A party, a cupcake and some Netflix

Wednesday was my neighbours birthday. She works in the office above mine. She came in with a cupcake. I saved mine for Scarlett. She demolished it in the car on the journey home. She did day 13 of her book advent. She got the book “We are going on a bear hunt”.

Thursday I watched the Riverdale season finale during lunch. No idea when season 3 is coming. Can’t believe season 2 is done already. Feels so quick! Scarlett did her book advent for Day 14. She got the book “All Aboard”.

Friday was long at work. It had been a long week. It was Christmas jumper day at the Nursery so I sent Scarlett in with her new reindeer jumper. We were going to a party in the evening so when we got home I tried to get her to nap. She wasn’t keen lol I bathed her and got her dressed at 6. I sent her downstairs so I could straighten my hair and do my make up. I was ready to go. We took a few pics before we left.

Party was good. Scarlett made an automatic beeline for the buffet table. I mean, of course she did, it’s food. She ran around lots. Made a little friend and danced a lot. I danced with her. Towards the evening she was getting tired. I picked her up and she laid in my arms like she was a baby. I swayed with her and she just laid there looking at me. She didn’t try to move or get put down. It was lovely tbh. We left at 10:30 and she got straight into pyjamas at home and into bed. I think I was asleep by 11. I felt shattered. It’s hard work to work all day then go out. Even though we weren’t “that late”, it’s still long!

It was the twins birthday. They were 5 today!!!

Saturday I wasn’t woken up till almost 9. What a fab lay in. Scarlett had her morning milk then we watched some tv. We read her new books. She curled up because she was still tired. My mom got breakfast at 10:30. We ate then I put Scarlett down for a nap. Whilst she slept I ignored my feelings of wanting to nap and I hoovered the front room. In preparation for the Christmas tree being put up. I then finished wrapping presents.

Scarlett woke up when my mom got back from town. They retrieved the tree from the loft. It was up and Scarlett “helped” us decorate it. I added her personalised bits from last year and this year too.

I need to get my haircut so at 3ish my mom took Scarlett to my nan’s for a bit. My nan was out all day visiting my uncle so she’d asked us to let the dog out. I got the bus to town. I picked up my special people Christmas cards and some tidbits to wrap. Then I went to the salon. They were closing in 40m and said they didn’t have time to do what I wanted so I’ll have to go back tomorrow!

I got home at 5ish. I cooked me and Scarlett some dinner then at 6 I took her up for a bath. Also to let the others eat their dinner in peace. She opened her book advent for Days 15 and 16. Day 15 was Cinderella. Day 16 was Some Dogs Do. She had her bottle then went to bed at 7. She was flat out asleep within 15 minutes.

I did some more wrapping whilst my mom dropped my brother at work then we sat down and watched a 4 part series called Bancroft. It was very good. Kept you guessing till the end. Although we did figure out some of it.

I’ve just climbed into bed. I need to go to sleep as Scarlett will wake about 7-7:30 tomorrow.

TTFN x

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Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).

TTFN x

26 candles

Ironically I didn’t actually get a cake for my birthday this year. But that just sums up how my day went. Brett pissed me off because the only thing I asked for for my birthday was a lay-in. And did I get one? No! We had said we’d spend the day together and my mom would babysit. We didn’t go out until half 2. We went bowling. We had two games. He thrashed me on both. Then we played in the arcade. We played air hockey and it was really fun. I love that game.

We got a bus to the garage then my mom picked us up and we went home. I put Scarlett down for a nap. When she woke up I did my makeup and got dressed then we headed out at 7ish. We went to Frankie and Benny’s for a meal. My dinner was delicious. Scarlett ate well but Brett gave her some coke so she was a tad hyper. It took her ages to calm down. We stopped at my nan’s on our way home for a cuppa. We put Scarlett to bed and then we finished watching the second Sherlock Holmes. Now me and Brett are just toasting my birthday with our Asti and chatting.

