I’m not okay but that’s okay

Thursday we did watch Moana. Scarlett had a nap then we went to ASDA. I tried to find a new pair of sunglasses but they didn’t have any. Or at least I didn’t find any! I packed our stuff for Brett’s house as well as Scarlett’s extra bits for her little sleepover.

Friday we got up and got ready. I had a long day of catching up at work on emails. I did manage to whittle my inbox down to like 5 emails so that’s good.

We managed to get on the 6pm train so we got off at Hackbridge just before 7. We had dinner then Scarlett had a bath. She didn’t settle till about 10. Late for her but it’s a Friday night so can’t moan. I had a headache and felt so tired so I went and climbed into bed earlier than usual.

Saturday she woke up at 8ish. I did her some breakfast. She asked to watch Ana (frozen) so we put that on. When she was dressed we went shopping. I managed to pick up some sunglasses in Sainsbury’s. They are not half bad.

When we got back Brett’s family turned up. It was his brother’s birthday so people popped in to say Happy Birthday etc. Scarlett handed Scott all his cards for him to open. She enjoyed being the postman lol

We had some dinner then she had a bath. Managed to get her in bed for about 9ish. We were going to watch a film but I had a headache still and I said I just wanted to chill. I ended up going to sleep at half 10. I’m never in bed asleep so early. Must’ve needed it.

Sunday Brett got up with her at 9. He let me sleep. I slept till 11. Woke up, headache still there. We chilled. She went shopping with his mom and brother. We had a BBQ at half 3. I got on the train at 6.

I got on the train by myself. No Scarlett. I didn’t want to admit it but I didn’t wanna go alone. I felt sick the entire day and the journey home. It didn’t feel right being without her. More so because I knew I had a further 2.5 days without her. But I sucked it up and went home.

I slept awfully. I woke up and forgot she wasn’t there. I’m not okay! I struggled all day because I knew when I got home she’s not be there. I never realised I’d feel like this. She’s slept overnight on the odd occasion. And I was ok. But it’s not a habit. I’m not use to her being away from me. I just felt off all day. Barely ate. Just worked and came home. She had a good day at Godstone Farm so at least that’s something. I had a meltdown on FaceTime about it. I feel better having said how I feel. It won’t change anything because I know she’s fine, I know she’s having fun so she isn’t coming home early because that’s silly. And selfish on my part as she’s not worried about being away from me. But I do feel better. Mostly because I know that it’s okay to not to be okay. It’s normal. She’s always been next to me and now for 3 days she’s over an hour away. It’s scary. And I’ll probably not sleep well tonight either. But I’m okay!

TTFN x

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