Monday migraine

Tuesday 9th:

Nothing exciting happened. Work. Home. Tele with mama. The usual.

Wednesday 10th:

Mom’s last night before she goes away so her and her boyfriend had dinner when he got there. I’d already eaten something else before that.

Thursday 11th:

Mom and her boyfriend flew to Cyprus today. She did the normal routine of driving me to work and dropping Scarlett at nursery. My grandad picked me up from work and I had dinner at their house before walking Scarlett home. Night 1 alone was a success. She went to bed normal time. I caught up on tele and then went to bed myself.

Friday 12th:

My manager told me I could leave work at 4:30 instead of 5pm as a thank you for manning the office. It felt naughty packing up and walking out. But I do appreciate the sentiment. I quite enjoyed being on my own for 1.5 days. I got a lot a fair amount done as I felt free to do it all in my own stride.

Saturday 13th:

We stayed indoors in the morning. I got some chores done. At lunch we popped to town so I could get my haircut. Scarlett was so well behaved. She sat in her stroller next to my seat at the salon, and just happily ate her carrot stick crisps whilst I had my hair washed, cut and blow dried. They were really impressed with her.


After my haircut we grabbed some lunch in BK and she shared my chicken and chips. Then we headed to my nan’s for a cuppa. We ended up staying for dinner. I had egg for the first time in almost 2 years. I went right off it when I was newly pregnant because it made me nauseous. I had some and I didn’t feel sick. However I also didn’t particularly enjoy eating it. So I think I’ll leave egg out for the foreseeable.

Sunday 14th:

Had a bad head when I woke up. I took some paracemtol but it didn’t shift all day. We went for a carvery with my grandparents and my nan’s brother (my great uncle) and his partner. Scarlett ate a lot, she loves peas and runner beans. We went back to my uncles house after for a cuppa and scarlett explored their front room. My grandad dropped us back home and my nan went off to my cousins baby shower.

Scarlett had some fruit for dinner (more like supper) and then bath, bottle and bed. She’s so good. I really can’t fault her. Even if she is a little monkey and climbs EVERY DAMN THING lol

I had a shower after she went to bed then I tidied up the lounge, washed up our dirty plates etc and then caught up on tele. I finally finished watched the season finale of Vampire Diaries. Can’t believe it’s over for good. How can they do that to me lol

Monday 15th (today):

Woke up with a seriously bad head so I called in sick. Sent Scarlett on her way to nursery and climbed back into bed. I felt a bit better when I got back up. I had something to eat then I did some more tidying up. Whenever I’m off sick, if I am able, I try to be productive. I hate just sitting around.

Scarlett got dropped off at 4:30. She went straight in the bath and then we played together for an hour or so. At 6:15 she wanted to go to bed so I made her bottle and took her up. She fell about 7ish when I was cooking my dinner.

I’m just watching some tele. The house is clean. The washing is almost done. Her bag for nursery is packed.

TTFN x

4 wake ups

Tuesday 2nd:

Today was Princess Charlotte’s 2nd birthday. It came up on my Facebook memories because I shared the announcement when she was born. I love the royals!

Wednesday 3rd:

I had the dentist today. I haven’t been since a follow up in July after my wisdom teeth extract surgery. For the first time in 2 years the dentist actually said my teeth were “fine” and didn’t require a cleaning, filling or whatever else. Pretty pleased with that because my maternity exemption ran out in January and I haven’t got money to pay for extras lol

I caught up with Pretty Little Liars. I can’t believe this season is the final one. Sad times!

Thursday 4th:

Blindspot catch up. As well as other shows. My focus is back a little. I can watch a whole episode and not feel fidgety. Progress! Brett got here at midnight. His face really annoyed me. I don’t know why. We had a row and went to bed.

Friday 5th:

We got up, Scarlett had breakfast then we headed off to the Harry Potter Tour in London. She fell asleep on the bus to the studio and we were early so Brett and I grabbed a sandwich in the studio cafe. The tour was brill but busy. They have added A LOT since I went with Reggie in 2014.


Scarlett did really well considering she wasn’t in the stroller much. We did take it with us rather than giving it to the information desk [they lock it away]. But she walked around the tour, mostly. We tried Butterbeer [Scarlett loved it] and I took home the souvenir mini tankard. We left at 4ish and headed for the bus back to the station. We got off the train at home just before 7 so my nan dropped us home. We had a good day. We got a lot of pics including the obligatory ones they do where you “ride a broom” lol we had dinner once she was in bed then we watched the Equaliser. Love a bit of Denzel.

