1 more day till advent

Monday Scarlett didn’t want to get up today. I don’t blame her. It is Monday after all!

I did some Christmas shopping today. I got 10 presents plus I paid my mom rent.

She was so funny when we got home after work. She was so happy and noisy. She had 2 cups of tea because she had 1 and then asked for more. We had our dinner and mom decided to do her some potato smiled as she’ll just want to share anyway. So she ate hers and went to my mom to help her with her dinner. I had finished mine so my plate was on my lap empty. Scarlett came over and asked me for more. I said “No baby, mamas eaten hers, it’s in my belly” so she walked back to my mom, grabbed a potato croquette off her plate then handed it to me for me to eat. I almost melted with love for her. How fucking adorable! I said to her “oh thank you baby but mama’s had enough food. Give it back to nanny” so she took it back to my mom lol

She had a bath at 6:15 then when we were getting dressed from bath time we FaceTimed Brett. She was chatting to him for ages before going to bed at 7 (after her bottle).

I watched Blindspot at 10 then went to bed.

Tuesday Scarlett was so miserable when we got home. She didn’t even want to drink her tea at first. I think she is teething at the moment. She chatted to Brett then I took her up for a bath. When we were done we went downstairs for bottle then bed. She had her bottle then asked for more. I made her a few more ounces of milk and she drank half. She set her bottle on the table, grabbed my dummy and off we went to bed. She didn’t settle easily. She spent ages laid in her cot with the photo frame that’s usually next to her bed. It’s a photo of her and Brett. She was laid next to it, rubbing it gently. It was the most adorable thing. She must miss him!

She eventually settled whilst I was eating my dinner and catching up with Glitch. Season 2 is on Netflix now!!!

Today Scarlett was okay getting up. She didn’t lay back down and moan for a change. She’s still got a snotty nose but she’s okay! She was playing still games after work. Her godmom was here for a cup of tea and a chat. Scarlett was suppose to be eating her dinner but she was messing around. My mom said “hurry up or nanny will eat it”. Scarlett pick up her spoon (full of food) and walked over to my mom to give her it. We all laughed. My mom pretended to eat. Scarlett then pretended to eat it then she actually ate it. What a fun game lol

My brother got in the shower so she didn’t have her bath until 6:45. Then my mom dressed her whilst I showered quick then I did bottle then bed. She took ages to settle. I could hear her singing to herself for like an hour. But she did drop off eventually.

I watched some more Glitch. It’s so addictive. More so because I cannot figure anything out lol just finished an episode so now I’m in bed. It’s chilly tonight. My feet are cold!!!

TTFN x

Advertisements

Okay, not single

So we talked. We agreed we both need to do more and be better. I’d had a long ass week at work. So had he. I’m worried about my impending scan (waiting for the letter). Christmas is coming. Money!

Saturday morning Scarlett gave me an epic lay-in. She woke up at 9am. I was like woah! She got up and had her bottle. We watched teletubbies then we had breakfast. She went down for a nap at 11am. Mom and I started tidying my room. It’s been too long since I did it. I managed to get rid of 3 bags of unwanted clothes – both mine and Scarlett’s. Also 2 bags of rubbish. And some recyclables. Overall we did well. She woke up at half 1. We got dressed and headed to my nans for lunch and a cup of tea. We ended up being there until 6pm. Scarlett had dinner there then we headed home. I still had some bits to do in my room so once she was in bed I ate, caught up with Inhumans then headed upstairs to finish. My room looks so much better now.

Today she woke up at half 7. She had a bottle and we played then breakfast. We got dressed and then my mom dropped us at the station. We got to Eastleigh at 10:30. She was a bit shy at first as we don’t see my dad and family that often. She was fine after a while. We had lunch at 12ish then we went to the park behind my Dad’s house. Then we wandered to the lake before heading back.

She was tired so I got her to lay down on a blanket in the front room. She nodded off pretty quick. We left her to nap. We convened in the kitchen. She woke up and they all had dinner (I don’t like gammon so I just had some mash). Then they had pecan pie and custard. Apparently she likes it as she ate all her pudding. We grabbed our stuff at 4:45 and set off for the train station.

We got on the train at 5:15 and were back in Farnborough by 6:05. Mom hadn’t eaten (and neither had I) so we got food on our way home. We ate. Scarlett helped lol she got in the bath at 7:30. I had a shower then I did her bottle and she went to bed at 8. She was out like a light, bless her.

