Coils, bleeding and being a girl sucks

Monday we woke up at 8am. Had some toast and watched some TV. We played her animal bingo then we got ready to go swimming. I had stupidly told her we’d go then I changed my mind in the morning because of the weather being so rubbish. But she has the memory of an elephant so she kept asking to go… It’s so humid. We waited for the bus and got to swimming just before 11. We only stayed half hour. Scarlett gets bored [and cold] but she did have a laugh. I need to buy her a float vest. She’s always been too skinny for arm bands and with swimming lessons they weren’t required so it’s been tough getting her to wear any. But in the water she wants you to let go but you can’t, obviously!

We left the leisure centre at 11:45 and stopped at Poppins cafe for lunch. She was so good, sitting still and eating her lunch nicely. Sometimes I forget she’s only 2. After lunch we went to the bookstore then headed home.

I put her down for a nap at 2ish. My brother and his girlfriend stopped by on their way home from town. When they left I stuck Shadowhunters on. I managed to watch 2 episodes and Scarlett was still asleep at half 4. She must’ve been knackered after swimming and the heat. She woke up at 5. I cooked us some dinner then we had a bath (I showered whilst she played in the bath water). We watched Emmerdale and then I put her to bed. She wasn’t tired so I put teletubbies on her little TV and she sat in bed watching for an hour. I came in to turn it off and she wanted to cuddle with me so I sat her on the sofa whilst I watched some TV then at 9 I put her back down as Corrie was on and this week it’s not designed for children, hence the 9pm viewing. I climbed in her bed for a cuddle as she wasn’t settling. She was being silly with her pillow and kept bopping me with me. She was giggling. She eventually went to sleep and I watched more Shadowhunters. I’ve hit a wall as there’s only 10 episodes on Netflix but I know there’s about 20 in the season. The rest of the season comes back in August. WTAF! Sucks balls! It was getting really interesting and everyone thinks Clary is dead but I know she isn’t. I’m just not sure HOW she survived the blast!?

Tuesday I had work. I spent all morning catching up on what I had missed during my 1.5 days off. I came on my period in the evening. No warning, nothing. Just ruined a pair of my new pants. And also, I only had a period 12 days ago. Like OMG WTAF? This is not normal but it’s become a pattern. So I decided I’d need to make a doctor’s appointment the next day.

Wednesday I went to work and I phoned my doctor’s when they opened after 8. Surprisingly I managed to get an appointment the same day. Mom picked me up at 9am. My appointment was 9:20 but I wasn’t seen till about 9:35. Doctor agreed with me that bleeding every 12 days is far from normal. She said a blood test would be prudent, and she’s referred me for an ultrasound scan, just to make sure the coil is “where it’s meant to be”. Also it can see if I have any cysts. I know I didn’t have any when I had Scarlett as they cut me open so they’d have seen. However that was 2.5 years ago, a lot can change I suppose. We’ll see what happens. My blood test is next Wednesday.

Scarlett has got into a habit of not wanting to go to sleep when she’s suppose to. So I’ve been putting her down at 7:30ish and she’s only nodding off at like 9pm the past few nights. I think it’s because on our long weekend I let her stay up a little later, and that meant she woke up later in the mornings. And it’s just become a cycle. Also, she has a case of FOMO!

Today I feel like crap. Last night my left foot started hurting when I tried to bear any weight. I haven’t bashed it or anything. I tried not to hobble or limp as this throws everything else. Same as when the knee on the same leg has been acting up [months now] and I just got on with it. I think I maybe pulled something, I am just not sure how, when or where? Today it hurts when I walk up/down stairs but not as much when I walk on a flat surface. Go figure!

No plans tonight. Probably do some washing and just chill. I am so drained [period] and tired [humidity affecting my sleep].


PS. How cute is she?


A Hot Bank Holiday Weekend

Wednesday was alright. I worked then came home. Cooked us dinner then she had a bath and went to bed.

Thursday I had a headache. I was at work till lunch then I left. I had lunch at my nan’s then mom picked me as Scarlett up. We grabbed dinner on our way home.

Friday I had the day booked off as the repair guys were coming to install a pump to fix my shower so mom picked up Scarlett at 8 and took her to Nursery then she picked up breakfast. The repair guys turned up at 9. They left at 11. Mom and I went food shopping. I spent like £90 but I had a lot I wanted to “stock up” on whilst I had the money, rather than run out in 3 weeks and be skint lol mom dropped her shopping home then she came to mine for lunch. We went round my nan’s for a cuppa then we headed to pick up Scarlett at half 4ish.

