6 days to go

Yep I am now doing a Christmas countdown…

So today I am fuming! The second, replacement, tree arrived and it is also broken. Half the built-in lights do not work. I am so angry with the company now. 2 broken trees. Really? FFS! So I emailed about the second faulty tree and hopefully they’ll sort it out. But what are we meant to do for a tree now?

We looked on Argos and found a 6 foot tree for £18. It was half price. So we reserved that. Mom is picking it up tomorrow.

I am just so damn angry. It is meant to be Scarlett’s first Christmas and we don’t even have a tree so the house could not look more UNfestive if it tried. I know she won’t remember, but I will. And if I hear that ONE.MORE.TIME I will scream.

Hopefully this new Argos tree will be better. I have had a shit day overall. I don’t even feel like Christmas is 6 days away. This time last year I was preparing for my last Christmas as a pre-parent person lol made how fast the year has gone.

She was 47 weeks today. Only 5 weeks left till she hits 52 and 1 years old. Mad!

Look what she did at nursery. It’s a lovely Christmas card for me. It’s brilliant. It’s my first ever. I love it!!!



14 weeks

Friday I had Scarlett weighed. In 4 weeks she’s gained just under 1lb. After last time I fully expected more issues from the health visitors but they said nothing so I prompted them. They said she is following her own line on the chart consistently so not to worry. She went from 9lb 6oz at 9 weeks + to 10lb 4oz at 13 weeks +. She’s obviously just built quite petite.

Saturday I went out for breakfast with my mom. We went to whetherspoons. I had a lovely breakfast wrap. We did some shopping then I had my hair washed, cut and blow dried. We went and paid for the photos I had done 2 weeks ago. They’re fab.

Sunday my Nan wasn’t at home so we stayed indoors and had Sunday roast with mom and Jordan. Mom cooked a delicious roast beef. We chilled all day and night. Was a relaxing Sunday.

Today we went round my nan’s after lunch as she was cooking a bank holiday roast dinner. We ate and I stayed for a bit with Scarlett. I washed up. Fed her. Then we left in the late afternoon.

I decided to try out the live video feature on facebook today. So I gave Scarlett a bath then turned it on during our usual after-bath routine etc. It was so weird chatting to the camera but it’s cool you can stream what you’re up to and it doesn’t hog your phone memory with the videos lol

Scarlett went to bed at 9ish. She’s in my bed still because when I laid her in her cot she cried. I thought she was flat out but she wasn’t so she woke straight up lol little minx.

I think Brett and I have broken up. He got crazy mad at me over something really silly. And it wasn’t even like I’d actually done anything wrong. But he got super pissed, told me to “fuck off”, and when I replied back about not speaking to me like that, he said “why you still messaging me” so I just replied with the universal answer that means I’m so NOT ok but okay – “K” and that was that.

He’s got until Friday (when I’m meant to get the train to his and stay over) and if he hasn’t messaged me to apologise etc then I’m going to block and delete his number. I refuse to be spoken to like that and be the one to say sorry. I didn’t do anything. Fuck him !!!

I’m in bed. Might go sleep soon. Got a proper banging headache. Probably the stress!



Tuesday was my brother’s 21st birthday. We went out for dinner in the evening. I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner. Scarlett slept through most of it, only waking towards the end for a bottle. I had already bathed and got her dressed for bed before we had left. So after I fed her, we paid, left and I got her into bed as soon as we got home.

Wednesday Scarlett had her 12 week jabs. She screeched like last time and it hurt my heart to hear it but she did really well and she was okay with mommy cuddles. We went to nan’s afterwards.

Thursday Scarlett and I spent the day at Nana’s house. She had some TV time whilst I ate my lunch.

Friday morning we went into work to have lunch with my work colleagues. She was mostly good, but she did get a little grumpy. After we visited work we went to our first baby massage class. She hadn’t long been fed, as  I fed her at work, so she was all good and happy for the first lot of massage but half way through she decided to scream for a bottle so I sat on our mat feeding her then we left.

