The countdown is on for moving day

Tuesday my headache was gone when I woke up. That was great as it had been raging all day Monday. I had a wrap for lunch. Well 2 actually. Philadelphia Cheese with ham. Was very tasty and made a change from the usual crap I eat.

No Lucifer again. It must be coming back in March, same as Riverdale. Eurgh, gotta wait now I guess. I didn’t watch Blindspot on Monday due to my headache so I ended up watching it today instead. Then I headed to bed.

Wednesday I started reading a book. Finally. I have started the DI Nick Dixon series by Damien Boyd. It’s really good. It’s easy to read, the writing is good and I didn’t want to put it down. I read the first one in a day. About 200-250 pages. So that’s a book to mark off my Reading Challenge on I then read the second in the series within a day too [Thursday].

Thursday I started to feel less icky after my nasty ass period. I came in from work and Scarlett was in a great mood. She kicked the ball and we played catch. Then at bath time she just went so whingy. It’s like something in her head just flipped to “grumpy”. I put her to bed and she moved about for a bit then she went to sleep. I had some dinner and then I got into bed to finish reading my book [DI Nick Dixon #2]. I finished it before I went to sleep.

Friday [today] I woke desperate for a wee. This is happening a lot lately. I don’t understand why I just don’t wake up and go wee before I get to the “OMFG I won’t make it” point. Anyways, I dressed Scarlett then made my lunch then we headed off. We had breakfast on the way then I went into work. I’ve had a headache creeping ALL DAY. I can feel it. It’s sort of there now but it’s not full blown. Will need to sort this when I get home.

I have no major plans this weekend. I am picking up a coffee table on Sunday. It’s from the Facebook Marketplace so it’s second hand but it’s solid wood and it’s only £25. I need to post some birthday cards and get my mom’s Mother’s Day card. If I don’t do it now, I will forget in 2 weeks when Mother’s Day actually comes around. Also I need to get a new phone charger and some shoes for Scarlett as she needs some. Shoe Zone should have some for her and ASDA. She is still a size 4 as far as I can tell.

I paid the rest of our Sun Holiday to Poole today. The balance was due next week so I paid it. I got the email confirmation so that’s good.


P.s. The countdown is on for Project MOVE. Officially we move out in 4 weeks today. 28 fucking days! I am so excited. 28 DAYS!


Functioning at 70%

Thursday I got up at 7 to get Scarlett ready for Nursery. My nan picked her up at 8. I had a nibble on something as my stomach hurt but I still felt so dodgy. My chest hurt even more. I’d lost my voice from all the coughing making my throat sore.

I decided I was not going to work Friday. I needed to see my doctor again. I still didn’t feel right. I just couldn’t put my finger on why!

New series of Death in Paradise started so mom and I watched that. She usually goes to her boyfriends on a Thursday but she didn’t feel well so she stayed home.

Friday I called in sick and explained I’d be seeing a doctor. I managed to get an appointment quickly. I got seen just before 10am. Diagnosis is chest infection. I had a fever of 39.4 even after taking paracetamol. Doc said to keep the meds up, every 4 hours to keep the temp at bay. He prescribed me antibiotics. I walked to my Nan’s house which is across the road from the Doctors surgery. I fell asleep on the sofa because I just felt so drained. My mom picked me up so I could go to the pharmacy to collect my antibiotics. We popped into the shops as I needed some more paracetamol and Scarlett needed Nurofen. I’d been using her Nurofen as my throat had been too sore to swallow any tablets. Unfortunately my antibiotics were tablet form so I had to suck it up. I managed to get in the daily 3 tablet dosage before bedtime.

Saturday she didn’t wake up until 8:30. Lovely little lay in. She had her bottle then she watched some teletubbies whilst I did some bits. Mom went out for some breakfast at 10. It was the first time in 5 days I’d eaten properly for breakfast. It was heavenly!!! After we ate we got dressed then we went to the bank so I could transfer the Cake Smash funds back to my normal account so I could withdraw it.

We headed to her Cake Smash. We thought we’d be really late but we arrived at 11:03 so not too bad.

She did really well considering how unwell she’d been for a week. She had a blast eating her cake and posing for pictures. See the sneakpeak of a few photos below!

Sneak peakWe left at 12:15 and headed to my Nan’s for a cup of tea then we had some lunch. I ate lunch. Not much. But it was good to eat.

