Flu or something similar

Sunday I felt sick as a dog. I came over all cold and started shivering like I was having some kind of fit. My teeth were chattering, my fingers went numb and I kept spasming everywhere. Then 2 hours later I came over all hot. I was sweating like someone had lit a fire. I don’t think I settled down to sleep till almost 4 and I woke up at least every hour till Scarlett woke up a 8:15.

We got up and I gave her a bottle. I felt so off. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt dodgy. I took her up to get dressed but I was overcome with the urge to vomit so we took a detour to the bathroom. I vomited all the water I’d just drank. Scarlett is a bit of a dirt bag. She was trying to stick her head over the toilet to see what I was doing. I think I yelled at her to stand behind me. She looked quite concerned. I reassured her that I’m ok. No sooner as I was sick that I stopped. I immediately felt better. How strange! Then I came over all hot again then shivering then hot. You get the idea. I dressed her, and myself then we came downstairs. She had breakfast then helped my Nan with the dinner. She had Scarlett sat on the worktop in the kitchen. She was cutting vegetables and Scarlett was putting them into a bowl. She’s so helpful, bless her.

My nan put her up for a nap then I woke her for dinner. She had more antibiotics. She didn’t eat much food but she loved her pudding. Obviously!

We stayed for the afternoon and left so I could get her bathed and in bed.

Tuesday I didn’t go to work. I had spent all night shivering and then intensely hot. I felt like absolute shite. I had had a headache since New Year’s Eve and even with paracetamol the fever and headache wasn’t going. So I booked an emergency doctors appointment. I couldn’t face the walk. It’s only 20 minutes but I just felt exhausted so my Grandad gave me a lift. I saw the doc at 12ish. He said probably viral but keep an eye on the temp and headache. Also any other symptoms. I walked the 2 minutes to my Nan’s house as she lives insanely close to the Doctors surgery. I stayed at hers all day.

Scarlett’s first day back at Nursery totally wiped her out. She was exhausted and moaned when I woke her for dinner. Tbf I should’ve left her asleep and fed her later. She wouldn’t drink anything so my Nan said to give her an ice lolly. It worked. She ate most of it. She had a few mouthfuls of her dinner then said she was finished. She had a yogurt. We headed home at 5.

My dad turned up as he was up here for a hospital appointment. He had my stepmom and siblings with him. They stayed for a cup of tea and a chat. When they left at 6:15 I bathed Scarlett and then she went to bed at 7.

She woke up in the night and asked to come in my bed. I don’t like co-sleeping with her. I fear I’ll squash her. So I let her fall asleep then I carried her back to her cot.

I went to sleep about half 12-1ish. I woke up at 2:30 with a raging headache. I was sweating profusely. My heart rate was 165 according to my Fitbit tracker. I felt sick and dizzy. I slowly made my way downstairs to forage for something dry to nibble. When I was pregnant I use to have excessive acid in my stomach so any time my stomach was empty I’d feel sick and would need something small to nibble. I grabbed a slice of bread and headed upstairs. I sat on my bed nibbling this piece of bread and drinking my water. I could see my blood pulsating in my head, in the corner of my vision. It was really weird. I still felt dizzy. I just sat there feeling like I’d rather die than put up with how I felt. I FaceTimed Brett crying that I felt so shitty. I’m so glad he picked up. I felt better after I finished eating, crying and my heart rate calmed down. I eventually went back to sleep.

Wednesday I got up at 7 with Scarlett. Got her dressed for Nursery. Did her bottle then my nan picked her up. I was hungry so I had a granola bar and some milk. Milk always helps the acid attacks on my stomach. I went up and got back into bed at 9:30ish and slept till my mom woke me at 1ish.

I realised I needed the loo but I didn’t quite make it as it appears on top of all the symptoms I have (chesty cough, sore throat, headache, fever, achy joints, sickness) I also have diarrhoea. So I can now safely say that I have already shit my pants and we’re only 3 days in the year. I fear this year may not turn out to be a great one!

I got dressed and we headed to my Nan’s as that’s where Scarlett is. We expected her to be asleep when we got there but she’d just woken up. She seemed less exhausted after her second day back. Much more happier and more like herself.

We took her home at 4ish. Mom cooked dinner. Scarlett ate more than she has done recently. I took her up for a bath. She had a shivering attack and kept saying she was cold. I could see she was. Everything on her body was purple except her head which was red. She felt so hot. As soon as she got out the bath I gave her calpol and Nurofen. Then after her bottle she had her antibiotics then she went up to bed.

Mom and I watched the soaps then she left for work.

I got in the bath at 9. It was lush to lay in hot water. My body ached a little less after. I got out, dressed and went downstairs to get a snack (in case I wake up in acid agony again) and some water. I also took paracetamol for my now permanent headache and to ward off the fever I could feel coming.