We went to nan’s after and I ended up having dinner. We left and at about 7ish my mom picked Brett up from the train station. I actually had missed him. I didn’t realise how much till he was here. Scarlett had a bath and went to bed. We had a decent catchup and chatted etc. We put a film on but we missed most of it lol unfortunately due to this, we had an accident. The condom split. I totally freaked so I said we had to go to a chemist in the morning for the Morning After Pill. Never in all my years of being sexually active had I had 1) a condom split and 2) to take the Morning After Pill. I felt so embarrassed which is silly because it wasn’t our fault. We had made the effort to be smart and protected and it went wrong.

So the next day (Saturday) after Scarlett had woke, fed and nappy had been changed then she napped again. I dressed her and we both walked to my nearest chemist. Unfortunately it was closed as it was just after midday and I guess it was only open till noon. So we got on the bus and went to town. Scarlett needed changing so we went into the baby change and Brett wanted to give it a go so I said okay and let him. He did really well. It was only a wee one. We went to Sainsburys and the pharmacist said that Boots give it for free so we went there instead. It was so awkward talking to the pharmacist there and I felt really uncomfortable. I took the pill and we grabbed some lunch. Brett fed her so I could eat my lunch with both hands for a change lol after lunch we went back home and chilled. He had a bath, then I bathed Scarlett and got her ready for bed. Then he took her whilst I got ready for bowling. We went bowling for my brother’s birthday. We had a decent night, but after 2 rounds of bowling we both were bored. I won both rounds but didn’t do so well on the third. Just before we had our last go, my brother was bowling his go and somehow managed to twist and break his swearing finger on his right hand. We called it a night and mom dropped me, Brett and Scarlett home then took my brother up the hospital. Turns out he has fractured his finger, dislocated it AND ripped the tendon. Ouch! He has it in a splint and has an appointment with the fracture clinic on Wednesday.

We put a film on and when it was finished we went to sleep. I was so tired having had little sleep Friday night because Brett kept me up till 3am distracting me with talking and stuff. And then I was up with Scarlett at 7ish.

Today (Sunday) she woke up at 8:30am so I fed her, changed her nappy then put her back down for a nap. I then got back into bed myself. When she woke up later I fed her then Brett took her and dressed her whilst I jumped in the shower. He and my brother left for the shop so I walked to my nan’s by myself with Scarlett. They caught up soon after. We had dinner which was delicious, I love my nan’s cooking. Then we chilled for a bit.

My dad’s sister was passing by the area so she popped in to say Hi, have a cuppa and see Scarlett. I hadn’t seen her since my Stepmom’s 40th birthday party last May when I told everyone that I was pregnant. She had a cuddle when Scarlett finally woke from her nap.

After she left Brett and I walked home. Scarlett was asleep so I left her in the pram, turned skype on so I would be able to see/hear her and then we went upstairs. It was about 6ish. She slept for a while. I was just thinking of waking her so she would have 1 more feed before bath and bed when she woke up. So I fed her, got her bathed and then ready for bed. Brett had a nice cuddle then my mom dropped him at the station. I took Scarlett up to bed and within about 20 minutes she was flat out asleep so I put her in the Moses Basket (almost grown out of it) and she’s been there ever since. I have been catching up on Elementary season 3.

I am starving so I am going to make myself a snack and watch 1 more episode then I am off to bed.

Scarlett is officially 13 weeks tomorrow however as it is the 25th of the month, she is also officially 3 whole months. So again it will be milestone sticker time lol I hope IF I ever have another child that I make this kind of effort to document that child’s growth etc. I reckon I probably would because I am so organised and I love scrapbooking etc.


P.S. My brother told me that Brett told him he is falling for me … I won’t mention it, I will wait for him to tell me sometime himself when he is ready. It is nice to know though, that he felt he could share that with my brother!!!