I bathed Scarlett then we went to my nan’s for the evening. Brett got off the train at 10. We picked him up then went home. Scarlett went to bed at 10:30.

We watched some TV and had a catch up.

Saturday we were going to go to her ballet class taster session but I didn’t want to wake her. It wasn’t set in stone, I had simply had inquired. So we stayed in bed and had a nice lay in. We went round my nans at 2ish. Scarlett went down for a nap so we popped to Sainsbury’s. I got some new pants and socks (living the high life) plus a new top. I also got Scarlett a new toy. It was a wooden tool set. She loves “helping” my grandad when he’s hammering stuff lol we left her at my nans for dinner and went home. Brett and I had dinner then he had a shower. We left at 7ish and dropped some stuff at my nans then we went to the cinema. We watched Deadpool 2. It was good.

It started raining when we were waiting for the bus home. It was humid out though which was annoying. We stayed up playing Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit in bed. I won a few times and he won once. HP master, me!

Sunday we woke up at 10ish and had breakfast. Scarlett got dropped home at 11. We watched some TV and then I put her down for a nap. She didn’t wanna go to sleep though so she just laid in bed playing with her teddies. We left for my nan’s at 1:30 for dinner. We stayed till 4:30 then my nan dropped Brett at the train station and then me and Scarlett home.

We had some supper, Scarlett had some fruit. I ran her a bath then I washed my hair under the shower before getting us both dried and dressed. We chilled out (and tried to cool down) before I sent her off to bed. She went to sleep within half hour but woke up a little while later crying. She was sweaty AF, bless her!

I’m catching up with Shadowhunters season 3 atm.

Got the day off tomorrow as it’s a bank holiday so I get to spend an extra day with my baby girl. Depends on the weather but I may take her swimming.


My heart STILL hurts for Manchester

As a lot of you may remember, last May there was an attack in Manchester at an Arianna Grande concert. I wrote about it at the time. See below.

Tuesday 23rd:

I woke up this morning to messages from American pals asking me if I was okay? Apparently some vile scumbags decided to bomb Manchester Arena last night after Ariana Grande’s concert. My pals were concerned as they have no clue how close or far I live to Manchester, and they’d seen the news reports [being hours behind the UK]. I assured them I was fine, so was Scarlett. Then I switched BBC on and looked at the news reports over what happened. My heart hurts for my country. For all the innocent people. For the teenagers/children who went to the concert not expecting anything more than just a fun night. The reports say that there are 22 confirmed dead and almost 60 people injured. I am in disbelief but at the same time it is almost “oh there has been a bombing incident, again”. It is scary that these events do not shock or surprise me anymore. Either I am numb to some of the BS in the world or I am just desensitised. However on the other hand I feel like bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I have a child. This is her world. This is where she will grow up [if she is lucky]. How do I protect her from these things when they happen randomly? Like who knew that attending that concert may be the last thing they do? No one! I have a friend who lives nearby-ish. I am thankful she has a toddler same as me, was home and away from it. I can’t imagine what people must be going through today, those who have lost someone, those who’s friends/family are injured and those few who have missing people. My heart goes to them.

I still feel this way. A year has past and whilst I’ve not spent everyday thinking of what happened, it’s crossed my mind occasionally. How do I even begin to bring my daughter up in a world where a night at a concert could be her last. A concert thag aimed AT children/teenagers. It’s beyond belief.

The reason I think “this terror attack” got to my very soul is simple: it was aimed at children to cause a lot of impact. It wasn’t aimed at an over 18s sex club primarily for adults. No. It was aimed at a concert where a lot of the audience would be children and teenagers. I have a daughter. A few more years and she’s likely be begging me to go see some pop singer at a concert. Also, Manchester. I have friends there. Friends with children. It could’ve been one of them. That scares me. That it could’ve been someone I genuinely knew.

The toddler phase is draining my soul. Scarlett is brilliant in so many ways but she’s also a fucking stubborn cow. And the irony is, she’s just like me. So it’s my karma for being a cow when I was her age too. And we’ve had a lot of shouting (me), crying (also me, sometimes her) and frustration (both).

Today all I’ve done is avoid the news or facebook for any mention of the year anniversary. I felt on the verge of tears when it happened a year ago. I wasn’t sure how I’d be now. I was … okay. But when I got home and I was doing “mom routine” and my pain-in-the-ass toddler was being her defiant self and I found myself shouting at her, I stopped. I just realised, I’d choose being here, shouting at her, having something TO shout at her for, EVERYTIME. As opposed to those poor families of those who lost their lives. What are they doing today? Visiting their graves I expect. And those that were injured… they’re probably sat reliving it all over again in their heads. I am so thankful it wasn’t us but one day it could be. And for that reason, I try to enjoy my life as much as I can. Even when I don’t feel like it.