TTFN x

Naples a no-go

So yesterday we decided we’d go and look at the Trevi Fountain and then the Colosseum. So we headed down for breakfast at the bar across the road, with our “free breakfast” vouchers from the apartment and were told they’d sold out of breakfast. So we shit out. I was not told beforehand it was a first come, first served, so this angered me. We decided to have McDonald’s as there was one near the station. So that’s where we went. A family next to us were talking to Scarlett and she was entertaining them, just as she done with everybody on this trip lol

After we ate we walked all the way to Trevi and found the fountain. We barely got close enough to take a picture properly and Scarlett was actually fast asleep but we managed something!

After the fountain we stopped to eat some chocolate ice cream (which I dropped down my top) then we carried on walking. We were crossing a little road and there was a few people ahead. One guy crossed and was walking away from us but he turned around and started speaking to us. He asked where we were from and we said England. He said that’s good as English love the Africans. He asked about Scarlett. How old etc. He said he had a daughter too. He then handed us bracelets and said “I give you these because you’re from England and you love Africa”. Now we’ve had people “give” us stuff and then ask for money so I knew he expected something. So far we had just handed the items back and said No. But for some unknown reason my brain decided that I should throw him a few euros so I opened my purse up to do this, I pull out a €5 to give to him and he stands next to me and says “Give me the ten”. Before I can say anything he’s took the €10 plus another €5 then marched off. Brett chased him across the road and grabbed my money. He came back with €10 so he managed to get half of what the guy took. We had a row because he said I was stupid for opening my purse. I do agree. I shouldn’t have. But it wasn’t my fault this guy took it upon himself to touch my personal possessions like that. I did not give him permission whatsoever. So Brett’s comments didn’t help the situation. I felt stupid enough. Anyways we marched about and found ourselves no where exciting lol we had to reroute ourselves to find the colosseum (who knew you could lose a place that big) but finally we were close. We decided against an inside tour because I didn’t fancy taking a toddler up that high. My motto was “I came, I saw, I took a pic, I’m done” lol

We headed back to our apartment. We accidentally walked through gang territory in the shape of a park. We put Scarlett down for a nap then we relaxed. Brett had a shower when she woke up and then we headed for dinner. We had a lovely meal at a restaurant near by. I had sage and butter tortellini. I’m in love with that dish. It’s delicious.

Today we decided Naples was a no-go. Neither of us fancied the travelling to and from. And tbh we just wanted to chill the F out. And considering we didn’t wake up till 10am, we had relaxed somewhat. I say 10 but in reality I was awake at 6am because I was hot and needed to open the shutters to let air in. Then Scarlett woke up at 8:30 for a bottle. But yeah, 10 lol I video called my brother as he hadn’t spoken to Scarlett in a while.

We left our apartment at about noon. We ended up down the street in the same restaurant we ate dinner at. I had sage and butter tortellini again and Scarlett tried some this time. She loved it. We ate then wandered. I got a tshirt for myself that says “I love Roma” and then Scarlett got a gladiator tshirt. She’s wearing it home tomorrow. We headed to the supermarket on our way back to the room. We picked up a bottle of Martini Asti and then headed back. We put Scarlett down for a nap then we opened the Asti and toasted to a successful (if slightly stressful and eventful) holiday abroad with a toddler. We finished the bottle and just chilled out. She woke up and we watched teletubbies and FaceTimed my mom then my grandparents. We left for dinner at 9ish. We went to a different restaurant around the corner, opposite the church. I had steak and chips, so did Brett. Scarlett had had yoghurt and snack bits in the apartment so we just gave her a handful of chips. She was so grumpy as she was tired and hot and bothered. The waitress gave her a chocolate wafer. So she was her new BFF lol

After we dinner we headed back. I bathed Scarlett and got her ready for bed. I tried to put her down but she wasn’t having any of it. Brett packed whilst I showered. Then I packed. Then he showered. She was still awake. She finally settled at 12:30. She’s going to be knackered tomorrow so I’m hoping she sleeps on the plane!!!!

I am so looking forward to going home. I’ve missed my mom, my bed, my country’s lovely cooler temperatures lol

It’s my birthday in 1 day (as it’s now the 17th technically). Can’t believe it’s come around so quickly. 26. How?