We left for Home at 5ish. Scarlett and I had dinner. She had a yoghurt after then I did bath time. She came downstairs and helped everyone else eat their dinner plus she helped herself to Mark’s apple crumble dessert. She did have a bottle but she only drank half. She was more interested in food lol

She went to bed at 8:30ish. We sat down to watch McMafia. I watched the first episode but fell asleep half way through the second so I went up and got into bed. Think I was asleep by half 11!!!

Today my beautiful little princess didn’t wake up until 10:30am. What a lovely lay in. I did her bottle then I made us both breakfast. She had normal toast. I had marmite. She stole half of one of my slices, little monkey. Apparently she likes marmite too. I asked her if she did when I was making it. She said No lol

We played some games. We did some singing. I did some more teaching on colours and counting. At 12:30 we got dressed and headed out to my Nan’s for Sunday roast dinner.

We ate at 1:30ish. Scarlett didn’t eat lots as she’s still not 100% back to normal but she did okay. She didn’t ask for pudding so I let her down from the table. She played in the lounge with our 2 cousins.

We stayed at my Nan’s until my mom arrived later. She had worked Saturday night so she slept all day. She ate her dinner. Scarlett had some supper then we headed home. I put her in the bath. She wanted me to bath too. So I did. Then I stood up and washed my hair under the shower whilst she played in the water the other end of the bath. It’s our little routine sometimes as she’s tolerant of the shower now as it means she gets to bath with her mama.

After bath time we headed downstairs for her milk. She helped me make it like normal but when I gave her it to drink she wouldn’t. I was like what lol eventually she did drink it. She ran around because she knew if she sat still she’d fall asleep. We caught her and she said goodnight to “nanny and uncle JuJu” then I took her up.

Mom and I watched the last half hour of Dancing on Ice. Typically we don’t watch it but it was on before Vera started at 8. We watched that. Mom left at 8:45 for Work so she’ll catch the remainder of Vera another day. I love it. When it finished at 10 I got in bed and watched Elementary. I turned it off at half 11. Then I FaceTimed Brett to say Hey. We chatted for half hour then we both said we were going to sleep.

I however have been laid in bed for like an hour now and I can’t sleep. It’s because little human let me lay in lol I’m going to play my puzzle game and see if it tires me out.

Back to work tomorrow and surprisingly I’m actually looking forward to being back. I like routine. I like being busy. Being stuck looking at the same four walls whilst off sick was just so crap. I would say I’m at about 70% health so I’m not 100% but I can function at work. I can speak better as my voice came back a bit. And the coughing outbreaks are fewer. So all in all, I can’t wait!


New Year 2018

Sunday (New Year’s Eve):

I watched about 4/5 episodes of Elementary and went to bed at like 3am. Oops!

I had set my alarm to wake up at 8. To get my routine back. I forgot I’d done it so when it went off I couldn’t remember why I’d set it so I turned it off and went back to sleep.

Scarlett woke up at 10. She had her bottle and then I called 111. Finally got through and they said a doctor would call me back within 24 hours. They called when we were grabbing food at Morrison’s cafe. They said they’d like to see her so we booked in for an out of hours appointment at the hospital.

After we ate we went home and I put her down for a nap. I know what the hospital can be like and the last thing I wanted was a tired/hungry baby waiting for 2/3 hours.

She had some munchies whilst we waited in the waiting room. Surprisingly we got seen and diagnosed within half hour. So shocked. She’s got a touch of bronchitis so they’ve prescribe amoxicillin. They also suggested to use saline nasal drops to clear her congestion. As well as snuffle babe on her feet.

After the hospital we grabbed some dinner. She didn’t eat much. We ate my nans then we left for Home. My nan said if I wanted to come round for New Year’s Eve then I was welcome to stay. So as not to drag her out in the cold at 1am. So I flung some bits in a bag, did her bath then we headed back to my nans.

Scarlett didn’t go to bed until half 9. We played The Logo Boardgame. It was hard. I barely knew any answers lol it was all good fun though. We turned the tele on at midnight to watch the London Fireworks then I went up to check on Scarlett. She woke up so I brought her down for a bit. She looked shattered but she’s so defiant. And had a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) so she wouldn’t give in. I eventually took her back to bed at 1am then everyone left so we took the dirty dishes in to the kitchen then I headed to bed.

She was still awake when I came up to bed. I let her lay in the bed with me once I was ready for bed. She laid for 20 minutes, in the dark, to calm down then I put her back in the cot. She whined for a moment then when she realised I was still in the room and she was “okay”, she settled.