I laid in bed watching Elementary. I love this show.

Scarlett woke up at a quarter to midnight because I went in her room to check her and I was too noisy. She came in my room for a little bit. We FaceTimed Brett to say Hi. I played some food videos and she said yum. So I’m guessing we’ll have to try some of the recipes together. I told her she’s got her 2nd cake smash this weekend. I had totally forgotten how close it was after Christmas. I showed her the pics from last year and asked her if she wanted to do it again. She said yes. So hopefully that’ll be a nice treat for her to experience after a shitty week.

I put her back to bed at 12:30 then I watched some more Elementary. I switched it off just before 2.

I’m laid in bed and at this very moment my throat hurts, my chest hurts, everything still aches and my head is dull but I’m not feverish nor shivering. So maybe I’m on the up! Here’s hoping lol



Finally home

Omg worst weekend. Literally had no sleep due to Brett’s dog constantly barking which kept waking Scarlett up. Then in the day she struggled to get a nap for the same reasons so I had to take her out in the pram for some damn peace.

Brett worked Friday so we went to the park. He got home just after 5. We had gone to the park for the afternoon. We found a big tree so we could sit in the shade on a blanket. It was a nice afternoon just us two. Scarlett was very happy to see him. He sorted some dinner. I got Scarlett ready for bed and then we ate. I put her to bed. Brett fell asleep on the sofa in the lounge after we naughtily took advantage of having a free house. He was on the sofa naked and I tried to wake him but he wouldn’t so I just got into bed. It was late. He came in the bedroom a few hours later and woke me up. Soon after Scarlett was woke up. Again. So I had to sort her out. Didn’t end up going back to sleep for ages. Then I was up with her early again. I was getting so ratty from lack of sleep at this point.

He had pre-arranged plans to go paint balling with his friends so he got picked up just after 8. Scarlett was on the flor crawling towards to me, his dog was about 2 foot away and for no reason he suddenly went for her so I snatched her up and the bastard tried to go for me. I fucking hate that dog. I was so angry and the lack of sleep was driving me insane that I just flung Scarlett on my hip and stormed out of the living room slamming the door behind me. The dog started barking because god forbid you shut him in. I sat on the step in the garden with her whilst I calmed down. I knew I could no longer let her crawl if he was in the room so I decided to take her out again to get some peace, and hopefully nap. So we got in the pram and off we went. We were no more than a minute from his house and she was flat out asleep. So when we passed a bench I sat down, parked her next to me and let her sleep to hearts content whilst I played a game on my iPad. When she woke we walked to the park and sat under the tree (same as the day before).

We stayed in the park until 5 then we walked back so I could feed her. Brett was back at 4pm so he had had an hour to himself before we came back. Again he fell asleep really early. He was flat out on the bed by 10:30pm. Second night in a row he’d missed his shower/bath. He woke up at 3:30am and woke me up. Thanks! I got up with Scarlett and left him to sleep in. I woke him and he wasn’t amused. It took all my energy (I barely had any at that point) not to scream at him “are you for real motherfucker?” I didn’t and I’m very proud lol

I settled on getting a rail replacement bus from Hackbridge to Streatham Common. Then I’d get a train to Clapham junction then home. So that’s what I did. On the bus at 15:05 and we arrived home at 16:30.  I was so glad to be home. Scarlett was glad too. She had missed her nanny.

Scarlett is in bed asleep and I’m in bed myself. We have a busy day tomorrow. We are due on the train at 11:30am for Liverpool. I can’t wait to get there.

I did lots of washing when I got home so I could pack. But it’s all done now. Just need to put in any last minute bits.


He loves me

I asked Brett about what he was talking to my brother about. He told me he was falling for me. I was surprised he said it. I didn’t think he’d want to admit something like that so soon but I guess it’s best to be upfront.

Wednesday my mom, her friend, my brother, me and Scarlett went to town for lunch. I treated them. We did some shopping. I grabbed a few bits.

In the afternoon mom dropped me at cinema. I watched The Huntsman: Winter’s War. It was brill and I’m glad I saw it. After it finished I went into Morrison’s next door and grabbed a few more 3-6 month outfits for Scarlett for our holidays. I also got 3 packs of nappies plus a crate of cider – because, priorities lol mom picked me up and we went home to sort dinner. We had Chinese. I love it.

Today we didn’t do a lot. I had an awful nights sleep because Brett and I had an argument over something silly before dawn bed and I guess I was stressing over it. So when Scarlett woke at 7am I fed her, changed her nappy then we went back to sleep till 10:30am. I fed her again and we had an hours nap then we got our asses up and went to my nan’s house. My brother was there and we ended up having dinner then we walked home.