2016 is here

Well 2016 is here. We spent New Year’s Eve at my grandparents house. She always lays on a spread and alcohol. Obviously I didn’t have a drink. I had planned to. I was going to have a fizzy wine but I’m on antibiotics for an infection so I can’t risk it. The antibiotics are for an infection but I’ve no idea what it is. The doctor phoned me Tuesday night and said my urine sample came back positive for an infection and I needed antibiotics. They left a prescription for me at the surgery. I wasn’t very impressed with the call I received. The doctor didn’t introduce himself, he just said he was calling from the name of my surgery. He didn’t tell me what the infection could be, he just said I needed antibiotics and I don’t like taking any medication unless I’m 100% what it is for. So when I picked it up on Wednesday I asked the receptionist what was written on my notes about it.

So I’ve been taking the antibiotics and next week I have to go back to see the doctor for a follow up. I guess they’ll redo the urine sample.

Anyway, I didn’t do that much in the lead up to New Year’s Eve. I popped into town and hit the mothercare sale. I also had my haircut :) it needed doing.

We got home New Year’s Eve (although technically it was New Year’s Day) at half 12. It was cold out at that time of night.

I didn’t manage to finish my Book Challenge for 2015. I set the challenge target to 40 and only managed 28.

I’m setting my 2016 goal to 30. I may actually make it this time, even with a newborn baby to look after.

I can’t believe I only have as much as 30 days to go and as less as 26. Either way it’s just a month to go. I’m in my 36th week. I’ve got constant pelvis pains nowadays. I pee, a lot. One of my boobs has started to hurt whereas it hadn’t hurt since my first trimester. I really am in the home stretch now!!!

Happy New Year to everyone. I hope 2016 brings you everything you hope, and more.


Quarter-life crisis

I say quarter because I thought if I said “mid” people would be like “wtf you’re only 22, unless you die at 44 you’re not in your midlife”. Which is true. However that said, no ever actually knows what their midlife is until they die. Because then you’d halve it and that’s your midlife lol
Anyways, it’s not so much a crisis but more of a “Je ne sais pas ce que” which is French for “I don’t know what”. Which is true, I don’t. And I don’t even know if I can even begin to articulate what I mean or want to say.

First of: college.
Last year I had been unemployed for months and I felt like crap. I was bored and in a rut. When the careers lady at the JC told me about possible courses to go to university I was interested because it was something to do. I didn’t realise this at the time, the fact I was only bothered because I was desperate I mean, so I followed it up and got enrolled. Everything was fine-ish, until Christmas and the class work was hard, I was no longer working so I was penniless and struggling to get to college and pay my few bills. By the next year I’d realised that deep down, I didn’t want to be a nurse. But most importantly, I didn’t think I’d be able to be a nurse. I’m not a people person. I’m a loner. I like my own company.
I thought about dropping out of college this year and perhaps picking it up again in September depending how I felt but the college doesn’t allow that. My only option was to drop 2 classes and do them in September, making me a part-time student. This seemed like a good idea. I’d have time to breathe and less work to worry about. So after half term my new, lighter timetable started and I was feeling refreshed with new studious energy. Until, that is, I actually attended my remaining classes and I realised college wasn’t where I wanted to be.
The question is, though, WHERE DO I WANT TO BE?? I really don’t know.

Now this leads on/back to to another thing bothering me.
I was searching Facebook for something or someone, I can’t remember, and I came across someone I use to know. Curiosity lead me to a lot of old school mates and various people my age that I knew. I suddenly realised something; I peaked in “high school”. Whenever I think back to my teenage years, up to 17, I was pretty, hot, popular (sort of) and had a handful of close-ish friends. But now? What have I achieved in the last 7 years since I left school? Nothing. Not a single thing. Many old classmates seem to have gotten married, had children (yes, plural) or gone to college then to university (living a whole other exciting life away from this town).
Me: I’ve been stuck here, in this shit hole of a town, more or less unemployed on/off the whole time, no children or anything like that. No significant achievements, at all. All I’ve got is an ex who I set the precedent for with women, and not in a good way, now he thinks all girls are like me – I broke him. And I didn’t cheat on him or anything, I was just myself which is a scary thought. Another ex who cheated on me and had a child with the woman he slept with. A so-called friend who had a whole other life that I wasn’t privy to and I unknowingly became the “other woman” and a so-called friend who abused my position as a friend for the first 6 months he knew me, which coincided with an awful time in his life and now barely talks to me unless I make the effort and often still doesn’t reply then.