So I clutched my squirming toddler in my arms whilst watching In The Night Garden so I could selfishly smell her, take her all in and so I could cry a little. I cried for the those who were lost, those who were injured and for everything in between.


Ps. I never cry. I’m not a crier. But strangely I feel better for it.

Saying bye to the weekend

Friday could not have come quicker. It was a long week. The week at work after any time away is always the hardest. IMO anyway. We got home at 5:15 and I decided we’d go to my Nan’s for the evening. I don’t do this often as it means a late night for Scarlett. But once every now and then is fine. So we got picked up just after 7. My nan was going to the chip shop so I grabbed myself some dinner as I hadn’t yet eaten. We had a nice evening. Scarlett played and jumped and we didn’t get home till 10:30. She went to bed at 11ish.

Saturday we woke up at half 7ish. I did us some breakfast. Scarlett’s eye has been sore and weepy for a few days. It was horrid this morning. We watched Finding Dory then I put her down for a nap. When she woke we ate lunch then headed to my Nan’s. The sun was shining so she could play in their garden. We ended up staying for dinner. We headed home at 7:30. Quick bath then bed for little madam.

Today I heard her stir at 7ish but she didn’t yell out for me so I went back to sleep. She woke me up at 9am by rattling the stairgate on her bedroom. Turns out she’d shit and it was all down her leg because the nappy was too full of wee so it had no where else to go. Lovely! We had breakfast then at 10:30 we went food shopping with mom. She dropped me home with the shopping and took Scarlett round to hers for an hour. I watched a child-free episode of Shadowhunters and then we all walked to my Nan’s for dinner. Scarlett did some colouring with her chalk board table. And she played Tap Tap Art with everyone. Overall a pretty good day. Weather was too hot for me though. I hate this hot weather. Ironic really, given that I was born in the height of summer lol

We left for Home at 5ish and Scarlett had a banana (she asked for it) then we bathed and chilled. I put her to bed at 7:30. I did two loads of washing and am currently watching more Shadowhunters. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself when I reach the end lol actually tbf I do have season 2 of “13 Reasons Why” to watch. But I’m not in the headspace for it. Season 1 was mad intense and I’m not ready for that kind of focus.

Back to work tomorrow. I had hoped to hand in my notice. But I’ve not received my paperwork from my new role yet and I’m not resigning until I know what I’m signing my soul to lol


Baby’s not feeling good

Monday I felt knackered. Going back to work after basically 10-11 days off consecutively was a bit much. Plus I still had that shitty cold. If anything I felt worse than I did at the weekend. I didn’t sleep great Sunday so today was just hard work. I caught up with more Shadowhunters as well as the soaps.

At 8:42pm some twat knocked my door. When I peeked around the door frame I could see it was some charity woman from Christian Aid. That is way too late in the evening to be approaching people’s doors. Not just because I have a toddler who they risked waking, but any vulnerable/old people do not need strangers knocked their doors at night. That could cause a fright or anxiety episodes to them. 

Tuesday was even worse. I had 4 hours of sleep because I kept coughing continuously between midnight and 3am. I woke up feeling crappy and I had a banging headache but I went to work regardless. No one is going to pay my bills for me lol

The charity people knocked AGAIN. It was about 8ish. I was eating my dinner.

Wednesday I watched Lucifer thinking it was the season finale but it wasn’t! So got another episode to watch tomorrow. Scarlett and me had a bath at half 6. We watched Emmerdale then I put her to bed whilst my dinner cooked.

I was eating my dinner and the bastard charity people knocked my door again for a third night in a row. I put my plate down and walked towards my hallway when they knocked again. Twice in 30 seconds, are they taking the absolute piss! I was furious so I raced down my flat stairs and swung the door open. This is how it went:

Lady: “Hi, I am here from Christian Aid”.
Me: “yes I know, I have seen you outside all week. You knocked my door rather late Monday and woke my toddler up. Not really acceptable to knock doors at almost 9pm”.
She seemed shocked for me to say this. Why? It IS too late to be knocking doors!
Lady: “It wasn’t that late, sorry to hear that, did your toddler go back to sleep?”
Me: “Yes but that’s hardly the point. It was far too late to be knocking my door and 3 days in a row is a bit much. Verging on harassment tbh.”
Lady: “Well are you interested in giving to our charity?”
Me: “Nah I’m alright thanks” then I slammed my door shut.

