4 wake ups

Tuesday 2nd:

Today was Princess Charlotte’s 2nd birthday. It came up on my Facebook memories because I shared the announcement when she was born. I love the royals!

Wednesday 3rd:

I had the dentist today. I haven’t been since a follow up in July after my wisdom teeth extract surgery. For the first time in 2 years the dentist actually said my teeth were “fine” and didn’t require a cleaning, filling or whatever else. Pretty pleased with that because my maternity exemption ran out in January and I haven’t got money to pay for extras lol

I caught up with Pretty Little Liars. I can’t believe this season is the final one. Sad times!

Thursday 4th:

Blindspot catch up. As well as other shows. My focus is back a little. I can watch a whole episode and not feel fidgety. Progress! Brett got here at midnight. His face really annoyed me. I don’t know why. We had a row and went to bed.

Friday 5th:

We got up, Scarlett had breakfast then we headed off to the Harry Potter Tour in London. She fell asleep on the bus to the studio and we were early so Brett and I grabbed a sandwich in the studio cafe. The tour was brill but busy. They have added A LOT since I went with Reggie in 2014.

Scarlett did really well considering she wasn’t in the stroller much. We did take it with us rather than giving it to the information desk [they lock it away]. But she walked around the tour, mostly. We tried Butterbeer [Scarlett loved it] and I took home the souvenir mini tankard. We left at 4ish and headed for the bus back to the station. We got off the train at home just before 7 so my nan dropped us home. We had a good day. We got a lot of pics including the obligatory ones they do where you “ride a broom” lol we had dinner once she was in bed then we watched the Equaliser. Love a bit of Denzel.

Saturday 6th:

Today we went out at lunch to my Nan’s house. We had lunch then we got in the car to visit my aunt. It was a flying visit. My nan and Debbie had a cuppa. Scarlett played with the twins. I had a banging headache when we left so we stopped off at a shop so I could get some paracetamol and a drink. It took over an hour for it to fade away let alone go away. Eurgh! Hate those heads. We stayed at my nan’s for dinner and ended up going up the chippy. My grandparents, Brett and Scarlett had fish and chips. I had chicken curry [my version]. After dinner we went to Asda as Scarlett needed milk and then we went home. We got her in bed by 9 then we climbed into bed to watch Fantastic Beasts. Scarlett woke up really upset, coughing, tears and just overall unhappy. Brett saw to her. Took ages to settle her, she was not very happy. Managed to lay her back in bed eventually and we continued watching the film then we went to bed.

Sunday 7th:

Scarlett woke up at 8am but as she had been up in the night I gave her a bottle and put her back down. She slept until about 10ish. I just did some washing up and caught up with Riverdale. I woke Brett and asked if he was coming with us to visit my gran. He said no but he would get up and shower etc whilst we were out then meet us at my Nan’s when we were back as we were having dinner there. So I left with Scarlett at 10:30. We visited my gran and bumped into my nan’s sister who was visiting too. We left at 12ish and headed home. We detoured via my house and Brett was still asleep, as I predicted he would be. So I woke him, he jumped in the shower and I left. He came round my nan’s when he was ready. We had dinner. Scarlett played and then she had her supper then we went home. I bathed her, he dressed her so I could shower then she went to bed. We watched Harry Potter 6 then my mom got home so we chatted for a bit then we got into bed.

Monday 8th:

Scarlett had woken up once before we had gone to bed. In the night she woke a total of 4 times. Twice she was just crying, and twice she was coughing so much she woke up. Bless her. We had already agreed he would stay home with her today so he did. She didn’t wake up until 9:30, bless her. They had a good morning then they jumped in the car with my mom who picked me up from work so we could go food shopping. They picked me back up from work at 5. Brett went home at 7. Mom and I had dinner after I had bathed Scarlett. I put her to bed before we ate but it took her a while to drop off. She’s very fussy. But she’s asleep now so we are just watching Little Boy Blue.


Anxiety creeping

Brett turned up at 10:30ish. So not too late on Thursday. We tried to get an early night but we like to chill and catch up. He woke Scarlett up when he got there so he had to put her back to bed and she wasn’t amused so I ended up giving her a small bottle, as well as teething gel after he had changed her nappy. Once she was asleep we got into bed.

