Not how I expected my weekend to go

Friday was a nightmare at work. My temp, who use to give me a lift, said she wasn’t coming back on Monday. One of the managers had upset her and she didn’t want to work in a place where people are rude to each other. She was furious in the afternoon. I half expected her to up and leave there and then. I think she would’ve if she’d had her car but her husband had borrowed it because his was in the garage.

We were due to go to Brett’s house. Normally I check the trains ahead of time but I left it until 3pm. When I looked it said there were delays my end of the tracks until 5-6pm and his end there was a lot of cancelled trains due to an issue at East Croydon. So I thought we could go at 7pm as the was a train at 7 that looked like it was the usual 1 connection, 1 hour 15 minutes route. But when I got in from work, I realised it would be far too cold, far too late and far too dark to be dragging my toddler on the train. So I told Brett that I’d decided not to come due to the reasons above. I anticipated he’d have the hump but what happened was beyond anything I expected. He was utterly vile to me. Basically insulted my parenting skills by trying to say that taking her to watch a 15 minutes fireworks display in a mild November is the same as a 90 minute December journey at 7pm at night on a Friday after being at Nursery all day. And said I must be such a good mom for taking her to see fireworks (in the dark and cold) but not taking her on a train. Also said I traumatised her by taking her to see Santa. Oh and brought up the one time recently when she was walking underneath me when I was carrying something. I didn’t see her, I turned and my knee knocked her over and she hit her head on the doorframe. Like it was an accident. They happen from time to time. I didn’t mean to hurt her and I felt awful when she was upset. I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. That’s what moms do. I frequently pick her up and cuddle her.

Anyway, he was just horrible to me and I realised that I just don’t need or want him in my life (or Scarlett’s) anymore. So I blocked him for some peace then later I messaged him to say I can’t be with him anymore. I don’t love him in the same way as I used to. I’m not coming for Christmas. And please don’t harass me to get me back or try emotional blackmail like you usually do. I then blocked him again. I was up till almost 3am chatting to my bestie. She had a lot of support and advice to give on leaving a shitty relationship.

Saturday he tried to call me at some point in the morning as I had a voicemail. I only listened to a few seconds before deleting it.

Scarlett got up at 9. She had her bottle and we read some of her new books. She asked for breakfast. I asked her what she wanted, cereal or toast? She said toast. I said tea too? She said yeah! She’s so funny. So she had tea, toast and banana. I waited to eat with my mom as she was going to cook breakfast. We ate at 10:30. Scarlett had some sausage then I put her up for a nap at 11:15. I went up and got in bed because I was so cold and I had a headache. I fell asleep and woke up at 1:30. Then Scarlett woke. I dressed her then I finished putting addresses on the presents I needed to send.

Mom drove me to the post office so I could mail everything. I mailed all my gifts except my Australian secret santa. It was going to cost me £88 to send a £30 gift lol so I decided to try a different postal service. We went into town so I could get a refund on the PS4 Pro I bought Brett for Christmas. So I’m now £300 richer. Which is great because I have Scarlett’s 2nd cake smash to pay for in January as well as her birthday party.

After Argos we went to my nan’s. She had a full house. Everyone was there. We stayed for a few cups of tea. Scarlett had lunch when we first got there. We left at 5. I ordered a Chinese whilst we were watching Madagascar. It took over an hour to come. Scarlett was proper hangry. We ate then I took her up for a bath. I ended up bathing with her. We got our and got dressed. I did her bottle then she said goodnight to everyone as my mom was going to work and so was my brother. I took her up at 9:15 for bed. She was flat out within 15 minutes.

I was watching Grimm on Netflix when the bloody door knocked. I knew who it was. No way was I answering. I have nothing to say to him. I thought I’d made myself pretty clear in my message the night before. I ignored the door. But he knocked twice more. The light in our kitchen was on so I knew he’d see me if I darted upstairs to look out the window. I stood in the doorway and he must’ve sense it because I heard him say something about “come on just answer the door”. I ran upstairs to tell my brother girlfriend not to open the door. Not that she would have. It’s late.

I came back down and he spoke to me through the letterbox. Said he wanted to talk so could I at least open the door. I said no. It won’t change anything. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. He said he wants to try and he’s listening. I said why listen now. You’ve had almost 2 years. We’re not the same as we were. It’s finished. He got a bit angry and slammed the letterbox. I thought he was gone so sat down but he came back and called my name. So I said what? He said so this is it? You want me to go? I said Yes that’s what I’ve been saying. He said he was sorry it got to this point and sorry we couldn’t work it out. He said he hopes I have a good Christmas and I look after Scarlett then he slammed the letterbox and went. Me and my brother’s girlfriend sat in the front room for a while, expecting him to knock again. But he didn’t. We chatted a bit and then I carried on watching Grimm.