I don’t know if I need to get away from this town or what. Something needs to change but I just don’t know where to start.

I’ve been looking at administrative jobs around here but also further afield, and I hope something comes up. If I can get back into admin and permanently then I’d be okay, I think. I do enjoy working on computers and that.

I have class tomorrow but I don’t want to waste 90 minutes of life when all I really want is to talk to my tutor, who happens to be my teacher for that class.
Perhaps I could skip class, go to college to hand back my library books and then catch her on her way out of the class. Sounds mad as she’d automatically ask why I never came to class but once we’ve spoken she’ll understand why, surely?
That’s my plan I think. Worth a try.

Anyway I think this post is about as close to my feelings as anyone can get so I’ll leave it at that.


I ate bacon

Today I ate bacon. For those who do know me you’ll know how unusual that statement is. For those that don’t, I’ll explain. I don’t eat bacon. Or ham. Or pork in any form. Only version of “piggy” I eat is sausage. But even then I really do have to “fancy” sausages (oo-er!) to eat them. However there are 2 instances when I will eat bacon. 3 if you include quiche and pie as separate. I will eat bacon if it is in a pre-made sandwich with mayonnaise chicken. I will also eat bacon if it is in a bacon and egg pie or in a quiche. No clue why these 3 things make a difference but they do. This morning I stopped in Gregg’s on my way to class to grab a pink sponge square and I saw a chicken mayo and bacon sandwich so I bought it and ate it. It was quite tasty even though it’s hardly breakfast food. I skipped my usual porridge for lack of time this morning.
I have now just arrived on campus, ready for my first class back after a couple of weeks of sickness, followed by a weeks break for half term.

Here I go…


Migraines and itchy eyes

Well I haven’t been to class a single day this week. It wasn’t intentional. I started Sunday night thinking I’d try to make amends with my assignment tutors and see if possible to get some help.
Monday: I woke up with a raging migraine and I had a psychology exam which I didn’t think I’d be able to sit through so I emailed my tutor saying I was sick. Not that he got back to me. He usually does but he didn’t then.
Anyways, I stayed in bed (with an eye mask on to shut out the light) all day. Had some dinner a lot later and then just chilled…
I got a phone call in the afternoon to say I got the job. Housekeeping at my mom’s work place. Part time only 15 hours which suited me due to study.
Tuesday I woke up with a migraine again and also my eyes had flared up, itchy, red, gunky and sore. Again I was off sick.
Wednesday my eyes were worse. When I finally did get up to eat, when I went to stand up my knees gave way and I landed sitting on them on my bedroom floor, next to my bed. My back hurt as I whacked it on the way down. My legs must’ve been numb from being asleep in an awkward position. It was comical but painful.
Thursday was a migraine and bad eyes. Friday much of the same. I received the paperwork for my job but it’s a lot to get through and some of the information I don’t even know. There’s a health questionnaire asking me about various vaccinations and I know I’ve had lots but I can’t remember “what, and when”. Will have to phone my doctors on Monday I guess.
Didn’t get up to much yesterday (Saturday). My eyes felt better so when I was at my Nan’s I had a play on sims 3. I miss playing it. It’s so funny especially as I have the Supernatural expansion pack. I can be a witch, werewolf, vampire, ghost or fairy.
I’m going to speak to my tutor this week coming. Not sure when but definitely this week. Also need to hand back a LRC book which is overdue and the town library wants my book back by the 10th. I have read it, it was a good read. It was called “My Husband Nextdoor” by Catherine Alliott. I’ve checked out another already. “One Day in May” by Catherine Alliott. Haven’t started it yet but I will.