Saturday 6th:

Today we went out at lunch to my Nan’s house. We had lunch then we got in the car to visit my aunt. It was a flying visit. My nan and Debbie had a cuppa. Scarlett played with the twins. I had a banging headache when we left so we stopped off at a shop so I could get some paracetamol and a drink. It took over an hour for it to fade away let alone go away. Eurgh! Hate those heads. We stayed at my nan’s for dinner and ended up going up the chippy. My grandparents, Brett and Scarlett had fish and chips. I had chicken curry [my version]. After dinner we went to Asda as Scarlett needed milk and then we went home. We got her in bed by 9 then we climbed into bed to watch Fantastic Beasts. Scarlett woke up really upset, coughing, tears and just overall unhappy. Brett saw to her. Took ages to settle her, she was not very happy. Managed to lay her back in bed eventually and we continued watching the film then we went to bed.

Sunday 7th:

Scarlett woke up at 8am but as she had been up in the night I gave her a bottle and put her back down. She slept until about 10ish. I just did some washing up and caught up with Riverdale. I woke Brett and asked if he was coming with us to visit my gran. He said no but he would get up and shower etc whilst we were out then meet us at my Nan’s when we were back as we were having dinner there. So I left with Scarlett at 10:30. We visited my gran and bumped into my nan’s sister who was visiting too. We left at 12ish and headed home. We detoured via my house and Brett was still asleep, as I predicted he would be. So I woke him, he jumped in the shower and I left. He came round my nan’s when he was ready. We had dinner. Scarlett played and then she had her supper then we went home. I bathed her, he dressed her so I could shower then she went to bed. We watched Harry Potter 6 then my mom got home so we chatted for a bit then we got into bed.

Monday 8th:

Scarlett had woken up once before we had gone to bed. In the night she woke a total of 4 times. Twice she was just crying, and twice she was coughing so much she woke up. Bless her. We had already agreed he would stay home with her today so he did. She didn’t wake up until 9:30, bless her. They had a good morning then they jumped in the car with my mom who picked me up from work so we could go food shopping. They picked me back up from work at 5. Brett went home at 7. Mom and I had dinner after I had bathed Scarlett. I put her to bed before we ate but it took her a while to drop off. She’s very fussy. But she’s asleep now so we are just watching Little Boy Blue.

TTFN x

5 months in

So we didn’t end up going to Godstone farm on Saturday :(

Saturday 29th:

I woke up in the early hours after tossing and turning all night. I felt sick. Scarlett had woken up because she had a dirty nappy. My stomach was already turning and the smell didn’t help. By the grace of god I managed to change her without hurling but I knew I was seconds from doing so, so I slammed the stair gate shut and pegged it into the toilet. I tried to shut Scarlett out but she was right behind me, hanging off my legs. I was sick. I cleared up and turned round. She was giving me the most judgmental look. I was like “it isn’t self inflicted this time”. I went into the bathroom to wash up, brush my teeth etc and I was sick again. This time there was blood. I won’t lie, it did freak me out a bit and it brought back memories of what I was newly pregnant. I ended up in hospital for 3 days because I coughed up blood. My throat was sore from being sick so quickly so I assumed I had damaged my throat – hence the blood. I woke my mom up so she could take over with Scarlett. She sorted her a bottle then put her back down for a nap. I went back to bed.

I woke up about 10ish and I felt better, surprisingly. I avoided having any food. I just had some water. My mom said she planned to take Scarlett out as planned but not to Godstone Farm. She said she was going to take her to a nearer one so we got ready and went to the Trilakes nearby. Apart from being exhausted and not feeling able to walk too much without sitting down, we had a good afternoon. Scarlett loved looking at everything and we even managed to convince her to feed the goats.


We went to my nan’s after for a cuppa tea and then we went home. Scarlett had dinner, bath and went to bed. I had my dinner and then after I watched Riverdale on my iPad I went to bed. Must’ve fell asleep by about 9pm [fitbit says so].

Sunday 30th:

We were going out so we got up and had breakfast. Scarlett was cleaned up [messy breakfast] then I dressed her. We got in the car and off we went. It took us 90 minutes to get to East Grinstead. Not too bad. We were going to this bus thing. My mom’s boyfriend loves old buses and stuff, and they do these “shows”, where you can get on one [free of charge] and ride it there and back. Scarlett did really well with them but as mom had told me not to bring the stroller, she was tired after she had her lunch in the cafe. Usually I would walk her round for a bit whilst she slept and I couldn’t. Next time I will do that. She did really well though. We went on a total of 5 buses [I think].