I’m in bed now. Going to have a lazy day tomorrow. I just want to relax and have a laugh with my baby girl. She’s all that matters to me.

TTFN x

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December 2017 is here

Thursday was the last day of November for 2017. Work was quite relaxed for a change. A slower pace. Did a bit more Christmas shopping online during lunch. And watched some more Glitch – pretty sure I’ve seen the finale now.

I watched Riverdale when Scarlett had gone to bed. My brother’s girlfriend comes on a Thursday so she got to ours about 7:30. She’s so cute. She made my brother an advent calendar and filled the drawers will presents for him. How adorable!

Today I got up like normal and went to work. I did some bits when I first got in. Spoke to my friend in the main office as he was in. Was stood next to him and I came over all funny. I felt dizzy and sick. I went back to my desk but I just felt so weird and off. I sat there for an hour. Every time I so much as blinked I felt like I was on a boat on choppy waters. By almost 11 I’d had enough. I messaged who I needed to, packed up my crap and went home. I was laid down in bed by 11:30. I must’ve fell asleep because next thing I know, it’s 3:15pm.

I sat up and I felt “okay”. I put some slippers on and went downstairs. I’d slept through lunch. Usually by 1pm at Work I’m eating so I was starving. So I went into the cupboards and grabbed some porridge. I really fancied it. So I ate that and then at 4 my mom came home. Then her friend turned up at 4ish too. Mom picks Scarlett up at 4:30 so I said I’d go with her as I never usually get to go as I’m at work. So we all went to get her. She was surprised to see me but she was happy sitting next to me in the car. She held my hand!!!

When we got in she played and had her usual cup of tea. Then at 6 I took her up for a bath. At 7ish mom drove us and my brother’s girlfriend to drop my brother at work then we grabbed dinner before going to my nans for a cup of tea. She had a laugh running about, singing, shouting and playing with Marley. My mom left for work just before 9 and then my nan dropped us Home at 9:30. Scarlett went straight to bed. No fuss. She’s so good!!!

I ordered some stuff from Amazon Prime NOW as I need more Soya milk for Scarlett as well as various other things. Saves me doing a big shop on a weekend. I hate shopping on a weekend, too hectic! So I’m in bed waiting for it to come. It’s due between 10pm-12midnighy. It’s 11:25 lol

Brett is on his way to ours. He got on the train at 11 so he’ll get off about 12:15.

We are taking her to see Santa tomorrow at the grotto in the Mall in Camberley. She didn’t like it last year but I’m hoping she’ll be a bit more excited this time. Doubtful but we’ll see.

TTFN x

Ps. Christmas countdown has begun.

24 sleeps till Christmas!!!!!

1 more day till advent

Monday Scarlett didn’t want to get up today. I don’t blame her. It is Monday after all!

I did some Christmas shopping today. I got 10 presents plus I paid my mom rent.

She was so funny when we got home after work. She was so happy and noisy. She had 2 cups of tea because she had 1 and then asked for more. We had our dinner and mom decided to do her some potato smiled as she’ll just want to share anyway. So she ate hers and went to my mom to help her with her dinner. I had finished mine so my plate was on my lap empty. Scarlett came over and asked me for more. I said “No baby, mamas eaten hers, it’s in my belly” so she walked back to my mom, grabbed a potato croquette off her plate then handed it to me for me to eat. I almost melted with love for her. How fucking adorable! I said to her “oh thank you baby but mama’s had enough food. Give it back to nanny” so she took it back to my mom lol

She had a bath at 6:15 then when we were getting dressed from bath time we FaceTimed Brett. She was chatting to him for ages before going to bed at 7 (after her bottle).

I watched Blindspot at 10 then went to bed.

Tuesday Scarlett was so miserable when we got home. She didn’t even want to drink her tea at first. I think she is teething at the moment. She chatted to Brett then I took her up for a bath. When we were done we went downstairs for bottle then bed. She had her bottle then asked for more. I made her a few more ounces of milk and she drank half. She set her bottle on the table, grabbed my dummy and off we went to bed. She didn’t settle easily. She spent ages laid in her cot with the photo frame that’s usually next to her bed. It’s a photo of her and Brett. She was laid next to it, rubbing it gently. It was the most adorable thing. She must miss him!

