April is here!

Saturday 1st:

Scarlett gave me a lovely lay-in. She woke up at 8:30. She had breakfast at 10am and then went back down for a nap. She woke up a midday. We had some lunch then mom got up [she had worked the night before]. We went to my nan’s to pick her up as we were visiting my gran in the old folks home. Scarlett entertained us whilst we were there. She had a chocolate cake and played Giant Connect 4 with my mom. We dropped my nan back home then we picked up my new glasses. After we went food shopping. Scarlett was sat in the trolley touching EVERYTHING we loaded in lol we went home and had some dinner then I put Scarlett to bed.


Sunday 2nd:

She gave me ANOTHER lay-in. What even is this life? She woke up 8:30. Had a bottle. Refused her breakfast and then went back to bed [her request] at 9:30. She then slept until 12:30pm. We had lunch then at 2ish we took a wander over to the park. We took a small picnic [crisps, fruity yoghurt, water etc] and a blanket. We sat on the blanket with some toys for a little while then we packed up and she “walked” up and down the path. She walked so much. We headed back at 3ish and she wanted a bottle and then went back down for another 90 minutes. Not like her at all. She woke up at 5ish. Mom text to say they were on their way home and were going to go for dinner, did we want to come? Yes! But Scarlett got a bit hangry at 6ish so she finished the rest of her spicy tomato crisps to tide her over. My mom picked us up at 7 and we went for dinner with her and her boyfriend. We had a nice meal and Scarlett was in bed by 9ish. We watched Casualty then the new Mrs Brown’s boys TV show. I love it!


I am in bed. Can’t sleep. Have work tomorrow so I should get some shuteye!



The last day

Saturday 25th:

I took Scarlett into town for lunch. We had a little mother-daughter date at Poppins cafe. Then we had a wander around the town. I let her “walk” a little inside the shopping centre. She quite enjoyed herself.

After town we met my mom and went food shopping. We took it home and packed it away then went round my nan’s house. I don’t see her much in the week as I’m working. I see her for a minute when we drop Scarlett to her in the morning and that’s it.

Sunday 26th (Mother’s Day):

I took my nan, mom and Scarlett out for dinner for Mother’s Day. My grandad was coming initially but he was still in hospital so he couldn’t make it. He was fine. Just being kept in until they could get hold of his kidney specialist who apparently was busy lol we had a nice meal the 4 of us then we went to my nan’s for a cuppa tea before heading home. It was a good day. I ended up with 2 cards “from” Scarlett. That was nice. They’ll go in her memory box.

Monday 27th:

Payday! I hate Mondays though. Scarlett must’ve hated it too as she screamed for 45 minutes at bed time. It was hard to take as she’s never like that. Was a shock to my system lol

My grandad came home. Finally. They released him but he left his meds up there so my mom said she’d run him up the next day to pick them up. What is he like? Lol

Tuesday 28th:

For the first time in the 6 months I’ve been back at work I missed Scarlett so much that I needed to see her. Like desperately. So I had my mom meet me for lunch and bring her with her. It soothed my unsettled soul. If only temporarily.

Wednesday 29th:

I had an epic day! I fell out with a coworker and was treated like a 5 year old by another. #winning

I finally got my Mother’s Day gift from Scarlett (aka my mom and Brett). My mom picked it. Scarlett broke my necklace last month. It was the one I got for my first Mother’s Day last year. Mom said she’d replace it. She did. But with the same necklace that “Scarlett” got me for Christmas, only 3 months ago lol so we’ve took it back and we’ll decide on something different haha 

Thursday 30th:

I bought a blackout curtain on Amazon on Tuesday and it arrived today so after work my mom put it up (longer arms than me). It should keep her from waking up too early when it’s light out and going to bed at a reasonable time when it’s light out. Here’s hoping lol

Friday 31st (today):

The end of March has come and it seems a little quick. Where has the time gone? I remember playing for my week of in April and it seemed so long away. Now it is 2-3 weeks!!! Mom took me and Scarlett home after I finished work. I bathed her and then she dropped us at my Nan’s as I was having dinner there. Scarlett had to join in too, even though she had already eaten dinner at nursery. #greedy We stayed for a cuppa tea and my Nan dropped us home at 9:30. Scarlett was in bed by 10pm. I am just binge watching Iron Fist. I quite like it and I hope there is a season 2.



