried as I’m doing the right thing, I’ve gotten checked and they’re sending me for more checkups and if it’s anything sinister then I’ll know and can act accordingly. But honestly, I don’t think it is the big C. It’s most likely a cyst or something. I’ve had a cyst before. When I was 18 I had my boob checked (right one that time) and it was a cyst which went away on it’s own.

I’ve just finished watching Once Upon a Time. I’ve just climbed into bed (even though it’s only 9:30pm). I’m going to play my game and hopefully get some sleep as I just feel so tired today.



So I totally forgot to blog for a while! Here’s what has been happening.

Thursday 13th:

Had work and then at 5pm I was free for 10 days!!!

Friday 14th (Easter Friday):

Bank holidays rule! Scarlett had me up at usual time. Sorted her then we played. She had a nap then once she was up we got on the train to Brett’s house. Scarlett went to bed at 9ish I think.

Saturday 15th:

We didn’t get up to much. Weather wasn’t overly great so stayed in. We got ready for the party (Brett’s friend’s 21st) and off we went. I had a fairly decent night. Finally met some of his peeps. Hopefully didn’t show myself up, even though I puked a few times before getting the uber home lol

Sunday 16th (Easter Sunday):

I was hanging out my asshole when I woke up with Scarlett at 8am. She wanted to run about and I just wanted to die BUT I did get up. I gave her a bottle. Dragged her to the toilet so I could puke a bit more. She gave me this judgmental stare. 15 months old and that sort of attitude! #MyKidRules

At 10am Brett’s mom said did I want her to take Scarlett with her to visit some family for a few hours? Yes please lol so off they went. I climbed back into bed. After 2 hours I felt right as rain. Was starving and dinner wasn’t due til 3ish so I had a bit of toast and some more water. I felt much better. Dinner was lovely. Brett had surfaced at that point. Lazy fucker. Next time he says a word about being up early with Scarlett I’ll remind him of the time I got up with a hangover to deal with her, when he was very incapable of doing so!

Monday 17th (Easter Monday):

We got up today and I packed our stuff. Brett said he was going to the tattooist in Epsom to book in his ink. So we tagged along. We had some lunch then we came home. Chilled for a bit then we jumped on a train home. Think we got back at about 6ish. I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed.

Tuesday 18th:

Scarlett had Nursery and I had a lay in. Technically I didn’t. I still got up with her at 7ish but after I’d fed her, dressed her and shipped her off to Nursery, I climbed back in bed lol my nan picked her up at 12:30 like normal. I went round to pick her up a bit later. I had a doctors appointment at 3:50pm. We ended up having dinner with my nan then we came home. She went to bed at 7:30 like normal but at midnight, just as I was settling for bed, she woke up and was up for the next 2 hours. I think I didn’t get to sleep until 3am.

Wednesday 19th:

Woke up to a lovely swollen hayfever eye. Not surprising I was tired though, after being up till 3am. Sent her off to Nursery as I had stuff to do. Had to tidy my room and hoover the upstairs. Plus do some washing. Clean the dishes. Just random crap really.

Today (20th):

Today I was due to meet my bestie in London for a playdate but she couldn’t make it due to a fire at Euston station and some other incident going on. Shame but it what it is! So me and Scarlett stayed home all morning so she could nap after playing with me. After she woke up we grabbed our coats and walked to my nan’s house. We had lunch and played a bit then she had a short nap. We stayed for dinner then we walked home.

I put her to bed at 7:30. She was tired but spent about 20 minutes rolling around her cot talking to herself. I love listening to her.

I watched Emmerdale then I packed Scarlett’s stuff for her overnight stay at my nan’s tomorrow. Brett’s birthday is tomorrow. He is going to be 25. I’m taking him away for the night. It’ll be good fun. My nan is babysitting :)

Just watching Chicago Justice catch up and waiting for Brett to arrive.


The last day

Saturday 25th:

I took Scarlett into town for lunch. We had a little mother-daughter date at Poppins cafe. Then we had a wander around the town. I let her “walk” a little inside the shopping centre. She quite enjoyed herself.