I got into bed at half 9. I found my Fitbit charger so that was on charge after I showered. It had been flashing red at me all day so I had fully expected it to die all day.

Payday tomorrow. Can finally get some of my Christmas shopping done on Saturday. I have 1/3 left to do. Some is online so will get it ordered. We’re taking her to see santa on Saturday. I wonder if she’ll cry like she did last year lol

I’m waiting patiently for my urgent scan referral letter. Hopefully I get that tomorrow. The sooner it’s done, the better I’ll feel.

TTFN x

Ps. There is 28 days till Christmas!!!!

Thank god I am single!

Yesterday was hectic. We got so close to loading Air at work but hit a brick wall, again. It’s so frustrating. I’ve done my part and filled out my import spreadsheets but someone somewhere else hasn’t done their part so it cannot be loaded yet.

Brett FaceTimed Scarlett at 6ish and then I bathed her then put her to bed. I watched some TV and ate my dinner. I messaged him at half 8 to see if he was ok. He’d had a shit day at work, he’d told me in the day. He said no he wasn’t so I asked what’s up? He said don’t worry about it I cba. Meaning it was a long story and he didn’t wanna get in to it. So I called him to say a proper Hey and he was really rude to me. He was like what do you want? He hung up when I was mid sentence. So I messaged him to say he didn’t need to hang up, I’d talk to him tomorrow as he’s clearly busyand he can explain why his day was shit. If he wanted. He went off on one. Started saying I was being difficult and I should just leave him alone when he’s got the hump. And just being absolutely ridiculous. I just sat there reading what he was saying I just felt so drained. Relationships aren’t perfect, I get that. Everyone disagrees. No one agrees with everything. But we are just so up and down, constantly. No matter how much he tells me arguing is normal, it’s not. It drains me. And I just sat there and I realised I didn’t want this anymore. It wasn’t worth the fighting. So I blocked communication and went to bed.

Today I woke up and it took me a while to remember what had occurred. And do you know what, I found myself not caring. I just got up and did the same things I do everyday. Nothing had significantly changed except inside my head. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel drained or boggled. I just felt “okay”. I had taken my ring off the night before. I glanced at it on the side and reminded myself to put it somewhere better than my bedside table. He may ask for it back if he ever tries to chase me. I don’t want him to. I don’t expect him to. But he does know where I am and he may turn up on my doorstep.

I went to work and I had a stressful mid-morning with air. Banged my head against the wall a lot. Afternoon was a laugh though. I helped my manager sort out Secret Santa. I sort of know the person I matched with so that’s good.

After work we headed to the social club for my cousin’s birthday. She is 4 today so her mom has thrown a party. There was a bouncy castle and lots of soft play toys. Scarlett dived straight into the buffet and spent 20 minutes walking around eating a biscuit watching everyone playing. She did a disgusting stinky poo and I had no wipes (I’d come from work) and I reasoned changing her now was a waste of happy as she was soon going home for a bath. So we braved the stench and drove home at 10 to 6. She got straight in the bath. I got in with her. She’s getting better at playing in the bath water whilst I wash my hair under the shower. Once we were both clean we got out. Went downstairs for a cup of tea. She helped my mom eat her dinner (Scarlett had already had her dinner at Nursery). Usually she goes to bed at 7 as she’s shattered but she was happy and playing nicely so I let her stay up. My mom’s friend was here so she was entertaining her. I put her to bed at 8:30. She’s so funny that kid!

My mom, my brother’s girlfriend and me watched Jack Reacher 2 whilst I ate my dinner. Now I’m in bed. Tomorrow I’m going to blitz my room for Christmas. As well as Scarlett’s. I’m living in a mess and it’s doing me no good seeing it every day!

I’m reading again so I’m going to read a bit then go to bed. I’m reading Shadow Demons (Peachville High Demons #4).

TTFN x

Hump day again

Tuesday the temp at work picked me up in the morning. She got a little lost so she was late but we still managed to get to work on time, just!

After work we went home and Scarlett finished eating her dinner. She had a bath followed by a bottle then I put her to bed. She didn’t settle straight away. She was awake for about a hour after bedtime.

My brother and I caught up with Inhumans on TiVo. I went up to bed at 10ish.