We went to the Wetherspoons for dinner. I had a hotdog and chips, with cheesy garlic bread. Scarlett shared my dinner, plus she had her fruit. She was SHATTERED! I changed her nappy before we got back in the car to head home. She was flat out snoring 10 minutes after we set off. She slept for over an hour. It was a danger nap [past 5pm] but it is a weekend, I don’t mind. I don’t see her much in the week because of working, and her going to bed at 7pm.

Monday 1st May:

So it is May. Where has the last 5 months gone? I feel like I have blanked and boom, almost half way through the year. I would say time flies when you’re having fun but I haven’t been in the best place recently to agree.

Scarlett got up at a normal time. She had a bottle, then played for a bit. Then she had some breakfast. I put her down for a nap shortly after and whilst she napped I watched some NCIS. When she got up we put our shoes on and headed out. We were going for dinner with my grandparents and it was 11:15 when she woke so I figured we might as well go round early, and she can play. So we did.

We went for dinner at 1ish. We went to the Harvester. Scarlett did really well considering she usually has her lunch at 12-12:30. She had cucumber, sweetcorn and bacon bits from the salad bar. Then she had cheesy garlic bread [deffo my kid] which was mine that I shared. She had char-grilled chicken strips with chips and peas for her main. She ate all the peas, some chicken and a few chips. She did so well. For someone so small she eats so well. After the harvester we nipped into Morrison’s and she wandered with my nan whilst I grabbed some bits. I got her some summery bits for our holidays. It will be hot in Italy, in the height of August, and it MAY be warm in July – we will have to see.

I am back to work tomorrow. I hate that Saturday felt like a write-off because I wasn’t well. We are off Friday because we are going to the Harry Potter studio tour in London. I went in 2014 and it was fab. They have changed a lot and added a lot to it so I am excited for that.

TTFN x

Anxiety creeping

Brett turned up at 10:30ish. So not too late on Thursday. We tried to get an early night but we like to chill and catch up. He woke Scarlett up when he got there so he had to put her back to bed and she wasn’t amused so I ended up giving her a small bottle, as well as teething gel after he had changed her nappy. Once she was asleep we got into bed.

Friday 21st:

Brett turned 25!!!! I got up with Scarlett for nursery. Dressed her then woke Brett up so he could say goodbye as we weren’t going to see her till Saturday once she left. They had cuddles then my Nan picked her up. I climbed back in to bed for a bit. We got up later than we should’ve and he wanted to shower and shit before we left so that took longer. We ended up leaving at 2ish. Train was due at 2:45. Didn’t leave until gone 3pm. We made a “friend” on the platform. An older lady was sat next to us on the bench and she started talking to us. Harmless enough. However it became very clear she was drunk. She was 63 (she said), still very sexually active (she also said) and had a boyfriend in Southampton (where she was headed apparently). We hopped on the train and settled in the “quiet carriage” and she had gotten on a different carriage. 3 minutes later she wanders past with all her stuff and plonks down next to us (well next to me). Fun times. She dropped all her stuff (in that drunk clumsy way people do). So we scrambled around helping her pick it up. She asked our names as she was texting someone about her trip (and meeting us two) and 3 times Brett told her what his name was and 3 times she called him Brian! It was a very painful experience. Thankfully she departed the train at Winchester (after asking us 5 times where she was going?) and we had a quiet remainder to our journey.

We finally got to Portsmouth at 4:25pm. We headed to our hotel for check in. Checked in. Threw our stuff on the bed and went straight back out for dinner. By the time we arrived at Gunwharf Quays it was almost 5. We walked along the food promenade and settled on Pizza Express. Whilst we ate I booked our cinema tickets for 7:15. We finished eating and went for a drink as we had plenty of time. We watched Fast & Furious 8. It’s not my kind of film as such but I have seen most of them so I did enjoy it. After we left the cinema it was about 10ish so we got a train back to the hotel. We wanted some nibbles so we hunted for a convenience store. No success. Brett ended up asking a local and he directed us to the nearest Tesco lol

We didn’t get to sleep until 2am (maybe later). We got caught up in the typical dirty weekend things – food, trashy TV and sex (Obvs). Overall we’d had a good day and night. Brett said his birthday had been great day!!!