Friday 21st:

Brett turned 25!!!! I got up with Scarlett for nursery. Dressed her then woke Brett up so he could say goodbye as we weren’t going to see her till Saturday once she left. They had cuddles then my Nan picked her up. I climbed back in to bed for a bit. We got up later than we should’ve and he wanted to shower and shit before we left so that took longer. We ended up leaving at 2ish. Train was due at 2:45. Didn’t leave until gone 3pm. We made a “friend” on the platform. An older lady was sat next to us on the bench and she started talking to us. Harmless enough. However it became very clear she was drunk. She was 63 (she said), still very sexually active (she also said) and had a boyfriend in Southampton (where she was headed apparently). We hopped on the train and settled in the “quiet carriage” and she had gotten on a different carriage. 3 minutes later she wanders past with all her stuff and plonks down next to us (well next to me). Fun times. She dropped all her stuff (in that drunk clumsy way people do). So we scrambled around helping her pick it up. She asked our names as she was texting someone about her trip (and meeting us two) and 3 times Brett told her what his name was and 3 times she called him Brian! It was a very painful experience. Thankfully she departed the train at Winchester (after asking us 5 times where she was going?) and we had a quiet remainder to our journey.

We finally got to Portsmouth at 4:25pm. We headed to our hotel for check in. Checked in. Threw our stuff on the bed and went straight back out for dinner. By the time we arrived at Gunwharf Quays it was almost 5. We walked along the food promenade and settled on Pizza Express. Whilst we ate I booked our cinema tickets for 7:15. We finished eating and went for a drink as we had plenty of time. We watched Fast & Furious 8. It’s not my kind of film as such but I have seen most of them so I did enjoy it. After we left the cinema it was about 10ish so we got a train back to the hotel. We wanted some nibbles so we hunted for a convenience store. No success. Brett ended up asking a local and he directed us to the nearest Tesco lol

We didn’t get to sleep until 2am (maybe later). We got caught up in the typical dirty weekend things – food, trashy TV and sex (Obvs). Overall we’d had a good day and night. Brett said his birthday had been great day!!!

Saturday 22nd:

We got up at 9:30 and went down to the restaurant for breakfast. We came back up for showers and packing then at midday we checked out and headed back to Gunwharf. Brett had birthday money to spend and I just wanted to wander. Also we had to do the Spinnaker Tower as Brett had never done it. So we did that first then we had lunch in the cafe below it.

We headed to the shops. Brett had his eyes on some Ralph Lauren so that’s where we headed. I got Scarlett some adorable floral shoes for our trip to Italy in August. We paid for our stuff and then he went to a different store for his dad’s birthday present and then we headed back to the train station to head home.

We got off the train at 4:30 and my nan picked us up. Scarlett acted super excited when she first saw us but then acted all indifferent when we tried to hug her haha sassy pants!

We had a cuppa tea then went home. Brett did bath time whilst we picked up dinner. We had a nice take away from the chippy. He and I then put Scarlett to bed and then watched the Conor McGregor DVD I bought him for his birthday. That was about 3/4 hours then we settled down for bed.

Today (Sunday 23rd):

St. George’s day today. Scarlett’s second one. She gave me a lay in. She woke up at 8 ish but I didn’t hear her till almost 8:30 as she was just talking to herself in her cot! I have her a bottle then we played. Then she had breakfast (and tipped some fruit all over the floor) then I dressed her. I woke Brett up at 10:30 and then at 11 I put Scarlett down for a nap. She slept for ages and I watched some catch-up NCIS. Obsessed with the show. No idea why! Once she was up, we got ready and went to my nan’s for Sunday dinner. Scarlett had her dress on for all over 5 minutes before tipping most of her dinner down herself, mostly gravy.

We had a good afternoon. She walked around the garden, a lot. Mom, her boyfriend, Brett and I nipped to the shops for some food shopping then we swung back to pick Scarlett up before heading home. Brett went home at 5 and I fed Scarlett some tea before taking her up for a bath. She was so tired. She just kept laying her head on my shoulder. At 6:30. She never goes to bed much before 7 usually. But nonetheless I did her bottle and put her to bed. She was out like a light.

