Crying uterus

It’s not as creepy as it sounds. Honest.
Basically I keep coming across lots of instagram accounts that people I follow seem to follow. One I came across is called “Birth without fear”. Its bottom line is women should support each other, not attack each other for having varying opinions. Which is 100% true but it’s specifically referring to pregnant and postpartum women on forums and social media attacking other pregnant and postpartum women. We should be encouraging and supporting women. Pregnancy and postpartum is the most hormonal time of a woman’s life. Can you imagine how much impact one single negative comment could have on a lady who’s just had a baby, is surfing her online crowd for support and sees something harmful. Sometimes comments aren’t even aimed to be rude or hurtful but unfortunately people don’t reread things before posting. They don’t think “I wonder if that’ll come across how I hope it to?”

So yeah, there’s an instagram dedicated to celebrating women being nicer to each other but also it promotes breastfeeding and not being ashamed to feed in public. I whole heartedly support that. I’m not saying flash the entire world, there is a way to feed to a baby without people even noticing however that said I do not agree a baby should have to be fed under a (lightweight) blanket. It’s not necessary. Women have been breastfeeding their children for millions of years and for some reason people nowadays think it’s a sexual act. It really isn’t. Breast were first and foremost designed for one reason: to feed your infant. Think about it, breast have existed millennia longer than formula, therefore it stands to reason that they were invented for this reason. To feed your bloody children.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying formula feeding is bad. It is not. At all. If you don’t breastfeed, awesome, no worries. I’m simply saying, formula feeding is a new thing, introduced in the last “however” many years whereas boobies have been food for a long long time. No idea how they went from food to porn lol but they have. And that’s part of the problem with society. Sexualising everything. An 11 year old wears a little bit of lipstick one time (because how else do us girls learn things) and suddenly all young girls are being raised to be too slutty too young. It’s like, seriously?

Anyways I’ve gotten a little off subject. The title of the post is referring to the fact that as I’ve been scrolling through that instagram account I follow, there’s been a huge amount of babies being posted. Now I’m not saying I want a baby right this second. Obviously. I’m single. Not financially ready. Still living at home. But seeing all these gorgeous little babies has, by definition, made my uterus cry. Any woman out there who knows they want children, 100%, but isn’t anywhere near THAT point in their life right now: you know what I’m talking about. That feeling you get that’s both sad but warm at the same time. I’ve know for years I want to be a mother. It’s the waiting that kills you. Especially if like me, you got so close to it. I met someone who I felt was the right person (turned out to be so so incorrect) and we actually went through almost a year of the TTC (trying to conceive) process and I did fall pregnant somewhere in there but miscarried VERY early. That is hard. To go through that and to come out the end of it all with no partner, no baby, no nothing. Of course it’s a blessing because having no partner suggests that things ended and had we had a child together shit would’ve gotten messy. But at the time it’s not that easy to see things for what they really were.

After we broke up, and the reasons why we broke up actually had no bearing on the baby making process – a story for another time, I decided to get some testing done to check all my bits were working. After various blood tests over a few cycles in the row my doctor informed me I didn’t ovulate once in the cycles they tested. She says I probably ovulate maybe a few times a year and that could’ve been why it took a while to actually fall pregnant but also why I never conceived again in the 9 months between that early MC and becoming single.

I had just turned 21 the month before and everyone around me was pregnant or had just had a baby. I won’t lie or act brave: I was very down. For a few months. Slowly I learned to accept I’d need some form of medical assistant for when I am in a position to try for a baby. But it did take a while to accept I’m not naturally fertile like everyone else I know seems to be.

So that’s a little slice of my inner thoughts on babies, breastfeeding and fertility. No idea why it popped in my head. Probably because of that instagram page dedicated to supporting hormonal ladies and their babies.

TTFN x

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