Tuesday was my brother’s 21st birthday. We went out for dinner in the evening. I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner. Scarlett slept through most of it, only waking towards the end for a bottle. I had already bathed and got her dressed for bed before we had left. So after I fed her, we paid, left and I got her into bed as soon as we got home.

Wednesday Scarlett had her 12 week jabs. She screeched like last time and it hurt my heart to hear it but she did really well and she was okay with mommy cuddles. We went to nan’s afterwards.

Thursday Scarlett and I spent the day at Nana’s house. She had some TV time whilst I ate my lunch.

Friday morning we went into work to have lunch with my work colleagues. She was mostly good, but she did get a little grumpy. After we visited work we went to our first baby massage class. She hadn’t long been fed, as  I fed her at work, so she was all good and happy for the first lot of massage but half way through she decided to scream for a bottle so I sat on our mat feeding her then we left.

We went to nan’s after and I ended up having dinner. We left and at about 7ish my mom picked Brett up from the train station. I actually had missed him. I didn’t realise how much till he was here. Scarlett had a bath and went to bed. We had a decent catchup and chatted etc. We put a film on but we missed most of it lol unfortunately due to this, we had an accident. The condom split. I totally freaked so I said we had to go to a chemist in the morning for the Morning After Pill. Never in all my years of being sexually active had I had 1) a condom split and 2) to take the Morning After Pill. I felt so embarrassed which is silly because it wasn’t our fault. We had made the effort to be smart and protected and it went wrong.

So the next day (Saturday) after Scarlett had woke, fed and nappy had been changed then she napped again. I dressed her and we both walked to my nearest chemist. Unfortunately it was closed as it was just after midday and I guess it was only open till noon. So we got on the bus and went to town. Scarlett needed changing so we went into the baby change and Brett wanted to give it a go so I said okay and let him. He did really well. It was only a wee one. We went to Sainsburys and the pharmacist said that Boots give it for free so we went there instead. It was so awkward talking to the pharmacist there and I felt really uncomfortable. I took the pill and we grabbed some lunch. Brett fed her so I could eat my lunch with both hands for a change lol after lunch we went back home and chilled. He had a bath, then I bathed Scarlett and got her ready for bed. Then he took her whilst I got ready for bowling. We went bowling for my brother’s birthday. We had a decent night, but after 2 rounds of bowling we both were bored. I won both rounds but didn’t do so well on the third. Just before we had our last go, my brother was bowling his go and somehow managed to twist and break his swearing finger on his right hand. We called it a night and mom dropped me, Brett and Scarlett home then took my brother up the hospital. Turns out he has fractured his finger, dislocated it AND ripped the tendon. Ouch! He has it in a splint and has an appointment with the fracture clinic on Wednesday.

We put a film on and when it was finished we went to sleep. I was so tired having had little sleep Friday night because Brett kept me up till 3am distracting me with talking and stuff. And then I was up with Scarlett at 7ish.

Today (Sunday) she woke up at 8:30am so I fed her, changed her nappy then put her back down for a nap. I then got back into bed myself. When she woke up later I fed her then Brett took her and dressed her whilst I jumped in the shower. He and my brother left for the shop so I walked to my nan’s by myself with Scarlett. They caught up soon after. We had dinner which was delicious, I love my nan’s cooking. Then we chilled for a bit.

My dad’s sister was passing by the area so she popped in to say Hi, have a cuppa and see Scarlett. I hadn’t seen her since my Stepmom’s 40th birthday party last May when I told everyone that I was pregnant. She had a cuddle when Scarlett finally woke from her nap.

After she left Brett and I walked home. Scarlett was asleep so I left her in the pram, turned skype on so I would be able to see/hear her and then we went upstairs. It was about 6ish. She slept for a while. I was just thinking of waking her so she would have 1 more feed before bath and bed when she woke up. So I fed her, got her bathed and then ready for bed. Brett had a nice cuddle then my mom dropped him at the station. I took Scarlett up to bed and within about 20 minutes she was flat out asleep so I put her in the Moses Basket (almost grown out of it) and she’s been there ever since. I have been catching up on Elementary season 3.