Saturday 22nd:

We got up at 9:30 and went down to the restaurant for breakfast. We came back up for showers and packing then at midday we checked out and headed back to Gunwharf. Brett had birthday money to spend and I just wanted to wander. Also we had to do the Spinnaker Tower as Brett had never done it. So we did that first then we had lunch in the cafe below it.


We headed to the shops. Brett had his eyes on some Ralph Lauren so that’s where we headed. I got Scarlett some adorable floral shoes for our trip to Italy in August. We paid for our stuff and then he went to a different store for his dad’s birthday present and then we headed back to the train station to head home.

We got off the train at 4:30 and my nan picked us up. Scarlett acted super excited when she first saw us but then acted all indifferent when we tried to hug her haha sassy pants!

We had a cuppa tea then went home. Brett did bath time whilst we picked up dinner. We had a nice take away from the chippy. He and I then put Scarlett to bed and then watched the Conor McGregor DVD I bought him for his birthday. That was about 3/4 hours then we settled down for bed.

Today (Sunday 23rd):

St. George’s day today. Scarlett’s second one. She gave me a lay in. She woke up at 8 ish but I didn’t hear her till almost 8:30 as she was just talking to herself in her cot! I have her a bottle then we played. Then she had breakfast (and tipped some fruit all over the floor) then I dressed her. I woke Brett up at 10:30 and then at 11 I put Scarlett down for a nap. She slept for ages and I watched some catch-up NCIS. Obsessed with the show. No idea why! Once she was up, we got ready and went to my nan’s for Sunday dinner. Scarlett had her dress on for all over 5 minutes before tipping most of her dinner down herself, mostly gravy.



We had a good afternoon. She walked around the garden, a lot. Mom, her boyfriend, Brett and I nipped to the shops for some food shopping then we swung back to pick Scarlett up before heading home. Brett went home at 5 and I fed Scarlett some tea before taking her up for a bath. She was so tired. She just kept laying her head on my shoulder. At 6:30. She never goes to bed much before 7 usually. But nonetheless I did her bottle and put her to bed. She was out like a light.

I went up and had a shower at 9 and then just chilled etc. I watched some tele and came up to bed at midnight but it’s 1:30am and I’m still awake because it’s hit me that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow and I’ve been to the loo 4 times with stress related bowel issues. I hate that I cannot control my life. I’ve been actively looking for a new job for months and have had no luck. My friend has been looking for maybe a month or so and she managed to land one quickly and has handed her notice in already. I feel sick at the thought of going to work. My mental health is affected so much. To the point where I saw my doctor last week and got referred on to discuss my problems. Anxiety she reckons but I think it’s more than that.

I just had a row with my mom. We were just having a laugh and then I was talking about work and that I hate that I cannot just quit now and she was going on about “don’t forget that I cannot afford to have you here if you’re not working” and it just angered me because as if I don’t know this. She’s been giving me that same line since I was 18. I’m well-a-fucking-ware that she depends on my income. Which adds to my stress because not only do I have a child who relies on me but also my mother. So then she started to say “oh it’s my fault you’re stressed”. I cut her off and told her to leave my room. She carried on so I screeched at her to get out. I think she called me a cunt as she stormed out and slammed her bedroom door. Yeah I’m a cunt because I’m very clearly fucking struggling with life ATM and she knows this because I’ve told her this. She knows about my doctors appointments and stuff.

But whatever. I’m not apologising for telling her to leave my room.

Morning looms closer!

TTFN x

Sunday blues

Friday 7th:

Brett came down tonight. He got to mine at midnight-ish. We were fine but he got the hump when I mentioned my plans to take Scarlett to Italy. He was really upset I had “considered” him. He said that if we are suppose to be a family then why wouldn’t I want him to go. I tried to explain to him that we aren’t the traditional type family. We don’t live together. We don’t even parent her equally. I do 85%, he does a small part when he IS here. So yeah he didn’t take it great. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want him to come. It was more “I just wanted to take her on a trip I had planned long before I had fell pregnant and had sacrificed it for her”.

Saturday 8th:

He still wasn’t happy when he got up and I thought he was going to go home. But we worked it out. We let Scarlett nap then we took her into town. He walked around with her. occasionally she would hold his hand. Cute! We had lunch then we went back home. She had dinner and then he did bath time and put her to bed then we watched a film. We watched Nerve.