I went up and had a shower at 9 and then just chilled etc. I watched some tele and came up to bed at midnight but it’s 1:30am and I’m still awake because it’s hit me that I don’t want to go to work tomorrow and I’ve been to the loo 4 times with stress related bowel issues. I hate that I cannot control my life. I’ve been actively looking for a new job for months and have had no luck. My friend has been looking for maybe a month or so and she managed to land one quickly and has handed her notice in already. I feel sick at the thought of going to work. My mental health is affected so much. To the point where I saw my doctor last week and got referred on to discuss my problems. Anxiety she reckons but I think it’s more than that.

I just had a row with my mom. We were just having a laugh and then I was talking about work and that I hate that I cannot just quit now and she was going on about “don’t forget that I cannot afford to have you here if you’re not working” and it just angered me because as if I don’t know this. She’s been giving me that same line since I was 18. I’m well-a-fucking-ware that she depends on my income. Which adds to my stress because not only do I have a child who relies on me but also my mother. So then she started to say “oh it’s my fault you’re stressed”. I cut her off and told her to leave my room. She carried on so I screeched at her to get out. I think she called me a cunt as she stormed out and slammed her bedroom door. Yeah I’m a cunt because I’m very clearly fucking struggling with life ATM and she knows this because I’ve told her this. She knows about my doctors appointments and stuff.

But whatever. I’m not apologising for telling her to leave my room.

Morning looms closer!


Pancake Day 2017

Tuesday (21st):

Brett went home at midday. He walked to the station and got the train home. Mom and me had Scarlett walking between us 

Thursday (23rd):

Something fell from the ceiling as I walked through the door to where we eat lunch at work. It was super close to hitting me on the head. I had to phone up a “near miss” hotline we use and they had me answering lots of mad questions. It was due to Storm Doris. The wind was so bad it can caused indoor ceiling panels to come loose!

Friday (24th):

I had to book this day as annual leave because my mom was away and couldn’t pick me or Scarlett up at 5pm. She dropped Scarlett at nursery then picked her up at lunch time. Usually she does a full day but I said as I was off I would have her at home after lunch.

We got on the train at 4pm and arrived at the train station near Brett’s house at 5pm. He was working but he had finished and we made it back to his house at the same time. His mom had picked us up from the station. She went out and bought a car seat so I don’t have to lug one with me every time we visit. That was so nice of her. I had planned to get one delivered and paid for by myself. 

She was all over his mom. She wouldn’t leave her alone. It was really cute. I would say “where is nan nan?” and she would look for her!

Saturday (25th):

Scarlett is officially 13 months now. Mad to think she is over a year now. His mom offered to babysit for the evening so we could go do something. We settled on going for food and cinema. So Brett bathed her at 6:30 and got her ready for bed. I got her bottle sorted and she had that. When I tried to put her to bed she didn’t wanna go, so she stayed up for a bit. His mom dropped us at the cinema. Scarlett stayed at home with Brett’s brother. She really likes him. He is good with her. We had some food then watched 50 shades darker. Brett’s choice. I have seen it but he hasn’t and he wanted to. He saw the first and said it “wasn’t bad”.

We had a decent evening and she was flat out asleep when we went back home later on.

Sunday (26th):

Scarlett woke up at 5am. Needed a cuddle then back down. She woke up again at 8am. We had a lovely roast chicken dinner and then chilled for a bit. We got on the train at 6ish and were home by 7. My mom picked us up from the station. Scarlett went to bed at about 9ish I think. Usually she is down by 7 but she was too excited to be home so I let her be before tea, bath and bottle before bed.

Monday 27th (yesterday):

Back to work today. I hate coming back when I have had a long-ish weekend lol it is always a shock to my delicate system. It is payday though so I paid all my bills.

Tuesday 28th:

Pancake day. I am so not fussed by it. I don’t like pancakes. Scarlett had some at nursery apparently and she liked them. Big surprise there LOL joke, that kid eats everything.

I have been getting into this new show on Netflix called Riverdale. It is super creepy and weird. Right up my street. There is also a new series of Broadchurch now too.

I can’t believe it is March tomorrow. Where has the last 2 months gone?