Scarlett was being grumpy because of her teeth so when she finally settled for a late afternoon nap I didn’t want to move her so I just stayed on the sofa with her on my lap. Mom fed her at 7ish whilst I was washing up and that was her last feed for the night. At 7:30 I bathed her and got her ready for bed. By 8:30ish she was flat out asleep so at 9 I brought her up to bed. She woke up when I laid her in her bed so I put her in my bed for an hour and then I moved her back to her own. She didn’t wake this time. She seems so small sometimes but then other times she’s growing too fast.

She’s flat out now and I’m quite tired so I’m heading to bed.


September is here

Well Saturday I went into town and there were a lot of sales on so I bought some bits, for the baby lol nothing too exciting just some vests and socks etc.

I’m 18 weeks this week. Almost half way!!

Sunday I went to my Nan’s for dinner and had a bust up with my brother and mom. It started because the subject of money came up as my brothers ex owes my nan and mom some money. She hasn’t paid it back yet and has been fairly sketchy about it all. My grandad asked my brother if he got the money off her, as he was suppose to have gone Friday to pick it up. He stuffed his earphones in and ignored him. Tensions rose and I just got fed up of my brother and mom both burying their damn heads in the sand whenever something arises that they don’t want to talk about. And after they both screamed at me to just drop the subject, but my brother more than my mom, I lost my temper and went at him with my fist. After all the fucking bullshit I’ve been through in that damn house in the last 4 months with him kicking off, the shit with his ex and when she was still living here being a twat to me. It just built up because before now I hadn’t really addressed it all. But the stress I had to put up with my whole pregnancy so far, it just boiled over so I lost it. I’m not proud I did. But I also need my brother to understand why it got to that point. He has been signed off work for ages now and he got his last wages from them, since he’s handed his notice in, and he got £600. He gave my mom £200. So he’s left with £400 right. So if that was me I’d think “right I have 4 weeks of September to get through before I get paid from my new job, that’s £100 a week. Including travel once I start the new job”. Oh no, the stupid idiot spent a £100 on a tattoo. On a fucking tattoo. He has NO concept of the value of money whatsoever. That wound me up and that was just a small catalyst of the whole incident.

Anyway, he went home, packed a few bits and went to his dad’s. I’ll apologise to him for the punch when I see him but I don’t want to be his friend. And I certainly don’t know where I stand at home anymore because my mom wants me to move out. I simply tried speaking to her on Tuesday when I was off sick (probably brought on by stress just FYI) about how I would apologise, of course, but he needs to understand why I went mad and she basically said it was my own fault because I wouldn’t stop the subject so we ended up shouting at each other because all she knows how to do is shout. So I had to shout back to get my fucking point across. And the bottom line was: move out.

Okay. I’ll move out. How?

Monday I spent the day at my Dad’s. He said he’d take me shopping for my birthday because my birthday had been a total wash out. I couldn’t find anything I liked so we ended up buying a coat for the baby. I brought my Doppler down to his house with me so I let the kids listen. We went out for lunch which is why I felt shitty yesterday and wasn’t at work. I think whatever I ate didn’t agree with me. I was sick three times yesterday and had a runny bowel movement lol I’m better today.

Today I had my first antenatal appointment. I’ve learned the hard way that you need to bring a urine sample to all appointments. No one mentioned this to me before. I just thought I had to pee for my midwife. And do you think I could pee into the cup at the hospital? Could I heck. I gave them an inch. That’s it. The doctor is actually the same gynaelogical guy I saw in 2008 when he performed a laproscopy to check my lady parts. He lasered some damaged cells off my cervix which was good because they could’ve turned cancerous and I’m still a year too young for a smear! He is my Antenatal doctor because he knows my entire history and I’m glad for that. I am low risk so I don’t see him again until December 23rd lol I’ll be 34 weeks!!!

My gender scan was originally going to be today at 12:15 but it was moved to Friday at 1:15. I can’t wait. I’m dying to find out so I can start thinking “I’m having a son…” or “a daughter”. Exciting stuff. Just a shame the excitement is solely just me. I don’t get the emotional support at home that I need, which makes me feel very much overwhelmed a lot of the time.