Now, just to clarify: I have NO QUALMS about giving to charity. I frequently do so and I will always help someone but when you’re constantly hounded for money left, right and centre it gets me angry. I will give my hard earned pennies when I choose. And if I don’t answer two nights in a row, do not knock a third night. And certainly do not knock twice in the space of 30 seconds. Scarlett is actually unwell so if they’ve had woken her yesterday I would’ve been a lot more rude than I was.

Speaking of Scarlett. She woke up at half 9 when I was on FaceTime to Brett. She was crying, hot and red cheeked. I gave her calpol then she laid on my chest [she never does this]. I put her back to bed at 10ish but she woke up again at half 11 when I went to bed. I settled her and then I fell asleep. She woke up crying at 2:30 and asked to sleep with me in my bed so I let her. She never asks so I relished the fact that she needs her mama. We slept and she woke me up again at like 4/5am. When my alarm went off she was blissfully sleeping. I was able to dress in peace, make my lunch for work and have a wee without an audience. It was bliss. I woke her at 7:20 and dressed her. I managed to convince her to have some calpol then I did some breakfast. I called my Nan at lunch to see how she was when she picked her up. She said she was tired but fine. I am glad about that. I can’t keep taking time off to look after her, even though I legit don’t have an alternative if she’s unwell #momlife

Riverdale season finale is available on Netflix today. I really hope Jughead isn’t dead but we’ll soon see. I watch the Lucifer season finale during lunch. Chloe finally realised he actually IS the devil, as he’s been telling her for 2 years.

I saw this post on Facebook. It was titled “An Open Letter To My Broken Hearted Friend”. I read it and it’s something we all should read and take heed. We’ve all been devastated by a relationship breakdown and we’re all guilty of thinking this “one guy” was the bees knees and he’s damaged us, ruined us forever. He hasn’t, you’re not broken and you will rise. You’ll look back and see it for what it truly was. You’ll be stronger, you’ll learn.


A lovely week ending in a cold

Thursday we did as I said, we stayed on site. We got up and ate breakfast then we headed down for a swim. Scarlett wanted to go on the slide but she’s far too little and I knew she’d get half way down and hate it. She kicked up a fuss and Brett did say he’d take her on it, but I put my foot down. She has plenty of time for that when she’s a big girl.

After swimming we went back to the caravan and Scarlett had a nap. Then I had a shower. When she was up we went into the centre for lunch and a wander around the arcade. We wandered down to the beach then went back to the caravan.

I went to the shops across the road to get dinner. Brett wanted Pizza but I wanted chips so I got me and Scarlett something from the fish shop and him a little pizza. She went to bed then we settled down to watch a film but Brett fell asleep so I went and got into bed. I left him asleep on the sofa.

Friday we got up just before 8. Had breakfast then we packed our shit up then we left. Reception phoned a taxi for us and we got to Hamworthy station just after 10. Train left at 10:30 and we got off the other end at 12:30. My nan picked us up and dropped us home. We put Scarlett down for a nap after some lunch then I did 2 loads of washing [saves doing it all on Sunday] then when it was all hung up drying, I threw a few bits into my weekend bag and off we set for Brett’s house. We got there at 6:30. We had dinner at 7:30, Scarlett had a bath then she went to bed at 9:30. Late one for her but she was good as gold. We watched some more Prison Break then we crawled into bed. I couldn’t sleep due to my newly stuffed nose, annoying cough, bad headache and just overall sickness. It was 3 by the time I nodded off.

Saturday we woke up with Scarlett but we both struggled. We hadn’t slept enough. We went to Sainsbury’s with his mom. I bought myself a new pair of jeans as my current pair are getting tatty [oops]. I also got a new top. Scarlett loves Teletubbies but recently she’s branched out on the BBC iPlayer and watched ITNG [In the night garden] or “piggle” as she calls it, as well as Peter Rabbit [or “rabbit” as she calls it] and she’s always liked Postman Pat. Well she’s taken a liking to Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle so I picked up the two characters in 6 inch teddies for her. Brett’s mom got her 1, I got her the other. She was over the moon. It was a treat for being such a great girl all week and travelling so well. After shopping we went back and I put her down for a nap. When she was up we had lunch then we just stayed in all day as it was raining [and I didn’t have her wellies]. We had dinner at half 6, she had a bath at half 7 and we got her down by 8:45. We watched the last 2 episodes of Prison Break on the first disk of series 2 then we got an earlier night.