She eventually settled whilst I was eating my dinner and catching up with Glitch. Season 2 is on Netflix now!!!

Today Scarlett was okay getting up. She didn’t lay back down and moan for a change. She’s still got a snotty nose but she’s okay! She was playing still games after work. Her godmom was here for a cup of tea and a chat. Scarlett was suppose to be eating her dinner but she was messing around. My mom said “hurry up or nanny will eat it”. Scarlett pick up her spoon (full of food) and walked over to my mom to give her it. We all laughed. My mom pretended to eat. Scarlett then pretended to eat it then she actually ate it. What a fun game lol

My brother got in the shower so she didn’t have her bath until 6:45. Then my mom dressed her whilst I showered quick then I did bottle then bed. She took ages to settle. I could hear her singing to herself for like an hour. But she did drop off eventually.

I watched some more Glitch. It’s so addictive. More so because I cannot figure anything out lol just finished an episode so now I’m in bed. It’s chilly tonight. My feet are cold!!!

TTFN x

Attacked by the car boot

Monday was tough. I really didn’t want to get up when my alarm went off. On the upside, due to the clocks going back an hour, it was brighter outside at 7am. But on the downside, it was dark outside when I left work at 5pm. I managed to get all my 250+ hourly steps and I hit over 5K steps during lunch. For the first time in a long time I ventured outside for a walk. I had a headache so I thought the fresh air might help. It did surprisingly. And in 20 minutes I walked 2.5 thousand steps. Which brought up my total to over my 5K target so that was good. I came back to my desk and watched some TV whilst I ate my lunch.

After work Scarlett was so funny. We were playing this game where I run behind, chasing her and she was running away squealing in laughter. I’d catch her then I’d run away. She climbed on to my mom to get away but I got her again. She was giggling like a loon. Mom did our dinner. Scarlett helped us eat. Even though she’d had hers at Nursery already. Greedy. She went to bed at 7. Mom and I watched Emmerdale. I washed up our dishes then I carved our pumpkins. I wasn’t going to. I hate the squishiness. But I did and they weren’t half bad.

Tuesday was Halloween. Scarlett wore her costume. She managed to keep her black sparkly bow on most of the day. I was impressed by that. Someone at work upset me via email. They insinuated that I can’t do my job properly and require help. Absolutely ridiculous and totally unwarranted. I escalated it up higher as I refuse to be spoken to like that. I’m not paid enough to be disrespected. Left me feeling shitty all day. I was so close to just walking out. I’m going to be the only member of my team left in a week. It stresses me out just thinking about it.

After work we popped to Tesco’s extra. I needed a drink after my shitty day and we had no alcohol in the house. We got home at quarter 6. I put some dinner on for me and Scarlett. We ate then I bathed her. She had her bottle and was in bed by 7:30. I had a quick shower then I settled down to watch some TV. There’s not much on that I watch at the moment. I watched a new episode of Once upon a time. It’s on every Tuesday. I got into bed at 9 and just played my game.

Wednesday I woke up at 6am because Scarlett woke up. I could heard her talking to herself. I looked on the monitor and she was playing with her baby doll. I didn’t want to get up at 6am so I laid in bed. She must’ve dropped back off because when I next looked at the monitor she was laid down. My alarm went off at 7. I got up and got half dressed (my trousers were downstairs) then I went in and dressed Scarlett. She’s so funny in the mornings. She’s usually so happy and today she was happy. Her new thing is saying light and wanting to turn it off. She went to bed at 7 like normal. I had my dinner then I watched some tele. I climbed into bed quite early. Think it was 10pm. I’ve had a headache for a few days that won’t budge.

Thursday (today) Scarlett woke me up at 4am. Then when I was putting the spare car seat in my moms car, the boot hit me on the head. So now I fear I may have a concussion. Not really. But seriously it hurt a little when it whacked me on the head. I ended up throwing the car seat on the backseat and jumping in the car with the major hump (and headache).

I got to work 6 minutes late. I’m always late on days when my mom has done a night shift as she doesn’t leave work till 7:30 and what is usually an 8 minute journey for her, takes longer in the morning traffic. So now I’m at my desk popping pills for the head and debating on whether I really need my job as I just wanna go home. I need to feed my toddler so I guess I have to stick it out! I have Dentist at 12:30 so that gives my head a break from the computer for a while.

TTFN x

Fire alarm fix

Friday Brett didn’t get to mine until almost midnight. He worked late and didn’t get the train until almost 10pm. I made him something to eat then we got into bed. It was quite late when we went to sleep.