After town we met my mom and went food shopping. We took it home and packed it away then went round my nan’s house. I don’t see her much in the week as I’m working. I see her for a minute when we drop Scarlett to her in the morning and that’s it.

Sunday 26th (Mother’s Day):

I took my nan, mom and Scarlett out for dinner for Mother’s Day. My grandad was coming initially but he was still in hospital so he couldn’t make it. He was fine. Just being kept in until they could get hold of his kidney specialist who apparently was busy lol we had a nice meal the 4 of us then we went to my nan’s for a cuppa tea before heading home. It was a good day. I ended up with 2 cards “from” Scarlett. That was nice. They’ll go in her memory box.

Monday 27th:

Payday! I hate Mondays though. Scarlett must’ve hated it too as she screamed for 45 minutes at bed time. It was hard to take as she’s never like that. Was a shock to my system lol

My grandad came home. Finally. They released him but he left his meds up there so my mom said she’d run him up the next day to pick them up. What is he like? Lol

Tuesday 28th:

For the first time in the 6 months I’ve been back at work I missed Scarlett so much that I needed to see her. Like desperately. So I had my mom meet me for lunch and bring her with her. It soothed my unsettled soul. If only temporarily.

Wednesday 29th:

I had an epic day! I fell out with a coworker and was treated like a 5 year old by another. #winning

I finally got my Mother’s Day gift from Scarlett (aka my mom and Brett). My mom picked it. Scarlett broke my necklace last month. It was the one I got for my first Mother’s Day last year. Mom said she’d replace it. She did. But with the same necklace that “Scarlett” got me for Christmas, only 3 months ago lol so we’ve took it back and we’ll decide on something different haha 

Thursday 30th:

I bought a blackout curtain on Amazon on Tuesday and it arrived today so after work my mom put it up (longer arms than me). It should keep her from waking up too early when it’s light out and going to bed at a reasonable time when it’s light out. Here’s hoping lol

Friday 31st (today):

The end of March has come and it seems a little quick. Where has the time gone? I remember playing for my week of in April and it seemed so long away. Now it is 2-3 weeks!!! Mom took me and Scarlett home after I finished work. I bathed her and then she dropped us at my Nan’s as I was having dinner there. Scarlett had to join in too, even though she had already eaten dinner at nursery. #greedy We stayed for a cuppa tea and my Nan dropped us home at 9:30. Scarlett was in bed by 10pm. I am just binge watching Iron Fist. I quite like it and I hope there is a season 2.


Steak & BJ Day

Thursday 9th:

Finally booked an appointment to see the doctor. I had tried to make appointment over this particular issue months ago and the receptionist kept making me a telephone appointment but the doctor I spoke to said they cannot discuss that kind of thing over the phone lol

Friday 10th:

Scarlett has learned how to stack things, like her megablocks. The nursery posted a video on their Tapestry app for me to see. She is so clever. My little bobblehead!

Saturday 11th:

We went to my nan’s for lunch and ended up staying all day. Mom ran me to the shops when Scarlett was napping so I could grab some bits I needed for work. We had dinner with my grandparents. We went up the chip shop. Scarlett had fish and chips. She loves fish! She is gross lol I hate fish. We went home and she went to bed at about 9ish.

Brett went out for a meal with his family as it was his cousin’s 18th. After they finished eating and had a drink he got on the train. It ended up delayed and he didn’t arrive at my front door until 1:30am. We didn’t get in to bed until 3am. Well I got into bed at 3am. He came up at 4am, he woke me up climbing into bed lol

Sunday 12th:

After only a few hours sleep Scarlett got up. She had a bottle, played thne had breakfast. I brought her up to say hi to her “dad dad” and she was super excited. Put her down for a nap and crawled into bed. She slept for 2 hours and then we all got up for the day. We had dinner at my nan’s and then Scarlett had a nap. We just chilled out then when she was awake we walked home.

She went to bed and we both had a shower then chilled with a film. Scarlett woke up when we were just headed to bed so he went and sorted her out. She was hungry so I made her a bottle and he fed her.