I am starving so I am going to make myself a snack and watch 1 more episode then I am off to bed.

Scarlett is officially 13 weeks tomorrow however as it is the 25th of the month, she is also officially 3 whole months. So again it will be milestone sticker time lol I hope IF I ever have another child that I make this kind of effort to document that child’s growth etc. I reckon I probably would because I am so organised and I love scrapbooking etc.


P.S. My brother told me that Brett told him he is falling for me … I won’t mention it, I will wait for him to tell me sometime himself when he is ready. It is nice to know though, that he felt he could share that with my brother!!!

Fed up

Didn’t get up to much Thursday. Mom worked so I didn’t go bingo. Plus I’m too skint to go anyway.

Friday I went shopping with my Nan and I fed Scarlett in the cafe whilst having some lunch. At 1:30 Nan and I took Scarlett next door to the baby clinic to have her weighed. She’s only gained 13oz in 3 weeks so a health visitor came over and spoke to me. She says that the milk she is on isn’t right for her (it seems it to me) and that I need to change her to the normal baby milk (same brand) and she should start to 1) drink more as its a thinner consistency and 2) gain more weight. They recommended that and to come back to weigh her in a month.

So Nan and I popped back in to Morrison’s to get her 2 tins of then recommended milk then we went to her house. Scarlett was due a feed by the time we’d gotten home as she feeds every two hours. I figured I might as well try her on the new milk now. So I gave her a 3oz bottle which she drank, but you could tell it was under sufferance. She later had a 3oz but only drank 2oz then again she had 3oz but only drank 1.5oz. At bed time she had a 3oz of hungry baby milk but she only drank 2oz. Cried for almost an hour then just went to sleep. In total she had only had 16oz all day. It’s not a lot.

Saturday we went out for breakfast with my moms friends. She had a feed (of the SMA pro) at 7am – 3oz, then another whilst out for breakfast. Again she took 3oz. She took another 3oz at 12:30pm then another at 2pm and another at 5:30pm but at 6:45pm she only took 2oz and at 8:30pm I made her a 3oz Extra Hungry Infant feed up and she only took 1.5oz. Cried for half hour then went to sleep and slept all night till 6:30am Sunday.

We went to my nan’s Saturday. She was out all day in London with her friend but my grandad was around. He was off out when we arrived. He was taking the dog over to my aunts and they were going to take the kids and the dog in a nice walk because the weather was nice. We tagged along and ended up walking for almost 2 hours. The twins loved it in the woods. Scarlett slept the entire walk and only woke up on our way home. We stopped for dinner then finally got home.

Sunday she woke up at 6:30am. She had 4oz of the SMA Pro. Then went back to sleep till 10ish. She had 3oz at 10:30am then she had 3oz at 1:15pm before we had dinner. After dinner she had 2oz of a 3oz bottle then again at 6:30pm she only drank 2oz. She had a huge poop at 7 then a bath. I fed her again at 8:30 but all she drank was 1.5oz and by 9:30 she was flat out sleeping. You can guarantee she’ll sleep all night like usual even thou she’s only had 15.5oz today. I feel like I’m starving her but she clearly doesn’t want any more. The Health Visitor told me that if she’s having the thinner milk in the day then she’ll 1) have more of it so she’ll be waning to up the oz per feed and 2) she’ll then gain more weight per month. They lied. It’s thinner, yes, you can tell because she chokes on it a little as it just pour out the teat more than the other milk. But does she want more of it? Does she heck!!!

I’m so worried about her because obviously I’ve swapped her milk over and the nighttime screaming only started when I switched it. And there’s been some things on facebook about the SMA Pro formula having the ingredients changed and it’s been making some babies very unwell. I’m worried that I’m knowingly poisoning her. I’d be devastated if I gave her this milk under health visitor advisement and she ended up in hospital. I feel like a failure sometimes as it is so that would NOT help those feelings.

