September is here

Well Saturday I went into town and there were a lot of sales on so I bought some bits, for the baby lol nothing too exciting just some vests and socks etc.

I’m 18 weeks this week. Almost half way!!

Sunday I went to my Nan’s for dinner and had a bust up with my brother and mom. It started because the subject of money came up as my brothers ex owes my nan and mom some money. She hasn’t paid it back yet and has been fairly sketchy about it all. My grandad asked my brother if he got the money off her, as he was suppose to have gone Friday to pick it up. He stuffed his earphones in and ignored him. Tensions rose and I just got fed up of my brother and mom both burying their damn heads in the sand whenever something arises that they don’t want to talk about. And after they both screamed at me to just drop the subject, but my brother more than my mom, I lost my temper and went at him with my fist. After all the fucking bullshit I’ve been through in that damn house in the last 4 months with him kicking off, the shit with his ex and when she was still living here being a twat to me. It just built up because before now I hadn’t really addressed it all. But the stress I had to put up with my whole pregnancy so far, it just boiled over so I lost it. I’m not proud I did. But I also need my brother to understand why it got to that point. He has been signed off work for ages now and he got his last wages from them, since he’s handed his notice in, and he got £600. He gave my mom £200. So he’s left with £400 right. So if that was me I’d think “right I have 4 weeks of September to get through before I get paid from my new job, that’s £100 a week. Including travel once I start the new job”. Oh no, the stupid idiot spent a £100 on a tattoo. On a fucking tattoo. He has NO concept of the value of money whatsoever. That wound me up and that was just a small catalyst of the whole incident.

Anyway, he went home, packed a few bits and went to his dad’s. I’ll apologise to him for the punch when I see him but I don’t want to be his friend. And I certainly don’t know where I stand at home anymore because my mom wants me to move out. I simply tried speaking to her on Tuesday when I was off sick (probably brought on by stress just FYI) about how I would apologise, of course, but he needs to understand why I went mad and she basically said it was my own fault because I wouldn’t stop the subject so we ended up shouting at each other because all she knows how to do is shout. So I had to shout back to get my fucking point across. And the bottom line was: move out.

Okay. I’ll move out. How?

Monday I spent the day at my Dad’s. He said he’d take me shopping for my birthday because my birthday had been a total wash out. I couldn’t find anything I liked so we ended up buying a coat for the baby. I brought my Doppler down to his house with me so I let the kids listen. We went out for lunch which is why I felt shitty yesterday and wasn’t at work. I think whatever I ate didn’t agree with me. I was sick three times yesterday and had a runny bowel movement lol I’m better today.

Today I had my first antenatal appointment. I’ve learned the hard way that you need to bring a urine sample to all appointments. No one mentioned this to me before. I just thought I had to pee for my midwife. And do you think I could pee into the cup at the hospital? Could I heck. I gave them an inch. That’s it. The doctor is actually the same gynaelogical guy I saw in 2008 when he performed a laproscopy to check my lady parts. He lasered some damaged cells off my cervix which was good because they could’ve turned cancerous and I’m still a year too young for a smear! He is my Antenatal doctor because he knows my entire history and I’m glad for that. I am low risk so I don’t see him again until December 23rd lol I’ll be 34 weeks!!!

My gender scan was originally going to be today at 12:15 but it was moved to Friday at 1:15. I can’t wait. I’m dying to find out so I can start thinking “I’m having a son…” or “a daughter”. Exciting stuff. Just a shame the excitement is solely just me. I don’t get the emotional support at home that I need, which makes me feel very much overwhelmed a lot of the time.

TTFN x

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