I’m sensing a Harry Potter marathon

Yep, it’s that time of year again. The festive season has begun, as previously stated when I mentioned my advent calendar lol every year, usually christmas time but not always, I watch the Harry Potter movies in order. From beginning to end. That’s all 8 movies. I don’t do it in one sitting but I have once in the past. This time I’ve done it in 3 days. I watched the first 3 (The Philospher’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets and The Prisoner of Azkaban) on Saturday and well into the early hours of Sunday. Then I followed it up yesterday afternoon with the next 2 (The Goblet of Fire and The Order of the Phoenix). After the OOTP I decided to break up the HP marathon and watch something completely different so I sat and watched Annabelle which I’d seen the trailer for ages ago. It was a weird movie and not what I expected at all.
After Annabelle I continued my marathon with number 6 in the movie series (The Half-Blood Prince). This leaves the final 2 (The Deathly Hallows parts 1 and 2). It’s quite late tonight so I’m going to leave them as I’ve got a banging headache and a really swollen eye. The last thing my eye needs is a television screen to stare at for 2 and a half hours. I’ll watch parts 1 and 2 tomorrow maybe. I enjoyed the first 6. I’d forgotten how much I love Harry Potter. I teared up a couple of times but that’s more to do with the fact that aunt flow came to town lol

Reggie and I go to the Harry Potter London studio tour next Wednesday. Firstly though it is the twins 2nd birthday. They’re having a little tea party on Saturday so that’ll be nice. Can’t believe they’re 2. Time has flown by this year so quickly. Christmas is soon. I’m being a total bah humbug this year. I’m skint so I can’t afford any presents. Everyone is getting a Christmas card and that it is. I hate not being able to buy anyone anything. It gets me down because I love Christmas but not this year. I think I’m spending Christmas Day alone and in all honesty, I don’t mind. I may just drink a load of alcohol and pig out on crap whilst watching movies. Sounds like a plan.

I almost forgot to say: I’ve officially stopped participating in the #FMSphotoaday challenge. I haven’t snapped a pic for a phrase/word in months. I’ve decided that I’ll leave it now and I’ll re-join in January. A new year, a new challenge etc…


A whole weekend

Well the week wasn’t great but it wasn’t awful either. Just a bit of the same old crap really. Work is always the same; stressful and confusing.

I spent the whole weekend with that guy from London. I don’t want to go into too much detail but basically, I thought we was getting somewhere and I asked him out. I used the alphabet bath toys and spelt it out and then showed it to him when we got to his.

He picked me up on Friday night, there was quite a bit of traffic so it was really late when we got back to his. He, of course, accepted my invitation to be in a relationship. Unfortunately about 12 hours after I asked him I realised I wasn’t so sure now. It felt a little weird, being someone’s girlfriend again. I panicked, I realised I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know how to break this to him so I didn’t. I just went overboard on the kisses, and hand holding and purposely saying “my boyfriend”. I thought it would jolt me into relationship mode. It didn’t, at all. If possible it shot me in the other direction. I genuinely panicked about it, giving up my freedom and having to think as a “we” instead of a “me”. I hate compromise but for the right person obviously it never feels like it but that is the big question here: Is he the right person? I really do not know. And that is worrying, that I am not sure after the time we’ve spent together.

Anyways, another busy week at work ahead. May have the twins this weekend. I haven’t been asked but I may have them. I love having them, obviously. They’re so funny and I love how Frank gives you a “big squeeze and a kiss”. He is so loving.

So my status for now is “in a relationship…”, the official status but saying that I never got round to changing my Facebook so maybe it isn’t official lol

I’ve had chronic earache ALL weekend. We went to Hever Castle today, which was fun and very interesting. It was in the Boleyn’s family for years, and obviously Anne Boleyn was Henry VIII’s second wife, and I am obsessed(!?!?!) the Tudors so the castle interested me. We got a lot of good photos too. After Hever we went to a local Harvester for dinner. It was loud but I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner. I got home at 6ish and had a nice hot bath. Am in bed now.


Wow I feel like shit

Well I actually got up for work. I woke up at 7, or should I say my alarm bleeped in my earhole and I got up. I’m surprised. I didn’t go to sleep much before half 2. I woke up with a dry mouth and a sore eye – hayfever & allergies. Usual shiz!

I learned today that my fave person at work is leaving. Apparently he’s handed his notice in, whilst I was away the sneaky fuck, and he leaves in 6 weeks. What will I do without him to cheer up my day with his sarcastic remarks and telling me to smile?
That made my long day even worse. My headache/hangover didn’t help. Nor did my bad eye lol it was not a good Tuesday!

I also learned today that next Monday is a bank holiday. That cheered me up, a lot. Because it means I’m only working 4 days next week :)

Someone asked me about my relationship status earlier. I wasn’t actually sure what to say. I mean, I have said to some people who’ve asked, “I’m in an open relationship”. Which is true, right? But I’m not so sure anymore. I feel single. I mean, I feel like I’m completely on my own. Even in an open relationship there is some element of “feelings” between the two involved but I feel it’s one-sided. Which makes it what exactly?
Don’t worry, I’m rambling because I’ve had 4 hours sleep or so.

I’m off before I get accused of being a girl.