Today I had the Doctors. I’ve been having problems with one of my boobs for a while. I have quite big boobs so I’ve always experienced “issues” with them. Naturally they are heavy and finding bras that fit and are supportive enough is challenging. But recently, in the last few months, one boob (the left) has been giving me a dull achy feeling and I can feel “something” when I check it out. Also, the pain spread to my armpit but I did put that down to my bra digging in. Because that sounds completely logical, right? Well I had it looked at. The doctor said it’s very obvious by her just looking at them that the left one is swollen, bigger than the other one. When she checked she said it felt much heavier, harder and distinctively different to the other one. So she’s referring me for an urgent ultrasound to see what’s going on. She says I should have a letter for a date within 10 days. She thinks it could be hormonal changes from having the coil fitted 6 months ago. She was concerned that I could be pregnant, as hormonal changes in pregnancy could easily account for the breast changes. However I explained about having the coil and she said that it’s not 100% (nothing is) so to take a test to be sure. I took one this evening and it was negative, which I knew it would be. So that’s ruled that one. Hopefully the scan will reveal more. I’m not “overly” worried as I’m doing the right thing, I’ve gotten checked and they’re sending me for more checkups and if it’s anything sinister then I’ll know and can act accordingly. But honestly, I don’t think it is the big C. It’s most likely a cyst or something. I’ve had a cyst before. When I was 18 I had my boob checked (right one that time) and it was a cyst which went away on it’s own.

I’ve just finished watching Once Upon a Time. I’ve just climbed into bed (even though it’s only 9:30pm). I’m going to play my game and hopefully get some sleep as I just feel so tired today.

TTFN x

Night terrors

Saturday I woke up at 5am. My head was killing me! I haven’t had a migraine in such a long time so this properly threw me. I laid there for like an hour before I conceded defeat and went into the kitchen to scramble for painkillers. I took some, had some water and then laid back down. When Scarlett woke up at 7:45 I still had a bad head and I felt so sick. Brett woke up and said he’d take her so she had a nappy change and a bottle then she waved me goodbye and they left the bedroom. I finally managed to sleep. I woke up just before noon. The house was eerily silent. No dog barking. No people. No TV! I messaged Brett and he said they were visiting his cousins. So I had a shower and washed my hair – it desperately needed washing. Then I watched some TV. They got home at 1ish. We had some lunch. Scarlett hadn’t napped since she woke, apart from 15 minutes in the car. So at 2 I put her down for a nap. My head had started again so I took some more meds and then climbed into Brett’s bed. I didn’t sleep. I just laid there in the dark, dozing. Eventually the pain went. Scarlett woke up at 4ish so we went into the front room to play. She wasn’t very happy when she woke. She was feverish and miserable so she had some calpol, and cuddles. Eventually she perked up. We built some blocks up together and she had a blast knocking them down.

At 5ish Brett’s mom put some dinner on for us. Scarlett ate hers then had a yoghurt for pudding. At 7 Bret took her up for a bath. I did her bottle and she was in bed just after 8ish. We were going to watch a film but by the time Brett finished watching the darts it was almost 11. Instead we curled up in bed chatting then we went to sleep.

Sunday I woke up at 3am because Scarlett was crying. She must’ve had a bad dream or something. She didn’t wake again until 7:45. Brett got up to get her. I did her bottle and he did her nappy. I stayed in bed till 9 then I did us all some breakfast. I put her down for a nap at 10. We watched Suicide Squad. We had planned to watch it the night before but never got round to it. She woke up just after it finished, at 12ish. I gave her a yoghurt and a drink as we weren’t having dinner just yet.

Brett asked me if I had seen the Polar Express. I hadn’t. So he put it on. Scarlett weren’t fussed so she was playing blocks and drawing etc.

We had dinner at 3ish then I packed and at 4:30 we left for the train. The first train was ok but we didn’t have a proper seat. The second train was a pain because a family of 6 kids got on and they were proper noisy. Their mom didn’t even tell them to shush. She let them shout and screech for 20 minutes. I had a headache within 10 minutes. I was so glad when they got off at a station long before mine. Gave me some peace!

We were home by 6:15. Scarlett and I had a bath then she had a bottle and was in bed by 7:15. Mom did some supper at 8. I went up to bed at 9. My head was still banging. I must’ve fell asleep.

Today I woke up at 6am for a wee. My head was much better. I had slept from about 10pm (according to my Fitbit). I did feel good for it. Scarlett was sick in the car when we dropped her to my nan’s house. It was just phlegm. So she’s not sick I don’t think. Just a bit snuffly today.

We hosted training for some engineers on their PDA’s in the afternoon. It went okay. I’ve never done that training by myself so far. But I’ve also never been included in it because we had a team leader before. But as the team is just me, and my manager, I was invited to the training and I did prep for it such as a printing off the handouts and sending dummy jobs to their PDA’s for training purposes.