Saturday I got up with Scarlett at 7:30am. She had a bottle and we watched some TV together. Scarlett’s new teletubbies bedding came Friday so we put that on. She loves it. She kept on about it when I put her down for a nap after her breakfast. We woke her up for swimming at 11:30. She wasn’t amused but once she realised where we were going she was fine. She had a lovely time swimming with Brett. She did really well. They were the only ones in the class so they had free reign of the pool.

After swimming we went home. Scarlett had a bottle and went back to bed. When she got up we went into town for a late lunch. I finally paid of my outstanding library fees and unblocked my card. Apparently if you owe more than £10 they bar you from being able check any books out until the bar is removed.

We headed back home. Scarlett had a snack, bath, bottle and then was in bed by 7:30. We went out at 8ish to go to the cinema. We were early so we sat in the foyer with our drinks and I had a hot dog. We watched Kingsman: The Golden Circle. It was a pretty good film as anticipated but the characters from “stateside”, the American spy agency akin to Kingsman, just did my head in. They were just really irritating the way they were portrayed. And I practically wrote the script it seems as I figured out most of it before it happened. But hey, I still enjoyed myself. We walked to the train station after to catch a taxi. I had booked it via the app but there must’ve been a glitch. We waited half hour before I got fed up and re-booked. The second time it went through and the car turned up in 10m. We got home about 12:15. Think I went to sleep about 2ish.

Sunday I got up with Scarlett at 7:30. We played games and snuggled. It was quite cold that I got her dinosaur soft blanket out. I put her up for a nap for an hour and caught up with Liar on ITV. She woke up and I gave her some breakfast. We woke Brett up at 11ish. He played with her. He dressed her whilst I got dressed then we left for my nan’s at 12:30. We had a nice dinner then Scarlett played for a bit. I put her down for a nap at 3pm. Brett had planned to go home at 6pm and he fell asleep on my Nan’s sofa just after Scarlett went down. She didn’t wake up till 20 to 6 so I didn’t wake him until then. He had the hump that I didn’t wake him sooner. But he’s a grown ass man, why he sleeping in the middle of the afternoon? I mean, he must’ve had about 8 hours sleep last night. I had 5/6. See me napping? Anyways he called his Dad and said he’d be getting the train at 7 not 6. So we went home and my mom dropped him off. We tagged along for the ride, stopped after we dropped him to fill the car up then I popped to the shop. We got home, Scarlett had a snack then I bathed her. Mom dressed her whilst I had a quick shower then I put her to bed. After mom left for work the fire alarm kept going off. Yet I wasn’t cooking, there was no fire nor was my house particularly “smokey”, well not smokey at all. I won’t lie, it freaked me out. I half expected to walk into the hallway and find someone stood there poking the test button. But no. There was no one. So I had to call the out-of-hours repairs team to see if they’d come sort it. The guy came at 11:15. He replaced the alarm, tested it was working and then left. I think I didn’t go to sleep until like 12:30/ I tossed and turned all night. My FitBit concurs this.

Monday I woke feeling so tired. I am on lunch atm. Just catching up with season 3 of Bitten that has just come on to Netflix.

TTFN x

16 years, never forgotten

I had the best weekend I’ve had in ages. It was really chilled. We barely got up to much and it was great. Brett got here at about 10:45pm. We opened the bottle of Prosecco he brought with him. We had a nice long catch up of our day and then we went up to bed. Scarlett woke up on Saturday at 8:15. I got her from her cot, brought her into my bed so she could see Brett. She climbed all over him and gave him kisses. I said I’d leave him for a bit, wake him in a bit. So I scooped her up and took her downstairs for a bottle and some teletubbies. We practised doing her puzzles. She is getting very good at them now. She had some breakfast then I dressed her and took her upstairs to wake Brett before putting her down for a nap. I woke her up at about 12:30 before my grandad arrived to drop us off at her swimming lesson. She did so well with the lesson, she remembered more than I expected and Brett managed to film a lot of the lesson as he was sat on the sideline watching. He had not been before so that was nice.