I’m laid in my nan’s spare room on a single bed. This is an experience. I haven’t slept in a single bed since we went on holiday a few years ago. I hope I don’t fall out!

2017 wasn’t great. It had a lot of downs compared to ups. But it is what it is.

Hopefully 2018 will bring more happiness, more opportunities, more fun and more laughter. Oh and good health. That’s all we can ask for.

Happy New Year everyone. From my home to yours…


Not how I expected my weekend to go

Friday was a nightmare at work. My temp, who use to give me a lift, said she wasn’t coming back on Monday. One of the managers had upset her and she didn’t want to work in a place where people are rude to each other. She was furious in the afternoon. I half expected her to up and leave there and then. I think she would’ve if she’d had her car but her husband had borrowed it because his was in the garage.

We were due to go to Brett’s house. Normally I check the trains ahead of time but I left it until 3pm. When I looked it said there were delays my end of the tracks until 5-6pm and his end there was a lot of cancelled trains due to an issue at East Croydon. So I thought we could go at 7pm as the was a train at 7 that looked like it was the usual 1 connection, 1 hour 15 minutes route. But when I got in from work, I realised it would be far too cold, far too late and far too dark to be dragging my toddler on the train. So I told Brett that I’d decided not to come due to the reasons above. I anticipated he’d have the hump but what happened was beyond anything I expected. He was utterly vile to me. Basically insulted my parenting skills by trying to say that taking her to watch a 15 minutes fireworks display in a mild November is the same as a 90 minute December journey at 7pm at night on a Friday after being at Nursery all day. And said I must be such a good mom for taking her to see fireworks (in the dark and cold) but not taking her on a train. Also said I traumatised her by taking her to see Santa. Oh and brought up the one time recently when she was walking underneath me when I was carrying something. I didn’t see her, I turned and my knee knocked her over and she hit her head on the doorframe. Like it was an accident. They happen from time to time. I didn’t mean to hurt her and I felt awful when she was upset. I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. That’s what moms do. I frequently pick her up and cuddle her.

Anyway, he was just horrible to me and I realised that I just don’t need or want him in my life (or Scarlett’s) anymore. So I blocked him for some peace then later I messaged him to say I can’t be with him anymore. I don’t love him in the same way as I used to. I’m not coming for Christmas. And please don’t harass me to get me back or try emotional blackmail like you usually do. I then blocked him again. I was up till almost 3am chatting to my bestie. She had a lot of support and advice to give on leaving a shitty relationship.

Saturday he tried to call me at some point in the morning as I had a voicemail. I only listened to a few seconds before deleting it.

Scarlett got up at 9. She had her bottle and we read some of her new books. She asked for breakfast. I asked her what she wanted, cereal or toast? She said toast. I said tea too? She said yeah! She’s so funny. So she had tea, toast and banana. I waited to eat with my mom as she was going to cook breakfast. We ate at 10:30. Scarlett had some sausage then I put her up for a nap at 11:15. I went up and got in bed because I was so cold and I had a headache. I fell asleep and woke up at 1:30. Then Scarlett woke. I dressed her then I finished putting addresses on the presents I needed to send.

Mom drove me to the post office so I could mail everything. I mailed all my gifts except my Australian secret santa. It was going to cost me £88 to send a £30 gift lol so I decided to try a different postal service. We went into town so I could get a refund on the PS4 Pro I bought Brett for Christmas. So I’m now £300 richer. Which is great because I have Scarlett’s 2nd cake smash to pay for in January as well as her birthday party.

After Argos we went to my nan’s. She had a full house. Everyone was there. We stayed for a few cups of tea. Scarlett had lunch when we first got there. We left at 5. I ordered a Chinese whilst we were watching Madagascar. It took over an hour to come. Scarlett was proper hangry. We ate then I took her up for a bath. I ended up bathing with her. We got our and got dressed. I did her bottle then she said goodnight to everyone as my mom was going to work and so was my brother. I took her up at 9:15 for bed. She was flat out within 15 minutes.

I was watching Grimm on Netflix when the bloody door knocked. I knew who it was. No way was I answering. I have nothing to say to him. I thought I’d made myself pretty clear in my message the night before. I ignored the door. But he knocked twice more. The light in our kitchen was on so I knew he’d see me if I darted upstairs to look out the window. I stood in the doorway and he must’ve sense it because I heard him say something about “come on just answer the door”. I ran upstairs to tell my brother girlfriend not to open the door. Not that she would have. It’s late.