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Sunday 9th:

We went to bed quite late Saturday as we watched another film in bed and then went to bed. Getting up was rough but I put Scarlett back down for a nap after bottle and breakfast so that was good. Again we went into town. We had lunch and then did some shopping before heading home. We put Scarlett down for an afternoon nap and watched the finale episode of 13 Reasons Why. That show has changed me. It was so intense and eye opening. I mean, I am fully aware of how bullying goes in school having been on the receiving end, in the same kind of ways that Hannah was. Which just reinforced the fact that it could have easily been me who did what she did. Scary thought! I just hope I can raise Scarlett to feel like she can always talk to me and Brett [no matter what], and if not us then another family member if she is having a hard time. I would not wish her to suffer in silence.

Brett went home at about 8ish. He did bath time before he went. She loves when he baths her. I put her down after he went and then mom and I watched Vera.

Work tomorrow but it is only a 4 day week as it is Easter, so Friday is Good Friday. I am off next week so I effectively have 10 days off. Yes!

TTFN x

Red Nose Day 2017

Monday 20th:

My brother came home to visit. He had missed us, but mostly Scarlett. Obvs! We caught her walking about on camera. She was just wandering back and forth the lounge.

Tuesday 21st:

Today it has been 15 years since my uncle Jay died. People lie. Time doesn’t heal shit. You just learn to accept they are gone. 15 years on and it still hits us like a tonne of bricks.

I had my rescheduled Doctor’s appointment today. I didn’t get in to work until 9:45 so I have to make that time up the rest of the week #annoying

Wednesday 22nd:

My brother had said he was going back home to his Dad’s today but he decided not to. It annoyed me a little because I had expected him not to be there when I got in from work. I had looked forward to having the house to myself once my mom had gone to work but I didn’t. I couldn’t wander round naked or whatever lol I have loved having that freedom.

Thursday 23rd:

My brother went home today. Work was long. Can’t wait for the weekend. My grandad got a call from his doctor this evening saying one of his blood test levels was abnormal so he needed to go up A&E. They’ve kept him in.

Friday 24th [today]:

Today is Red Nose Day. Scarlett wore her RND top I got her from TK Maxx ages ago. I tried to find something red to wear but don’t actually have anything red lol my nan was on her own so I asked her what she was doing for dinner. She said she wasn’t alone as her brother was coming over, like he usually does on Friday nights. So that was ok. I finished my book, finally lol Scarlett has been in a bed a while. I am catching up with Iron Fist. I am loving this show. It crosses over with Daredevil, which I have already watched 2 seasons of. Waiting on season 3.

TTFN x

Reading again

Friday 17th:

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. We don’t celebrate it because we aren’t Irish lol Scarlett is inadvertently wearing green today though! We were going to Brett’s so after work my mom dropped us at the train station. Our left at 6pm. Scarlett fell asleep soon after and woke up the other end when Brett’s mom put her in the car for the ride to their house. She was still up when he got in from work. I bathed her and then at 9:30 she went to bed. We kind of had a row. Over something totally silly.

Saturday 18th:

I thought we were okay but it became clear, once he actually got his ass up, that it wasn’t “okay” and I almost went home. We did make up. His mom babysat so we could go for a meal, and the cinema, as previously planned. We watched Kong: Skull Island. We had a nice evening followed by some good clean fun (quiet-ish, we have to share his room with Scarlett whereas at home she has her own room). She did a poo in the bath when his mom bathed her haha kids!

Sunday 19th [today]:

I just felt like crap but nonetheless I was going to get up with her but when she woke Brett got up instead and I had a lovely lay-in. He put her down for a nap at 11ish and climbed in the bed with me. I was awake at this point, checking my phone and we spent 2 hours chatting and stuff. Quietly, but it was nice just cuddling up and relaxing.

Scarlett woke up at 1:30. I gave her a bottle, as she hadn’t had her lunch time bottle and then at 3pm dinner was ready (Sunday lunch). Brett had fell asleep so we left him and Scarlett sat up the table with us on her new portable seat. She loved it.

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We got on the tram at 5:15 and got off at Wimbledon. She was fast asleep at this point so it was a chilled 25 minute wait till the train came to take us homewards. She woke up as I got off the train which was handy as she would’ve woke up when she was put in the car seat anyway. We got home and she was excited to see her Nanny. Managed to get her to bed at 8:30-9ish. I had a shower and washed my hair. Now I am in bed. Work tomorrow. I hate Monday’s. I can never get my butt up on a Monday!

Been reading again, finally. I am currently reading a book called Julia gets a life. It is quite good and I haven’t been able to put it down.

TTFN x