I forgot to blog

Wow. I totally forgot to check in for like a week. Where do I start?

Thursday (5th May) I went to bingo. My neighbour came with me. She won and I won. I don’t often win but then I don’t go every week as I can’t afford to.

Friday we spent the day chilling. I went to my nan’s in the afternoon for a bit then came home to finish packing Scarlett’s stuff for our weekend at Brett’s house. We got on the train at 7pm and arrived at our destination at 8pm. I was knackered by the time we had walked to his house as it takes about 20 minutes and I’d had to push the pram with all our stuff loaded on it in some way or another lol

Scarlett settled better than I thought she would. New place, new sounds, new smells etc. She settled then woke, then settled again before waking but she was fast asleep by 10ish and that was her down for the night.

Saturday we decided to go to the massive park (that we walked through to his from the station) and feed the ducks. It was so hot out but it was definitely worth going. We left his house at 1pm and didn’t get back till about 4:30pm. After we’d fed the ducks we decided to walk to McDonald’s (totally opposite direction) for a late lunch which is why we were gone so long. We got Scarlett out of the pram so she could “help” us feed the ducks lol she liked being out but wasn’t fussed about the ducks etc.

We had a mini argument over something silly. Brett had her and she was fussing. I knew she was tired and needed her usual late-afternoon nap so I told him to lay her on the bed and he didn’t so I said something like “fine don’t listen to me”. He came over and practically threw her at me and said “fine you do it”. He thought I had been trying to say I knew best (because I’m actually her parent) whereas I wasn’t. I was just letting him know what she needed as he’s new to all this. He got his boxing gloves out and went on his punching bag in the garden and I was so mad at his stupid behaviour that I just laid with Scarlett on his bed and we fell asleep. After we woke up he and I made up. He hates the fact that she’s mine, not his. But I tried to explain to him that that wasn’t why I told him to lay her down. It was simply because I could tell she was tired as she usually naps between 4:30-6. Sometimes an hour, sometimes half hour. But always around that time.

Scarlett had a bath and I gave her the rest of the bottle I had made before bath time that she didn’t want then. She then went to sleep at 7:30-8ish. She was laid on Brett’s bed so I left her whilst we sorted dinner. After we ate she woke up so I settled her then laid her in the pram top (where she’d been sleeping) then he and I watched a film. We watched Kung Fu Panda then we got into bed ourselves. He tires me out because he says that because he knows we can’t see each other every day etc then we need to make up for that by making the most of the time we do have. So as you can imagine, any moments we get to ourselves we are under the duvet haha I was shattered when Scarlett woke up at 8am the next day.

Sunday we had no plans except me returning home later on. So we had a chilled morning then at lunch we walked back to the park to finish feeding the ducks then we walked back. Brett decided he wanted to come back with us for a few days so he packed some bits and I collected all mine and Scarlett’s stuff together. We left his at half 4 and got on the train at 5:20. We were back in my hometown by 6:30pm. My mom picked us up.

Monday we went into town at lunch to have a wander. Brett had lunch then we stopped at my nan’s house on our way home. On our way home Brett and I were having a conversation. It was raining. He looked at me and went “babe, turn your head”. So I did. He then burst out laughing and went “babe you’ve got bird shit on your head”. So I touched my forehead and yep, a bird had shit on me. Because it was raining I hadn’t felt it. I just thought it was water. Brilliant!

He decided to stay one more night so we put Scarlett to bed then we watched a film. Before bed she was laid on my bed with Brett and I’m in her room doing something. He yells that she’s rolled. I’m like what? I go in and she’s rolled from front to back. She’s never done that before. I was sad I missed her first go so we got her to do it again and I filmed it. We watched a film called Killers. He told me he loved me, as in him saying he loves me first instead of “love you too” because I’ve said it. For the first time. It was brilliant to hear that he 100% feels the same as I do!

Tuesday we stayed in because it was raining all day. My mom dropped him at the train station at 6pm. I missed him when he’d gone. I had gotten use to him being around. Scary that I got use to it so quickly! I sorted Scarlett out and put her to bed then I got myself in bed because I was knackered. 5 nights in a row he’d kept me up late. I can’t hack that nowadays with getting up at 6-7ish with Scarlett lol

Wednesday I tried Scarlett with half a Farley’s Rusk. She wasn’t too fussed either way.

I wanted to get out so my mom dropped me at my nan’s on her way out to meet a friend for lunch. She picked me up a bit later. She was working the night so we had Chinese. We picked it up on our way home. She went off to work and I sorted Scarlett with bath, bottles and bed. The usual routine.

11th May (wednesday) was the day I conceived Scarlett a year ago. The reason I know this is because her father and I only had sex that day in the whole of that cycle so that simply has to be the day. Can’t believe it’s been a year already.

Today (Thursday) we had a nap after breakfast and when we was up and dressed we went to nan’s. She helped me fill out my Child Tax Credit form as its been sat on the side for months because it just made no sense the questions. That’s now done so just need to mail it. I had dinner, mom too, then we left for home. Scarlett had another half of Rusk. She’s slowly getting the hang of eating off a spoon. She’s not a pro but she’s getting there.

Last week I received an email reply from Child Maintenance Services regarding my message asking if they’d help me contact Scarlett’s dad. I ummed and arghed all weekend over whether to try to find him. I’d tried myself with social media etc. I decided yesterday to call and speak to the people. They said they couldn’t help me because I wasn’t looking to get visitation or money. Because I only wanted to let him know she’s here, they can’t really help me. So I’m leaving it. He’s known for a whole year where I am. He knows my number. He could’ve easily found me on social media. I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and god knows what else. If he really wanted to know then he’d have tried. I’ve tried. It is what it is.

I’m in bed and I’m going to get some kip. The boiler is finally being fixed tomorrow and the damn thing is in my room so I have to get up and move lots of crap before the engineers turn up lol



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