I came back down and he spoke to me through the letterbox. Said he wanted to talk so could I at least open the door. I said no. It won’t change anything. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. He said he wants to try and he’s listening. I said why listen now. You’ve had almost 2 years. We’re not the same as we were. It’s finished. He got a bit angry and slammed the letterbox. I thought he was gone so sat down but he came back and called my name. So I said what? He said so this is it? You want me to go? I said Yes that’s what I’ve been saying. He said he was sorry it got to this point and sorry we couldn’t work it out. He said he hopes I have a good Christmas and I look after Scarlett then he slammed the letterbox and went. Me and my brother’s girlfriend sat in the front room for a while, expecting him to knock again. But he didn’t. We chatted a bit and then I carried on watching Grimm.

I’m in bed now. Going to have a lazy day tomorrow. I just want to relax and have a laugh with my baby girl. She’s all that matters to me.


The Doctor copped a feel

Friday Brett didn’t arrive until almost 1am. Because I had fell asleep when I came home sick from work, I wasn’t tired yet so we watched some tele then went to bed about 3am.

Saturday Scarlett woke up at about 8am. Not too bad considering she went to bed at 9:30. She had her bottle in bed with us. She spoke to Brett but he was half asleep. I took her downstairs. She opened her advent for Days 1 and 2. As well as her first and second days of Book Advent. Her book was Fox’s Socks. Day 2 book was Princess Mirror-Belle and Snow White.

We had porridge for breakfast then I put her down for a nap. We were due to go out at 11. We didn’t leave until 11:30. Oops! We went to Camberley to take Scarlett to see santa. As you can see it went as well as last year!

After Santa we went and grabbed lunch at Wetherspoons. Scarlett had salmon fish cake, mash, peas and some cucumber and peppers as a side. I had a chicken burger and chips. Brett had steak and chips. Food was pretty good. Scarlett ate so much. We hadn’t taken the stroller with us so she was walking a lot but she’s still so little so we also carried her a bit too. Man she’s heavy lol

After lunch we went to Primark as my nan had asked me to get 2 gift vouchers for my cousins for Christmas. I also picked up matching Christmas headbands for me and Scarlett then we got a lift to my nans. We had a cup of tea then at 4 we headed home.

Scarlett had some fruit and a yoghurt for dinner (she ate loads at lunch) then Brett bathed her and then after a bottle and storytime she went to bed at 7. She went straight down like a good girl.

We ordered some dinner and watched Criminal Minds catch-up with my mom. My dinner took ages!! Brett’s came and he’d eaten it long before mine came. We had separate because he wanted pizza and I didn’t.

He has a bath whilst I read my book in bed. We were going to watch a film but I had bellyache so I went to sleep about 11. My grandad’s Birthday is today. He’s 68.

Sunday Scarlett woke at 8:45. That’s some epic sleep she had. She must’ve had almost 14 hours sleep! She had a bottle then she had toast (she asked for it). I had porridge and of course she had to share it when she’d finished hers lol

Scarlett opened Day 3 of Book Advent which was the book Everyone Loves Underpants.

We woke Brett up at 10. I put Scarlett down for a nap at 10:30. We climbed back into bed for cuddles and just relaxed. We woke her up at 12:30 so we could go shopping then to my Nan’s for dinner. I had to stock up on nappies and wipes. We bunged it in my mom’s boot then we went to my nan’s house. We left at 4:30. I stuck Shrek on and Scarlett actually sat with us to watch it for ages. I took her up for bath time and Brett left to get the train home at like 6ish.

She and I read a story. She had her bottle then I put her to bed.

Today she did not want to get up. I don’t blame her, I didn’t want to either! She got dressed, had her bottle whilst I made my lunch then my Nan turned up so I could leave for work. I got to work and set about playing catching up from being sick on Friday. I made an epic dent in my emails and managed to finally load AIR on to the system. I did a mini victory dance because we’ve waited too long to load AIR!!!!

I left work at 3:15 as I had my hospital appointment. We managed to get parked in the middle of the day. That’s so rare! I got seen at 4:10 so only 20 minutes late. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions and then did a check. Said it all seemed normal and sent me on my way. Weird considering my GP said she was sending me for a scan. But nonetheless I’ve been discharged from the hospital so if I have any more issues or am not happy in the new year I’ll go back to my GP.

After the hospital we went to pick Scarlett up. She does a full day at Nursery on Mondays. My mom usually picks her up at 4:30 then me at 5. My nan picked her up so we got her from her house. She was having a yoghurt when we got there. Apparently she had already “helped” Grandad to feed the dog. She loves doing that. Her and Marley are BFFs.

