26 candles

Ironically I didn’t actually get a cake for my birthday this year. But that just sums up how my day went. Brett pissed me off because the only thing I asked for for my birthday was a lay-in. And did I get one? No! We had said we’d spend the day together and my mom would babysit. We didn’t go out until half 2. We went bowling. We had two games. He thrashed me on both. Then we played in the arcade. We played air hockey and it was really fun. I love that game.

We got a bus to the garage then my mom picked us up and we went home. I put Scarlett down for a nap. When she woke up I did my makeup and got dressed then we headed out at 7ish. We went to Frankie and Benny’s for a meal. My dinner was delicious. Scarlett ate well but Brett gave her some coke so she was a tad hyper. It took her ages to calm down. We stopped at my nan’s on our way home for a cuppa. We put Scarlett to bed and then we finished watching the second Sherlock Holmes. Now me and Brett are just toasting my birthday with our Asti and chatting.

TTFN x

5 days till Italy

So I got up with Scarlett at 7:45am. Was a decent lay in. She had a bottle and a nappy change. We watched some teletubbies and she sat on my lap for ages, which made me think she was probably tired. I made her breakfast then I put her down for a nap. Brett got up just before 10 and we had a bicker in the kitchen because he had pissed me off in the morning by almost knocking me out when dreaming [which itself isn’t an issue] and then when I was nice and asked if he was ok/dreaming? He got really attitudinal with me and then he was whinging that Scarlett was crying [I was putting her down for a nap] so I swore at him and left the bedroom. He came out a bit later and yeah we argued. His mom decided to get in the middle and told us to grow up. Brett was annoyed because he wouldn’t interfere in her relationship with his Dad, so she shouldn’t do it to us. But her argument was that it’s her house and she doesn’t want arguing in her house. She said [not to me, to Brett whilst I sat there feeling awkward as fuck] that I need to learn to “handle” him better. I am still young apparently and bite too quickly. Not sure having the hump over his attitude is anything to do with my age, just the fact I don’t like being spoken to like shit. But anyways, I was just still angry so I kept my mouth shut and sat there like a fucking lemon feeling more awkward by the minute.

We went into the shops once Scarlett woke up from her morning nap. I felt sick because I was so hungry as it was lunch time at this point. And we went into the pet store and it stank I almost vommed lol so I waited outside. We headed back. Scarlett had a sandwich and then I put her back down for a nap at half 2. She woke up just in time for dinner at 4ish. She didn’t eat much dinner, which I expected as she had just woke up. Brett and his dad had a blazing row in the kitchen whilst washing up. Not entirely sure what it was over. I was in the lounge changing Scarlett’s shitty nappy so I only heard snippets. They’ve never rowed when we’ve been there before. So was a little unsettling to hear 2 grown men going at each other. Scarlett obviously could hear and it upset her a little. Contrary to what you may believe, we don’t yell at each other in my house an we certainly have never in front of Scarlett. Brett picked her up when he had calmed down and I packed our stuff up. His mom drove us to the station at 6. Our train was 6:18pm. We got home at 7:30. My mom picked us up and we went home.

She had a bath and went to bed for 8:30ish. I had a quick shower myself and then caught up with Midnight, Texas that was on Thursday. Mom and I went up to bed at about 10ish. I was quite tired so I am thinking of going to sleep soon. Just laid in bed with my lovely mosquito bites that are itchy. I keep coming across a new one. So far I have 5.

5 days until Italy. I should count “sleeps”. So we have Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night so that is 5 sleeps. Getting closer and I feel unprepared lol

TTFN x

1 week to go till Italy

Can’t believe it is only 1 weeks till we jet off to Italy. 7 days. 7 days!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I am excited?

It is Brett’s brother’s birthday today. I sent a card in the week, from Scarlett. Even though we are going there tonight. Just felt less hassle because at least I know he already has it.

We went for dinner last night. I had buttermilk fried chicken. I love it!!!!!! It was good catching up with my brother. He has expressed interests in wanting to move back home. I don’t think this is a good idea. He will just end up just as unhappy here as he clearly is at his Dad’s. But it’s not my choice apparently. My mom says he can move back if he gets a job back home, before moving. So yeah.

We got home at 7:30. I bathed Scarlett then put her to bed. We watched Emmerdale then I decided to get in to bed. I had a headache. I think I switched my phone off at 10:30.

