Wtf is wrong with you?

Well Sunday Nan didn’t do her usual Sunday roast dinner. Shocker, I know. She said she desperately wanted to finish her Christmas shopping, which is fair enough. So her and Grandad went out first thing in the morning and did a huge shop then they stopped at the Carvery for dinner. I bet it was nice for them to have some alone time. I know they love us grandchildren but having people always around at the weekends must be quite tiring. They came home in the afternoon and my mom and her boyfriend popped in for a cuppa. Us 3 decided to have dinner at the Harvester. So we did and it was quite delicious. You can’t go wrong with the Harvester.

After dinner my mom dropped me back at my Nan’s as my aunt was there and I wanted to see the kids. If I had gone home I’d have just been bored stiff as Sunday TV is crap.
The twins are so funny. Fred came running straight up to me going “kay-eee” which is how he says my name. Frankie ran past me, looked up, realised it was me and ran back lol he always loves a cuddle when he first sees me. A cuddle and a “big squeeze” which is basically how he cuddles, he squeezes his arms around your neck lol

After they went home, I went home myself shortly after. I didn’t do much. I watched two films. One was called “Shame the devil” and the other was “The Conjuring”. The second wasn’t bad, just weird. I think it’s the sequel to “Annabelle” as Annabelle is referenced a lot.

Monday I applied for a handful of jobs and went round my Nan’s for some lunch. I caught up with some TV online. “Haven” mostly. I love that show.

Yesterday I went to my Nan’s for lunch and some job searching. I came home and watched The Cabin in the Woods. I had thought it was just going to be your typical horror story but actually it had substance, which is rare. Mom sorted dinner. We watched Emmerdale then I left her to watch Holby City by herself. I went upstairs and watched Awkward season 4. I’m half way through.

I got an email from the place I interviewed for on Friday. I was unsuccessful. I lacked relevant experience apparently. The irony of that statement is not lost on me because to get experience, you need a job. But no one will hire you without experience. Ha fucking ha. Well done businesses, well done.

Now, in reference to the post title. You’re probably wondering who I could’ve said that to? Well I don’t know if anyone remembers about 10 months ago I wrote a post (revisit here) about a guy I had been seeing who I’d led to believe was single and unattached. He turned out to be a cheating liar who wasn’t only not single but also about to become a father. Well after I found out this, in February, I told him to never contact me again. To delete any numbers or emails or social networking connections we had. And it seemed he got the message because I never heard a single peep from him. Until today. I received an email from him, on an email address I have on my iPhone but barely use. Now I knew what he was messaging for. He wanted to meet. He said to chat but I know him too well. He was either newly single and horny or he was still with his girlfriend and bored. Either way he wanted sex. So I decided to meet him. After all he did say his dad is sick and he just wants someone to talk to. So I got in his car. I made a plan in my head. See, what he did to me, what I found out, hurt me badly. For many reasons , but mostly because we had meant to be friends and friends don’t do that shit to each other. So, my plan was: if he tried it on with me I’d convincingly pretend I wasn’t up for that and then if he persisted I’d slowly and subtly “give in”. Thus allowing us to be naughty and letting him think I’m the same girl I use to be, who let him get away with whatever he wanted. Except I’m not.
It worked. He kept kissing me and groping my boobs and I pushed his hands away, a lot. Eventually we fooled about and I “reluctantly” have him what he wanted. Afterwards he drove to my house and as I was getting out the car he told me to message him later on, and he said “make sure you do”. I haven’t and I don’t intend to. I’m leaving this as what it was. A goodbye. I’m no longer mad at what he did. I no longer feel anything about it. It’s in the past and so is he. I’m not staying in contact and even though I don’t expect him to, (and I haven’t “withdrawn” contact to force him to) if he does I won’t reply. I see no reason to be in contact. I don’t want to be his friend and I definitely do not want sex from him. Tonight was my version of a goodbye. And that’s how it’s staying.

I feel liberated in a weird way. Maybe it’s because even though sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve changed, I have a little. Just a little. I’m a little older, a little wiser and certainly a lot stronger in mind. For the most part anyway.

I’m in bed. My eyes are sore – shocker! That’s the story of my life. My gravestone will say “she had itchy eyes, permanently” lol



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