If she doesn’t start taking more of this milk this week (I.e. Actually drinking the whole 3oz when I make it) then I’m going to take her to the baby clinic near my house and speak to them there, see what they suggest. I mean, she IS gaining weight as she gained 13oz but on the chart it doesn’t look great as she’s dropped on the centile thing. Whatever the fuck that is. This parenting lark is so emotional and it’s harder for me because I’m not an emotional person whatsoever. I used to never cry unless I was very angry and that was simply because I’d have no other way to express my frustration etc. But now I cry whenever I think about what the HV said and I cry whenever I think about how I’m only a single parent simply because HE didn’t want to take responsibility. People keep asking me about it. As if anything will have changed since they last asked me. No he hasn’t got in touch. As far as I know he could be dead, moved countries or married now (doubtful, he clearly has issues with any type of commitment). I wish people would stop asking about him. It’s not what I want to talk about. It’s bad enough that Scarlett will ask me in time. But I have time for that. But it’s all still so new and fresh him doing what he did. I mean, it’s not even been a year since I found out I was pregnant lol

Anyway, it’s a new day tomorrow. She’s going to be 10 weeks. She has tried to roll this week. She managed it once in the bed at night but I think it was more the fact my mattress is memory foam so I sink, which makes my side lower so I think that helped her as she rolled “down” if that makes sense lol

I’m off to bed. She’s flat out.


Like a scene from Carrie!

I re-booked to see Child 44 for Monday. It started at 5:30 and I finish at 5 so I asked Mom if she’d pick me and drop me as the bus wouldn’t get me there on time. She agreed. The traffic wasn’t too mental so we grabbed a quick bite on the way. I took mine into the cinema with me as it fitted in my bag lol
The film wasn’t bad and you can’t beat Tom Hardy and Gary Oldman. Both with their Russian accents. I did enjoy the story even though my memories of learning British history is shaky at best. I vaguely remember stuff about the World Wars, and names of important (not always for good reasons) figures. They mention General Stalin a lot and once or twice Hitler was made reference to. Overall I am glad I watched it.

Again I saw the trailer for the new Avengers movie. It is out in 3 days so I have booked my ticket. The first few times I tried to book all the seats were almost booked up for each performance. Eventually I settled for 12:45 on Saturday. We have a wedding on Saturday. Mom and I are invited to the reception party, my grandparents and Aunt are invited to the actual wedding. The lady getting married is an old family friend of both my Nan and my aunt. My nan knows her parents and my aunt knew her from our dance school. I also knew her from there too. I’m not sure what to wear to the party but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I intend to go shopping before I go to the cinema so I can have a wander around.

On Monday Mr. HP asked if I was free so I said that I would be after the cinema so if he wanted to pick me up then he could, then we could hang. He said he didn’t know where the cinema was so I said that if I wasn’t getting a lift home then it would be gone 8:30 before I got back so he said then it would have be another night. I was right, I didn’t get back home till gone 9. Definitely too late to hang out.

Yesterday I asked him if he was free and he said he was but then later on he turned around and said his lips were swollen because he’s has an allergic reaction to something so he doesn’t fancy coming over looking so hideous. This will sound paranoid but I think he made that up. I think he’s still mad at me for stitching him up last week when we were going to meet. I just didn’t feel like entertaining and I knew I’d be shit company.

Well he can’t hang out now if suddenly decides he wants to because I woke up in a pool of my own blood this morning. As my friend Simon said when I was telling him, “it was like a scene out of Carrie”. It truly was. My periods are always so whacky. They rarely show up on time and often I have to just guess when it may be and prepare for it. Usually I’m carrying around ladies things or wearing them long before it ever shows. Not this time. It showed up in the night and painted the town red hours before I woke up. It would explain why I’ve felt a little drained the last few days. I had thought it was from getting drunk on Friday but now I believe it wasn’t.

Anyway, moving on. Friday is payday. Yippee. Got to love a payday.

Also, I’ve been reading a new book from a series. It was in an email of kindle recommendations that I receive weekly from Amazon. It was 99p and so far I am engrossed. Mostly because I cannot fathom who the murderer is. I thought it was the headmaster but now I’m not so sure. It certainly isn’t the bloke they’ve got in custody as it is far too obvious. It’s called “Raven Black” by Ann Cleeves.

I can’t wait to get home and have a shower. I feel so dirty because of it being that time of the month and I feel like I desperately need a shower even thou I only had one last night.


