I feel a little stuck

Today I had a sick day. I went to bed feeling a migraine coming so I took my Naproxen and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I felt awful, the pills appeared not to have got rid, so I emailed in work saying I’m sick and then took another pill before trying to sleep it all off.

I woke up at midday and decided I best get up. I still felt a little headachy but not as migraine-y as before.

A woman phoned me about an interview for a temporary job. The interview is scheduled for Monday morning. It’s temporary till February so it would see me through the new year. Which is great as I am worried I won’t be buying much for Christmas. Not that it is just about gifts but kids don’t get that so you have to buy them something lol

The title of this post refers to how I feel about “not working” again. This time last year I was studying at college. No idea why I thought I wanted to go to university and study nursing. I’d be a shit nurse because I don’t really do “people”. I think being out of work for most of last year made me panic, and think I was going no where and doing nothing and going back to college would make it look like I was taking charge of my life. One of the reasons I dropped out of college was the fact that my mom wasn’t behind me at all. I had no support system. I’d finish an assignment, feel really proud of myself and no one would care. Plus I hadn’t found another part time job between the November when I left HomeSense and the February when I dropped out of class. That was a huge problem for my mom as that meant I hadn’t paid her any money for 4 months. All my money (most of which was borrowed) was going on my bus fares to college. I felt so stuck because after submitting my application form to universities, I realised nursing wasn’t what I wanted to do. So I quit college. I’m not proud of it. I wasted 6 months of my life as well as taking up a space on the courses at the college that someone else could’ve had.
You know that question people ask you when you’re like 5 years old? The old “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Well I never knew as a kid and I still don’t know now, at the age of 23. I’m just floating through life going from one bad job to another. Something needs to change but I just don’t know what!

Right, enough rambling. I have work tomorrow and my eyes are sore so I need to sleep.

Night y’all

TTFN x

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