Last week I finished the week feeling really crappy. My cold had finally buggered off but emotionally I felt spent. I felt like all I had done was keep my emotions in check, my mouth shut and I felt royally useless after the meeting I had at work. Friday I had a half day. I saw my grandparents and we went to the groery store. Saturday I had my nails done then my Mom swung us past McDonald’s for some dinner then we stopped at my Nan’s to eat it. We picked up Frankie from hers and went home to get sorted for the party. We thought the day was later than it was so we ended up with all 3 of us washed and it was 6pm lol we didn’t need to leave ours till 7:45. Instead of dressing Frank, to get himself dirty before we even left, I had him sat in a nappy and a dressing gown. We watched Peppa Pig then I went up to get him dressed. I sent him downstairs and got myself ready. Make up on, shoes on, hair ready and ready to go as I already had picked my outfit so I threw that on and we left.
We left the party after 10:30. Frank was getting arsy because he was tired. We got home and into bed. He didn’t take long to nod off and I followed him shortly after. In the morning we got up, had breakfast, I bathed him then we went to my grandparent’s. We were having dinner there. We spent the whole afternoon there and later when his mom turned up to get him, she had her dinner then she walked me home as she was giving the dog a run.
I don’t know why, but I just started crying because I had been telling her how I had messed up something at work and had to have a meeting for it. She told me that hormonal changes ARE normal but she said if all I do is cry lately and it is because I am stressed then I should see my doctor. I was worried that because I had depression in my teens, they may judge me now I am pregnant and think I cannot cope with my baby. She says I am being silly and they won’t do that. They understand pregnancy is hard and sometimes your brain doesn’t cope with the chemical changes. Getting help is nothing to be ashamed off IF I am indeed feeling some kind of mood shift, on a downer. I agreed that I would phone my doctor first thing.
Today all I have done is cry. My mom and I had a McDonald’s breakfast on our way to work and I cried into that. Then at work I cried on the phone to the receptionist at my doctor’s surgery. I got a telephone appointment but I missed the call because my work landline was ringing but my doctor left a voicemail saying I need to book to see her so I managed to get an appointment for 12:20. I cried talking to my manager, when she asked me why I had a doctor’s appointment and was I okay? I cried a few more times when I was in the loo then I had the aforementioned meeting. Afterwards I went to my appointment. My mom picked me up. I cried in the appointment and felt really silly tbh. She says that she thinks what I am feeling is perfectly normal but as she knows I am wary of the fact I have suffered with depression before, she wants me to come back to see her next week and see how I feel then. Mom and I had lunch then I went back to work. I felt better but I am still not myself. I do dislike being pregnant sometimes. For the most part it is fine but when I feel like this, I just think WTF? I am thankful to be pregnant, of course. I just wish it wasn’t so turbulent.
I have my rescheduled 20 week anatomy scan tomorrow morning. Do we think baby will cooperate for gender? No! lol
I am 22 weeks. 18 weeks to go. I go on Mat Leave in just under 3 months. I am really excited about Christmas. It’ll be my last one before the baby is here. I booked a 4D scan for November. I will be a day shy of 29 weeks. I can’t wait.