After swimming we walked to Farnborough Gate Retail Park for some lunch. It was nice having some family time, just the 3 of us. After lunch we walked to my Nan’s house. Scarlett loves going there because they have a garden she can play in [not that she managed to because it was raining]. She went down for a nap a 3ish and didn’t wake till almost 5. We had dinner at my Nan’s then we walked home. I did bath time and Brett did bottle and bed time. Then we took turns getting in the shower then we went downstairs and watched a movie. We watched the Seventh Son. Brett has never seen it. I watched it when pregnant. Good movie. We went to bed quite late which was silly as one of us has to get up with the toddler lol

She woke up at 8:45am which is an epic lay in for my little princess. We did bottle then woke up Brett. I made us all breakfast at 10am as we were headed out at about 10:30 to go visit my Gran. Brett has never met her so was about time. We stayed until about 12 then we left for home. I put Scarlett down for a nap and then we relaxed. It was nice having some one-to-one time as well as family time. When she woke up we got ready and headed out for some food. We went to town and had a nice meal at Poppins café. After we ate we took her to the soft play at the leisure centre. Brett kicked his shoes off and went in with her for half hour whilst I read my book [which I have now finished]. I was reading “A bucket list to mend a broken heart”. I couldn’t put it down.

We left town at 4ish. I put Brett’s phone on charge whilst he packed his stuff up then at 5:30 my Nan picked him up and dropped him to the train station. After he left I bathed Scarlett and then we snuggled watching teletubbies. She was really worn out after soft play so she asked to go to bed. So at 6:30 I made her bottle and took her up. By the time she had drank it, had a kiss and a cuddle and laid down it was 6:45. By 7:15 she was flat out. I tidied up the kitchen, took the recycling out, put away clean dishes from the draining board and washed up the dirty stuff. I put her toys away in the front room so there was space to hoover [Mom is doing that] and I then got ready for a bed and settled in front of the TV to catch up with Bitten. I managed 5 minutes before my phone rang and ended up on FaceTime with Brett for an hour and a half lol I don’t mind. When we hung up I carried on watching. By then my mom was home. We had a mini catch up then she went and got in bed. I watched the episode, then another and before I knew it was midnight so I crawled into bed and hoped I wouldn’t be too tired.

Today came and I was tired as expected lol I feel like I barely sleep even though my FitBit says I got almost 6 hours. I was just about on time to work. Bloody traffic and shitty weather. My work pal’s dog has gone missing. She was with her dog walker and she just ran off. She has been spotted but someone [it was shared on Facebook] but when my pals mom got there, she couldn’t see her. She hasn’t been seen since. The biggest worry is that the dog Izzy has epilepsy. And this can be triggered by stress/anxiety. She could have a fit if she is scared or the noise of the cars on the busy road. That is another worry. There is main roads near where she was last seen. She is a dog. They don’t have great road sense. I hope for my pals sake they find her soon.

Today marks 16 years since the fall of the twin towers. And since all those people died. I wasn’t there and I wasn’t remotely aware of the whole incident as I was only 10 and our school that day decided to keep us in the dark, which is understandable. But as I got older and learned more about it I realised what happened was such an awful, despicable thing. People lost their lives. Their lives. Families lost their loved ones. Firefighters, police officers, medical personnel, whoever the hell else – they did their utmost best to help everyone. A lot of “off duty” people rallied. They literally showed that United States is called “United” for a reason. We will never forget the people who died, were injured or even those who survived. Nor will we forget the helpers, the heroes and all those in between. We stand, united, as humans.

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TTFN x

New tattoo

We went out for dinner last night with my mom’s friends to the Tobey Carvery. We were meeting them at 7:30 but as usual they were late lol Scarlett was very well behaved and she had on one of her many dresses that she hasn’t worn yet.

We had a nice dinner followed by desert. Obviously Scarlett couldn’t have any as it’s all got dairy in it. So she just had the wafer from someone’s ice cream and a small mouthful of my cream. Hopefully that doesn’t upset her stomach too much.

We got home about 10ish. I put her straight to bed then mom and I caught up with Emmerdale then we decided we weren’t tired so we watched something else and before we realised it, it was 1:30am lol we headed to bed.

I was fine when I woke up for work but I started to flag a bit from tiredness at 10:30am so I cracked open a can of fizz to help me through the day. I had an interesting day at work. And I almost hurt myself. I tripped over a heater that was by my friend’s desk and I almost went headfirst into the wall. I almost did. I made an almighty crashing noise and my pal came running in to check I was ok. I genuinely thought I’d end up on the floor!!

I’m just watching Bitten on Netflix waiting for Brett to get here. He got on the train at 9ish so should get off at 10:15 then he’s got to walk here.

I want another tattoo. I want a dream catcher. I had a bit of a google and saw a few designs I loved so I’m going to go and talk to a tattooist and see what we can come up with. I saw one that was black but with elements of a deep purple. I really favoured that one.

Back to swimming lessons for Scarlett tomorrow. Hopefully she remembers what she learned before the summer holidays.

TTFN x