Today we woke up early and both felt like crap. I had spent most the night coughing. My head was pounding, his head was pounding, he was coughing. It was just insanely awful. I gave him paracetamol and left him to work through it. He’s shit with a headache. I just plough on through as I get a headache every week, sometimes twice. And I use to be a huge migraine sufferer. I haven’t had a migraine in months *touch wood*.

I did Scarlett some toast then we watched the soaps from Friday that I missed [Emmerdale, Corrie]. She went down for a nap at half 10 but she didn’t go down that quick and she only slept for an hour at most. I had to go food shopping and with it being a Sunday the shops shut at 4 [some 5] so I decided early on I would go home at 1ish. So I packed our stuff up, made some lunch and checked trains. There was a train at 1:21pm so we set off and I got on the train. We arrived the other end at 3pm. Scarlett had been a whingy nightmare most of the journey as her tiredness was catching up with her. She finally fell asleep about 20 minutes from our stop. I walked to Sainsbury’s and grabbed as much as I could without injuring myself as I had a stroller to push and 2 bags to keep an eye on as well as the basket. She woke up just as the Taxi arrived at 3:45. We got home and it was such a great feeling. Shutting the door to the outside world and collapsing on the sofa [after packing the shopping away, obvs]. Scarlett was grumpy as she was still tired, then hungry. I cooked dinner at 5ish then we had a bath then at 7:30 she went to bed.

I caught up with Riverdale from last week. How can they kill off Jughead? Also, I am pretty sure that Betty’s Dad has a twin. I mean he’s actually a blossom and twins run in their family right? Plus he was with Betty and her mom when someone dressed as the Black Hood attacked Archie and his Dad… I guess we’ll have to wait for season 3. Better not make us wait too long. 6 months is acceptable but a year? Nah!

I caught up with some more Shadowhunters. I am on season 2 now and Clary’s mom just died. A demon possessed Alec and he killed her. I didn’t see that coming tbh. I mean, I vaguely remember the storyline of the book and movie. I will watch 1 more episode then get into bed as my head is banging and I am back to work tomorrow.


Monkey World & Weymouth

Tuesday we woke up at half 8. We had breakfast then we got ready to go. We left just before 10 for Monkey World. We got there and paid for our tickets. We wandered around, looking at the monkeys. It was quite warm. Scarlett was pointing at everything and watching the monkeys. We had lunch at 12 at the cafe inside the park then we carried on walking. We all had hotdogs for lunch. We ended our visit with a trip to the gift shop. £70 later and I’ve got some goodies. I got Scarlett some pyjamas. The same ones as our trip before but in her now size. Also got myself a tankard and a tshirt. And some bits and bobs for other people (family).

We got back to the caravan site at half 3 and we decided to go swimming as the pool is open till 5:30. Mom stayed in the caravan. Us 3 went off. We had a lovely time. I forgot how much I liked swimming and bopping around in the water. Still not BFFs with water but I don’t mind casually hanging out in the water. We stayed till almost 5 then we got out. When we got back we both had a shower then I bathed Scarlett. Had to get the chlorine out of our skins. All 3 of us have skin disorders. Scarlett has eczema. Brett has psoriasis. I have lichen sclerosis.

We went out for dinner. We went to a Hungary Horse pub that was down the road. I had this delicious chicken thing with chips and curry sauce. We ate then we came back. Scarlett went to bed and we watched Prison Break.

Today we woke up at almost 9. Had breakfast then we headed out to Weymouth for the day. We couldn’t find a parking spot for ages and the Jurassic Skyline wasn’t open. So we walked around, stopped for lunch at Wetherspoons then we headed back to the caravan.

We decided we’d go swimming tomorrow. So we stayed in the caravan. My mom left for Home just before 5. I put some dinner on at 6ish and we sat down to eat just before Emmerdale started. Brett bathed Scarlett whilst I watched Corrie. The storyline is about a guy taking his own life even though he seems like he’s doing fine, has a great life etc. That’s exactly why they’ve done it. To prove that suicide doesn’t always come from someone who is outwardly depressed. More often than not, the person isn’t showing the “signs”. As someone who’s family has survived a suicide, all I can say is that I hope anyone who is struggling knows there is always someone to talk to. Someone will always listen. So please talk!

Tonight we’re watching Prison Break. We’ve almost finished season 1 then he’ll head to bed.

Tomorrow we’re staying on site. We will go swimming and check out the arcade and park etc. It’ll be good.