Scarlett was very grumpy in the car ride home after work. She cheered up a bit for FaceTime with Brett but she still wasn’t her usual self. She got really upset because she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t go to teletubbies land on the TV. Heartbroken she was, bless her!

I got her in bed for 7:15. Heard her chatting and playing till 8pm.

At 10ish the monitor lit up, she was crying. I went upstairs to check her. She was thrashing about and crying. I picked her up. She didn’t want me to hold her. She kept pushing me away and crying. It took 10 minutes for me to calm her and tell her it was mama and I won’t hurt her. I would say she experienced her first night terror. Hopefully she won’t remember anything tomorrow. But jeez it was horrible. I’m now in bed myself.

TTFN x

It’s the weekend!!!

Wednesday I had a shower then some food. I didn’t watch Doc Martin because last weeks episode was the finale apparently. That annoyed me.

Thursday was just so long. Brett started speaking to me. I watched riverdale during my lunch break. It’s getting interesting. Brett FaceTimed to speak to Scarlett before she went to bed. I watched Emmerdale then I finished watching the Assassin’s Creed movie. It’s not that bad actually considering it’s derived from a video game!

Friday (today) I didn’t want to get up. My head felt heavy and I felt really off balance. I went in to wake Scarlett. She didn’t want to get up either. It was pyjama day for Children in Need so I got her in some clean pyjamas but she was really upset. She was crying and kept trying to hug me, cling on to me. I took her downstairs to do her bottle and make my lunch for Work. She wouldn’t be put down. Normally she will sit on the sofa watching teletubbies. I’d make her bottle and she’d drink it whilst I make my lunch. Not today. Today she wanted to be near me. So I ended up having her sat on the kitchen worktop whilst I made my sandwiches next to her. She had her bottle in the car in the end. I went to work and my mom drove her to Nursery.

The nursery called me at 2:30 to ask if Scarlett was able to have her face painted, due to her eczema. I said she should be fine. So they painted her face and I was sent some pictures on Tapestry to view. She looked cute!

We managed to get to the station for 10 last 5. But we missed the 5:15 train. We got on the 5:30 train but it had an extra change. It had a change at Woking as well as Clapham. Which is fine. We got off at 6:45. Scarlett didn’t need dinner so Brett bathed her and I did her bottle. She went to bed at 8:15ish. She was flat out. We ate our dinner. We had fish and chips. Well I had saveloy as I don’t like fish. It was nice.

I went into Bretts bedroom to get ready for bed. I flicked the lamp on low because unlike my house, Scarlett has to share Brett’s room. I went to take my jeans off and kicked his weights that’s on the floor. I knew I couldn’t make a sound. Instead I just stood there glaring angrily at myself in his mirror waiting for the throbbing pain to subside. I’ve checked the damage and it doesn’t look like it’s done much. If it’ll bruise, it’ll come out tomorrow. So we’ll see. Can’t believe it did.

Scarlett snoring. Brett’s faffing then he’ll be coming to bed. I’m so tired and I’ve got this pain in my head that won’t go away.

TTFN x

Wednesday, again.

Monday I woke up with a headache, still. Work was busy. I was locked out of the database when I got in to work. So I had to phone IT and get that sorted. Had to catch up on all of the things from Friday I had uploaded. Brett and I had a row. He is now not talking to me so I am in for one quiet week #goals

Tuesday our new temp started. She was told to come in at 9am on her first day. This was to give us an hour to make sure everything was up-to-date and working for her. But she was told 8am by her agency so she showed up too early. Her laptop was suppose to be up and running but it wasn’t. IT had crashed the day before so they must’ve spent all day fixing that instead. So she had no access to the internet so she was unable to sign into Maximo nor use her emails nor use our shared drive. It was ridiculous. I watched Lucifer on my lunch break and Once upon a time before watching Bridget Jones’ Baby in bed.

Today I just did not want to get up. I just feel so mentally drained. I really need to find a new job. There is a potential role in Camberley. The guy sent my CV over to the client so we’ll see what happens.

I got the photo’s back over the weekend from Scarlett’s Milk and Cookies shoot. Above is just a few favourites for a sneak peak.

Tonight I am going to put Scarlett to bed then have a nice hot shower and then catch up with Doc Martin at 9pm. I have just still got a headache and it’s doing my head in [excuse the pun].

TTFN x