Our last evening and night in Italy. That happened quickly!!!!

TTFN x

Anxiety creeping

Brett turned up at 10:30ish. So not too late on Thursday. We tried to get an early night but we like to chill and catch up. He woke Scarlett up when he got there so he had to put her back to bed and she wasn’t amused so I ended up giving her a small bottle, as well as teething gel after he had changed her nappy. Once she was asleep we got into bed.

Friday 21st:

Brett turned 25!!!! I got up with Scarlett for nursery. Dressed her then woke Brett up so he could say goodbye as we weren’t going to see her till Saturday once she left. They had cuddles then my Nan picked her up. I climbed back in to bed for a bit. We got up later than we should’ve and he wanted to shower and shit before we left so that took longer. We ended up leaving at 2ish. Train was due at 2:45. Didn’t leave until gone 3pm. We made a “friend” on the platform. An older lady was sat next to us on the bench and she started talking to us. Harmless enough. However it became very clear she was drunk. She was 63 (she said), still very sexually active (she also said) and had a boyfriend in Southampton (where she was headed apparently). We hopped on the train and settled in the “quiet carriage” and she had gotten on a different carriage. 3 minutes later she wanders past with all her stuff and plonks down next to us (well next to me). Fun times. She dropped all her stuff (in that drunk clumsy way people do). So we scrambled around helping her pick it up. She asked our names as she was texting someone about her trip (and meeting us two) and 3 times Brett told her what his name was and 3 times she called him Brian! It was a very painful experience. Thankfully she departed the train at Winchester (after asking us 5 times where she was going?) and we had a quiet remainder to our journey.

We finally got to Portsmouth at 4:25pm. We headed to our hotel for check in. Checked in. Threw our stuff on the bed and went straight back out for dinner. By the time we arrived at Gunwharf Quays it was almost 5. We walked along the food promenade and settled on Pizza Express. Whilst we ate I booked our cinema tickets for 7:15. We finished eating and went for a drink as we had plenty of time. We watched Fast & Furious 8. It’s not my kind of film as such but I have seen most of them so I did enjoy it. After we left the cinema it was about 10ish so we got a train back to the hotel. We wanted some nibbles so we hunted for a convenience store. No success. Brett ended up asking a local and he directed us to the nearest Tesco lol

We didn’t get to sleep until 2am (maybe later). We got caught up in the typical dirty weekend things – food, trashy TV and sex (Obvs). Overall we’d had a good day and night. Brett said his birthday had been great day!!!

Saturday 22nd:

We got up at 9:30 and went down to the restaurant for breakfast. We came back up for showers and packing then at midday we checked out and headed back to Gunwharf. Brett had birthday money to spend and I just wanted to wander. Also we had to do the Spinnaker Tower as Brett had never done it. So we did that first then we had lunch in the cafe below it.


We headed to the shops. Brett had his eyes on some Ralph Lauren so that’s where we headed. I got Scarlett some adorable floral shoes for our trip to Italy in August. We paid for our stuff and then he went to a different store for his dad’s birthday present and then we headed back to the train station to head home.

We got off the train at 4:30 and my nan picked us up. Scarlett acted super excited when she first saw us but then acted all indifferent when we tried to hug her haha sassy pants!

We had a cuppa tea then went home. Brett did bath time whilst we picked up dinner. We had a nice take away from the chippy. He and I then put Scarlett to bed and then watched the Conor McGregor DVD I bought him for his birthday. That was about 3/4 hours then we settled down for bed.

Today (Sunday 23rd):

St. George’s day today. Scarlett’s second one. She gave me a lay in. She woke up at 8 ish but I didn’t hear her till almost 8:30 as she was just talking to herself in her cot! I have her a bottle then we played. Then she had breakfast (and tipped some fruit all over the floor) then I dressed her. I woke Brett up at 10:30 and then at 11 I put Scarlett down for a nap. She slept for ages and I watched some catch-up NCIS. Obsessed with the show. No idea why! Once she was up, we got ready and went to my nan’s for Sunday dinner. Scarlett had her dress on for all over 5 minutes before tipping most of her dinner down herself, mostly gravy.