Monday 13th:

Woke up for work. Scarlett was awake so I woke Brett up and dumped her on his lap so I could get ready for work. He had her all day and they had a really good day until she almost swallowed a 5p and that scared him, obviously. Then he didn’t shut the stair gate properly and had to rush downstairs mid-poo before she hurt herself. So he was a tad stressed when I got back from donating blood. I left work at 4pm for my donation session appointment at 4:30. I was done and dusted by 5:30 so we got home at 6pm. I cooked us dinner. We had pizza with cheesy garlic flatbread. We dropped him to train station then went to my nan’s for a cuppa tea. Scarlett went to bed at 9, again lol

Tuesday 14th (today):

So today is officially “Men’s Valentine’s Day”. Brett was not here so he couldn’t reap the benefits. Although he would’ve probably not liked me cooking steak as I am a rubbish cook lol

I left work at 4pm for my 4:30pm doctor’s appointment. I arrived at 4:15pm and used the machine to check in then I sat down. By 5pm I had lost the will to live so I went to reception and asked if my doctor was running behind. After sharing my details the receptionist informed me that my appointment had been cancelled. Apparently I had been left a voicemail last week, which I had not returned. Which basically was her way of insinuating this was my fault. I knew the surgery had not left me a voicemail regarding a cancellation but nonetheless I asked when the voicemail was supposedly left. She said it was March 7th. Absolutely bullshit. I didn’t make the appointment until March 9th so it is impossible to receive a cancellation over something that wasn’t even booked yet. I explained all this and the attitude I got was ridiculous so I just re-scheduled the appointment for next week and left otherwise I would’ve ended up being rude.

Scarlett didn’t want to go to bed at 7pm so I let her sit with me whilst I watched Emmerdale then she played for a bit and eventually she was ready to sleep at 8:30. Naughty little minx!

I am just catching up on some tele. Mom is out. She will be back later.


Throwback Thursday

Well Monday I was SHATTERED. Scarlett had me up on and off ALL NIGHT due to her awful cough and just general feelling unwellness. I went to work and felt like a zombie.

Tuesday was the same. She really isn’t well. I hate it when she is unwell. I can always tell because usually she wrecks my lounge and she hasn’t really bothered recently. Harry came to see her. He observed bath time again. That seems to be our ritual now. He interacts with her in the bath and does the washing parts whilst I get her pyjamas out in her room and get her creams ready etc. Then I dress her and the takes her back downstairs.

Wednesday (yesterday) I tried to get Scarlett a doctors appointment but after the line being busy every time I rang I gave up. Harry came around again. He gave her some milky bar chocolate. She’s never had chocolate before (like, duh, of course she hasn’t) but I didn’t say anything. It was only a little bit. He watched bath time again. When I was undressing her before the bath I pulled her shirt over her head and Harry pulled her trousers off. She looked at him like “what the fuck you doing?” It was hilarious. She had proper eyebrows going as well. He left at 7pm. I fed her her bottle and she was soon flat out so I laid her in the cot at 8pm. She has been so good considering she isn’t very well.

Today I managed to get her an appointment but it was for 11:40. I was leaving at 12 as I booked a half day so I left the office at 11:15 as I had to pick her up before going to the doctors and I needed plenty of time. I owe 45 minutes to work so I’ll just have a shorter lunch for 2 days. The doctor saw her and said she has got Bronchiolitis and to keep an eye on her breathing. If it becomes raspy or rapid to ring 111. I asked about her eczema (because of her dad and his skin, plus mine) as it has gotten really bad. I accept that the weather changing could effect her skin but she just looks so red and sore. So they’ve given her a steroid cream to try on her legs and the patch on her face plus they’ve changed her normal cream to see if that one is better. We will see.


I picked her cream up. The steroid one was available but the other one needs picking up tomorrow. She had some dinner earlier then she had a bath, like normal. I creamed her up and put some snufflebabe on her feet and chest to help her breathe. She went to bed at half 8.

I watched some tele and then did some washing up. It is Friday tomorrow. Finally the weekend. I love Friday’s at work. We can dress casual and I always seem to work harder because I know it is the weekend soon. Weird!

