Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).

TTFN x

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