Today I woke at 6am desperate for a pee. I never wake up usually lol I got up at 7. Mom dressed Scarlett whilst I looked for leftover items to pack for Brett’s house. We headed out at 7:30. Today Scarlett wasn’t being dropped at nursery by my Nan. My mom said she would do it, so she came for the ride to my work with me. I gave her a kiss before I headed into my office. She was waving at me lol

Just on lunch watching Salem now.

TTFN x

8 days to go

So Scarlett’s item came from Amazon last night. It was her teletubbies backpack. I am hoping to use this as her “baby bag” from now on. She loved it. She wouldn’t leave it alone when we opened it. She kept pointing at it and saying “La-La”.

teletubbiesWe had dinner at my Nan’s house so we didn’t get home till 6ish. She played for a bit then I gave her a bath, bottle and then bed. I really can’t fault her. She is just so good at going to bed. She sometimes whinges to go to bed early lol I have been teaching her to say “love you”. She can. But only we can understand it. It isn’t clear enough yet.

I am heading off out for my lunch break soon. Mom is taking me to the shops so I can do some holiday shopping. I desperately need some shorts as it is between 30-35 degrees in Italy in August. I have just looked at the weather forecast and it says next Friday in Verona it’ll be 32 degrees when we land! Hopefully I find what I am looking for.

We are going out for dinner tonight as my brother is down visiting. So us 4 are heading straight out after I finish work. I have brought jeans to change in to as I don’t want to wear my work clothes out.

TTFN x

10 days to go

Scarlett spoke to Brett on FaceTime twice last night. She was very loving towards him. Sometimes she acts really indifferent to him and it bothers him. But she is a toddler and they get easily distracted which is why I tend to turn the TV off when he calls. But she was talkative to him. She was in the bath. She was showing him her bath toys [which he sees anyway when he is here] but it was super cute. She went to bed at 7:15 and then mom and I watched Emmerdale together. Brett FaceTimed me a few times on and off whilst I watched Salem again. I think I crawled into bed at half 10. Didn’t fall asleep until gone midnight though!

Today I got up at 7 for work. Mom dropped me in and I was 15 minutes early for a change. I worked until 9:15 then mom picked me up and dropped me for my interview. It was at the hospital. The same hospital I was born in almost 26 years ago, and my brother was born in 22 years ago. Also, Scarlett was born there 18 months ago. I actually walked passed the entrance to the Labour Ward/Delivery Suite. So surreal. If me and Brett end up living down my area, rather than his, it’s safe to assume our next baby will be born there too. Although we might not. We may find a place together in Croydon. I wouldn’t mind doing that. Moving away. But we’ll see.

Interview seemed to go well. They said they’ll let me know either way before next Friday. I popped into the toilets on the way out and whilst I was mid-pee the toilet flushed. Safe to say I got an impromptu fanny wash haha I got back to work at 11am.

I got picked up after work so I could donate at 5:30pm. I booked this months ago after my last donation. I couldn’t donate. My iron levels were 110 and the average is 115-140 and the NHSBT bottom line is 125. So I’ve been banned for a year from donating and told to see a doctor at some point. So we went home for dinner etc. Mom went to her boyfriend’s house about 20 minutes ago and Scarlett is in bed so I think I will just catch up with Salem.

10 days till Italy!!!!!!!!!!

TTFN x

11 days to go

Friday I had originally said to mom that I fancied going cinema as she was home so it was no hardship for her to babysit. But I changed my mind. I stayed in. We waited for her boyfriend to come over then we ordered a sneaky Chinese. I then went up to bed to carry on watching Salem. I have just started watching it and I am engrossed. It is a Netflix show so been streaming it downstairs on TiVo. But also on my iPad.

Saturday Scarlett woke up at 6ish. Put her back down. She wasn’t having any of it so we got up. Went downstairs. Let her play in the lounge whilst I attempted to doze. Every time I tried she kept coming over to show me her “baby” lol we had breakfast then she went for a nap. I woke her up at 11 as she had a swimming lesson finally. They had been cancelled for 2 weeks in a row due to a fault with the swimming pool so we’d not been in ages. She loves her lessons. She is getting more confident every time. When we were finished Mom dropped us in town. By then it was lunch so we had a cheeky McDonald’s. I just had a chicken burger. Scarlett had a cheese burger.