So ummmm the Presidential Elections for 2016 came to ahead yesterday and ummmmm Donald Trump won. There are NO words. He is in. End of. Finito. Finished. Awesome, right?

The answer to that is NO. I am so glad I am not American but I do think him being POTUS will have an effect on us here in Britain, what kind of effect is unknown. Only time will tell.

On more important news: Today marks the 1 year anniversary of our dear old friend Patricia passing. She died suddenly a year ago and after her husband’s blessing, Scarlett dedicated her middle name to her. This was decided 4 days from now (last year) when I finally learned that she WAS a she lol kept us all waiting for 29 weeks!!!! #ScarlettRosePatricia

I am in bed. I am tired. I have work tomorrow and a kind of busy weekend. We have a party Saturday and church on Sunday.


19 weeks

Thursday: Scarlett’s doctors appointment was fine. The lump in her leg *should* go but I’m to keep an eye on it. The doctor examined her skin. She reckons she has a little bit of eczema so she prescribed her something to put in her bath water and some cream for afterwards. If it works she’ll put it on repeat prescription for her.

Brett went home Thursday evening. Early. As he was working Friday.

Friday: We got the train to my dads house as we were spending the day with him, my stepmom and the kids. We jumped in the car at lunch and drove to Portsmouth. It’s only 20-25 minutes from where he lives. We decided we’d eat but everywhere was full so we booked a table for 2 and decided to use our waiting time to go up the Spinnaker Tower. I went up there last year on holiday when I was 14 weeks pregnant. It was strange going up again but with an 18 week old baby.


I laid her on the glass floor and we walked across it. Heights don’t bother me.

After the tower we settled in for lunch. I had had a cold for a few days so my nose was blocked and I couldn’t taste anything. I ordered a Rodeo Chicken burger with cheese. It was delicious. The chicken was grilled and the bun was sesame and poppy seeds. It came with chips and I had ordered a side of garlic flat bread.

The boys wanted to go up the Spinnaker again so I had a wander around the shops. I went into GAP but I didn’t see anything I liked. My stepmom went in and she found a lovely pink romper so she bought Scarlett that. It is going in the suitcase for holiday.

My dad dropped us back at the train station at 7ish and we were off the train at 8. Mom hadn’t eaten and I had only had lunch so we grabbed a bite then went to my nan’s for a cuppa.

Saturday: We went to my nan’s and tried out some bubbles. She wasn’t quite sure about them as they kept popping before she had chance to study them. It wasn’t that warm so we tried out her new coat. I bought it ages ago and it had been in her wardrobe. It is waterproof and slightly lined so it will keep the wind and rain out. I think I will put it in her suitcase for holiday in case the weather is shitty.

Sunday: We had dinner at my nan’s house. It was a lot warmer so I took our new paddling pool round and set it up. I had bought a soft jigsaw mat so we put that underneath so it was soft for her to sit and lay in the pool. I filled up the pool and stripped to my undies. We sat in there together (well she laid in it) for ages. Afterwards we got out, I dried and dressed her then we went home.

Yesterday (Monday): I needed to pop to town and mom wanted to get her haircut so we drove in. She went off to the hairdressers and I walked round to get some Baby Sun Lotion for our holiday. Then I stopped by the nail bar and had my eyebrows done because they were bushy as fuck. I walked to meet mom and we ate lunch together. After lunch we stopped off at my nan’s. At 3ish we went in the paddling pool again. It was lovely sitting in there just relaxing. She was kicking away and giggling.

She was 19 weeks yesterday. She’s such a joy. She giggles and shouts. I sing to her a lot. She watches me intently. She also watches me eat which is very off putting. Weaning is a success. She has 1 jar a day at the moment. Usually split in to two. She has them at lunch and dinner time. Her favourite food so far is carrot. It’s a shame they’re orange and again EVERYTHING!!!

Tomorrow I have my dental referral with the consultant regarding my impacted wisdom tooth. I hope the surgery is soon. I want it out the way. Thursday we are popping in to work to say Hi. My friend’s birthday is that day so I’ve got a card for him. He’s 50!

We are up early tomorrow so I’m off to sleep. If I can. It’s so humid!