The first day back

Well the twins went home at lunch time on Thurday. We went round Nan’s in the morning and as it was such great weather I gave them a bucket of water and a paintbrush each. I told them to “paint” the garden. So they did. A lot. It was great fun even though they decided to paint me. Brrr was that water a bit cold. After they were picked up I went home to sort out the house a bit. Mom and I washed the mountain of dirty dishes between us, great surprise there that it was us two…

Friday I had a decent lay in then went round nan’s to pick up my shopping that Nan had gotten when she did hers. At 5 Mom and I made our way home and I grabbed a sneaky chinese which I thoroughly enjoyed with a sneaky cider. Mom was working Friday so off she went to work. I have been catching up with my shows, not that there is many in circulation at the moment. I think I watched 1 episode of Criminal Minds and a few episodes of Grimm.

Saturday I woke up late, again. I was thinking of going to the cinema but when I looked at the listings nothing took my fancy. Instead I went to my nan’s and ended up helping her wash and re-paint some garden ornaments that were quite weather-worn. When the pain was dry we then varnished them to protect them from the elements. There were 4 rabbits and a frog. My Grandad was fishing all day and we had been waiting for him to get back before we thought about dinner. He got home finally at about 7ish, which was fairly late by most standards, so my Nan said she didn’t feel like cooking. We ended up going up the chip shop and after we ate I left to go home. It was 8pm when I left but it wasn’t dark just yet. If it is dark my Nan drops me home but as it wasn’t she allowed me to walk. I don’t know why she worries so much because if anyone tried to attack me they’d get more than they bargained for. My mom doesn’t worry as much, she knows I am no wall flower who would just stand and scream. I would fight back tooth and nail. My nan didn’t get that memo lol Ah well, it means I often get a lift home and for a lazy butt like me that is a win! So I got home and I started watching this new show on Netflix which I saw advertised on Twitter. It is called Daredevil. Now it is a Marvel thing but I had never heard of it and had to do research on it. It is about a blind guy, (who was blinded by toxic waste which super enhanced his other senses) who is a Lawyer by day but a masked vigilant by night. For a blind guy he can’t half kick butt. I know the actor playing him isn’t blind in real life as I googled it. But you would never know this because he plays the role really well.

Sunday I got up and had a shower then went round my Nan’s for roast dinner. Then we drove over to my great-grans old folks home so we could take her up the garden centre for a wander. When we turned up my Nan’s brother was visiting so we stayed there for a bit. then when he left we got in the car and had a wander around Redfields Garden Centre. I picked up 2 presents for both my Mom and brother’s girlfriend’s birthday next month. Nothing fancy. just a little something. My mom and I are off for a Spa Day for her birthday so that is her main present. Speaking of, I need to book that soon or else they may not have an spaces for us on the day we want. I need to discuss the treatments with my Mom as I don’t know what she fancies having.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I woke up too late in the morning so by bedtime I wasn’t tired. I got into bed and watched a bit more Daredevil then I decided to watch a film. A friend had directed me to a decent movie site so I sat back and watched the latest Night at the Museum. It was very good.

Today is my first day back today and getting up at 6am, when I was still awake at 3am, was tough but I made it. The day is almost over now, with just 40 minutes to go and I survived so that is good. I have no plans tonight but I have booked to see a film at the cinema tomorrow evening. I am going to watch John Wick. It looks pretty bloody and violent. Just what a girl needs ;)


Seventh Son

So I finished work today at 5. Thank god because it was just one of them dragging days. It felt like a Friday but it wasn’t, which was just weird lol thankfully though I am now off for a week. I got a bus to Aldershot so I could go to the cinema as mentioned in my previous post. I got to Aldershot at 5:35 so I had lots of time. I popped into Morrison’s for a drink, as the cinema prices are crazy expensive, and I grabbed some chips as I was starving then I wandered over to the cinema, grabbed my tickets and waited. At 6:30 I went in, sat at my seat and settled in for the next couple of hours.

The film was pretty good. I love magic and dragons and villains/heroes lol I am so glad I have my Cineworld card. Mom and I are off to see Cinderella tomorrow which I’m looking forward to. I’m really loving watching movies atm. I am also reading a lot too. I finished the first Peachville High Demon’s book and I am on to the second now.

Going to get into bed with my book as its late, but I don’t have to be up so early tomorrow so yay for that!