We went home and Scarlett had some fruit as she was “hungry” – she wasn’t she was peckish. She has dinner at Nursery lol we watched some teletubbies and she opened her Day 4 on her advent calendar, as well as her Book Advent. The book was Stories for 3 Year Olds. She went for a bath then she went to bed at 7.

Mom is off tonight so we’re watching tele and having a relaxing evening.


Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).


Part-Time Working Mummy Fest

Friday I got up for work and mom said she was dropping Scarlett at Nursery. So we bundled her in the car and set off. i got a McDonald’s breakfast to tide me over for the busy day ahead.

My mom picked me up at 1pm as I had Scarlett’s Nursery consultation for her yearly review. She is smashing life. She’s so bright and is on par, and slightly above for her milestones. This includes emotional, social, developmental and educational. Basically everything. She’s such a super star!!!

I had to pick up my night guard retainer from the dentist so we swung by then I grabbed lunch from the shop next door and headed back to work. I managed to do all this within my 1 hour lunch break. Skills!

My mom picked me up from work at 5 like usual. We went home. I bathed Scarlett and got her ready for bed. I threw some bits in a bag for her and then put some bits in my bag for me. We went to my nan’s house as she was sleeping over there. We stayed until my nan got in at 7ish then we set off.

We drove for an hour then stopped at services for a wee and dinner then we carried on. We arrived at about 10. We parked up then went to our room. It wasn’t bad. It was clean and decently sized. We shared a drink and watched Emmerdale in bed then we went to sleep.

Saturday we got up at about 8. I had a shower then we checked out and headed for breakfast. We found a Wetherspoons so we ate there. I phoned my nan to check on Scarlett. She said she went to bed at 8 and woke up at 7:30am. She’s fine. She’s had her bottle and some breakfast. I knew she’d be fine. She loves her Nana.

After we ate we walked to the Crowne Plaza Hotel in the city centre for the Part-Time Working Mummy show that started at 10:30am.

It was fab. Rachaele (part-time working mummy) is just brilliant. She’s so down to earth and the things she’s been through, just horrendous. But you wouldn’t know it because she’s so kind and funny and real. We picked up our free cupcakes (I got one for Scarlett too) and then we browsed the merchandise stalls. I got a PTWM t-shirt, wrist band and badge. I won some earrings on the tombola. My mom got a plaque, a wrist band and a badge too.

We got back to the car at 1:45pm and headed off for Home. We stopped for food about half hour away from home and finally got back at 4:30pm. I had proper missed Scarlett and I totally feel like my weekend with her will feel so short. But it’s only one time and she had a blast with my grandparents. She loves them.

We had a quick cup of tea then we headed home. I bathed her and got her ready for bed. She went to bed at 7:15 as she was shattered. I climbed into bed myself and watched a film. I watched Miss Peregine’s Home for Peculiar Children. It was weird but good.

Today Scarlett woke up at like 6:30. But she was just singing and chatting to herself so I left her. She eventually got up properly at 7:45. She had a bottle and then some breakfast whilst we watched Postman Pat the movie. She likes Postman Pat. After that finished I took her up at 10 for a nap. She slept till 12ish. In that 2 hours I laid in bed watching Doctor Stranger. Had wanted to see it for ages.

We got dressed and then we headed to my Nan’s house for dinner. She was cooking a Sunday roast.

We ate. Scarlett played a bit. I washed up and my Grandad dried up. Like normal. Then we headed home. Scarlett watched some teletubbies then I took her up for an afternoon nap. Wasn’t sure if she’d go down or not. It was 3ish. She did but it took her ages to drop off. I think I fell asleep as I was laid on my bed playing a game on my phone, listening to her singing etc. Next thing I know it’s almost 5 and she’s shouting lol

She had some supper. Skips, a cake and some fruit. We had a bath together at 7 then my mom dressed her whilst I washed my hair and got out. She went to bed at 7:45 so later than usual but only by 45 minutes. She didn’t take long to get to sleep. I had some supper with my mom then I went up to bed. I watched Captain America 3. It felt familiar in parts, like I’d seen bits before.

I’m now laid in bed. I’ve had a headache all day. I took paracetamol this morning and then ibuprofen this evening. Nothing is helping. Hopefully it goes after a good nights sleep.


Ps. Scarlett’s milk and cookies photoshoot pictures came back. I’ve downloaded them. I’m ready to post them online in December. So excited for Christmas!!