We had a good afternoon. She walked around the garden, a lot. Mom, her boyfriend, Brett and I nipped to the shops for some food shopping then we swung back to pick Scarlett up before heading home. Brett went home at 5 and I fed Scarlett some tea before taking her up for a bath. She was so tired. She just kept laying her head on my shoulder. At 6:30. She never goes to bed much before 7 usually. But nonetheless I did her bottle and put her to bed. She was out like a light.

I went up and had a shower at 9 and then just chilled etc. I watched some tele and came up to bed at midnight but it’s 1:30am and I’m still awake because it’s hit me that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow and I’ve been to the loo 4 times with stress related bowel issues. I hate that I cannot control my life. I’ve been actively looking for a new job for months and have had no luck. My friend has been looking for maybe a month or so and she managed to land one quickly and has handed her notice in already. I feel sick at the thought of going to work. My mental health is affected so much. To the point where I saw my doctor last week and got referred on to discuss my problems. Anxiety she reckons but I think it’s more than that.

I just had a row with my mom. We were just having a laugh and then I was talking about work and that I hate that I cannot just quit now and she was going on about “don’t forget that I cannot afford to have you here if you’re not working” and it just angered me because as if I don’t know this. She’s been giving me that same line since I was 18. I’m well-a-fucking-ware that she depends on my income. Which adds to my stress because not only do I have a child who relies on me but also my mother. So then she started to say “oh it’s my fault you’re stressed”. I cut her off and told her to leave my room. She carried on so I screeched at her to get out. I think she called me a cunt as she stormed out and slammed her bedroom door. Yeah I’m a cunt because I’m very clearly fucking struggling with life ATM and she knows this because I’ve told her this. She knows about my doctors appointments and stuff.

But whatever. I’m not apologising for telling her to leave my room.

Morning looms closer!

TTFN x

Oops

So I totally forgot to blog for a while! Here’s what has been happening.

Thursday 13th:

Had work and then at 5pm I was free for 10 days!!!

Friday 14th (Easter Friday):

Bank holidays rule! Scarlett had me up at usual time. Sorted her then we played. She had a nap then once she was up we got on the train to Brett’s house. Scarlett went to bed at 9ish I think.

Saturday 15th:

We didn’t get up to much. Weather wasn’t overly great so stayed in. We got ready for the party (Brett’s friend’s 21st) and off we went. I had a fairly decent night. Finally met some of his peeps. Hopefully didn’t show myself up, even though I puked a few times before getting the uber home lol

Sunday 16th (Easter Sunday):

I was hanging out my asshole when I woke up with Scarlett at 8am. She wanted to run about and I just wanted to die BUT I did get up. I gave her a bottle. Dragged her to the toilet so I could puke a bit more. She gave me this judgmental stare. 15 months old and that sort of attitude! #MyKidRules

At 10am Brett’s mom said did I want her to take Scarlett with her to visit some family for a few hours? Yes please lol so off they went. I climbed back into bed. After 2 hours I felt right as rain. Was starving and dinner wasn’t due til 3ish so I had a bit of toast and some more water. I felt much better. Dinner was lovely. Brett had surfaced at that point. Lazy fucker. Next time he says a word about being up early with Scarlett I’ll remind him of the time I got up with a hangover to deal with her, when he was very incapable of doing so!


Monday 17th (Easter Monday):

We got up today and I packed our stuff. Brett said he was going to the tattooist in Epsom to book in his ink. So we tagged along. We had some lunch then we came home. Chilled for a bit then we jumped on a train home. Think we got back at about 6ish. I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed.


Tuesday 18th:

Scarlett had Nursery and I had a lay in. Technically I didn’t. I still got up with her at 7ish but after I’d fed her, dressed her and shipped her off to Nursery, I climbed back in bed lol my nan picked her up at 12:30 like normal. I went round to pick her up a bit later. I had a doctors appointment at 3:50pm. We ended up having dinner with my nan then we came home. She went to bed at 7:30 like normal but at midnight, just as I was settling for bed, she woke up and was up for the next 2 hours. I think I didn’t get to sleep until 3am.