After lunch we took a stroll to the hairdressers as I needed my hair cut. She was really good behaved considering she had to sit in the stroller whilst they washed, cut and blow dried my hair. She whinged towards the end but that was due to her being tired and needing a nap. We hit the shops before we headed to my Nan’s. My mom, me and her boyfriend decided we wanted to go cinema so we asked my Nan if she minded babysitting. She said she would. So mom headed home to grab some bits. We had dinner at my nan’s then I bathed Scarlett in my Nan’s kitchen sink then I got her ready for bed. Nan said she’d give her a bottle and then put her to sleep in the stroller. Which she did.

We went off to the cinema at 8ish. We popped into Morrison’s first then headed to the movies. It was really busy. We all got a slushie then sat down in our seats. The movie was really good. Having studied History for 5 years at school I am really disappointed that we were never taught about Dunkirk. I know that if we had been I would’ve at least remembered the name of it. There is so much we aren’t taught in class and I feel like I barely know any of our history.

We Drove to my Nan’s and picked Scarlett up. Couldn’t transfer her from stroller to car seat without waking her so I didn’t other trying too much. She had a few extra ounces of milk in her cot at home then she was back to sleep. She is such a good little human, bless her.

Sunday she woke me up at 6am. Again! We were going out at 11ish so I gave her a bottle when she first woke then some breakfast at half 8. She went down for a nap at 9 and then I woke her at 10:45 so she could get dressed. We got picked up at 11 and off we went. We went to my aunt’s house. Her new house. Was hectic as with us there there was 5 adults and 6 kids. But we managed. Scarlett finally noticed there were 2 of the same kid. She was sat next to Frankie and then Freddie came in. She looked from Fred to Frank and back again. Then at me. Her face was a picture. She couldn’t figure out why there was 2. So I told her one was Frankie, the other was Freddie. She still wasn’t convinced, I could see it in her face lolIMG_3295

I don’t think anyone understands what that pic (^) means to me. Seeing my child with them. They were in-utero when I was told I couldn’t have my own babies. And I felt jealous that my aunt could just pop babies out. And I vowed I wouldn’t babysit for anyone ever again because it hurt too much to be near kids at the time. But time moved on and they were born. They spent as much time at mine their first 2 years than they did at home. They were terrors but I loved them anyway. And then Scarlett came along. My little dream. My miracle. MY terror. And to see her with them today. Her following them. Copying them. Yabbering away to them. Well, it made my heart swell… This is exactly what I had always dreamed of. My child with my aunt’s children, growing up as besties. Sometimes dream DO come true!

We got home at 5:30pm. We finished watched Hotel Transylvania. She had some supper [crisps, a gingerbread man and a yoghurt] then she had a bath. She was trying out her new skills from swimming. I got her ready for bed. We had a nice long cuddle on the sofa before I got up and made her bottle. She was in bed fast asleep by 7:30pm. When I put her down I got in the shower myself. Then I went downstairs just as mom got home. I hoovered whilst she made me some supper then we watched Poldark. When it was done I climbed into bed. I am in bed now. Work tomorrow.

11 days to go tomorrow until we go to Italy. It is getting very exciting!!!!!!!!!

TTFN x

An open letter to my fiancé

An open letter to my fiancé…

Dear Brett,

I know we’ve had our ups and downs over the last 15 months since we met. I know you sometimes want to punch me in face or shake me when I am being ridiculous. I know that you love me so much that you would take a bullet for me. And more than that, you would take a bullet for my daughter because she has become OUR daughter.

I have had a tough time over the past few years. You knew this. You knew I was a little damaged and it never bothered you. I was afraid the damage was irreversible. But it isn’t. Thanks to you. You’ve shown me that not all guys are the same. That sometimes you find love when you least expect it.

When we met I was over all the place [not that I realised it at the time]. I had not long had a baby and I wasn’t even looking for a relationship. You came along. With your cheeky grin and weird sense of humour. You lifted me up and literally helped me learn to love again. Being single for 4 years had me so use to it that being your girlfriend, being A girlfriend, came with challenges. We rowed. We learned what we both want/need from life, from each other. But we are still learning. That time we went for a Chinese and I had no clue you don’t like Chinese.

When you agreed to marry me it was the second best day of my life [only coming second after Scarlett’s birth]. I know we aren’t in a place right now to marry. We need to find a place together first and sort out all of our shit. But when the time comes I cannot wait to marry you.

I love you baby. I love you for you. I love how you always try when we argue and I am ready to boil your brain. You get me calm. You get me to talk. You treat me like I should be treated. You’re my best friend and the best Daddy to our daughter I could ever ask for. I love you, she loves you. We are lucky to have you.

Lots of love,

Kayleigh – aka your future wife!

xxxxxxxxx