Happy Birthday Matilda

Scarlett didn’t go to sleep that night (last blog post). Well she did. But not at a reasonable time. She didn’t settle until almost 3am. I think I fell asleep at 3:30 and then was up again 6:30. To say I struggled the next day in work would be an understatement lol

I survived it though. Some how!

Thursday she had her jabs. I took a half day (unpaid) so she could have me there. Even though my mom didn’t mind taking her. She offered. I don’t want Scarlett to be consoled by anyone except me. And tbh she wouldn’t have been able to be, she gets so worked up during her jabs. We survived them, just.

Friday she was feverish so I had to stay home with her. She slept ALL DAY. No joke. She was up at 7:30. Down for a nap at 9:30. Didn’t wake up until 12:30. Back down at 2pm and woke up at 4:30pm. We were due to visit our friends in Watford for a sleepover so we got on the train at 6pm. She had slept on the train so she wasn’t tired when we arrived at 7:30pm. My friend put her little one to bed at 8:30 as she was shattered. Scarlett stayed up whilst we ate our Chinese then I tried to put her to bed. She wasn’t having any of it. Eventually they went up to bed and I laid her in the travel cot. With no distractions she went quiet.

She was unsettled though so she ended up sleeping on the blow up bed with me. She woke up 3 times sobbing in the night but I was next to her so I just cuddled her back to sleep. It made my heart swell because she’s not slept with me since we stopped co-sleeping when she was 3 months. I miss those hazy newborn days. However I am thoroughly enjoying entertaining the toddler phase!

This morning (Saturday) my friends baby M woke up at 6am. I heard her from downstairs. She’s noisy lol bless her! It’s her 1st Birthday so she’s allowed to wake up early. Scarlett woke up at 7ish so we went upstairs to say Happy Birthday to M. We gave the girls some breakfast then put them both down for a nap. We had our breakfast and a nice girly chat. Haven’t had one of those in a long time.

The girls woke up at 10:30. They got dressed for the party. I sorted myself out and then I got in the car, with Scarlett, and my friends in-laws drove us there. The party was good fun. All the babies, and older kids, loved the soft play area. We saw a few of our “online mums group” mums and their babies. Weird seeing people face to face after interacting online for so long!

At 3 my friends husband dropped me and Scarlett back to the house so I could give her a bottle and get her down for a nap. She woke up at 5 and we all climbed in the car (they were back by then) so they could drop me off at the station. We got the train at 6ish and we’re off the other end at 7:15. My mom picked us up. Dinner was ready at my nan’s. She did steak pie and chips. So that was good timing. Scarlett had some dinner and was very entertaining as she had had that 2 hour sleep lol

I managed to get her to go to by for 9pm and now I’m just unpacking our stuff so I can put some washing on.

We had a fab overnighter and a proper blast at the party. So glad we got to meet so many of our friends.

Happy 1st Birthday to our gorgeous little M. We love you. Hope you had a blast!!!


Omg! Spa day

Omg spa day! It was fab. I had a McDonald’s breakfast to set me off then I settled in for my treatments. I had an hour long Indian head message at 10am followed by an hour long full body massage then I had a half hour break where I relaxed in the relaxation room with some water. Then I had a half hour facial. I felt so serene when I left at 1pm.

I came home and caught up with supernatural and laid in bed being totally lazy until I had to go and pick Scarlett up from nursery at 4:30!!! I missed her but it WAS so lovely to have a little “me” time.

Saturday we didn’t go to Stratford in the end. I had a nasty headache and Scarlett didn’t feel very well. She slept basically all day and it was obviously much needed and she wouldn’t have been able to do that at a party, so then she would have been a nightmare later on. I apologied to my friend and said I’d post little man’s presents in the week. My BMF went to the party. I saw her snapchats and I was sad to have missed out but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Scarlett did some steps. Finally. I was super excited (you can tell in the video lol)

Sunday we had dinner at my nan’s house but she had a full house so we didn’t stay as long as usual. She dished up for 18 people. That was 8 kids and 10 adults. Too hectic! I washed up then we went home. 