Wednesday 19th:

Woke up to a lovely swollen hayfever eye. Not surprising I was tired though, after being up till 3am. Sent her off to Nursery as I had stuff to do. Had to tidy my room and hoover the upstairs. Plus do some washing. Clean the dishes. Just random crap really.

Today (20th):

Today I was due to meet my bestie in London for a playdate but she couldn’t make it due to a fire at Euston station and some other incident going on. Shame but it what it is! So me and Scarlett stayed home all morning so she could nap after playing with me. After she woke up we grabbed our coats and walked to my nan’s house. We had lunch and played a bit then she had a short nap. We stayed for dinner then we walked home.


I put her to bed at 7:30. She was tired but spent about 20 minutes rolling around her cot talking to herself. I love listening to her.

I watched Emmerdale then I packed Scarlett’s stuff for her overnight stay at my nan’s tomorrow. Brett’s birthday is tomorrow. He is going to be 25. I’m taking him away for the night. It’ll be good fun. My nan is babysitting :)

Just watching Chicago Justice catch up and waiting for Brett to arrive.

TTFN x

The last day

Saturday 25th:

I took Scarlett into town for lunch. We had a little mother-daughter date at Poppins cafe. Then we had a wander around the town. I let her “walk” a little inside the shopping centre. She quite enjoyed herself.

After town we met my mom and went food shopping. We took it home and packed it away then went round my nan’s house. I don’t see her much in the week as I’m working. I see her for a minute when we drop Scarlett to her in the morning and that’s it.

Sunday 26th (Mother’s Day):

I took my nan, mom and Scarlett out for dinner for Mother’s Day. My grandad was coming initially but he was still in hospital so he couldn’t make it. He was fine. Just being kept in until they could get hold of his kidney specialist who apparently was busy lol we had a nice meal the 4 of us then we went to my nan’s for a cuppa tea before heading home. It was a good day. I ended up with 2 cards “from” Scarlett. That was nice. They’ll go in her memory box.

Monday 27th:

Payday! I hate Mondays though. Scarlett must’ve hated it too as she screamed for 45 minutes at bed time. It was hard to take as she’s never like that. Was a shock to my system lol

My grandad came home. Finally. They released him but he left his meds up there so my mom said she’d run him up the next day to pick them up. What is he like? Lol

Tuesday 28th:

For the first time in the 6 months I’ve been back at work I missed Scarlett so much that I needed to see her. Like desperately. So I had my mom meet me for lunch and bring her with her. It soothed my unsettled soul. If only temporarily.

Wednesday 29th:

I had an epic day! I fell out with a coworker and was treated like a 5 year old by another. #winning

I finally got my Mother’s Day gift from Scarlett (aka my mom and Brett). My mom picked it. Scarlett broke my necklace last month. It was the one I got for my first Mother’s Day last year. Mom said she’d replace it. She did. But with the same necklace that “Scarlett” got me for Christmas, only 3 months ago lol so we’ve took it back and we’ll decide on something different haha 

Thursday 30th:

I bought a blackout curtain on Amazon on Tuesday and it arrived today so after work my mom put it up (longer arms than me). It should keep her from waking up too early when it’s light out and going to bed at a reasonable time when it’s light out. Here’s hoping lol

Friday 31st (today):

The end of March has come and it seems a little quick. Where has the time gone? I remember playing for my week of in April and it seemed so long away. Now it is 2-3 weeks!!! Mom took me and Scarlett home after I finished work. I bathed her and then she dropped us at my Nan’s as I was having dinner there. Scarlett had to join in too, even though she had already eaten dinner at nursery. #greedy We stayed for a cuppa tea and my Nan dropped us home at 9:30. Scarlett was in bed by 10pm. I am just binge watching Iron Fist. I quite like it and I hope there is a season 2.

TTFN x