Monday I woke up so late, mom was late in from work in the morning to pick us up and her car had trouble because the inside was frozen due to the water leak she’s had. Total nightmare. I got to work 15 minutes late and just felt like I shouldn’t have even got up. Anyone else would have a baby who wakes up at 6am and can be used as an alarm but not me. I have a kid who sleeps mostly till I wake her. Lazy cow! I was in a foul mood all day and I have no idea why. I just felt so irritable!
Today was a better day. I’m thankful that I’m busy at work because it means I don’t spend a lot of time thinking and overthinking. I’m really struggling with the fact I cannot afford to move out yet. I really need to. It’s affecting me mentally and emotionally because I don’t feel in control of my own child’s life, because we are effectively living in “someone else’s” house. All I can do is save, save, save.

Scarlett went to bed at 7:15. She woke up about 12:20. Her eczema is bad and her leg is hurting her so I changed her nappy and re-creamed her sore leg then put her back down. She laid down but kept sitting up so I got her back out and decided she may be hungry so I got some antibiotics down her and then she had a 5oz bottle. She drained it flat and has been laying in her cot talking to herself and playing with her TedTed. I can’t sleep whilst she’s awake so tomorrow will be fun when I’m knackered lol

She’s gone quiet, I think!


Tea party fit for a princess

Thursday my little princess went to nursery and I went back to bed after she was picked up. I hadn’t planned to but I thought fuck it, I deserve it. When I got up my Nan had just picked Scarlett up, so she picked me up too and we had some lunch. Then she went down for a nap.

I didn’t do a lot the rest of Thursday and once she was in bed I just caught up on TV and enjoyed knowing I wasn’t working the next day.

Friday I sent her off to nursery then I set about sorting her room, and mine. I managed to do it all in 3 hours. I still need to hoover my room but our hoover is broken at the moment! My mom picked me up at about 2 and we went shopping. I needed to pick up some stuff for the party as well as some food for work next week. We went to my Nan’s after we had dropped the shopping home so I could give her the bits I bought for the party. It was my Dad’s birthday so I sent him a message on Facebook. I had sent him a card from me and a separate one from Scarlett. It is actually his second birthday since she was born as she just made it last year by 2 days lol

Brett came down late Friday night. He didn’t get to ours until gone midnight. He went in and gave Scarlett a kiss on her head and woke her up. To say I was pissed would be an understatement. I had a headache, it was late and I just don’t want her awake at midnight because she ends up mad as hell the next day, and who deals with her in the AM? Me! It took until 2am to get her back down.

Today Brett didn’t get up till almost midday. Fucking irritated me. I was up with Scarlett at 7:30 and I was tired as fuck. We got picked up by my grandad at 12:30 so we could go to Asda to get her birthday cake plus a few extra party bits.

After Asda we went to my nan’s so I could help with stuff. Decorations were up and food was laid out. I put some make up on and got Scarlett changed into her dress.
My dad turned up with my stepmom and kids. We had a lovely afternoon then we did her cake.

Her cake

Birthday girl

Baby is one!


Me, Brett and Scarlett


She’s in bed and we are watching some tele at the moment.


It snowed, for 5 minutes

So it snowed yesterday. For all over about 5 minutes. The ground was too wet for it to lay as the previous day it had rained on/off all day. I was a little sad it didn’t lay as it would’ve been BABY’S FIRST SNOW! Sadly, it didn’t lay so she wasn’t able to get in her snow suit and have a play lol

It is less than a fortnight until Scarlett’s First Birthday. She is having a tea party for it, on the Saturday after her birthday. I can’t believe how quickly that has gone.

This time last year I was 37 weeks pregnant and wondering what she was going to look like. What she would weigh. Would she arrive safely. How would I labour. Would it go okay? I genuinely had no clue, but one thing I did know, from the pit of my stomach, was that she would come early. And she did. I went into labour (water broke) 9 days before I was due, and she was born 6 days early.

She was 50 weeks on Monday. I forgot to say. We are so close to week 52. I will be the mother of an almost toddler. She learns so much every day. She can wave, clap and high five. She says mum, nanny, daddy, yeah, hiya and very sure she said No once lol

I have Specsavers tomorrow. I am long overdue an eye test! Brett may be down this weekend but not sure. If not, we’ll just have a chilled weekend. I need to catch up on sleep and start my second book of the year. I am only 3 pages in lol